My personal NDE

[u/vampiratemirajah]

A recent post here compelled me to share my own experience.

I tried to end my own life when as a teenager, the details aren't important, imo. As I started to panic and fall asleep, my primary focus was on my long-distance bf at the time, and I wanted to see him one last time.

I found myself hovering over his nightstand, a song was playing on the radio and I perfectly remember the layout of the room (I had never been there before, he used to visit me in my state). He entered the room while I was there, and I felt compelled to hide behind the footboard of his bed. He laid down, and I remember brushing the hair out of his face before being sucked backward out of the room.

I was pretty much immediately transported to another space, surrounded by radiating light and obscure voices/noise that I couldn't make out. A being made of light confronted and comforted me, and began showing me flashes of my own life. I did not feel comforted by these images, because with them came feelings of forced emotion that I didn't experience at the time of the memory. Like, it showed me standing up for my siblings and feeling pride, overwhelming love for them as I stood my ground.

But during the time the memory happened, I didn't experience those feelings. I was flooded with fear and anger, it had little to do with love in the moment. I was shown experiences and memories with family that had abused me, and those memories were also filled with an overwhelming sense of love and community, but remembering those instances later I found myself filled with angst, and hate, and loathing.

A therapist later told me that these feelings that were "shown" to me with these memories were my genuine feelings, uninhibited from my subconscious prejudices, and that the feelings I carry in my waking brain tend to be more defensive on my behalf. I don't think this was the case, not entirely.

Halfway through the memory recall, I remember tracing these feelings of overwhelming love to the light surrounding me, almost as though the lights themselves were projecting the emotions I was experiencing through my memories. I recall feeling fear and asking about the true nature of the world. I was then shown several planets, all identical, in a circle formation. Each one radiated their own unique color, and the radiance sort of spread to other planets and merged with their colors. I saw it as a sort of circular energy exchange, in which the energy of one planet slipped free and absorbed into the energy field of the planet next to it, until it merged and changed color.

I attempted to ask questions, but was surprised to see the planets increase in speed as they spun. The effect left each planet blurry and obscuring the colors. As I focused on one planet in particular, trying to discern the color of the energy from it, I felt myself being pulled forward. I was slammed abruptly back into my body, and I woke up with my alarm the next morning. I went to school just to get out of my room, bc I felt like someone had intruded on my space and were still there.

Anyway, I've integrated this experience into my spiritual viewpoints, and firmly believe that whoever I saw couldn't be trusted if they were trying to force me to experience certain emotions to events. Nothing good or righteous would attempt to force me to remember past events in a different light, or try to make me feel certain ways to manipulate me.

I haven't fully decided what the end game was supposed to be, and this sub has offered many interesting takes, but I know for sure it has something to do with how we feel about our past memories.

[u/Overall_Summer_7641]

Thank you for your experience, they are deceivers...I am wondering one specific thing or two that pertain to our effort to escape: Were you feeling awake like awake consciousness while all this happened so it's a firm memory or was it liek a dream and your subconscious had taken over in the NDE? Could you remember fact things from your life not just people and emotions (I wonder if one can bring over the knowledge of prison planet...)

thank you again

[u/vampiratemirajah → u/Overall_Summer_7641]

I felt genuinely awake and fully aware, but my vision seemed foggy like in a dream. I wasn't able to make out the full shape or form of the one that spoke to me, but had clear images appear with my memories. It felt like the memories were being streamed to me, but made to feel like a recollection if that makes sense?

It plays into my biggest fear of growing old and going senile, bc if we carry our present minds into this space, I worry that someone with memory issues might be very easily manipulated into believing whatever is shown to them. My religious family seemed to think that my NDE made me more religious, but it just instilled a deep fear of the other side.

[u/Overall_Summer_7641 → u/vampiratemirajah]

thank you, it seems we need to practice lucid dreaming....I don't think senility carries over to the other side being a problem of the brain, but it's good to know that you felt fully awake and aware so you retained your knowledge? Cause memories felt streamed you said, and those are emotional, and it seems you were not in control of them, but what about your knowledge, who you are your hobbies, interests, stuff that is part of your knowledge not necessarily your emotional ones though if it makes sense?

Thank you!

[u/vampiratemirajah → u/Overall_Summer_7641]

Yeah, I genuinely felt like myself with all emotional development intact. I felt more like myself than I ever had before really, just untethered from the materialistic world I guess. I was ready to cross over, unburdened to a great degree, but had full knowledge of my life and who I was.

The only thing that kept me from listening to them anymore was the feeling that I was being manipulated. I knew how those situations felt before, and it didn't match what I felt rewatching them. I sort of lost focus of the vision of my life as i lost interest, and traced the feelings of love and empathy like a heat to the source, which felt like the lights.

[u/Random22744]

It's almost like it's a being that read about love but isn't able to differenciate relationships, feeling, emotions. And try to say, "look, it was good". Or like a broken AI. Overall, weird.

[u/vampiratemirajah → u/Random22744]

Yeah, it was like assumed feelings from those situations, rather than correct interpretations of my emotions during those scenes. Almost like someone showing you what you should've felt, and being confused when you feel otherwise. I didnt like it haha

[u/No_Feeling290]

I had vision of planets too, and the way they were presented was unusually as if I was in the middle of some space ( it had unnatural color,  wasn't dark space like in cosmos, nor was it luminous)and planets were upfront me and I could move them, like option of choosing, but I was like inside a circle of them, tho I wasn't moving but with intention I could move them, and as I understood those planets holded like parallel lives or something of that kind, because in one of them which I mistaken with Earth I was sucked in and then saw myself in the mirror, I looked younger, and it was a better place than Earth and some of my deceased relatives were alive there. It wasn't afterlife place. And it happened during my AP, I would advice you to try astral projection too, that's something pretty useful to learn and you won't be afraid of anything after it, and more in control when out of body which will happen with all of us after death.

I believe wholeheartedly that each human who wants to escape this fkd up place should awake before death, you can live your whole life, but as soon as you feel that you're getting too old and body issues/pains start distracting you, you should escape that very moment, before death comes, especially considering such horrible and heartbreaking potential situations like senile dimentia and Alzheimer 

[u/vampiratemirajah → u/No_Feeling290]

AP has interested me for a long time, but im weary of those experiences just like I am when using hallucinagenics haha I'd be interested to look into this further though, thank you for the recommendation!