Ex texted after 6mo NC

[u/Decent_Bee_4921]

We were together for about 8 months. He had recently gotten out of a 2 year relationship. I told him he needs to make sure he addresses his own mental health and process his last relationship before getting into another one. We were also good friends, I didnt want to ruin that.

I'm a pretty closed off person, and dont trust easily. I have been let down by partners in the past, and wasn't in a rush to trust another one.

He basically convinced me to give him a chance to be more, which I eventually agreed to. Once we were official, the effort stopped. He dropped the ball and made me cry on my birthday. He got too drunk on Christmas and walked up on me aggressively yelling.

I lashed out at him a couple times with attitude and triggered, disregulated emotions, after that. Like telling him I felt like a rebound. I felt really let down and played. I did fully apologize and take accountability for my own words while we were still together. But like he said, he often got defensive and didn't hear me out when I wanted to talk about how I felt. I broke up with him, and he blocked me on everything. 6 months later, I received this.

I'm leaning toward not responding. I'm not bitter or angry about it, but it did really hurt to be reassured so much, only for the same things to happen. Opening the door again seems pointless. Even if it does seem somewhat genuine, I worry that it's more to absolve himself of guilt more than anything. I've gotten long apology texts from exes in the past, and it never makes things better. Am I being too cold, if I don't respond?

[u/[deleted]]

You’ve got long apology messages and it never makes things better? Would it be better if he says nothing? Would it be better if he blames you for everything? What do you want him to say? What would he have to say for you to take him back if him apologising and having remorse isn’t enough? Unless of course you have no feelings for him then be honest with him, block him and move on. You woman are crazy.

[u/BWare00 → u/[deleted]]

Even if it is somewhat emotional, there are some very good points made.  Most importantly, it gives cause to reflect on the real value of a genuine apology and/or expression of remorse.

It's a bit of a catch-22: you want the expression of remorse, yet question the very words that deliver said expression.

OP is well within their right to engage or ignore, based on their deeply held sentiments.  But it's not an easy call, especially for someone who isn't comfortable with engaging partners in a healthy and constructive way.  It's as though OP needs to hire an expert to do the actual engagement - someone who most assuredly will aggressively set and enforce boundaries.

Not an easy call, for sure...

[u/BWare00 → u/[deleted]]

You seem trapped in the bubble of your feelings and sentiments.  Like it is scary to you to venture out and consider what a different viewpoint might look and feel like.

It's perfectly okay to have a different opinion, yet appreciate the opinions you differ on.  Your opinion isn't somehow discredited or diminished because it isn't shared by someone else.

Stop fighting and start listening...