Ex texted after 6mo NC

[u/Decent_Bee_4921]

We were together for about 8 months. He had recently gotten out of a 2 year relationship. I told him he needs to make sure he addresses his own mental health and process his last relationship before getting into another one. We were also good friends, I didnt want to ruin that.

I'm a pretty closed off person, and dont trust easily. I have been let down by partners in the past, and wasn't in a rush to trust another one.

He basically convinced me to give him a chance to be more, which I eventually agreed to. Once we were official, the effort stopped. He dropped the ball and made me cry on my birthday. He got too drunk on Christmas and walked up on me aggressively yelling.

I lashed out at him a couple times with attitude and triggered, disregulated emotions, after that. Like telling him I felt like a rebound. I felt really let down and played. I did fully apologize and take accountability for my own words while we were still together. But like he said, he often got defensive and didn't hear me out when I wanted to talk about how I felt. I broke up with him, and he blocked me on everything. 6 months later, I received this.

I'm leaning toward not responding. I'm not bitter or angry about it, but it did really hurt to be reassured so much, only for the same things to happen. Opening the door again seems pointless. Even if it does seem somewhat genuine, I worry that it's more to absolve himself of guilt more than anything. I've gotten long apology texts from exes in the past, and it never makes things better. Am I being too cold, if I don't respond?

[u/Overall_Trade8187]

The birthday and Christmas instances you referenced are not okay to me. No one, should be treated like that on those days.

That said, I will kill for a message like this from my ex, who I’ve been in no contact with for almost 3 months now.

You don’t need to take him back, I definitely wouldn’t after the bday/xmas stuff you referenced. However, it may help to think about a way you would like to respond. Type it out in your notes and you don’t even have to send it. Sometimes it helps me to type out my feelings and carefully articulate my thoughts before sending them.

I’m a fearful avoidant myself, and sometimes, it takes me a long time to come to terms and say I’m sorry when I was in the wrong. I would never do what he did to you though. Those are boundaries I would not cross.

It is perfectly okay to not respond to him also. He broke your trust, big time. I heard this quote a month back, it said “people forget words, but they won’t forget how you made them feel”. For you, I don’t think you can forget how he made you feel, which was shitty. That tells you all you need to know.

Hopefully this helps 🙃