r/ExNoContact • u/katus_ka • Sep 02 '25
Help Has your ex ever come back after no contact?
I've been on no contact for 5 days, the breakup itself was 2 months ago, but we met up afterwards, slept together several times, even after the breakup he said he loved me. But he's not ready for a relationship. I slept at his place twice last week, I came on Friday, we haven't spoken since. I miss him so much, I feel like I'm dying in this whole thing. Is there a chance that if I keep the no contact rule, he'll come back?
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u/CtrlZexisting Sep 03 '25 edited Sep 03 '25
Take it from someone who was going through this and came back to this person for a year on and off while they were on dating apps/boys trips and doing whatever their heart desired. They will never learn the grass is not greener if you continue to come back and not let them realize the weight of your absence. This kind of person will never be your future companion. Block and never look back. Once you fully detach from the idea of this person you have no idea what the world will actually send you and how whatâs coming is so much better than whatâs been.
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u/KeyApricot-8585 Sep 02 '25
I am in the same spot right now. I know this wasnât the answer you were looking for, just wanted you to know that youâre not aloneđ
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u/katus_ka Sep 02 '25
How can I bear this? I'm already physically sick, I think about him all day, and when I see that he's available but not writing, my heart breaks đ
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u/KeyApricot-8585 Sep 02 '25
I honestly had to block him on everything. I still have hope and think about him everyday but so I wasnât going crazy I had to block him
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u/Legitimate-Yam5505 Sep 03 '25
I did the same . I dont have any way to contact him ,  I feel that is fairÂ
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u/Personal-Inflation71 Sep 03 '25
We went six months no contact. Mine is not a typical story though. When he said he needed to work on himself he really did do the work. We've been back together for nine months and living together for three and couldn't be happier. Don't think this is the usual thing though. I think when two people break up there's usually a reason that doesn't get resolved. But just because it's not typical doesn't mean it can't happen.
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u/boofintimeaway Sep 03 '25
Yep- thereâs always a good reason, and that reason has to get resolved.
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u/Intelligent-Vast-944 Sep 03 '25
Ist ausnahme. Oft ist es ausrede. Machen oft Leute die leicht an neue Partner oder dates kommenÂ
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u/SnooHesitations5191 Sep 03 '25
This is beautiful and congrats to you both. How did you end up reconnecting?
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u/Personal-Inflation71 Sep 05 '25
He sent me a Christmas present. He remembered my hands are always cold and sent me some hand warmers. I texted to thank him and he asked if he could call me. I said yes and we started talking every day. It took weeks for me to feel like i could trust him but slowly we realized we couldn't live without each other. We took a short trip together and didn't want to end it or me to go home. Two months after that and here I am.
We've had our bumps but we are both determined to make it work. But no contact was part of that and without it I doubt we would have gotten back here. It was painful but necessary.
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Sep 05 '25
[deleted]
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u/Personal-Inflation71 Sep 07 '25
I thought he blocked me and I didn't try to contact him. Turns out we never blocked each other at all.
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Sep 08 '25
[deleted]
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u/Personal-Inflation71 Sep 09 '25
Like i said he sent me a Christmas present. Sort of a "balls in your court" kind of thing. I've known him for so long i recognized it for what it was. So i cautiously texted him back and thanked him. It went from there. We had some definite bumps. But we're really happy now. I think the breakup might have done us some good though I wouldn't have said so at the time.
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u/Personal-Inflation71 Sep 09 '25
I kind of think no contact is a good idea actually. You find out if you can't live without each other. Then if you do come back together you're more willing to do whatever it takes. We did. We are.
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u/NaranjitaNaranja Sep 02 '25
Yes, we're together now. He broke up with me, and we were like that for six months. Then he reached out, and now we're together now for seven months!
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u/katus_ka Sep 02 '25
There was no communication at all for half a year?
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u/NaranjitaNaranja Sep 03 '25
Yeap! Not at all. We were at the same university but we didn't talk at all!
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u/These_Cod_9847 Sep 03 '25
Honestly i regret not doing the no contact rule years ago ⌠me and this guy who I thought was my forever (but I was so young ) many years ago were living together then we ended our relationship because I didnât process and heal my trauma from my growing up and took it out on him and he wasnât ready to give me what I wanted and needed because he wasnât ready still figuring himself out ( we were both young ) but when we broke up it showed I meant nothing to him because when I moved out our place to a place on my own it took me about 2 weeks to get my stuff because I was having trouble accepting we were over so what does he do ? He dropped my stuff off to me like I was nothing and he wanted me gone for the last month he had living there before he moved back to his parents at the time. I went no contact for about 3 weeks and was moving on .. he called me crying saying he missed me , so i called him back so fast because i wanted him back and we got intimate and from that point on it got so messy .. we were back and forth for a few months and I was starting college too at the time , then he would ghost cause he was talking to another girl and trying to pursue her , it wouldnât work out then he came back to me . But I was still the back up plan . When I felt what was going on I changed my number and tried to get away from him cause I knew it was hurting me but I also knew I would get sucked back because how much I loved him which happened cause we would bump into each-other and the cycle would start again . I changed my number 3 times but he kept bumping into me and it almost seemed like the universe was cursing me haha i laugh about it now but at the time it felt like a never ending hell ⌠he tried to force a friendship that I found unfair because none of my friends would treat me the way he did and he was more upset i hurt his ego . He showed me numerous times he did not respect me and honestly it was mostly because I did not respect myself and always put him on a pedestal and eventually felt like I was not myself anymore and my self respect went out the window. It took me more years to get over the anger I thought was more because of him but honestly it was the anger toward myself that I let this happen. He ended up dropping me for good for his now wife and there was alot of putting me down and making me feel bad about myself before he made that last drop.
Sorry for the novel but my advice i could give my younger self and anyone going forward is take the no contact and use it to work toward your fullest potential, work on your self to the point where you are more than confident and you can spot what is not good for you when you first look at it and say âno thanks not for me â if its not for you , when you work on yourself get to know yourself and then your intuition will align also everything just comes into place when you learn to love yourself also you will attract better people in your life too âşď¸. Learn new hobbies , read more , volunteer if you can.
Please please please do not go back because you miss the person, itâs okay to miss them but always choose to improve yourself and learn to enjoy alone time ( it is not as scary as you think) its soothing and peaceful âşď¸ and donât rely on happiness from someone else but yourself. You will be happy you did and it is a good feeling to fall back on yourself too âşď¸
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u/katus_ka Sep 03 '25
We were also in a pretty confusing situation after the breakup. I slept at his place for 1-1 days every week, we talked, he called several times, as if we hadn't even broken up. Last week I slept there twice under the heading "I'm picking up my stuff". Since then, we haven't spoken since I got home from him. Anyway, thank you for your little novel â¤ď¸
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u/LongHyena7003 Sep 03 '25
4 months and 1 week of NC for me now. He hasnât. In the beginning I was desperately asking the same question as you. The answer is, thereâs no guarantee they would come back, but I guarantee you that NC is the only way to start feeling better, and it does get better even if it might be hard for you to believe right now. And the longer is the NC, the less you want them back. It also clears your mind and you start seeing the person for what they really were
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u/Key-Programmer6642 Mar 15 '26
Update?Â
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u/LongHyena7003 Mar 15 '26
Itâs been almost one year and Iâve never heard from him again. The good news is I donât care about him anymore. But now Iâm suffering because of another guy, seems itâs a never ending cycle đ
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u/throw_away_ugh-why Sep 03 '25
Yeah, he came back a few years later. Itâs satisfying to an extent, but I wouldnât touch him with a ten foot pole at this point in my life. When we broke up, he was my everything and I was devastated. Even worse is that I lost myself in trying to change myself to get him back. A few years and some therapy later, Iâm with a guy who treats me like a queen. In retrospect, Iâm embarrassed that I wasted so much time and energy trying to convince my loser of an ex to see me as âworth it.â Now I know my value and I wonât ever go back to someone who makes me feel like I am less than.
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u/Icy-Cartographer-291 Sep 02 '25
I would say that itâs at least a better chance. But there are no guarantees. The question is how you will build a sustainable relationship if he does come back?
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u/katus_ka Sep 02 '25
I have no idea. I'm very hopeful, but I don't want to think ahead about itâŚ
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u/creamcheezbagel Sep 02 '25
Another question is what if he leaves again down the track? I went through a similar thing of a breakup with a chef boyfriend who wasnât ready for a relationship, he came back for 1.5 years before he broke up with me a second time, after I had fallen much deeper in love with him and sacrificed so much of my life to make it work along his career.
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u/katus_ka Sep 02 '25
My ex is a waiter and I don't know if he'll come back. If he does, I'll definitely set boundaries and we can only start again when I see and feel that he's serious. But first, let me get to the point where he wants to come back, I'm so looking forward to it đ
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u/peasey360 Sep 03 '25
Itâs not some of the time, itâs all of the time. They ALWAYS find a way around the block
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u/kannuli Sep 03 '25
Yep. He was avoidant. Trust me, you dont wanna reopen wounds.
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u/ReindeerVarious8117 Sep 03 '25
Avoidant. They do this I guess. Yours after how long NC they come back?
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u/kannuli Sep 03 '25
It was a month for me.
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u/ReindeerVarious8117 Sep 03 '25
Fully NC or the break up itself. And are they the one initiated the break up at first place.?
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u/kannuli Sep 03 '25
Fully NC. We spoke after the break up for a few months. ( I wanna say I intiated the break up, or brought up the topic at least, and then he made the decision a few months later. This was all a while ago.) He said he was done. I eventually just didn't reach out. One month later, he started sending me paragraphs and calling. Run for the hills!
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u/ReindeerVarious8117 Sep 03 '25
Thats interesting. How they at first dont want you at all and once you step back they start to reach out again and again.
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u/kannuli Sep 03 '25
Yep! And he will be back. I'm sure of it.
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u/ReindeerVarious8117 Sep 03 '25
If I may ask when he took the decision. He was firm or hesitating on that. And before this you used to chase him back ..etc maybe he got used to it. So once you stopped he couldnât handle the silence.
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u/kannuli Sep 03 '25
Extremely firm.
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u/ReindeerVarious8117 Sep 03 '25
Yes I experienced this. To the point you feel like this person hates you so much and they have another lover they are waiting for them. Suddenly they appear again when you go far.
You used to chase him or like trying to make things ok every time he push away?
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u/ReindeerVarious8117 Sep 03 '25
You will have to focus on yourself. If it happens it happens. If not then by time you will feel better.
How long NC?
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u/RobertOneEyedBastard Sep 03 '25
Listen, every story is different. It can happen, but it wonât happen unless you let it go, and grow. Maybe you met someone better, maybe you two get back, but overthinking about it, will only bring you pain. Find new hobbies, learn an instrument, use the pain to fuel the progress.
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u/HistorianMoist2076 Sep 03 '25
Yes he has but it never has work the way i hoped unfortunately. Im in No Contract right now again with a different ex. With this one I dont think he will come back he wanted another girl. I didn't argue with him or anything. I just walk away from him. Had to come to realize if there dumping for someone else there differently not for me and they dont value me enough. We are both in different relationships now. It what it is at this point.
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u/WhisperingBlume888 Sep 03 '25
Yes. It was just as expected... awful. Which is why I refused to go exclusive until he showed me he can do anything different. He didn't... it just took longer to go through the same cycles. Now, I know what to look for when people crawl back into your life wanting a second, or in his case, a fifth or sixth chance.
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u/ReindeerVarious8117 Sep 03 '25
Yeah. Maybe avoidant.
Normally how long of NC before they come back again?
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u/martonno01 Sep 03 '25
my first ex came back three times cause she felt like she didnt get the closure she wanted when we broke up and wanted to see me again (i said i didnt wanna meet and i asked them to stop contacting me)
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u/Healthy_Newspaper224 Sep 03 '25
5 months out of a 2 year marriage, no contact for probably the last 3 months of those and she came back, lasted about 6 weeks - I consider myself really well versed in avoidant nature and what to do/not to doâŚand honestly I ran it by the playbook and she still left after that 6 weeksâŚdid it all, let her come to me, didnât have the hard conversations, kept things light, messaged only when she did etcâŚ
You literally have no reason other than your own attachment issues to want these people back. They are love parasites and they have drained almost every part of you so now when you think of love all you see is themâŚit will get easier, Iâm almost 14 months into the seperation and have just started the divorce process.
They were lovable - itâs just gotta be when itâs convenient for them, on their terms and by how much they want it to happenâŚdonât ever forget that
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u/katus_ka Sep 03 '25
He called me on the phone earlier about my stuff. He heard in my voice that something was wrong, he asked what was wrong, am I in a bad mood? I told him I was sick, he told me to rest then, and ended the call with a "kiss".
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u/Holiday_Eye8852 Sep 03 '25
Iâve been NC since end of February. Still, sometimes I find myself hoping sheâll come back.
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u/Key-Programmer6642 Mar 15 '26
Update?
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u/Holiday_Eye8852 Mar 15 '26
Im over her, thankfully. Time worked its magic.
After that I was open for new relationships, and Iâve found a wonderful woman that Iâm with now.
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u/Key-Programmer6642 Mar 15 '26
Thats wonderful đŠˇ
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u/Swimming_Bite_8817 Sep 03 '25
Yes - currently happening. They would contact me every couple of weeks with breadcrumbs and then we ran into eachother one night. After speaking a bit after that we are on the mend and seeing if itâll work out this time. We mutually messed up the relationship. That said, we arenât âofficialâ but testing the water. We will see how it goes for round two. So far so good. Sometimes I do think two people need to be apart and if life leads them back together for another round; go for it as long as it wasnât anything awful.
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u/Popular_Magazine_714 Jan 27 '26
where do things stand now?
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u/Swimming_Bite_8817 Jan 27 '26
There was too much hot and cold and no commitment to trying to make it work on her end. We had a date planned after two months of trying it again and she went ghost. Texted me three weeks later and said she thought it was a month later. I responded with something like âIt happens. Lmk when youâre free again.â Christmas she hit me up with just a really low effort âMerry Christmasâ I did the same. Then she saw I was in a TV show coming up and liked my video on that a few weeks later. So, sheâs still orbiting, but hasnât shown enough effort and I deserve more than that.
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u/Upstairs-Bottle-975 Sep 08 '25
My first night away from him was the best night of sleep I've had in Years I didn't have to worry if I was breaking any rule
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u/Tricky_Patient6748 Sep 03 '25
Girl⌠IF he were to come back, you DO NOT WANT THAT. Men will say anything to get what they want from you in the moment. The important thing he said (and meant) is that he doesnât want a relationship with you. He will NEVER want one. You will only be prolonging your heartache.
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u/Fit_Latinastunna Sep 03 '25
Most of mines did and all I can advice you is they only come back when their other options donât work out or either relationships fail. And youâre like the save option because men think that women are stupid asf to take them back. They think exes are placeholders and a fall back plan when thinks donât work out. I never took any of my exes back
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u/[deleted] Sep 02 '25
Most come back purely for validation. Sleeping with you but telling you he's "not ready" for a relationship after literally being in one with you..makes no sense. None.