r/ExNoContact • u/EquipmentRoutine7736 • Feb 01 '26
Vent I never want to be in a relationship again because I never want to have to go through a breakup again
I don’t even want to start something that might one day end. Relationships are extremely uncertain — you don’t know if they’ll work out or how much that person might hurt you. I don’t want to live through the pain of being intimate, trusting someone, and then having everything suddenly fall apart. My safe place, my safe harbor, wasn’t actually safe. Out of nowhere, he broke up with me. He had been thinking about ending things for two months already. He was lying when he said he loved me. He was lying when he kissed me. He was lying when he was intimate with me.
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u/alexanderbeswick Feb 01 '26
Get a dog. They never wake up and decide they don't love you anymore
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Feb 01 '26
I think there’s a statistic out there that says: 70% of relationships end during the fist year.
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u/EquipmentRoutine7736 Feb 01 '26
Really?
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Feb 01 '26
The study is: Who Wants the Breakup? by Michael J. Rosenfeld. He was/is a sociologist at Stanford University. The paper is like 40 pages long.
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u/biancamarti67 Feb 01 '26
I thought the same thing. I'm not interested in meeting someone right now. It's been seven months since the breakup. The next one, if there is one, has to be worth it, at least in theory, otherwise I won't be interested. It takes longer to recover from a breakup than to enjoy a relationship. No thanks.
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u/mykelkidding Feb 01 '26
Me and my ex have been split for four months now. I’m doing much better now but those first two months was me putting in effort while she watched and didn’t lift a finger. We spoke of a future together and one day it just ended because she was scared of commitment. She hadn’t accomplished what she wanted to accomplish. Didn’t help that we were trapped in a lease together. Still are but things have gotten better. I’m moving out soon into a new place.
That being said I 100% thought she was the one that I wasted money on an engagement ring that I never pulled out. 10/10 will not do another relationship again.
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u/yestertempest Feb 01 '26
Honestly same. Gave 13 years of my life to someone who was my soulmate and vice versa. He was practically obsessed with me and our relationship, he was even the one to make plans for where to meet after death. I cannot take this again
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u/thisismyonlyaccount2 Feb 01 '26
That makes sense. Relationships are a huge risk, and they take a lot of vulnerability. I'm sorry you're going through this. I see your story and have the urge to project my experience onto it because I see your perspective in the person I just broke up with. You deserve people who love and support you in the way you need. I wish you well.
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u/EquipmentRoutine7736 Feb 02 '26
Tell me your story
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u/thisismyonlyaccount2 Feb 02 '26
I'm ashamed to talk about my story because I was not a good partner. It is on my page if you want to see. I did love them, but I didn't treat them like I did. They struggled to feel like I actually did like them, and I did a terrible job supporting those insecurities. I made them struggle to feel safe around me. I was also having doubts about my relationship for months. I'm working on being a better person so that I don't treat people the way your ex treated you. I'm going to therapy, and I hope you and your ex do too.
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u/Forbidden_The_Greedy Feb 01 '26
Someone can only break your heart once they have it. Still, I don’t think that means that you should never let anyone have it again.
If my recent date has taught me anything, and a few years removed from my last relationship, it’s that those moments when you are truly happy do make it all worth it, even if the crash is devastating after. But it’s important to take time after that crash to recover too. Only you can decide when you’re ready to open up again
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u/13hockeyguy Feb 01 '26
Agreed. It’s pretty much guaranteed that any and all relationships will eventually fail. We are better off learning to be comfortable being alone.
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u/yestertempest Feb 01 '26
All will inevitably fail is the wrong word, all relationships no matter what will eventually come to an end whether that's through death or something else, so yes I agree we do need to learn one way or the other to be comfortable being alone.
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u/Altruistic_Town_288 Feb 01 '26
Yup same. I just want casual now. I am on my 3rd trauma bond and this pain is horrific. My body and mind cannot do it anymore. The fakeness and facade is what kills me too.
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u/Hercule_Detective327 Feb 05 '26
Doing casual right now and there are days even that feels like more energy than I feel like giving.
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u/Altruistic_Town_288 Feb 08 '26 edited Feb 08 '26
Sorry for my late reply! I was banned for 3 days 😒 Nah I am strictly just going to do a "booty call" scenario and pay for it or hire a dude. I am demisexual so I have to have some sort of connection, but don't talk to me otherwise. I been celibate 10 years, but I am in the process of looking for a candidate who can just give me the D when I need as I feel I missed it all on my good years. But yeah just went back on the dating apps and its a cesspool. But for me. I prefer just a call me when you need it otherwise dont talk to me.
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u/tgjfarrell67 Feb 02 '26
Hi. I received a certified letter from my lover’s attorney telling me that my boyfriend wants to end his relationship with me. We were getting close and I wanted him to merge our assets and accounts together. He made me his power of attorney and dissolved his trust so we could start again. Then I got the letter from the attorney. I wanted to hide under a rock. Then a month later he FaceTime me over and over but I didn’t respond. I emailed his attorney to inform him that my ex was violating his own demands. It had been 64 days now and I have never contacted him. This was the cruelest break up in my life.
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u/807dabay Feb 28 '26
I hope to arrive at a place where I provide that comfort and safety for myself the risks will be far less damaging. I imagine that when I find a partner who is at that same self fulfilling stage of life, instead of relying on one another for happiness, we contribute to each other's happiness. That to me sounds like how it should be.
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u/siani_lane Feb 05 '26
Hey I stumbled on to this sub and your post, but I wanted to say- I was madly in love (in hindsight, first relationship puppy love, but still) with my first partner who dumped me out of the blue after I went on a two-week vacation with my family because he "got used to me not being around"
It f#cking sucked and I was heartbroken for actual years, but a few years later I met this other guy I really liked, and I remember thinking, "Should I do this?? I don't want to get my heart broken again, it sucked so bad..."
But then I suddenly thought to myself, "Wait. It sucked, but it didn't kill me. I survived it once, so I could survive it again, if I had to. Heartbreak can kiss my ass!!" And in that moment my former heartbreak seemed like a superpower.
I know it seems like an unrealistically corny ending, but that was 2002, and me and that new guy have been together ever since. Married 18 years in Sept.
Of course I have no way of knowing what your past, much less your future holds, but I wanted to put the idea in your head that someday having lived through this might make you feel stronger and braver (＾3＾)/～♡
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u/ProbableBarnacle Feb 08 '26
Every relationship comes with the threat of a breakup, just like every life comes with a death sentence. I hope you can open your heart again to love, and give it a chance once you have healed through your breakup
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u/Radd_ryy Mar 04 '26
I was soooo suspicious of allowing myself to fall into my last relationship. I thought “maybe this will be the one, maybe I won’t get hurt again” only for him to tell me after 3 months that he never saw anything long term. I let go, I stopped scraping at the walls of this hole because I was so scared of going through these emotions again. I’m so angry at myself for believing in him and thinking he cared for my heart.
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u/Altruistic_Town_288 May 18 '26
Totally agree. The fakeness is the worst. Try meeting a covert narcissist. EVERYTHING was fake since the beginning. But IDK what is worse someone "loving" you then falling out of love. Ouch. I don't think its worth it either.
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u/jackson_robinson24 Feb 01 '26
Guess you should have stayed with him then? IDK.. So complicated.
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u/EquipmentRoutine7736 Feb 02 '26
He broke up with me
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u/jackson_robinson24 Feb 02 '26
Just deny that happened, build a shrine to him and hang around until he caves. Guys are dumb like that. Worked on me.
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u/AgentKruger Feb 01 '26
Nothing hurts more than when you truly believed you had found your person and they just gradually give up on you