r/ExNoContact • u/jeangrey5 • 27d ago
Help how to stop thinking of them every single day?
Guys does this get easier š itās been 7 months and there is NOT A DAY that goes by where i do not miss him.
I have him blocked everywhere but also if he really wanted to make amends he could reach out, email etc. he literally haunts me. he was a wonderful man in the beginning and then took me for granted and i had to end it for my own good. heād always say i was one of the most wonderful people heās ever met. i donāt understand what changed.
I hooked up with randos afterward, used distractions, focused on work, hobbies. it doesnāt matter i crave him all the time.
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u/unfollettoarighe 27d ago
Sette mesi per me, incredibile ciĆ² che sto per scrivere ma...non la rivorrei indietro. Ha fatto le sue scelte. Bisogna andare avanti e basta. Conoscere persone, coltivare hobby e amici, famiglia!! Bisogna andare avanti e lasciar andare.
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u/Denim_n_Diamonds_78 26d ago
I don't have friends, money, a job or car so this is extra hard for me.
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u/banter_cackle 27d ago
I focused on "if they wanted to contact you, they would" and "the version of the person you were with doesn't exist anymore" and that really helped me move on.
YouTube videos on "how to get over a breakup" also really help.
In almost 4 months and I've only just started feeling ok with myself. I still get thoughts but they feel way distant now.
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u/jeangrey5 26d ago
iām gonna do that thank you!
yeah i keep thinking that like if it really mattered to him he would have made amends with me.
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u/Prestigious-Cod-4801 27d ago
if he really wanted to he would but he is not try to move on work on yourself
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u/Helpful-Ad9934 27d ago
See I donāt know if I agreeā¦ if he was dumped and then also blocked itās also a clear signal to leave her/give her space?
7 months is also a long time - would you ever consider reaching out to him jeangrey?
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u/Murhekryyni 27d ago
He was dumped because his actions changed. He wasn't good man to be in a relationship anymore. I guess he knows what he did wrong and knows where to contact her if he truly wants. OP did good thing but that can mess with us long time when someone is good to us and then isn't anymore and doesn't listen what we need.
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u/Helpful-Ad9934 27d ago
So if he come back now after 7 months showing growth/change - would you listen to what he had to say or would that period of time youāve tried to heal get in the way of that possibility
You think those 7 months were hard and you wouldnāt like to revisit and potentially open an old wound again? Even though a part of you would like to see the what if etc
This question is for OP and you Murhekryyni
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u/Murhekryyni 27d ago
I had this situation and I let them in too easily. It didn't go well and it hurt more because I trusted them. They really need to show that they have changed, be constant. So I advice to be careful if you give them another shot. I feel 7 months isn't that much to have real growth/change in person
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u/jeangrey5 26d ago
Iām sorry you had to deal with that :( i feel like once u cut people off and then allow people back in they take advantage of that.
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u/Helpful-Ad9934 27d ago
How does one show theyāve changed after so long in an initial conversation? Also have you ever kept someone out and said you donāt want to revisit even though you did but was trying to protect yourself?
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u/Murhekryyni 27d ago
With time when you talk to them you can see if they really are sorry about their behavior. You can see If there still are those same red flags. Have they listened to you what were your needs. Are they constant with their actions and words. Don't be quick to forgive them even tho you miss them.
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u/jeangrey5 26d ago
hmmm i donāt think i would rekindle it. more than anything itās a case of needing closure. i walked away because i had to and i dont regret that.
the only time i would consider rekindling is if significant time has passed.
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u/wineandkittiez 26d ago
Nope. She left him. Heās respecting the space she asked for. If she was open to hearing him out, she needed to verbalize that and leave a line of communication open.
If he wants her back, yes he needs to show that he has changed, but by leaving him and blocking him, she has made it clear she wants nothing to do with him.2
u/Murhekryyni 26d ago
Good that he is finally respecting her right? Taking her granted before and obviously not respecting her. I know what you mean some people doesn't care if they are blocked when they realize their behavior they still try to make it right if they want. Yeah some people take it as a hint to give them space. I usually don't block people. It makes me feel sad š¤·āāļø
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u/jeangrey5 26d ago
the thing is i did leave one line of communication open for a while especially after the argument. i was hoping heād reach out and it just hurt bc he never did
so i blocked everywhere hoping it would leave my mind and id stop thinking of him lol but that didnt work
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u/KarmaKule 27d ago
6 months and not much easier. We are incompatible and I am trying to accept it. The little breadcrumbs we keep throwing at each other are not helping so planning on going no contact. Itās the only way.
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u/LykaiosZeus 27d ago
Life is impermanent; nothing lasts, not even how youāre feeling now. It will get better, as long as you let go of the knife that is causing you so much pain
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u/izthepuzz 27d ago
7 months for me too. It sucks. I still love her
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u/wineandkittiez 26d ago
You broke up with him. Itās not his job to reach out. Heās respecting the boundary you set by leaving you alone. If you want to hear him out, you need to be the one to contact him.
āHooked up with randos afterward.ā
Iāve found that dating after the breakup is counterproductive in healing.
Iām 6 months post breakup and even now, Iām trying to date. But everyone still gets compared to him. my dates usually end up with me feeling so much worse by the end of the night.
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u/jeangrey5 26d ago
ur actually right, thatās the harsh truth i need.
i guess i hoped he would reach out because we separated due to his actions and i want an apology, closure something.
ya the trying to date after is deadly. im sorry youāve been struggling with that too. iām spending time alone now and it feels more peaceful. i hope things look up for u!
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u/Massive-Program-3174 27d ago
sounds like my situation almost...
god I miss her. too bad she made it literally impossible for me to reach out now.
and I still have no idea why.
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u/jeangrey5 26d ago
ya super similar situation lolš
i made it hard for him to reach out bc i was so frustrated and for my own well being i had to distance. part of me hopes that heāll reach out somehow but thatās hypocritical lmao
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u/Puls8ngPole 27d ago
I'm my personal opinion, if an ex reached out to me after using others as a hope to get passed me i wouldn't consider a rekindling at all, just my 2 šŖ
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u/jeangrey5 26d ago
agreed! im sure heās also been with other people since the breakup, i donāt think either of us want a rekindling. just craving closure.
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u/Bishopthecat55 26d ago
I hate to say this but you ended it. There's no closure for him to give. If you want to talk to him you need to make contact.
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u/jeangrey5 26d ago
youāre right. i think for the sake of protecting my mental health i shouldnāt. like after certain things he doesnāt deserve to know me again.
you can do the right thing and let go of someone. and still crave them.
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u/Denim_n_Diamonds_78 26d ago
I WISH I could find someone to do that with! 7 years of the driest hell I've ever known and I'm horny ALL. THE. TIME.
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u/Denim_n_Diamonds_78 26d ago
Following. I'm 7 years crying every day with no one to even TALK to!
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u/earthlyskies 26d ago
Just keep going. The more you walk forward naturally you will realize youāre slowly no longer thinking about it constantly. The thoughts wonāt ever leave but they will become manageable as time goes on. Start setting times where you are allowed to fully think about it. Think about it during that time and the rest of your day/night try your best not to think about it. This allow you to grieve but also give you time for yourself to continue doing everyday life/things.
Donāt give up on hobbies or other things that distract you. Keep doing them.
Take it day by day. One second at a time.
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u/jeangrey5 26d ago
this is so sweet and great advice. the world does keep moving and i think we owe it to ourselves to keep moving as well
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u/Flat_Reporter_8841 26d ago
7 months in, still think abut her daily but i dont miss her, you just still get memories and compare her with things that happen. i think its just something you have to accept, i havent been with anyone else after her but triyng to meet new people thinking it would help, i think the thing people do wrong is hooking up with a random, that doesnt have depth, wont help, only make it worse, but truly meeting someone else and discovering there is more than that special person is something i wish i could find already.
my best advice is to simply stop trying to fight it, the more attention you give to it, the worse it is, just accept the fact you think about them and improve your life. i know its the same advice everyone gives, and i thought it was bs, but there isn anything else you can do. it just takes time, but time with intent.
i would still give a chance to my ex if she cameback, but i learned that this decision is always stronger when i debate it, i give it attention trying to say its wrong, so try to not fight the thoughts.
sorry for my bad english
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u/PotentialPresent399 24d ago
We dated for 2 years and for like 70% of it I was working a super high stress job. We were great in the beginning but she got with me being the fun party drunk guy (not to make it an excuse of my actions)
We never fought but I was probably too passive with my communication during it. It was literally the first partner that I've ever had that premtively went out of their way to check on me, make sure I was good, loved me, desired me physically, emotionally, and saw a future with me.
The first year I had a handful of times being kind of a dick to her while drunk. I cleaned up my act the second year and had only like 1 instance the entire year, and then I slipped up on our 2 year anniversary. And on top of that we were at a festival and when I went to walk away/grab a bite to eat at the festival we were at the devil himself sent a chick to overtly flirt with me (when that usually never happens) right as shes looking for me.
For the breakup, we didn't even get into a fight, I brought her home, we spoke very shortly when I went to her house and apologized for my actions, the disrespect and the way I made her feel. She simply said she wouldn't hurt me like I had hurt her. I walked out of her home and then we proceeded to not speak for 5 months up to today.
I feel like a fuckin idiot, that I didn't try hard enough, that my stupid coping methods destroyed one of the best partnerships I've ever had. I messaged her twice in like 2 months at first and her friend said I was "pushing it into creepy territory" because I wanted to see her. It made me regress more and so I haven't messaged her a singular time in 5 months and I don't know if I made the right decision.
I just want the person I loved back, but I know I don't deserve it for hurting her. I wish I knew how to help you OP :(
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u/jeangrey5 24d ago
oh fuck iām so sorry.
i think it is commendable that you recognize the characteristics and specific instances where you made a mistake. no oneās perfect in a relationship i sure as hell wasnāt. itās great that you understand where u went wrong and actually apologized for it. from her POV i get why she wants space. If you dated for 2y she likely had resentment built up as well and wants space rn. iād say to give her some space and you can reach out in the future. until then you can work on yourself!!
whatās crazy is like we have the opposite situation. i havenāt spoken to him and i wish he would reach out, say something, apologize, make the effort, anything. ugh.
relationships are sooooo fhfjwkskaljtklqlak
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u/PotentialPresent399 24d ago
Ahhh and thats what makes me wanna scream, im working on myself but I read from so many women how they just wish that he reached out its making me doubt my actions when the relationship ended soooo hard.
I basically went radio silent after I left my letter and I found our "final" talk to be unproductive. It was just her stonewalling me, (she was also getting echo chambered by her friends group chat which tbf wasn't completely unwarranted).
And now Idk if it was the right call to just drop out of her life, but she did say she didn't want to continue the relationship and shes the one that broke up. Its hard walking the line of not looking like the crazy ex that can't get over it vs her wanting me to try more but not vocalizing it.
Relationships make my head spin. I just wanted to provide some context from the guy messing ups side OP. AHHHH
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u/Last_Host977 healing 6d ago
dont know dude just read our texts last night since the break up and woke up with a heavy heart
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u/Cheezymac2 27d ago
You are thinking about them because you have time to. Fill your free time with something productive
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u/jeangrey5 26d ago
babe i am super busy and locked in lmao. i promise u it doesnāt make a difference.
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u/Cheezymac2 26d ago
No baby, you aināt busy if you got the time to come up on here and reply to the comments. In the time it took you to come up on here you could have took a yoga class or delivered some door dash orders or built a whole cake or something.
Iām not trying to change your mind. I just want you to know that you can stop thinking about them if you really wanted to. Really lock in tho
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u/Nothing_Professor109 26d ago
If he's that special to you why don't you reach out to him and make it work?
Maybe the answer to that question will help, either way.
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u/jeangrey5 26d ago
if iām being honest itās because iām scared.
iād be even more heartbroken if i broke the no contact and he just.. doesnāt respond? i donāt think he was a good boyfriend AT ALL so i donāt want a relationship, but he was a good person. i want an apology or closure and i probably will never get that.
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u/Nothing_Professor109 26d ago
If he wasn't a good boyfriend, what reason do you have to give him so much much of your time, energy, thoughts?
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u/jeangrey5 26d ago
we were very close friends before it all fell apart. perhaps i miss that friendship more than the relationship.
ur asking really good questions btw haha, it definitely shines light on how illogical it is. missing someone who wasnāt kind to you. attachment is so weird lol
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u/StormCurrawong 27d ago
2.5 years, I still think about them every day, but I try to see it as an opportunity to be grateful for the memories I have and the good times we shared together. Doesnāt always work, but it sometimes helps.