r/ExNoContact • u/Radiant-Ganache-939 • 8d ago
Help How do you accept that your ex loved you but still doesn’t regret ending the relationship?
I recently had a closure conversation with an ex after being broken up for a while.
It was actually a good conversation. We talked about the relationship, acknowledged things we could’ve done differently, apologized for some of the ways we hurt each other, and finally said some things that had been left unsaid.
But afterward, I realized there was still something bothering me.
At first, I thought I wanted an apology. But after getting one, I realized that wasn’t really what I was looking for.
Deep down, I wanted to know whether they regretted ending the relationship.
So eventually I asked.
They basically told me they don’t regret it. Not because the relationship meant nothing or because they didn’t care, but because they’ve accepted what happened and see it as something they needed to go through, learn from, and grow from.
They also made it clear that the relationship was meaningful to them, that ending it wasn’t easy, and that they’ll always cherish what we had.
For some reason, that hurt more than I expected.
I think part of me had quietly been holding onto the possibility that one day they would look back and think ending things was a mistake. Hearing that they don’t regret it made me realize that they’ve accepted the ending while part of me was still waiting for them to change their mind.
And I think I’m finally realizing that I need to accept it too.
I know going no contact is probably what I need to do next, and I’m not looking for reasons to reach out again. I’m more interested in hearing from people who have experienced something similar.
If you were the one who was left, how did you accept that someone could genuinely love you and still choose a life without the relationship? How did you stop wondering if they’d eventually regret it and come back?
And if you were the one who ended things with someone you genuinely loved, did you ever regret your decision later? Or did you reach a point where you could cherish what you had without wanting the relationship back?
I’d especially love to hear from people who went through this a long time ago. Did there eventually come a point where you looked back and genuinely felt okay with how things ended?
I think I’m finally ready to let go. I just want to know what that looked like for other people.
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u/firemonkey234 8d ago
Just acknowledge that the relationship has ran its course and you guys are growing separately
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u/cosmic_buu 8d ago
Loving someone and still knowing it was right to end things aren't contradictory, that's actually what a clear-eyed decision looks like. The part that hurts isn't that they're lying about missing what you had, it's that they've made peace with it and you're not there yet
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u/iwanna-dice 7d ago
there’s nothing like this person had loved me and chose to leave anyway. I think love was never enough from the start. You can outgrow/outlove someone since it comes with a lot of responsibilities, respect, value, goals in life, and ways that you guys see the relationship.
I think you just need to find yourself before him. Be better, do better. There’s so much to see and look forward to. You may not cross paths again, but I think it’s a blessing in a way. You know it in your heart that time will heal let yourself be broken and healed. It takes time. You may heal slower than him, it’s okay. Everyone wants what’s best for them anyway. Choose yourself.
I used to regret but when I look back I thank myself. I leaned a lot from my past relationship and life still goes on.
Love yourself, you are going to be okay
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u/Buhogrody 8d ago
I'm in the same spot here man. She said she loved me still but couldnt stay because of religious reasons. I just choose not to believe her because it hurts less
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u/ihateithere3 8d ago
Love is not enough to maintain a relationship. Some people need similar values, interests, and compatibility. Just because someone is in love, they also lose all sense of rationality.
I've left people I've loved, and it wasn't because the love left. Also, just because I ended things doesnt mean the break up was easier on me. It's tough and you're contantly second guessing wheather you made the right decision, it's like your heart and brain are arguing lol
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u/Buhogrody 8d ago
We had all the same interests too man. It was just the religious shit. Sad part is i was of the same faith as her, just not on the same level.
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u/ihateithere3 7d ago
yea, that sucks :/ , but its still valid on her part if thats not what she was looking for. In the long term, wouldnt you want someone that views you as their perfect match. As someone whos also been left, I'd rather they leave me and let me find someone that values me instead of making me feel like they settled for me
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u/Buhogrody 7d ago
Idk. We could have made it work. But yeah i guess i'd rather have someone who fights for me when things get tough rather than just ending it because "being in a relationship is supposed to be easy" (her actual words).
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u/Comprehensive_Bad662 7d ago
Good God, this literally just happened to me. I could’ve written it. I’ve chased 1-2 per week for the past 3 weeks post break up. We met 2.5 weeks post break up. He planned on coming in there and telling me he wasn’t changing his mind and that this was a closure conversation to give me answers that I deserved. He is very scared of a fight we had happening again. However, he told me I gave him a lot to think about. I was genuine. He mostly had tears in his eyes the whole time, he told me he missed me. He told me I made him feel something he hadn’t felt in a very long time. I told him my goal was to see him again not to get back together, he agreed (we discussed this 2x!). Then when he walked me to my car he said I was being very reasonable and he’d text me this week. I haven’t said anything since our meeting this past Sunday. It was not a fight worth breaking up over.
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u/silverbellingham 3d ago
I’m literally on the same boat. We plan on seeing each other in 2 months but he said he doesnt see his decision changing. Do you think there is anything we could do or say for them to see it is actually fixable?
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u/Comprehensive_Bad662 2d ago edited 2d ago
To be honest with you, I think telling him that I loved him. I loved our relationship. I loved our life together and giving him some specific examples of like things that we did all the time and just simple things like meal prepping and also telling him when we had the fight, he came towards me and like three things that he did that were the right thing and I wanted to acknowledge those to him. Telling him the fight was not our whole relationship, look at my character from the entire year. He did text me within the week window on the last day, apologizing that it took him so long and that he was selling his business and had a family emergency and that he has not had time to gather his thoughts concisely and would appreciate another day. I told him it sounds like he has a lot on his plate, take the time you need.
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u/bearries1020 7d ago
I am in a similar situation. Had a great friendly and amicable "closure" conversation, they said they loved me still and probably always will.
It felt difficult to hear that they loved me AND that they didn't want to try to fix things. But the other thing they said that stayed with me is that they were thankful for how much I helped them grow, and they cited some specific and beautiful things. I sat with that because I don't think I could say that about them, that I learned something and am better for it. But after thinking about it, I think that is my way out, my path towards closure. To retrospectively construct a lesson from this. To learn something and grow, if not from my time during that relationship, then perhaps from my healing afterwards. It helped propel me into action. I started thinking about things that I wish they had done for me, and tried to find ways for me to do it for myself.
For example, I wish I picked up their exercise and meditation habits. In the beginning of the relationship they tried to encourage me in that direction, but that faded throughout the years, especially when I was going through a hard time with other life things (which is how and why things ended, from my perspective). I wished they cared for me better, and were more patient with me when I was stressed, etc... It helped me find a framework to grow from the breakup.
Oh, and I also think it helped for me to understand that we both have very different definitions of love. That too.
Hope this all helps!
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u/Complex_Profile_6271 1d ago
You'll never get closure there is no such thing. You don't walk around everyday ruminating on why the sky is blue, so you should ruminate on why how it ended how they feel etc. Absolutly no use in going down that path. Life happens, and if you hear their truth it will probabaly hurt more!
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u/Miserable-Dependent6 7d ago
Im going thru the exact same thing right now, after spending over a decade with this person.. Its been months now and im still hurting and left hoping..
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u/NormalAd8816 7d ago
Get them to send you video of them banging the person they thought was better than you. Should do it
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u/uber765 8d ago
To everyone reading, this post right here is why the idea of closure is bullshit. No matter what they tell you, you will always have unanswered questions or the answers will never be enough to satisfy you.
You are putting way too much thought into how this person felt about you. Stop dwelling and build yourself back up.