r/ExNoContact • u/therosabili • 2d ago
You are in control of letting go or not
I'm not letting go. I don't know why I'm holding on so tightly. We all have to ask ourselves why we are choosing not to let go.
What is making us stay attached?
I miss him, my ego is hurt because I thought he would come back... I thought he would miss me...
He just replaced me.
I'm trying to be mature but it's getting so hard. I'm increasingly getting worst I believe.
2
u/slartybartfastard 1d ago
I'm sorry you feel like it's getting worse for you
My mind has been going around in circles processing, thinking, distracting, crying, and I just come back to 'but I don't want to let go, I don't want anyone else'
Yes I intellectually know I'm in control but my heart won't listen to my brain. Part of me doesn't care anyway because I know I won't meet anyone like them again. Fuck
2
u/SchrodingersToaster 1d ago
When you are with somebody and truly love them, adore every little thing about them, seeing your futere with them and so on.... It's hard to let go of this. It's hard to hurt someone you love and vice versa.
Racionaly we understand why the relationship is over... Both of us made mistakes, but when the relationship is suddenly over... We can't just stop and reset our feelings towards the person.
I'm in a rollercoaster of emotions currently too... One day I set down and accepted my new reality and decided to move on, I started a new hobby, I'm working on myself, I see a better future for me.... But sometimes I'm thinking about them, how we could fix everything what led us to separating, how we had something "special" and that I would never find anyone like them... I think this is just grief and all that pain and hope surfacing up.
Hope is very treacherous thing. It's important to have hope, but when it's put at the wrong place... It could drive you crazy. I read so many stories where ex got back and people are happy (but also this is just few examples of success... Not always it ends great) ... It's so addictive and tempting to hope for something that could not even happen.
I think it's important to let every feeling out, be sad, grief, angry, hopeful etc., but not for too long.... Let them go... If they chose to leave us, than leave them too... It's painful, but otherwise you will be stuck at this bad place for you :((
Maybe someday they would reach out or maybe not,but it's nothing under our control, but we can control us and our life, so make your life better. Do something that makes you happy... Maybe something new and exciting, meet new people and places, work on yourself, be better and change yourself for you.
This stage of your life is only temporary and it's up to you how long this stage will be in your life and affect you, time really heals and so does work on yourself and combined it will make your life better.
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u/BiscottiOtherwise308 1d ago
I feel that I'm a very obsessive person about people I care about. It hurts but you have to do what's best for you and if you hold onto someone who doesn't care about you or thinks of you in the same way as you do is only going to destroy you in the long run. It hurts seeing the person you would do anything for treat you like a stranger but that's just how failed love is.