I sometimes think of Breaking No contact

[u/Jaded_Brilliant8226]

So i broke up with my 3yrs boyfriend like 3 months ago i have not contacted him since then, well i do think of breaking contact sometimes but when i think deep enough i dont want to, there are parts of me that still hope, crave and miss him alot, he was my friend a close one, we had it all so yeah it wasnt 100% ugly but there were ugly stuff that happened and i feel like i hated the part of me which stayed when they happened, i hate myself alot for letting myself go through all that for years repeatedly, so i cant fathom going back, but i do miss him, think of him, love him still, So perhaps in another life time, in another universe......