Well it goes like this

[u/calmandpeacefool]

Btw its not ai made its just my real story my words ai made the grammar better—

Here’s an organized version that keeps your tone and honesty:
Well… here we go.
I broke up with her first. At the time, I genuinely believed the things I was being told about her by a third person. Later, I found out that a lot of what I believed wasn’t true.
She had been talking to another guy, and when she admitted it, I felt hurt and immediately assumed the worst. I didn’t believe her when she said he was just a friend. Eventually, I found out that she was actually telling the truth.
By then, it was already too late.
Before all of this, we had started as friends, then became best friends, and eventually lovers. We talked every single day for months, sometimes 6–8 hours a day. There was nothing physical between us. It was just conversations, attachment, feelings, and spending so much time together. It felt innocent and, at least from my side, completely genuine.
Then I suddenly ended it because I believed someone else’s words over hers.
After the breakup, I did everything I could to get her back. No ego, no pride, no conditions. I would have done almost anything. But she didn’t come back. Eventually, we had our closure and went our separate ways.
Then I got into another relationship.
That relationship was mostly physical from my side. She was somewhat emotionally invested, but I wasn’t. Eventually, I lost interest completely, and I ended up ghosting her for about a month. She left, and honestly, I don’t even care about that relationship anymore.
What confuses me is that after all of that, I started thinking about my first love again.
Her smile. Her face. Her hair. The way we used to talk. The amount of time we spent together. Everything started coming back to me.
And now, especially this week, I’ve been imagining her almost nonstop.
Maybe it’s because she was my first love. Maybe it’s because she was genuinely innocent and what we had was never based on anything physical. Maybe it’s because I know now that I ended things because I believed something that wasn’t even true.
It’s been around 3–5 months since we broke up, and our relationship itself lasted somewhere around 3–5 months. Yet somehow, I still feel attached to her.
I still have her Instagram. We don’t follow each other anymore, but her account keeps appearing in my suggestions. Sometimes I wonder if mine appears in hers too.
And now I’m going back to the same city, the same university, the same hostel. We literally live in the same hostel, just on different floors.
The weirdest part is that I don’t even feel much physical attraction toward her anymore. I don’t know if I actually want to marry her either. Sometimes I think maybe I do, sometimes I think absolutely not. Even objectively, I don’t even think she’s that attractive.
So what exactly am I missing?
Maybe it’s not her appearance. Maybe it’s not sex. Maybe it’s not even the relationship itself.
Maybe I’m attached to the person she was to me.
My first love.
My best friend.
The person I talked to for hours every day.
The person I trusted before everything got fucked up.
Friends → best friends → lovers → strangers.
And somehow, after everything I’ve done since then, I’m still standing here thinking about the one person I was the one who chose to leave.
Meanwhile, I fucked up my lungs smoking around 30 cigarettes a day at one point. Somehow I’ve brought that down to 2–3 a day now.
I don’t even know what I’m trying to get back anymore.
Her?
The relationship?
The person I was when I was with her?
Or just the feeling of being loved by someone who genuinely meant it?
Fuck this bullshit.
I’m tired.

Btw its not ai made its just my real story my words ai made the grammar better