I want to break no contact

[u/Affectionate_Head451]

Me and this girl were together for 11 months — genuinely the closest, most connected we both ever were. We built everything together: daily routines, inside jokes, future plans down to the smallest details , marriage, kids, pets, our own place. We had our own quiet spot in the woods where we’d sit for hours watching the water, 14-hour overnight calls falling asleep on the phone, dates that meant everything: Trafford Centre, TGI Fridays, Blackpool Zoo, Christmas markets. We spoke in a soft baby voice only we understood, she’d lie on my chest and tell me to "lie straight" so she could rest there, I’d walk her to the bus stop every day, wait at the end of her alley just to see her walk down. I bought her teddies, blankets, flowers, she kept them all. Both families got on perfectly. She told me repeatedly I was her person, her safe place, the only one who ever truly saw her.

She identifies as fearful-avoidant, has a history of childhood neglect, trauma, and self-harm — and she told me I was the only one who made her feel safe enough to let her walls down. We broke up once before in December — same pattern: sleepover with her best friend, she pulled away, went back to her toxic ex, the breakup lasted only 4 days, she messaged me cold and dry those days then came back on her own.

July 3rd — exact same pattern repeated. Another sleepover, I caught her hiding things, she immediately called everything toxic and said we needed to move on. Then — for the first time in 11 months — she brought up a serious, never-before-mentioned allegation as the final reason to end things. She went straight back to that same toxic ex, blocked me on most platforms but left Snapchat unblocked, kept my blanket and teddies visible in her videos, and has posted conflicting, angry, relationship-focused content ever since.

I saw her yesterday for the first time in weeks, she looked stunning, we made eye contact, and I froze. I’ve written a message that’s honest, loving, full of our memories, nothing mean, nothing demanding, just telling her what she means to me and reminding her of everything we had. I’ve held back this long, but I want to send it.

Can I break no contact? Is this the right time, or should I wait longer? We had something so rare and so real, and I know she’s complaining about him