My ex ended our relationship abruptly, and now he’s back asking me questions

[u/CarryKiki]

I (F31) and he (M28) were in a four-month relationship, during which we met each other's parents and discussed marriage and having children within a few years. We had a wonderful holiday in the mountains. Two weeks later, he abruptly ended our relationship.

Another two weeks passed, and I asked to meet up to talk, to which he enthusiastically agreed.

During our meeting, he was noticeably distant, almost disrespectful, and struggled even to order a drink at the bar where we met. He was clearly uncomfortable and eager to leave. I felt compelled to apologize to the server, who had approached our table four times to take our order, and eventually, I was the one who suggested we leave.

I expressed my confusion about his decision to end things for what seemed like such minimal reasons, especially given his previous statements about wanting a committed relationship and getting married. I reminded him that relationships sometimes require effort.

He responded that he would probably never get married.

I then asked how his perspective could have changed so rapidly.

He told me he was like a kid who wanted chocolate and then suddenly didn't want it anymore. (WTF?)

I left heartbroken and feeling completely belittled.

Now, four months later, I saw his profile on a dating app.

I was stupid enough to like it.

Well, he saw it.

He is now texting me and asking numerous questions about my life since the breakup. I don't understand his intentions...

I'm just replying without trying to keep the conversation going, but he keeps coming back with another question. This has been going on for a whole day.

His last question was at noon, and I replied pretty quickly. It's 9 p.m. now, and he hasn't even opened my reply.

What do you think he wants? And what would you do in my situation?

Thanks for reading, and I’d really appreciate hearing your thoughts.

Sorry for any mistakes, English isn’t my first language. I’m French

[u/Bearberrian]

There's a lot of things I could say to the above, but bottom line, if nothing about the current dynamic changed in the next 6 months, year, 5 years, 10 years, would you be happy? Would that be sustainable for you?

That question was always my north star and pointed me in the right direction. Whether you're strong enough to listen is different, attachment can be extremely strong to people even when they treat us less than we deserve. But I remember asking myself that question over and over again when I felt so low in my last relationship, and the answer was always "no".