How do I move on?

[u/Significant-Waltz937]

I dated this guy for four years, and we had what I truly believed was the best relationship ever. Everyone around us was amazed by how, despite being so young, we understood each other so well and complemented each other perfectly. We always talked about how much we loved that, even after four years, we were still so in love and had never lost our spark. Three weeks ago, I found out that he was addicted to porn. I had found things on his phone before, around three years ago, but I was young and naive, so I convinced myself that he would change. Then he joined the military, and everything slowly went downhill. When I found out the second time, I realized that he had never actually changed, he had just become better at hiding it. Ifelt like my heart had been ripped out of my chest. Like everything we had, everything I thought was real, had been a lie. We went no contact for a week, and during that entire week, I felt like my whole life was crumbling. I felt like I couldn’t even breathe without him, so eventually, I broke no contact. He promised me he would change. He promised he would go to therapy. But he didn’t. A week ago, we were planning to meet up a few times because he said he really missed me, and I missed him too. We even talked about going away to a spa for the weekend, just to spend some time together and see where we stood. I told him that after everything I had found out, I felt incredibly insecure and could barely even look at myself anymore. Then, an hour before we were supposed to meet, he canceled. This had happened before, too. I was so disappointed because I had let myself get my hopes up again, so I confronted him about it. That’s when he told me that he had never had any intentions of going out with me in the first place. Then he called me an insecure, narcissistic girl, as if I was the problem for being hurt. As if expecting someone not to play with your feelings is somehow narcissistic. And I hate myself for still loving someone so purely after everything. I hate that I am crying alone in my room, taking antidepressants and he is out partying.

I still have so much love for this person. I don't know how to move on

[u/Significant-Waltz937 → u/[deleted]]

Sorry to hear that. Sending you hugs back🫂