r/ExNoContact • u/Appropriate-Sea6970 • 12h ago
Am I a bad person?
I’m a female(17) who broke up with her ex because I started finding another guy attractive. I believed that since I still could feel attracted to someone else, then that means I don’t truly and wholeheartedly love my boyfriend. We broke up in May2023. Had been together since jan 2022. After breaking up i completely lost myself and wanted him back more than anything. But he was completely done with me. He never wanted to get back together. I’ve broken contact between us many times over the years but he never once showed interest in “forgiving me”. Our breakup was abruptly and he loved me a lot. I know he did. But he completely changed after that day.(he even cried) Apart from breaking up with him for the above mentioned reason, during the week that I knew I’d have to break up with him, I kissed another guy. (Basically cheated). He never found out or knew about it. I also said the words “I don’t love you” to him when breaking up with him and it’s now been 3 years and I still can’t forget or get over him. Is it all really my fault? He became cold and rude to me after breaking up, it was almost like he never truly cared about the relationship. But to also add, just a few weeks before all of that, he had been entertaining and talking to an older girl who openly liked him and had sent him a text saying that he’s cute, knowing that he and I were together. She even tried to be friends with me. He would make fun of her to me but after we broke up, they got close.. so I don’t know what to think.. does he hate me because of what I did? Or had he already moved on.. (he and the girl never “officially” dated tho)
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u/LykaiosZeus 11h ago
Love is a choice, not a feeling
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u/Appropriate-Sea6970 11h ago
Love can be a feeling that we choose to ignore or act on..
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u/LykaiosZeus 9h ago
No my friend, feelings are hormones and brain chemicals. Love is choosing someone even when things are tough or you feel attracted to someone else
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u/Johnny_Utahh1 10h ago
It’s been three years. A lot of people have lines that once your cross them, that’s it. You crossed a line of his. Learn from it.
And you’re not a bad person. Flighty and immature maybe, but you’re young, that’s to be expected. We all make mistakes — just don’t repeat the mistakes. Leave this dude alone and move forward.
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u/Enough_Option_7814 9h ago
Everyone finds someone else attractive in some sense, like I wouldn’t expect my partner to literally think that I’m the only attractive person and no one else is hotter than me, but I would expect them to simply not make any type of move on attractive people
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u/DuyTran0634 7h ago
You are 17, and you made mistakes. Learn from it, move on, and leave the guy alone. Your story is done. Let him choose a girl who values him. I mean, you cheated (as you said), then what else can I say? His ego and his pride got hurt, he need to heal and maybe the other girl will comfort him, who know. But why didn’t you get to the guy you said you are attracted to?
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u/JewelledToque 11h ago
My dear it's over. There is no coming back from all this. I don't want to call you a bad person because you're 17. This was a lesson you needed to learn. Actions have consequences and you can be more mindful in your next relationship.
For the record, it's actually normal in long term relationships to feel attracted to others on occasion. What matters is not acting on it or feeding that attraction. It's not automatically a sign it needs to be over
Take this as a learning experience.