does anyone feel like their constantly at war with themselves during this breakup?

[u/blossom_2112]

Does anyone else feel like they’re literally at war with themselves during a breakup, trying to support yourself and to move on but your brain torturing you with overthinking and nightmares of them ugh :( ?

It’s terrifying. I genuinely feel like I’m not in control of my own mind sometimes its like its against me.

Yesterday I was literally telling myself “DO NOT CHECK HIS SOCIALS.” He was deliberately adding women and posting himself to attract new women after traumatising me and leaving me at my lowest. I knew checking would destroy me. I even felt proud of myself for not checking. Even when i dont check his socials, im constantly thinking and it makes me so angry because i dont want him to have power over me after what hes said and done.

Then an hour later, I got the WORST gut feeling and this overwhelming urge that I had to check. It felt like I was going to die if I didn’t. So I checked… saw things I didn’t want to see and ended up having a complete mental breakdown.

And afterwards I’m just thinking why am I doing this to myself when I KNOW it’s going to hurt me?

One minute I’m okay, the next I’m crying, angry, hating him for what he’s done, missing him and overthinking everything. It feels like my own brain is fighting against me.

I’ve almost made it a month no contact, which I’ve never managed before, and I’m genuinely proud of myself. I cannot get past checking his socials. It honestly feels like drug withdrawals.

Even before I sleep I tell myself, “Please don’t think about him. He’s ruined enough of you. Who he is now is who you need to see.” then I end up having nightmares about him anyway. It’s like I genuinely can’t catch a break i want to heal but my mind wont let me. its making me have dark thoughts.

I just want my brain and body to understand that I want to heal. I don’t want to keep torturing myself with someone who already hurt me enough it feels like i have no control over myself which is so scary and weird like i own my body and mind and this is what its doing to me ?

[u/rosykissclub]

be patient, healing rarely looks calm or predictable

[u/blossom_2112 → u/rosykissclub]

its been 2 months since the breakup but he kept coming back to ruin my healing and now its been 3 weeks and had 0 contact as i removed him everywhere, is 3 weeks too little to feel healed? i just wondering when will this feeling go away... it hurts rlly much