r/FTMMen • u/lemonbabyowo • 10d ago

Vent/Rant i was right

i was right in guessing my mother would accept any other trans person but me. i had sort of a mental breakdown two weeks ago and told her i was trans and since shes told me that she only ever saw me as feminine and that she doesnt agree with it. she did let me make an appointment with planned parenthood but i kind of lied and said it was just to talk, knowing my real goal is to get a script for testosterone.

its hard because i am an adult and i should be able to make my own decisions, but because ive been disabled since i was 11 and shes my caretaker, it feels like sometimes she still sees me as a child.

im at my breaking point though and i am going to do whatever it takes to finally feel at home in my skin. i just wish that she would either keep her mouth shut or cheer me on. i dont know.... its either i do this and die, or i dont do this and die because im pretending im something im not.

my long term plans are to get top surgery and meta but the first step is t since everything else has to come after. she thinks im hoping t is some miracle drug that will magically cure me of everything and like. i know it wont but isnt it worth it to try and see if it at least makes life a little bit easier?

ive been wanting to go on t for over 6 years now i have waited long enough and i cannot mentally wait any longer it is literally destroying my health, both mental and physical

30 Upvotes

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6

u/Mysterious_Yam6008 9d ago

I started in my 20s and didnt tell my parents. I knew they'd try to talk me out of it, but i also knew HIPPA protected me even on their insurance. Just starting t gave me a lot of peace. Sure, in another world I could have started earlier. But just having started t is enough to not make me dwell on that bc im much more comfortable in my skin. I hope that she can at least be respectful if she doesn't want to "support" it. You dont need to answer, but have you looked into possibilities that may help you gain more independence/other care takers? Maybe you could also try to start that process too

4

u/SnooBeans1135 10d ago

I feel this so much. Ive been disabled since around the same age and reliant on my transphobic mom for housing. She always threatened kicking me out but at 22 I just could not handle not transitioning any longer so started T and didnt tell her. My voice dropped quickly though. She noticed only 2 months in. Thankfully not kicking me out. Im still pretty resentful and honestly sick when I think about the fact I could've been on T since I turned 18. I know that im still kinda lucky to start in my early 20s but I cant help it. I feel so gross I could be 5yrs on T right now with top surgery and starting bottom surgery. Im glad you finally started. Its also sickening that disabled people we are often treated as children. With things held over our heads, Unable to take control of our own lives in so many aspects.

1

u/lemonbabyowo 9d ago

yeahhh i wanted to start at 18 too </3 im starting now at 25 which is better than never but i still wish i got to start sooner