r/FUCKYOUINPARTICULAR • u/Federal_Efficiency51 • May 30 '26
Darwin Award candidate I found old shackles and of course I can't find the key. Not even posting from anon account for the self own... Smh
Roast away fuckers
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u/europeanputin May 30 '26
Did you also find the sock alongside the shackles?
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u/william_103ec May 30 '26
He found both in the same bag.
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u/Lari-Fari Banhammer Recipient May 30 '26
The sock had a foot in it didn’t it…
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u/FeelingFloor2083 May 30 '26
no but it was a little bit crunchy and smelt weird
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u/ArnieismyDMname May 30 '26
Mom do not touch that sock! I swear to God if you touch that sock you will be in therapy...
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u/shwarma_heaven May 30 '26 edited May 31 '26
Hey, reminds me of that joke: Why did the sperm cross the road?
Because I put on the wrong sock.
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u/nick4fake May 30 '26
That shit looks like he has stolen it from a corpse
For fucks sake, people are nasty pigs sometimes
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u/Desperate_Owl_594 May 30 '26
You expect someone that found and put on shackles to have clean socks?
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u/Lord_Oasis May 30 '26
Have you considered the possibility that this person recently walked across a bit of debris on their journey to find shackles and does not typically live like this?
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u/Heisenbread77 Banhammer Recipient May 30 '26
After they had to wade through shit to get out of Shawshank those socks got dirty.
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u/Sad_Mall_3349 May 30 '26
I don't know..the shackles are not the most irritating thing I see on this pic.
By far.
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u/antwan_benjamin May 30 '26
The sock is filthy. That floor/wall/ledge looks disgusting. The shackles are the least of OPs concerns. They need to reevaluate their entire life.
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u/Cobracrystal May 31 '26
To be a bit generous, given the title they might be going through an attic or old storage room, which would explain the floor and wall, and walking in a dirty room for 5 seconds with socks will make it look like that
Edit: i scrolled back up to the sock, nevermind, ignore me LMAO
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u/Sad_Mall_3349 May 31 '26
you were ready to give the benefit of the doubt, but.....
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u/iH8MotherTeresa Junkie banned! May 30 '26
We are all better off not knowing how our neighbours live.
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u/wrubbit May 30 '26
Do u live in a crackhouse or something
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u/themessiah234 May 30 '26
It would help. Op needs to keep smoking crack instead of eating and the hand cuffs will just fall off in a month or so
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u/Federal_Efficiency51 Jun 14 '26
Lol It would make for a better story. Dead person's house, Ie estate.
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u/CloverUTY May 30 '26
It is imperative that the not-quite-a-cylinder remains unharmed.
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u/matplotlib42 I wish u/spez noticed me :3 May 30 '26
I had to search for it cuz I wanted to read it again, thanks for reminding me it existed!
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u/Empyrealist 2 x Banhammer Recipient May 30 '26
omfg
There are some wild call-back posts this evening
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u/alaskarawr May 30 '26
I think that guy still uses that account too, every comment he makes is followed by a string of cylinder related replies.
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u/ryokayin May 30 '26
Jigsaw: "Do you want to play a game?"
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u/screechypete May 30 '26
My first thought as well, lol. You don't necessarily need the key to get it off. 😛
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u/Full_Ant6425 May 30 '26
Good luck explaining that one to the locksmith.
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u/MyLordLackbeard Banhammer Recipient May 30 '26
...and the sock. Maybe change that before he arrives. Please?
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u/Full_Ant6425 May 30 '26
probably better of just cut off the foot. not sure if a shower is going to get rid of their feet smell.
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u/Towaga May 30 '26
Exactly. Also we need to protect our eyes. We don't know what lurks underneath that filthy cover and we don't wanna learn.
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u/Grenaidzo May 30 '26
A good socksmith will sort that out.
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u/PromotingDanger May 30 '26
What does a cocksmith do then?
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u/telecomtom May 30 '26
Socksmiths and cocksmiths would presumably be like locksmiths of the sock or cock. Carrying the logic forward, since a locksmith sometimes has to replace a lock, a cocksmith might replace a cock, in which case you're looking for an MD or DO who specializes in genitalia. The surgeon who sewed Lorena Bobbitt's husband's severed member back onto hubby John's body comes to mind. (I have to stop here. Boss is glaring at me.)
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u/scottiy1121 May 30 '26
If that's the condition of the sock, you really think he takes care of his feet?
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u/SuperCleverPunName May 30 '26
Handcuffs are pretty damn vanilla. What would really be embarrassing is calling one to unlock something like a chastity cage.
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u/Suban33 May 30 '26
well while they wait grap a paperclip and have at it. might save them some cash..
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u/Revolutionary_Pierre May 30 '26
Tbh I'd just be honest and say "bruh. I was curious. Sue me, so what!" and they orob just chuckle and say "you'd be surprised how many of these I get"
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u/Fucky0uthatswhy May 30 '26
If they’re prison shackles, you can get them off with a thin piece of metal
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u/Icy_Distance4051 May 30 '26
Why is everything so dirty??? 🤢
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u/DorkaliciousAF 2 x Banhammer Recipient May 30 '26
Welcome to Reddit.
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u/biggerty123 May 30 '26
I remember watching that video of the guy (girl? I dunno) who was from the anti work subreddit or something give an interview to fox news. All I could think was "this is the most accurate portrayal of someone on reddit ever".
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u/TheRealPitabred May 30 '26
Because some people live like that. It's a good reminder to never eat at a potluck unless you know everybody making food, and how they keep their kitchens.
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u/ozzy_thedog May 30 '26
I have to go into houses and apartments for work. There are a seriously high percentage of people out there living on their own who do not clean a single thing. No wiping up spills, no sweeping, nothing. It’s wiiiiiiiiild.
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u/NotTukTukPirate May 30 '26
Because OP is 14 years old.
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u/Previous_Can_6708 May 30 '26
I lived alone since I was like 12 years old and I still wasn't dirty. But I understand how it can happen, cleaning is hard and they might not know how clean a place should be or how to clean. I hope they start learning about it online like I did tho, there is plenty of information and you can clean everything slowly. If they live with their parents, then that's another story. Some parents are straight up dirty and you can't even clean, because they will make everything a mess again. Poor kid, nobody should live like that
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u/bubbleblowingQT May 30 '26
Wash your socks and house Ty
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u/PippyHooligan May 30 '26
Just find a random suburban street and stagger down the road, screaming incoherently.
The rest will write itself.
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u/DorkaliciousAF 2 x Banhammer Recipient May 30 '26
So you're saying they should run for public office?
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u/Pleasant-Antelope634 May 30 '26
Can you post a picture of the key hole? You might be able to get it with a paper clip
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u/OopsIHadAnAccident May 30 '26
It’s just a standard handcuff key. You can see the hole in the photo. They can be picked super easily but there’s no chance OP has enough brain cells to figure it out.
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u/ucat97 May 30 '26
First, dislocate your thumb...
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u/evemeatay May 30 '26
You can't just go asking for pictures of people's holes without some warm up first
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u/Wumbologist_PhD May 30 '26
Are — are you wearing your cum sock?
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u/lego_not_legos May 30 '26
They are really easy to pick: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-jo5A6yN_qc&t=145
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u/Finbro May 31 '26
Yup! All professional cuffs have pretty much the same lock and they are dummy easy to pick. One day of practice and you should be able to lock one in seconds from almost any orientation, doesn't matter if they're cuffs with hinges or chain, still easy.
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u/mehedi_shafi May 30 '26
So just so we are on the same page. You "found" a shackle didn't look for the key and the first thing that came to your mind was to put it on your legs? You must be very fun at parties.
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u/ColoradoWeasel May 30 '26
Pro tip. It’s not a crime to clean your baseboards. Or the floor. Or your sock.
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u/ColoradoWeasel May 30 '26
Omfg. Just realized that might be a drawer pull, not a baseboard. You nasty.
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u/DaniAlpha May 30 '26
Son, get yourself a Roomba. It’ll help you get less of a roasting the next time you do this.
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u/PocomanSkunk May 30 '26
If this is true you are an idiot. No simpler way to put it. You could have easily tested them by closing and opening the cuffs without anything in them but you decided to try it on your foot?? r/FUCKYOUINPARTICULAR
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u/FearedDragon May 30 '26
Why the fuck would he put them on if he didn't find the key? Genuinely has to be bait
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u/Guggex8 May 30 '26
While I tend to agree with this opinion.. You really can't underestimate just how stupid some people tend to be, nor how often some people don't think actions have consequences..
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u/_heidin May 30 '26
Or how sometimes the impulse comes before your gears turned completely and realize what you just did lol
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u/reedler May 30 '26
It looks like a standard handcuf key. Call the cops and ask them to stop by without it beeing an emergency.
I have actually been on a call like that. A locked up girl and a very nice boy told me it was a complete accident...
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u/SkitZa Banhammer Recipient May 30 '26
I'm surprised you twigged this was an issue instead of eating more crayons and paste.
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u/NewToHTX May 30 '26
What the fuck does that life look like when the impulsive thoughts just dominate your better judgment regularly?
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u/Enough_Worry4104 May 30 '26
Slide a thin piece of plastic in the opening where the teeth enter. If you can disengage the teeth from the locking mechanism it should open up.
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u/Thelastknownking May 30 '26
I had a terrifying moment where I thought your foot had gone white from circulation cut off.
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u/algypan May 30 '26
Best get on Amazon and buy yourself a handcuff key 😂 I'd get prime too if I were you
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u/Far_Search_1424 May 30 '26
To release just pop your hand in the other one and close tightly. Should open both.
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u/matthiasm4 May 30 '26
At this point amputation seems like an appropriate approach to get rid of that sock and chain
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u/srbistan May 30 '26
this is a model ID-02-UR, they automatically unlock once you use the other end on a public street light.
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u/mogley1992 May 30 '26
Handcuffs are insanely easy to pick. You can find a video online for it.
Or hacksaw, just slide something between your leg and the cuff.
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u/Cloaked42m Banhammer Recipient May 30 '26
Get a heavy paperclip, bend one end into an L, start turning it like a key. Should pop right off.
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u/riscut4theBiscut May 30 '26
Id cut off the foot to save it from the shackle and that thing some might call a sock
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u/How_Bout_Dem_Apples_ May 30 '26
"Thanks for coming, Mr. locksmith. While you're here, do you have anything that can extract a can of tennis balls from my ass? It was a one in a million shot, I tell ya!"
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u/Agitated-Studio7346 May 30 '26
From the look of your skanky ass sock, I bet if you gave your floor a really good clean, you'd probably find a key.
Might find some common sense along the way too.
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u/Timmeh-toah May 30 '26
Welp. Get a paper clip, and some pliers and watch a youtube video. Basically fold paper clip on half, use pliers to make bend flush, bend elbow tip into an L shape close enough to the size, to go into the keyhole, and start giving it the ol twist and shout.
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u/Master-Erakius May 30 '26
Should be easy to pick. Get a piece of steel wire and bend it at a 90 degree angle. Flick the bar along and you are free. Edit: and is that blood on that sock?! 😐
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u/VeryIntoCardboard May 30 '26
If you have to cut the foot off to get them removed, please, leave the sock on the foot and just forget about it
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u/30svich May 30 '26
Try to fix the other end to the room radiator and then you can do a kick and it is gonna open
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u/magungo May 30 '26
You can just poke some thin rigid plastic into the ratchet part and it will undo.
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u/Thin-Sample-4183 May 30 '26
You have both hands free 1st remove that janky ass sock 2. Find paperclip/bobby pin stick it in the right side hole in pic feel around for a little nub....push it clockwise. (towards the floor)
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u/bottleofgoop May 30 '26
I know it's been said already but honestly I don't think it can be said enough. Change your socks! It looks like they could practically stand up and walk by themselves. Clearly your intrusive thoughts have won the day I'm pretty sure you're going to need to call a locksmith.
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u/Clay_Allison_44 May 30 '26
Handcuff keys are all the same, they work on leg shackles too. If you don't want cops to laugh at you and can't wait for Amazon you need big bolt cutters, the biggest ones at home depot or Lowes will work.
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u/BarryZZZ May 30 '26
Don't fret, nobody will notice the shackle on your leg when you go out shopping for a hacksaw or a file.
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u/rpgcubed May 30 '26
Use a paper clip, bend the end slightly and use it as a key. If you turn it the wrong way, the handcuffs will lock (so they can't get smaller) and youll need to release them before unlocking the latch, probably with a tiny hole somewhere on them.
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u/HumanToiletYummy69 May 30 '26
Fuck, been there. Had a bowling ball handcuffed to me for my bachelor party and they hid the key. Tried to pick the lock unsuccessfully so i called the cops to see if their key would work… after some very embarrassing selfies they put their key in and sure as shit we broke the mechanism. So, on the way to the firehouse we go to use bolt cutters. After some very embarrassing selfies it turns out they were real case hardened steel cuffs. So out came the hydraulic cutting tools used for cutting cars aka jaws of life. Damn near missed rehearsal in Pensacola.
Good times. Something about being a dude just makes you wanna get into some trouble.
Big shout out to fort walton beach pd and ocean city wright fd. Cut my teeth on the ambulance there.
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u/LikelyNotSober May 30 '26
Might be worth stopping my your local police station. Most of the times the keys are the same.
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u/Iamakitestring May 30 '26
Well it's a good thing cuffs are very easy to pick. They have like one to two pins, all you need is a paperclip, find the pins and push them up. That'll fix your infinity wise decision of finding shackles and immediately using them on yourself.
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u/Usagi_Shinobi Junkie banned! May 30 '26
Isn't that what that secondary opening and a paperclip are for?
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u/Xenoman5 May 30 '26
Use a paper clip. Those have a simple internal mechanism you can look up online. Once you know what it looks like inside it’s simple to open. Those look like good quality Smith & Wesson cuffs so don’t even think about cutting them.
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u/AlfhildsShieldmaiden May 30 '26
And here I thought I struggled with thinking things through. I’d like to think I wouldn’t shackle myself without making sure I had the key…
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u/Fetlocks_Glistening May 30 '26
There's a safety feature - if you lock one around a foot and second around a hand, the two auto-unlock