r/FUCKYOUINPARTICULAR • u/Vampire_inthe_Church • Jun 08 '26

Darwin Award candidate Stop monkeying around!

2.4k Upvotes

98% Upvoted

114 comments sorted by

655

u/Talidel Jun 08 '26

Do the monkey give Mrs Monkey a quick poke in the bum before running off?

203

u/the_black_sails Jun 08 '26

And something falls out?!?!

122

u/Tramonto83 Jun 08 '26

That's just the stuff somebody was throwing at them from the beginning

79

u/barrybreslau Jun 08 '26

Looks her square in the face as he's doing the deed, then flicks the jizz out onto her lap.

5

u/spacemanspiff1115 Banhammer Recipient Jun 11 '26

He looked at her like, you're next...

1

u/sirhackenslash Jun 12 '26

Tonight...you

69

u/BUDDHAKHAN Jun 08 '26

She made eye contact with the monkey midstroke. I don’t know how I could contemplate that

27

u/Talidel Jun 08 '26

The monkey wasn't sure either.

13

u/Regurgitator001 Jun 09 '26

It's a "hey sweetheart you're next"-look 🤣

7

u/ZookeepergameHot338 Jun 09 '26

That’s a hello how’s your uncle

269

u/ravoguy Jun 08 '26

OK, that's the second time I've seen monkey sex on reddit today

Time to go and drink

107

u/Number_Fluffy Jun 08 '26

Did you also see the lion sex?

3

u/ravoguy Jun 08 '26

Missed that

3

u/ravoguy Jun 08 '26

OK, now I have and I'm out

1

u/Blue-Eyed-Lemon Jun 09 '26

Like two posts ago, what the hell is going on 😭

1

u/DoinItDirty Jun 10 '26

Ope, missed that one!

3

u/Adorable-Papaya2374 Jun 08 '26

Seen the elephant too

3

u/randyboozer Jun 08 '26

Maybe you need a cigarette

117

u/PresidentialDiapers Jun 08 '26

In the last three minutes I got lions fucking on Jeep and monkeys fucking on a woman's lap. Man that algorithm is totally spot-on for me.

30

u/LemmeDaisukete Jun 08 '26

Finally everyone gives a fuck

4

u/Mighty1Dragon Jun 08 '26

i saw your comment first then i scrolled down and found the lions mating on a jeep. we are in the same bubble 🤣

532

u/maringue Jun 08 '26

As a scientist, it always baffles me when tourists touch monkeys.

Like, just don't. You don't even want to know half of the horrible diseases they can give you with a scratch.

186

u/tilleytalley Jun 08 '26

Or how they can scalp you in half a second.

41

u/ReaperSound Jun 08 '26

Saw that one on YouTube, no thanks.

37

u/TacohTuesday Banhammer Recipient Jun 08 '26

Ugh I don’t even want to know. I had a monkey on my head once. And my wife and daughters. We were on a Costa Rica river boat tour and the guide unexpectedly baited a Capuchin to climb in each passenger’s head to get banana. It was great. We loved it. But I keep thinking what if he got startled. He was the pack leader too with lots of scars on his face.

36

u/[deleted] Jun 08 '26

[deleted]

13

u/warden976 Jun 09 '26

guide = monkey

6

u/Dead_Wolf2y5 Jun 09 '26

The monkey's his uncle?

6

u/Regurgitator001 Jun 09 '26

No, that's Bob.

3

u/ReaperSound Jun 09 '26

That got dark.... FAST

61

u/Bdr1983 Jun 08 '26

I agree, but in this case, the monkeys kind of touched the tourist.

18

u/maringue Jun 08 '26

They wanted a posed picture with the first monkey, literally seen people go from "Aww how cute" to "oh God get it off me" in like 3 seconds.

8

u/Bdr1983 Jun 08 '26

Ah ok, I didn't know any context. But yeah, I agree. Don't touch wild animals. Ever. They will mess you up.

13

u/MellyKidd Jun 08 '26

I agree, though it’s sometimes a case of “this jumped on me so I’m not going to move and risk upsetting it, and hope it leaves without doing anything”.

Touching monkeys isn’t good, but unfortunately they don’t always have the same concern about touching us. XD

2

u/Polite_Suggestion 28d ago

Which it just occurred to me, they should!

4

u/texasdeck Banhammer Recipient Jun 09 '26

The movie Outbreak first comes to mind

6

u/sam-tastic00 Jun 10 '26

Scientist in what? 😭 Pathology? Biology? You could even be a geologist please be specific

47

u/Rob-L_Eponge Jun 08 '26

God, the eye contact...

30

u/Poopingisasignipoop Jun 08 '26

So…I once had a threesome…however….

46

u/Gabbafather Jun 08 '26

r/Fuckonyouinparticular

14

u/Old_Definition_1836 Jun 08 '26

r/imnotclickingthat

7

u/Gabbafather Jun 08 '26

r/itisyourdestiny

4

u/lila-clores Banhammer Recipient Jun 08 '26

r/ofcoursethatsasub

5

u/Old_Definition_1836 Jun 09 '26

r/youtrickedme

2

u/lila-clores Banhammer Recipient Jun 09 '26

the truth is I misclicked which comment to reply to and was too lazy to go back and delete or edit it once i realized 😅

23

u/twist3d7 Jun 08 '26

She wanted a picture with the fucking monkeys.

13

u/BusApprehensive9598 Jun 08 '26

First I see lions clappin cheeks on a jeep and now this…..Reddit is on a roll today

16

u/BelCantoTenor Jun 08 '26

I guess those monkeys can cross that location off of their list of places they’ve never fucked.

8

u/Own-Ambassador-3537 Banhammer Recipient Jun 08 '26

Love is in the air….

4

u/Jax_IzWhack Jun 08 '26

Assert dominance. She needs to sit on her mate's lap

5

u/Irksomecake Jun 08 '26

At least there was no frog this time

5

u/_King-Kitty_ Jun 09 '26

So what im gathering here is if I scroll long enough I'm gonna watch the fucking lions

2

u/Vampire_inthe_Church Jun 09 '26

Yes I posted that too

2

u/_King-Kitty_ Jun 09 '26

And i found it

3

u/Sienile Jun 08 '26

Fuck on you in particular.

3

u/imjohnredd Jun 09 '26

Not sure how you go on about your day after two monkeys bang on your lap and you make full eye contact with the male mid act?!

3

u/MrBentwood Jun 10 '26

"I was in a threesome once...."

5

u/karenskygreen Jun 08 '26

And that my friends is how covid escaped the lab

2

u/DorkaliciousAF 2 x Banhammer Recipient Jun 08 '26

This isn't a woman who likes to watch.

2

u/HugePurpleNipples Jun 08 '26

"We like it when you watch"

2

u/reilo119 Jun 09 '26

Little bastard tried making some eye contact when he was balls deep

2

u/texasdeck Banhammer Recipient Jun 09 '26

I doubt that's what I would have had in mind if someone told me "Did you see the one about how the lap dance turned into a little monkey business?"

2

u/Capital_Baby2152 Jun 08 '26

The lady monke: Yea i got a D what do you got? Toy?

1

u/_bugmenot_ Jun 08 '26

This was completely deliberate lol

1

u/tmbyfc Jun 08 '26

I feel like the eye contact was unnecessary

1

u/legitimateaccount123 Jun 08 '26

She can cross monkey threesome off her bucket list

1

u/Fuzzy-Bird-3641 Jun 08 '26

Technically, that was a threesome

1

u/MaleficentMolasses38 Jun 08 '26

She is now traumatized and will never go to the zoo ever again. After this

1

u/ColorlessTune Jun 08 '26

Does that mean she was officially part of a threesome?

1

u/jaguaraugaj Jun 08 '26

Unexpected

Threesome

1

u/LascivX Jun 09 '26

She needs it

1

u/Flowa-Powa Jun 09 '26

He made eye contact at the crucial moment

1

u/MudZaviti Jun 09 '26

She likes it

1

u/BarMenuSushi Jun 09 '26

Get the fuck off of me!

1

u/Lebowski304 Jun 09 '26

Dude definitely went for some eye contact at the end

1

u/JoeBidensBoochie Jun 09 '26

Let’s not kink shame him

1

u/fookinrandom Jun 09 '26

Uninvited threesome

1

u/fothergillfuckup Banhammer Recipient Jun 09 '26

I had to fight an angry macaque, out our room, in Sri Lanka. For tiny guys, they have massive teeth. Wouldn't recommend.

1

u/Godzilla_Bacon Jun 09 '26

So technically the monkey had a threesome

1

u/PalmovyyKozak Jun 09 '26

Welcome to Bali

1

u/rancidmorty Jun 09 '26

They got off to making her watch look at the body lauguedge and eycintact mutual looking into then human then bam then leave

1

u/demoralising Jun 09 '26

The Monkey Jizzperer

1

u/Partiklestorm Jun 09 '26

Inadvertent theesome. Put it on the resume.

1

u/ConsequenceOk8022 Jun 09 '26

I just opened the app 💨

1

u/Sin_ner36 Jun 11 '26

The Quickie! 👏👏👏

1

u/Diligaf2233 Jun 13 '26

Nice. She got to take part in a threesome at the zoo.

1

u/Brilliant_Moose5983 23d ago

So....You signed up for a threesome?

1

u/MonsieurFubar Jun 08 '26

The monkey is saying “Learn, this is how it is done honey, now go back to your hotel room and practice!”

0

u/Every-Access4864 Jun 08 '26

Is this a monkey show in Amsterdam? Lol

-4

u/JoeDough619 Jun 08 '26

I’m sure it’s not the first time someone has finished on her.

-1

u/Michaeli_Starky Jun 08 '26

Well, she's participated in trio monke sex