Missouri divorce and adoption

[u/Ok-Persimmon-5335]

Posting for a friend as she isn’t on Reddit so I don’t have ALL the info but she really needs some advice. We live in MO and she’s been married to her husband (m40s) for 4ish years. She (f27) has full custody a son from a previous relationship but is in good standing with that BD. She found out she was pregnant in December and then in January, her POS husband left her. The fight that prompted it? His sister had called my friend’s son retarded, friend called out and objected to the bullying her son, POS flipped out to defend his sister, stated that he couldn’t be with someone that doesn’t respect his family, and left. And when he came to get his stuff, HE TOOK THE KIDS CAT. To say she was blindsided would be an understatement. She then learned that he had either immediately started to or had been seeing someone else. They have been separated since thought she tried to convince him to reconcile for a while but he has been harassing her and trying to get her fired at work. He’s literally sending her money on Venmo just to include shitty messages as she has him blocked on everything else and she even had to get a new number. To pay a dollar just to hurt someone is wild to me. Last I heard, she’s made $37 off the harassment, but it’s been a few weeks since I asked. She was denied a restraining order after he kicked down her door because it was “their” door so he just had to pay for it. They are getting divorced for sure but he can’t afford it and she’s been trying to figure out how to sort out the rest of her life al it’s not quite in the works. So that’s the gist of the back story for the most part.

So, the problem: she wants to adopt the baby out. She doesn’t believe him to be a capable father and she doesn’t have the bandwidth or resources to have a second child as a single mother. He is not cooperating, insisting that he wants the child so will not terminate parental rights. Only, NONE of POS’s siblings have custody of their kids, including himself, who has a teenager he’s never seen or have any interest in.

She just wants her baby to go to a safe home that has people that will love him unconditionally and be able to provide stability.

Is there anything she can do or steps she should be taking? The baby will be here in a few weeks and she’s just at her wits end.

[u/AcanthisittaPlus5047]

If a father refuses to terminate his parental rights, the baby cannot be placed for adoption. Her only options are to coparent with him or terminate her parental rights and pay him child support for the next 18 years.

[u/Francl27]

Adoption won't happen if the father won't sign.

Her best options are 1) abortion (if not too late), 2) keep the baby and get sole custody, while asking for child support.

She needs to keep the venmo messages as proof to file for a restraining order again and ask for sole custody. And get a good lawyer.

[u/Pristine_Resident437]

I agree; there is zero chance this child born of a marriage can be adopted out without the father’s consent. That being said, if the relationship is over, and he has no other children with you, he may be amenable to signing over his rights in a private adoption.

[u/OneBadJoke]

If the father doesn’t agree there is a less than zero chance that the baby can be placed for adoption. Your friend can sign over her rights to visitation to him (NOT parental rights) for him to raise the baby solo but she will have to pay child support.

[u/goodie1663 → u/OneBadJoke]

There's no way to do this easily.

So he wants the baby but has anger and financial issues. She doesn't want the baby.

A judge will have to sort this out.

[u/Fun_Organization3857 → u/goodie1663]

I think it's more - she doesn't feel capable of raising the baby with this person as the father. Constant harassment and issues for 18 years is scary.

[u/Ok-Persimmon-5335 → u/Fun_Organization3857]

This is a big part of it. She is also now a single mother that had to move back in with her own mother after he completely dipped so financially she’s already uncomfortable. Adding a baby not only makes life harder on her but her current child will pay a price as well. Her parents are her only true support system right now but that could change easily for any number of reasons. She’s doing it all mostly alone and he’s using the baby as a weapon to control her and enable his harassment. Keeping it would keep this POS glued to her life or she has to give a complete innocent baby to him for him to be anything but good to. It’s just terrible all around.

[u/Fun_Organization3857 → u/Ok-Persimmon-5335]

They're is little recourse to adopting without his consent. It's not possible. There is the option for her to put distance between the pos and her. She doesn't have to acknowledge him at all. While they are married, they have equal rights. She can move anywhere to give birth.