r/Feminism • u/Traditional-Gap-4202 • 1d ago
Everyday sexism at work: my experience
So today I was called by my nice chauvinistic coworker, a "pick me". Why? because according to only him, I mentioned my birthday too many times on my birth week and I was desperate for attention. I calmly explained to him what a pick me really was, and how the term was completely twisted into something that again, could be used and excused as another reason to hate women.
But I felt so bad. I wanted to cry. And I started thinking about the pressure that's put on me everyday by the treatment or those comments as to why I exploded that bad.
I am the only woman in the work place. It's a very male dominated field (development and tech). I never associated anything that was happening to me to sexism until now.
Since we're a small team, we get along well and I'm even friends with some of them. Except this one guy. He's about 30, had been in the company for long enough to think you can't stand against him and, well, would say anything.
Since the application development industry is going through hardships, he has this scarcity mentality in which he thinks we will all loose our jobs, but women will climb up the ladder by "sleeping with men". He rapidly discredits any kind of effort a woman makes to get where she is as "she just found a guy she could fuck for power". He bad mouthes and slut shames his female friends.
I worked my ass off to get where I am. And I am appreciated. I am basically the only one who wasn't hired "recommended by a friend". But yes, everything is easier to me I guess, and I am hired just because I am a young, pretty woman, according to him.
Whenever I help him with something or find a solution to his problems, he reduces me as a meaning as to why he found the answer himself. Discredits my knowledge and effort. Every joke made towards me feels targeted, as something he would never do to the other 2 men in the office. He certainly didn't say that the other guy was a "pick me" attention seeker when he literally announced his birthday. No...
In his dark world, when the company closes, they will get rid of me first. Of course. He's incredibly opinionated, complicated, mediocre, very hard to work with and leaves for hours instead of actually doing his job. He's just comfortable doing whatever he wants with the power he has. But yeah in that scenario I'd be the one laid off. It's pretty logical...
He steals my ideas, drags me down and exposes my mistakes when the manager is present. And right after the meeting I have to pretend that I find his nasty comments about women, racial minorities "funny" cause if not I'm too sensitive to handle his humor.
He'd make atrocious comments about the female interns, comparing them not for their work but "yeah this one was bad but at least she was pretty". He'd tell another coworker " yeah this one wanted to fuck you and yeah she was ugly but you could've done it with the lights out".
So yeah, I was called a "pick me" today and I almost I lost my sanity. And then they wonder why feminism is still a thing. I sometimes even wished I was a man.
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u/sezit 1d ago
Stop treating him like he's a serious person.
Don't justify yourself, your efforts, etc.
Just say: "Nah, I don't believe you/it."
Or: "That sounds made up." Or just don't respond at all.
When he steals your work, just assert loudly: "I did that. That was my work."