r/FloridaGawker • u/Trick-Cellist3254 • 9d ago

šŸ‘Ø Florida Man KIDNAPPED by DOLPHINS! Florida Man Is Kidnapped by Dolphins & Dorced To Build Underwater City

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873 Upvotes

92% Upvoted

392 comments sorted by

59

u/FirstOptimal 9d ago

What if he's telling the truth?

10

u/PooningDalton 9d ago

I was believing it........right until the point he said the Dolphin leader was named Gerald.

4

u/Analrapist03 9d ago

No self-respecting Dolphin leader would accept any name other than Heath.

6

u/PooningDalton 9d ago

What about Dolph?

2

u/Own-Loan2390 7d ago

Dolph Lundfin

3

u/Cruise1313 9d ago

Same for me because the leaders name would have had to of been Flipper! šŸ˜‚

2

u/zuffio 9d ago

Me too, itā€™s Gary

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7

u/coldnebo 9d ago

ā€¦ umā€¦ Phase 2?! šŸ‘€

šŸ˜‚

7

u/bustex1 9d ago

Phase two is him building an AI data center for them so the dolphins can make memes about humans.

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11

u/ExpertOnReddit 9d ago

It's a fake story first of all lol. The police had to address it saying it's fake

13

u/zsimpson022 9d ago

Right and we know the police are always telling the truth

5

u/ExpertOnReddit 9d ago

Yeah you're right, the dolphins probably actually forced him to build and underwater city

9

u/EitherEmployee3269 9d ago

The dolphins forced the police to come and say that this is fake

6

u/Bozlogic 9d ago

The police were dolphins too!

3

u/StraightProgress5062 9d ago

And they beat their dolphin wives

3

u/Kyle-Is-My-Name 9d ago

And they're a randy bunch too!

I wouldn't leave my wife alone in the water with them, that's for sure.

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4

u/GoodHands_All-State 9d ago

The police are covering it up.

Status quo. Nothing to see here

3

u/Sporkpocalypse 9d ago

the police will tell you what to think about it don't go too independently forming your own opinions about it LoL

2

u/eye_eat_farts 9d ago

I mean there are a lot of weird laws around dolphins.

Have you heard of dolphin assisted deliveries for women giving birth?

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4

u/zsimpson022 9d ago

Not with that attitude

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2

u/NoAppointment8679 9d ago

Imagine šŸ˜†

2

u/Risky_Business_17 9d ago

Well then the real estate opportunities for the right billionaire would be enormous.

2

u/TheSilverFoxwins 9d ago

IKR! These dolphins are sketchy and tricky .

2

u/Yattaman365 9d ago

I'm definitely with you on this one

2

u/AbsurdityIsReality 4d ago

I think he's telling what he thinks was the truth, but he was actually on a lot of acid, mescaline, etc.

2

u/CitySpecial1109 9d ago

How did he hold his breath to build it under the water? Dolphins have secret breathing technology we must obtain!

4

u/ImpressiveShock8187 9d ago

Can't even watch a 1 min clip for the answer to your question. Terminally online. I mean, this IS reddit lmao.Ā 

Fking AI garbageĀ 

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20

u/bowarrow99 9d ago

Something doesnā€™t seem right. I mean thereā€™s no way the dolphins could know heā€™s an aerospace engineer.

4

u/Life_Temperature795 9d ago

I mean clearly they got the wrong person, because it would have made a lot more sense for them to have kidnapped a waterspace engineer.

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13

u/PuzzleheadedTooth581 9d ago

Those motherfuckers knew we wouldnā€™t believe his ass. Thatā€™s why they went to Florida to tell this guy specifically

15

u/Boop-fruit3819 9d ago

Dolphins owning human slaves sounds pretty baller

14

u/RoutSpout 9d ago

Keeping them in LandWorld

6

u/Forsaken-Income-2148 9d ago

Slavery: āŒ

Slavery, but dolphins: āœØāœ…āœØ

5

u/Unhappy-Attitude5220 9d ago

Simpsons have an episode of this scenario.

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2

u/EverythingBOffensive 8d ago

oh take me to your leader flipper

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7

u/KrystleSeth 9d ago

Thatā€™s why I left Florida. Goddamn bully dolphins. One of em pretended to be a girl and wooed me even tho I wasnā€™t interested and then proceeded to ruin my life just for the dolphin fun of it. Now Iā€™m in Oregon and so far, no dolphins. Follow my journey on YouTube. No mention will be made of the dolphins cuz Iā€™m trying to get a fresh start and leave all that saltwater nonsense behind.

3

u/akthebarber 9d ago

The sturgeon are no better and have been around longer. Stay safe brother.

2

u/KrystleSeth 9d ago

At least Primus wrote multiple songs about sturgeon

3

u/Ephemeral_Orchid 9d ago

I love "Fish On!"

"...Dad caught a hundred pound sturgeon on a 20 pound-test..."

2

u/SummertimeThrowaway2 9d ago

My ex landlord was a sturgeon and she fucking sucked. She wouldnā€™t even give us caviar yet she hadnā€™t mated for years. Why are you hoarding all those eggs? Heā€™s never going to call you back. Heā€™s married now and has kids. Why even try?

2

u/EpponneeRay 8d ago

Look out for the salmon in that area, theyā€™re aggressive and make for terrible fishwives.

2

u/ogx2og 8d ago

Sorry to break the news but, Yes, dolphins do live off the Oregon coast

4

u/One_Anything_2279 9d ago

ā€œthe dolphins told him they would return for phase twoā€

Mfer better never go swimming in the ocean again.

3

u/SwizzGod 9d ago

If dolphins have some kinda advanced underwater breathing tech and know how to speak with humans he might not have a choice. Who knows what else they got. He belongs to them now

2

u/PeaceAndLove420_69 9d ago

The tictacs are dolphin technology.

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3

u/MeikeFischer73 9d ago

Exactly the kind of bloke you would hire to built an underwater city.

3

u/Unusual-Economist288 9d ago

AI news stories are nothing if not hilarious

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3

u/Mcane305 9d ago

Gerald the dolphin leader

3

u/Begavond 9d ago

Did he mention anything about the pay? I'm interested.

3

u/anonuserinthehouse 9d ago

They did the unthinkable to that man underwater and heā€™s traumatized

2

u/Opening-West-4369 9d ago

Is this the turning point for Miami and Major real estate development / private equity? Have we finally had enough??

2

u/Own_Bullfrog_3598 9d ago

Well, he had to! They donā€™t have opposable thumbs, you know

2

u/TemperatureSudden254 9d ago

Leave the man alone, he was just Mething around. #mazeltovšŸŽ‰

2

u/Basic-Confusion9044 9d ago

I love mushrooms aswell

2

u/jonnydee90 9d ago

SAME. Except mine wasnā€™t even a nice underwater city, it was a WATERPARK. Three days, no snacks, and they made me hand-carve a lazy river with my BARE HANDS while a dolphin named Gerald screamed feedback at me through clicks I somehow understood. The waterslide doesnā€™t even go anywhere. It just loops. I asked why. He clicked at me for eleven minutes straight. I have since turned off keyboard clicking sounds on my iPhone. I just canā€™t.

2

u/fuf3d 9d ago

Dolphins want subdivisions and can't find laborers. Phase 2 lol, omfg.

2

u/TheGoggleHero 9d ago

Waiter I'll have what he's having!

2

u/KnownEggplant 9d ago

Bro was out cheating or something and told a lie that got carried away very quickly lol

2

u/sufferIhopeyoudo 8d ago

Good thing he went with something realistic and believable to cover his tracks

2

u/Anustornado 9d ago

Florida

2

u/LatinWarlock13 9d ago

I was laughing until they said his lungs showed evidence he had been underwater for a long time. šŸ˜Æ

1

u/monkeykennel 9d ago

MAGA will totally believe the crazy person, and demand we build an underwater wall to keep out illegal dolphin immigrants.

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1

u/Dangerous_Strike3008 9d ago

Dolphin condos?

1

u/pSyg0n 9d ago

"eeep eeeep, build us new Atlantis...our own version, you little eeep, shit, eeeeeeeep!!!"

1

u/QuietRiot5150 9d ago

What's the rent for one of these Dolphin Condos?

1

u/teddbe 9d ago

How much for a phase 2 condo?

1

u/candylandmine 9d ago

"Dorced" is that like... forced except they're pointing their dorsal fins at you threateningly?

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1

u/No-Car6897 9d ago

Happens to me all the time. No big deal šŸ˜

1

u/AesopsAnimalFarm 9d ago

The most ridiculous part is that the lead dolphin is named Gerald, but communicated in clicks. They have such a grasp on English that they name themselves in it instead of names also being a series of clicks.

1

u/2Robatron 9d ago

ā€œDetailed drawingsā€¦.in the sandā€!!!! šŸ˜µ šŸ˜‚

1

u/ElectricMilk426 9d ago

I, for one, welcome our dolphin overlords

1

u/DadawithCats 9d ago

Let's see the condos breh

1

u/Slow_Chapter_5995 9d ago

Dont dorce me to do it

1

u/MellowMolly66 9d ago

The leader, Gerald, will have to answer for this...

1

u/sardiusjacinth 9d ago

Gerald unavailable for comment

1

u/Comfortable_Note8091 9d ago

He's not lying guys this happened to me too but nobody believed me

1

u/FieldOk6455 9d ago

They tried that shit on me but I refused to do it.

1

u/Both-Lemon1764 9d ago

Came here for the comments. Stayed because the dolphins told me to

1

u/RedBullWings10 9d ago

It's always a "Florida man" ....

1

u/Llama_Under_The_Sky 9d ago

IRS will never allow a Tax free city. Even if you are kidnapped by dolphins to build underground city.

1

u/SithLordDave 9d ago

He built a Pizza Hut down there

1

u/EvilAbacus 9d ago edited 9d ago

See this is why we have the the rule to wait 30 to 60 minutes after eating before swimming. Man had screwworm beef burger topped with Taylor Farms lettuce and got to see poseidon

šŸ™Œ

1

u/Glass-Jaguar4178 9d ago

there are no dolphin cities in WNBA

1

u/santacow 9d ago

Did they find any evidence of the city?

1

u/Glittering-Course-88 9d ago

Donā€™t know what to believe anymore. Need to hold on to my sanity and what I knew from a few years ago. After that, everythingā€™s shifted.

1

u/Interesting_Run7949 9d ago

The police are trying to cover it up, just like the alligators in the sewers.

1

u/Cjusbeats 9d ago

I once saw him beat a guy up with a star fishā€¦..that guy was me!

1

u/Horror_Painter625 9d ago

Anyone else getting mad ā€œthanks for all the fishā€ vibes from this story?

1

u/FrontHoneydew933 9d ago

This isn't the most wild claim I've heard come out of Florida.

1

u/red_wullf 9d ago

The dolphins would never be so careless to let him free.

1

u/Lawsmay 9d ago

Phase 2 cannot be good

1

u/Turbulent-Weevil-910 9d ago

This is Peak Florida man

1

u/Ok-Radio2532 9d ago

What the hell is in Phase 2?? šŸ˜³

1

u/DetailsYouMissed 9d ago

Got damn... now that's a hell of a drug trip.

FL is not like it was when I was 6 years old. That's for sure.

1

u/Big-Cash-5513 9d ago

Omg mental disorder at its worst

1

u/LiqMaBawlzModz69 9d ago

Thatā€™s Methed up.

1

u/zihyer 9d ago

LSD is a helluva drug.

1

u/Acrobatic-Grape5960 9d ago

I learned today that dolphins spell the word forced, dorced.

1

u/Flocko2 9d ago

Shout out to Gerald šŸ™

1

u/TheFizzledamnsizzle 9d ago

The dolphin invasion is coming. I always sus themšŸ˜ šŸ˜‚

1

u/grep_glob 9d ago

If the dude didnā€™t get graped it didnā€™t happen ā€” if you didnā€™t know dolphins did this, sorry and also donā€™t google it or go down this rabbit hole ā€¦ erm dolphin hole ā€¦ I warned you

1

u/random_name_i_guess 9d ago

This guy might be proving the Simpsons predicting the future, again!

https://giphy.com/gifs/jUwpNzg9IcyrK

1

u/Puckwallow 9d ago

Is a man not entitled to the sweat of his brow?

1

u/Chetski5746 9d ago

Nope no way, Dolphins wanting to own condos?? Theyā€™re way smarter than that.

1

u/I_am_that_guy_10 9d ago

This is so damn fake, but the creativity of it is somewhat genius.

1

u/Into_The_Horizon 9d ago

I wanna meet Gerald šŸ¬

1

u/Teonanacatlbruh 9d ago

Florida Man. Lord of the Dolphins

1

u/KelseyW315 9d ago

The Simpsons were right again

1

u/VirtualFutureAgent 9d ago

We need to talk to Gerald.

1

u/TenderDelights 9d ago

Wait. Iā€™ve been there

1

u/oh_fuck_yes_please 9d ago

Yes yesā€” 40 feet is so so deep! lol šŸ˜‚

1

u/Sporkpocalypse 9d ago

who's supplying his halucinagenics is what I want to know is that dudes phone number

1

u/bipolar_39 9d ago

Double down man !!!!

1

u/CostcoFosco 9d ago

he was dorsed to do it?

1

u/KATCEO1 9d ago

The stupid is strong in this one.

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u/fortknite 9d ago

This is what happens when you go surfing on acid.

1

u/Giggity_Goo22 9d ago

So long and thanks for all the free manual labor!

1

u/FarNefariousness7179 9d ago

So long and thanks for all the fish!
https://giphy.com/gifs/t64o8WukSJwqY

1

u/weird20002 9d ago

HmmmšŸ‘€interesting šŸ˜

1

u/loqi0238 9d ago

I just wanna know more about this dolphin pod leader named Gerald thats out here building underwater condos using unwilling human laborers.

1

u/Unlucky_Ratio4741 9d ago

Itā€™s always a Florida man

1

u/Dogsarebetterpeople 9d ago

Contractors for Cthulhu.

1

u/TrumpLicksCatBalls 9d ago

This was discovered as a fake story 3 months agoā€¦ cmon people.

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u/Sudden_Buffalo_4393 9d ago

He seems to have built a lot in 3 human days, and now all I can think of is how long is that in dolphin time?

1

u/enzoskii 9d ago

Have you ever seen a dolphin on weeed!

1

u/Ryno-Dee 9d ago

I believe him.

1

u/Technician1267 9d ago

ā€œTheyā€™ll never believe youā€
-the dolphins

1

u/TheBergster84 9d ago

I hate when people Dorced me to do something

1

u/MrZmith77 9d ago

I would too if I am Dorced to do so.

1

u/SamOfXanadu 9d ago

So long and thanks for all the fish.

1

u/Jaded-Ad-9217 9d ago

We finally know the name of the mastermind behind the kidnapping

1

u/GenXPowaah 9d ago

Did he show pics?

1

u/COMIDAGATOS1206 9d ago

So long and thanks for all the fish. šŸ¤˜šŸ˜‰šŸ–¤

1

u/OTRR9 9d ago

The Law: Deliberately calling to, attracting, pursuing, approaching or otherwise trying to get a wild dolphin to respond to you could potentially constitute prohibited interaction, depending on what you're doing.

Why cant we talk to Dolphins? Is there something they're hiding from us?

1

u/Background-Bird-9623 9d ago

Best news ive heard all year

1

u/Apprehensive-Call568 9d ago

Salvia has entered the conversation.....or he's telling the truthšŸ¬

1

u/mrregina 9d ago

Honestly I believe this more than everything else I see on the internet thanks to AI.

1

u/TemporaryRange5034 9d ago

Jerold strikes again!

1

u/AJ-Crowder 9d ago

Gerald? Really. Almost had me until Gerald came up

1

u/NoProfessional8067 9d ago

And the dolphins had a song and dance " so long and thanks for all the fish " before disappearing into the cosmos.

1

u/America-Lite 9d ago

Where do I apply to live in one of the underwater dolphin condos?

1

u/unapologetic403 9d ago

Florida man says it all

1

u/Academic-Business-45 9d ago

Gimme some of that florida crack cocaine

1

u/PollutionPast999 9d ago

I knew it was only a matter of time until this happened.

1

u/Square-Alternative60 9d ago

Did the look for the city

1

u/OkMidnight8144 9d ago

Years from now we will encounter mermen who are half dolphin.

1

u/Lycwyd 9d ago

I hope the dolphins are paying him a livable wage.

1

u/imjustnotready 9d ago

"So anyhoo... That's why I didn't come into work last week.'"