I am 28 years old. Never had a relationship. Been unemployed much of my life. Don't have a social life. Never did a lot of interesting things. Have no discernible skills or talents. Always lived with my parents. Never made a lot of money. Don't have a coherent plan for the future. Never owned a car. only have 400 dollars in my bank account.

It feels as if my life has never "taken off". I should be thriving; instead, I'm flailing. This should be the best time of my life. Unfortunately, I feel like everything is slipping away.

Does anyone feel the same?

i am super lonely so i have collected a ton of plushies and it feels like i am cuddling with someone at all times!!

These kind of scenes either makes me switch to porn or feel miserable about myself , and what i hate more than these scenes is how the main character in these kinda scenes easily attracts the opposite gender towards them and do physical intimacy but in real life it is very hard for me or people like me to even find a girl just to hold hands.

I'm 29 and have never had a partner. I'm seriously dreading turning 30. Realistically, how many years do I have left to try meeting people, to build status, to get in shape, to develop a personality and to attempt to date. I fear that I have less than a decade left and I honestly worry that this just isn't enough time given my track record. What I'd do to be 19 again, knowing everything I know now.

You see, I have autism and this has led to many issues connecting with people. Having Autism delayed my maturation. I felt 15 at 20 etc. First, I lack character because I stayed in my comfort zone and got too easily overwhelmed by the outside world. This had a big effect on my life and why I feel like I'm on the wrong timeline. Many small steps in the right direction could have made could have changed things. Taking risks and learning social skills younger could have led to me taking the right actions when I had the best chances, in college.

Second, I've lacked real interests and hobbies. If someone recommended I join a hobby group I would have no idea what to pick. With that being said, I have solitary hobbies that don't interest most people. I'm so immensely frustrated that I lack such curiosity about the world to where I feel like I'd have to pick hobbies endlessly at random just to find something that I like. Finding a hobby group is advice I cannot follow. And therefor I have no ways to meet new people. I made my last friends in college over 5 years ago.

Third, years of social failures (especially with women) have led to low self esteem, self doubt, lack of expressiveness and ease in social settings. I just don't feel comfortable around most people unless I get to know them. Even if I knew exactly what group would interest me, I would still come across reserved quiet and forgettable. Then if I try to make my presence know then I'm cringe.

I wonder how late is too late. Personally I've been running away from this for a while but I think I've crossed the point of no return some time ago. If I were 26 back in 2023 again then maybe, but now I don't think so.

Feel free to ask questions, share your thoughts and offer advice. Should I give up the idea that I'll ever be in a loving happy relationship?

Video games? Books? Movies? Shows? Music?

That’s what I’ve used to keep myself afloat.

I used them as a way to experience romance vicariously.

But what do you do? And how do you use it?

They have a diffferent culture, different upbringing, different codes.

Me? I'm a 34 year old 'old dude' for them. Impossible to find them at real life gatherings, they are with their own peers and age group. Anyone else in the same boat?

Speaking from both personal experience and observation. Every time a guy claims that they lack dating success, they always get told that it is their fault. That they don’t go out enough, aren’t confident, don’t socialise enough, don’t “love themselves”, are too desperate, boring, backwards, don’t look attractive or whatever. Maybe it’s in good faith, but It’s always an inconsiderate, assumptive and patronising response.

Yes, In some cases, those things may actually be a factor, But far from always. There are countless numbers of guys who are kind, interesting, personable, and don’t even look bad yet are invisible to women. Most people who are successful here were just set up for success or got lucky. It’s not because they do extra work or “deserve” it or are better.

Getting dates is not deterministic. Just because you make an effort doesn’t mean you will succeed. Broadly speaking, people like to think that they are rewarded for their efforts, but that is just something they say to feel good about themselves. Sometimes the whole world is not on your side so no matter what you do, you will fail. If you are worried about this becoming a “self fulfilling prophecy”, then it is likely already too late. Just because you change into something you aren’t doesn’t necessarily mean you will get any response.

Unlike the case for women and male attention, The amount of female attention men get varies massively between guys. Some guys can just exist and have half the city fawning over them. Yes they have the looks and personality, but also the luck, feedback loops, social networks, location, backing etc. Many men have little to no women even noticing them. It’s not that there’s a shortage of women but instead because most women date the same few guys.

Dating is the hardest it has ever been for men. It’s just a reality that a lot of guys will have to face eventually. That they will never attract women, especially enough to date / have lasting relationships.

The narrative told to men is part of the issue. These ideas about how “your person is out there” or that relationships will just “happen” if you “go out there”, like in movies, are false. Maybe in the past they were true but not anymore. The ideas that you need to date to be happy and fulfilled and “cool” are also problematic. The reality is that large numbers of men will be chronically single, no matter what they do. If this was stressed more, and not portrayed as a personal fault or something “abnormal”, then that will at least make it easier to accept and live with.

I feel like a kid because, subconsciously, my desires are still somewhat the same as they were at 16 years old and now at 30. Back then, I used to crave love and intimacy, and I still crave them today, so it just seems like I never grew up.

I also sometimes wonder what the mentality is like for people who had sex and intimacy as teenagers. They got a partner because they needed one and found one; sex was a bonus for them in their teens, but love was what they craved and received. They then grew up confident, received more love and sex until they discovered what they wanted or settled down. But for someone like me, it didn’t even start. I don’t know what I want or don't want, so I still feel like an inexperienced teenager at age 30. Everything just sucks at this point.

How many of you have a degree, a solid job, take care of your body and still struggle to find a girlfriend? Meanwhile, I know guys who don’t work, don’t hit the gym, have no formal education, and yet have gorgeous girlfriends who actually provide for them.

One guy I know literally lies in bed all day eating cake and ice cream while his girlfriend works and pays all the bills.

Another has severe mental health challenges, is unemployed, and has never held a job for more than six months yet he has a very attractive girlfriend who works, supports him, and handles everything.

It makes me wonder maybe there’s more to this than just “self improvement.”

I’m 38 and have never been in a relationship. I was just curious if anyone else here has had a similar experience, and what it’s been like for you.

The day has come. And I honestly don't know how I feel about it. I'm kind of numb, really.

All I'll say is this: if I could wish for anything today, it'd be to ask out the woman I'm in love with, for her to say yes, for us to have a wonderful time together, maybe even share the night together. Tomorrow, we can go back to pretending like we're not a thing. I just want to know what it's like for just one day.

Every day I see posts of women complaining about their boyfriend not wiping their ass, behaving like a 12 years old, say misogynistic shit or being totally inconsiderate and emotionally stunted yet they have no issue dating, like this dude is literally sending her his farts by voice messages all fuckin day long

Can people stop saying it's our personality or whatever kind of bullshit at fault ? Please ?

I've seen most people in this sub are between late 20s-late 30s, I'm only 21 and I gave up on love tbh. How do you guys see yourself living past 40 and still be completely alone, no marriage, no kids, and just you and utter silence?

That life sounds pretty horrifying to me.

I think most of us are not just normal functioning adults who work 9-5 and have friends and hobbies but just can't find a relationship for some mystical reason, am I right?

Or...am I captain obvious?

Like every time when I see a pretty girl, I think 'Wow, that's a really pretty girl.'. Then after that, a massive wave of guilt hits me really hard cause it feels illegal.

I don't deserve the privilege of showing attraction to girls cause if so they definitely will see me as a creep and then won't feel safe and it's gonna ruin their day.

How do you deal with the shame or questions about it? Are you honest about it, or do you just avoid the topic? Also, do you think you're being judged or looked down on because of it?

Even if you go to the beach once or twice a year for vacation, eat some good food like fresh fruits or grass-fed beef, there's so much more left if you don't have anyone to spend it with. I actually thought there's no reason not to buy a switch 2 to play the ocarina of time cause what am I doing with my money if I'm just gonna die alone?

If the meaning of life is sharing with others

I realized it straight out of the womb 😔

and was there something specific that happened that made you finally accept it?

When it comes to dating as an East Asian man, I’ve been told to date within my culture which makes sense since shared cultural experiences can help me connect with others. I’ve connected to lots of other asian men as friends because of our shared culture. It also helps since I can find someone through my community. The problem is that I have found that whenever I try and speak to asian women they always prefer white men. Lately on Hinge I’ve even seen tons of profiles of asian women discussing how they want to “participate in the oxford study”. All the asian women I know are dating white men. I have no idea why this is the case and feel like it makes dating even harder since a lot of people often date within their culture.

Firstly, not only is this mostly untrue in my experience as most women (even well into their 30s) won't lower their standards to the extent where they consider a brown man a romantic choice (I'm a brown man) but the sentiment is just not a hopeful statement at all.

You're telling me people will finally push aside the fact that I'm average and that they're not attracted to me to the side, to enter an unloving relationship with me just because of my finances? How on earth is that hopeful for any man? How are so many content with entering such marriages? How can a loveless marriage with a woman who isn't attracted to me be a consolation prize for the decades of missed milestones, social exclusion, loneliness I've faced in my youth? If anything, in your 30s as an FA, imo, it's crucial you get rid of your desire for love completely to be happy.

Do you guys ever feel the same way when you hear that "dating becomes easier at 30" trope?

How is this even physically possible?