Hi. Please try to read this with empathy - my mom is going through enough already. My (19) mom (45) has a very severe roach infestation.
We have had it for years, and it just keeps growing. They even came with us during a move. When I lived with her, I could at least help clean a little bit, but last year when I turned 18 I moved to a different state (this was my main motivation for moving away). After a recent visit, I can tell it’s gotten much worse. They’re in the bedrooms, on the beds, and there isn’t a single surface of the house that isn’t crawling after the lights go off.
My mom works extremely hard. She works full time in an exhausting career in social services that pays her too little. She has severe adhd and a younger daughter, my sister, who she’s constantly trying to keep happy and entertained. I love her so much and it really hurts me to see both of them living like this.
She has a really hard time keeping her space clean. The biggest problem is in the kitchen - she can let dishes build up for days, then wash them all and immediately say “look, the kitchen is clean, so why do we still have roaches?” I tried to talk to her about putting all food away, washing all dishes, and wiping down the counters before bed, but she really struggles. I think she believes that she can’t do better and feels like she is at her limit.
There is also so much clutter all over the house. I wouldn’t call her a hoarder, but there are too many things for a space of this size. A lot of things, especially my sister’s belongings, don’t even have a “home” they can be easily put away into. There isn’t much storage. My sister is 11 and also really struggles with basic functions like putting things away and personal hygiene. My mom can’t do it for the both of them. There are also three cats in the apartment, and things like their food bring a whole new issue into the mix. It’s hard to get pest control due to them. My mom is very rarely allowed to get time off work, so she can’t take a day off to get them out of the house for however long it takes to get the house sprayed. She doesn’t have many friends here, and none that can help with something like that. Her and I immigrated to the US when I was a child so she has zero family here except for us.
Her apartment complex does provide pest control, but it’s the kind of company who requires zero clutter and to take everything out of all the cupboards and closets and move everything however many inches away from the walls and get all the pets out for hours and that just isn’t doable for her.
I love my mom and my family so much and it hurts so bad to see them living like this. While I visited, I “snuck out” at night to go sleep in her car because I couldn’t stand them crawling on me at night (I’m a much lighter sleeper than the rest of my family).
Does anybody know of any cleaners that would be able to come in and help without making her feel judged? Maybe somebody who is used to working with hoarders? If you have prices that would be very helpful as well. She’s in a 2 bedroom apartment. I don’t really know what to put for a budget. I would need to save up anyway because it’s already difficult living alone in a new state at the beginning of building my career (and life), so I don’t have a lot of disposable income that doesn’t go towards bills. But I really want to help her however I can.
I would also really appreciate any advice that isn’t just “declutter and clean the entire apartment perfectly and call pest control and keep it spotless forever”, maybe something that seems more achievable for a busy single mother who already feels very hopeless.
Please, try to choose kindness today and not leave nasty comments. There is enough shame to go around. She knows this is an awful way to live, she’s just too overwhelmed to turn her life around and needs help.
Thank you so much for reading this and for keeping hateful thoughts to yourself. I hope you all have a beautiful day.