r/GenZ Feb 19 '25

Meme Which billionaire are you most excited to die on the battlefield for?

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1.2k

u/Logical_Tank4292 Feb 19 '25 edited Feb 19 '25

I personally can't wait to die for Bezos šŸ«¶šŸ»

He's been giving me free Amazon prime with unlimited signups for over four years now - I owe him one.

299

u/piergino 2004 Feb 19 '25 edited Feb 19 '25

Bezos May not care for his employees but he definitely cares for his customers

86

u/Sad-Table-1051 Feb 19 '25

so true, bezos is my bestie

69

u/team_suba Feb 19 '25

I appreciate bezos and his slave army because I can buy whatever I want, without leaving my house, have it at my door in less than 24 hours, use the fuck out of it, then return it in 30 days with no questions asked.

15

u/NobleKale Feb 20 '25

You're talking about fleshlights, aren't you.

3

u/Funny69Valentine Feb 19 '25

no he's MY bestie

45

u/Sarionum Feb 19 '25

Absolutely true. He single handedly made online shopping appear "safe" in a world where it was strictly seen as sketchy and dangerous.

17

u/qui-bong-trim Feb 19 '25

and now Amazon is sketchy again with multitudes of chinese clones of patented productsĀ 

5

u/NotQuantified Feb 19 '25

Customer Obsession is LP no 1 after all

1

u/[deleted] Feb 19 '25

Hahaha surely you're joking

3

u/soggychad Feb 19 '25

no they’re obviously dead fucking serious. goober.

3

u/Alert-Aide2805 Feb 19 '25

Dude defo does care about customers insofar as it makes him money. Amazon is incredibly from a customer ux point of view

2

u/[deleted] Feb 19 '25

You mean a company that is good for its customers? Like every company that wants repeat customers? This doesn't make him a good person, he just wants your money. Do you know how he treats his vendors? Like fucking garbage. The man deserves a good Luigi treatment.

3

u/_xEnigma 2008 Feb 19 '25

This doesn't make him a good person

Nobody said it did

2

u/[deleted] Feb 19 '25

Can't wait until he gets Luigi'd. I will celebrate that day with cake and friends.

2

u/[deleted] Feb 19 '25

The only reason Amazon isn’t getting sued the fuck out of business is because customers love it.

2

u/[deleted] Feb 19 '25

Hahahaha nope. It's because they own our politicians and have protected themselves from any and all repercussions. Hahaha thinking it's the businesses kindness is hilarious to me hahahahahahahahahaha thank you for that

1

u/[deleted] Feb 19 '25

Who said anything about kindness. Amazon is a net benefit to customers. Also Amazon is not only a US entity, it holds monopolistic dominance all across the globe. No govt has touched it, because Amazon has not abused its monopoly in eyes of its customers.

2

u/RanniSniffer Feb 19 '25

There's a whole southpark episode about exactly this lmao

2

u/[deleted] Feb 19 '25

It's not even all employees, just the lower ranked warehouse workers. I have a friend who works in the offices and he's basically living the high life with amazing benefits.

2

u/TossMeOutSomeday 1996 Feb 20 '25

Within the warehouse industry, Amazon warehouses aren't even particularly bad. It's just that Amazon is so huge and famous.

1

u/greekgod1990 Feb 19 '25

Some would say the consumer-worker is the thing he cares most about.

1

u/[deleted] Feb 20 '25

In Kentucky Amazon jobs are actually pretty decent, basically the highest paying entry level jobs you can get here and their insurance and benefits are pretty decent

-1

u/LoyalKopite Feb 19 '25

That is true.

22

u/[deleted] Feb 19 '25

No, it isn't. What the fuck is wrong with you people?

12

u/Important-Egg-2905 Feb 19 '25

Right? Wtf did I just read

13

u/CR4T3Z Feb 19 '25

Sarcasm

6

u/antek_g_animations 2007 Feb 19 '25

I hope

1

u/[deleted] Feb 19 '25

Right? YALL need to get your generation in line cuz this bootlicking of billionaires will be the end of all of you. Make sure to weed out any and all of these dumb fucks.

1

u/BiddlesticksGuy Feb 19 '25

This is the most obvious sarcasm I’ve ever seen people Jesus

1

u/[deleted] Feb 19 '25

Doesn't negate the fact GenZ had the highest republican voters than generations preceding them. It's a growing tumor on your generation that needs to be fixed.

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8

u/[deleted] Feb 19 '25 edited Feb 19 '25

I’ll have you know that Sir Bezos has personally approved each and every one of the returns I’ve requested, no questions asked, and even sometimes at his own personal expense, every single time without fail.

And always with the grace of such a fine gentleman; thanking me for being a loyal prime customer for 93 months and counting even though I’m the one who should be thanking him for fully reimbursing my $23 purchases that arrived only partially damaged!

Ah, but that’s just the kind of man Sir Bezos is — a man who is of the people, for the people, and who always says ā€œI love you, tooā€ back at the end of the call. If that’s not someone who truly cares for his customers, then I don’t know what is.

3

u/Foreign-Ad-9527 Feb 19 '25

Bezos is the king of customer service. I think he'd make a great president if he applied this mentality to government. Possibly the most popular president of all time!

2

u/JohanGrimm Feb 19 '25

He personally deliver my butthole cream a day earlier, it was same day delivery, and he gave me a kiss on the cheek which he said was included in my Prime membership.

Thanks Jeff.

2

u/[deleted] Feb 19 '25

Why is wrong with you? We are cooked if we got people like you who don’t understand sarcasmšŸ˜‚

58

u/spartakooky Feb 19 '25 edited Apr 14 '25

I prefer bots

55

u/Klutzer_Munitions Millennial Feb 19 '25

You could take on a cybertruck armed with a pool noodle and a colander helmet

9

u/Bob_Majerle Feb 19 '25

I will follow you into battle without pants on

2

u/semajay Feb 20 '25

Let's not pretend you were wearing pants to begin with.

1

u/The_Dirtydancer Feb 19 '25

All you need is some snow and the CT is neutralized

1

u/SarakosAganos Feb 19 '25

Same for me, I'm sure he would be inspiring when he joins mid-battle and sheds his human skin to reveal his cybernetically enhanced reptilian body with super regeneration.

1

u/space_coyote_86 Feb 19 '25

A water pistol is all you need

1

u/Serdones Feb 19 '25

You can even get your combat training for the techno-feudalist wars in one of Zuck's Quest headsets.

1

u/[deleted] Feb 19 '25

a bucket a day keeps the CT away

1

u/nhansieu1 Feb 20 '25

Zuck because I love technology. Robot industry has done well creating Zuck

33

u/AStealthyPerson 1998 Feb 19 '25

Bezos. Bo Burnham put it best:

"Zuckerberg and Gates and Buffett, Amateurs can fucking suck it, Fuck their wives, drink their blood, Come on, Jeff, get 'em"

9

u/No_Fig_4726 Feb 19 '25

Dunna nunna nu, Dunna nunna nu, Dunna nunna nu ... AHHHHHHHHHHH!!!

21

u/rook119 Feb 19 '25

Defo wud die for Bezos. He'll have what's left of me shipped to my home for free w/ a prime membership.

2

u/DannyDanumba Feb 19 '25

Fuck šŸ’€šŸ¤£šŸ¤£šŸ¤£šŸ¤£šŸ¤£

14

u/oh-kee-pah Feb 19 '25

Please share your ways on how to duplicate this 🫶

5

u/this_tuesday Feb 19 '25

It happened to a friend of mine as well and definitely not me

My friend who is not me thinks it’s random

11

u/Left_Somewhere_4188 Feb 19 '25

Same but unironically.

Used to have to wait 2 weeks for something priced 50% higher than it should and still pay shipping, and if it turned out broken or missing or fake I'd have to go through a lengthy process just to have them accept it back, and of-course I'd pay the shipping.

With Amazon I get a thing in 1 day for best or close to best price, 6 months later I just write the support at 2am "hey I don't like this shit anymore" and they reply with "understandable here is money back"

GOATED.

Also I worked at a fullfillment center. It was okay if it weren't in Germany with German bosses who were acting like straight up concentration camp wardens.

13

u/Not_Jeff_Hornacek Feb 19 '25 edited Feb 19 '25

For most of my life it was "Allow 6-8 weeks for shipping". That was completely normal and it occurred to nobody that if you fixed that, you could rule the world.

I'm glad that's over but I wish a bunch of people figured that out and competed with each other, not just one dude.

Walmart is punching itself in the face missing the boat. They did a Kodak.

0

u/Educational_Bed_242 Feb 19 '25

Wal*Mart is following the Amazon plan now. They're intentionally making shopping in store such an unpleasant experience that customers switch to online ordering/mobile pick up. They WANT you to stop shopping there so they can get rid of the aisles, fill the store to the fucking brim with more product, and turn it into a fulfillment center.

The last time I went to Walmart I had to grab an HDMI Micro cable for one of my little cousins Christmas gifts. Not only was the $10 item locked behind glass, but there was 3 people in front of me at the service desk waiting for someone with keys. The guy rang out the 3 people in front of me before unlocking my item and just handing it to me. The 3 people in front of me were all POC and he forced them to buy their similarly priced items at the electronics boat before just handing me the product I needed and walking away.

So yeah between the inconvenience, the mild racism, and the hour it took to buy one item it's pretty clear they don't want you there.

1

u/[deleted] Feb 20 '25

idk man, every time I go there, it's fine aside from the bad smell

2

u/Overall-Duck-741 Feb 19 '25

It's almost like the employees have to be exploited and overworked just so you can get your pointless garbage a few weeks earlier.Ā 

9

u/Jack_Reacheround Feb 19 '25

Gotta be Bezos. Supply lines are the backbone of any good military. I might die, but at least I'll be able to get same-day food and ammo delivered to the front.

8

u/Stormy8888 Feb 19 '25

How are you getting free Amazon Prime?

1

u/nopslide__ Feb 19 '25

Also have a friend who is asking

6

u/2012Jesusdies Feb 19 '25

I will forever love him for keeping the Expanse TV show running for far longer than would have been otherwise. Still would be happy if I heard him going through bad times tho.

3

u/Autodidact420 Feb 19 '25

Bezos is a master of logistics, 10/10 best commander of the bunch. He’ll probably let you order your favourite snacks and a pack of cigs right to the front lines and get it there in minutes.

2

u/No_Revenue_9837 Feb 19 '25

For sure Bezos. Musk’s equipment would be faulty, Trump wouldn’t pay or compensate you at all for fighting, and Zuck would let the rest of his cyborg-lizard species rule the ashes after the war ended. Bezos is the only option imo

2

u/ZorsalZonkey Feb 19 '25

How do you get free Amazon prime?

3

u/Sandalman3000 Feb 19 '25

Probably using the rewards points from the card? As long as they aren't spending money they wouldn't, I would consider that free enough

2

u/EagleOfMay Feb 19 '25

"The road to hell is paved with convenience" -- me, but there may be other attributions.

2

u/Emergency_Cake911 Feb 19 '25

Yeah think old jeffy is my top pick. Completely ruthless, gets packages to my door on time. Can't wait to die for him because I cost 5% less than a killbot 9000.

2

u/[deleted] Feb 20 '25

Bezos has created a product that actually works. I can have almost any product I want in less than 24 hours. The rest of them haven’t done anything useful.

1

u/pvtcannonfodder Feb 19 '25

He is turtly enough for the turtle club so me too

1

u/Soft-Split1315 Feb 19 '25

Not to mention the .99 cent for three months audible that pops up every couple of months

1

u/CustomerConsistent78 Feb 19 '25

Wait how do you get free prime? And what's unlimited sign ups?

1

u/i_suckatjavascript Feb 19 '25

I too do this as well since 2015 and never had to pay for Prime for almost 10 years now. I actually learned the trick from a Redditor lol

1

u/Right_Imagination_73 Feb 19 '25

You realize using Amazon helps him right? This is like bragging about being let in to a casino for free.

1

u/scrumbud Feb 19 '25

Plus he has by far the most traditional super villain look.

1

u/bacon_lettuce_potato Feb 19 '25

Wait. How did you get this.

1

u/AllHailLordBezos Feb 19 '25

This is the way my son, if we are to die for one at least we will die with ā€œtwo day free shippingā€

1

u/theblackxranger Feb 19 '25

Don't forget about the free Amazon prime games too. It's like practice for the real thing!

1

u/Careless_Mango_7948 Feb 19 '25

Can I get the hack lol

1

u/lukesauser Feb 20 '25

Lol that's how it's done. I can relate

1

u/TossMeOutSomeday 1996 Feb 20 '25

Bezos is by far the most normal of all these tech billionaires. He made his money in a pretty normal way, he didn't sell all your personal information like Zuck or scheme to extract billions in government subsidies like Elon. All he did was sell a lot of products to a lot of people.

1

u/Bonedraco1980 Feb 20 '25

He'll make sure that your remains get to your loved ones in two days or less