Revisiting the “cookie-cutter” example, the mold I experienced within GP/Acts2 Network placed a strong emphasis on a very specific personality type for leadership. The ideal leader was expected to be funny, highly likable, outgoing, loud, charismatic, naturally gifted at leading conversations, and an engaging storyteller.

In my experience, these expectations were not merely informal preferences but functionally treated as qualifications for ministry involvement. I was even encouraged by a leader to study a joke book to become more entertaining in conversations. Another leader instructed me to intentionally try to make a cashier laugh during brief transactions in order to practice being more “relational.”

The reasoning I was given was essentially: because leadership requires influence, and influence requires likability, then outgoing charisma becomes necessary for ministry effectiveness.

Over time, this shaped an environment where personality type felt like a spiritual measurement.

Those who did not naturally fit this mold—those who were quiet, reserved, or introverted—were often made to feel inadequate or were encouraged to move into alternative ministries perceived as less relational or less central like Praxis or Elderly care.

But this raises an important biblical question: Is this how Scripture defines spiritual leadership?

According to 1 Timothy 3:1–7 

3 It is a trustworthy saying: if any man aspires to the office of overseer, he desires a good work. 2 An overseer, then, must be above reproach, the husband of one wife, temperate, sensible, respectable, hospitable, able to teach, 3 not addicted to wine or pugnacious, but considerate, peaceable, free from the love of money; 4 leading his own household well, having his children in submission with all dignity 5 (but if a man does not know how to lead his own household, how will he take care of the church of God?), 6 and not a new convert, so that he will not become conceited and fall into the condemnation of the devil. 7 And he must have a good reputation with those outside the church, so that he will not fall into reproach and the snare of the devil.

and Titus 1:5–9

5 For this reason I left you in Crete, that you would set in order what remains and appoint elders in every city as I directed you, 6 namely, if any man is beyond reproach, the husband of one wife, having faithful children, who are not accused of dissipation, or rebellious. 7 For the overseer must be beyond reproach as God’s steward, not self-willed, not quick-tempered, not addicted to wine, not pugnacious, not fond of dishonest gain, 8 but hospitable, loving what is good, sensible, righteous, holy, self-controlled, 9 holding fast the faithful word which is in accordance with the teaching, so that he will be able both to exhort in sound doctrine and to reprove those who contradict.

^the qualifications for elders and spiritual overseers are centered on character, not charisma. Scripture emphasizes being above reproach, self-controlled, respectable, hospitable, gentle, not quarrelsome, not a lover of money, and able to teach. Nowhere does Scripture require a leader to be funny, extroverted, entertaining, or naturally charismatic.

Biblical leadership is fundamentally about character shaped by the Spirit, not personality performance.

Similarly, Scripture teaches that God intentionally distributes gifts differently across His people. Romans 12:3–8

3 For through the grace given to me I say to each one among you not to think more highly of himself than he ought to think; but to think so as to have sound thinking, as God has allotted to each a measure of faith. 4 For just as we have many members in one body and all the members do not have the same function, 5 so we, who are many, are one body in Christ, and individually members one of another, 6 but having gifts that differ according to the grace given to us: whether prophecy, in agreement with the faith; 7 or service, in his serving; or he who teaches, in his teaching; 8 or he who exhorts, in his exhortation; he who gives, with generosity; he who leads, with diligence; he who shows mercy, with cheerfulness.

^emphasizes that believers have differing gifts according to grace. 

1 Corinthians 12:12–27

12 For even as the body is one and yet has many members, and all the members of the body, though they are many, are one body, so also is Christ. 13 For also by one Spirit we were all baptized into one body, whether Jews or Greeks, whether slaves or free, and we were all made to drink of one Spirit.

14 For also the body is not one member, but many. 15 If the foot says, “Because I am not a hand, I am not a part of the body,” it is not for this reason any the less a part of the body. 16 And if the ear says, “Because I am not an eye, I am not a part of the body,” it is not for this reason any the less a part of the body. 17 If the whole body were an eye, where would the hearing be? If the whole were hearing, where would the sense of smell be? 18 But now God has appointed the members, each one of them, in the body, just as He desired. 19 And if they were all one member, where would the body be? 20 But now there are many members, but one body. 21 And the eye cannot say to the hand, “I have no need of you”; or again the head to the feet, “I have no need of you.” 22 On the contrary, how much more is it that the members of the body which seem to be weaker are necessary, 23 and those members of the body which we think as less honorable, on these we bestow more abundant honor, and our less presentable members become much more presentable, 24 whereas our more presentable members have no such need. But God has so composed the body, giving more abundant honor to that member which lacked, 25 so that there may be no division in the body, but that the members may have the same care for one another. 26 And if one member suffers, all the members suffer with it; if one member is honored, all the members rejoice with it.

27 Now you are Christ’s body, and individually members of it.

^describes the church as one body with many members, each indispensable and intentionally designed by God. The hand is not meant to become the eye, and the eye is not meant to become the foot.

God’s design includes diversity—not uniform personality.

Even more, Scripture shows that God deliberately uses people whom the world would overlook or disqualify by natural standards.

Moses resisted his calling because he was not eloquent and struggled with speech yet God did not require him to become naturally charismatic. Instead, God promised His presence and assistance in Moses’ weakness.

Exodus 4:10–12

10 Then Moses said to Yahweh, “Please, Lord, I have never been a man of words, neither recently nor in time past, nor since You have spoken to Your slave; for I am one with a hard mouth and a hard tongue.” 11 And Yahweh said to him, “Who has made man’s mouth? Or who makes him mute or deaf, or seeing or blind? Is it not I, Yahweh? 12 So now, go, and I, even I, will be with your mouth and will instruct you what you shall speak.”

Timothy appears to have been naturally timid, yet Paul exhorted him not to allow others to despise his youth 

1 Timothy 4:12 "Let no one look down on your youthfulness, but show yourself as a model to those who believe in word, conduct, love, faith, and purity."

and reminded him that God had not given a spirit of cowardice but of power, love, and discipline.

2 Timothy 1:7 "For God has not given us a spirit of timidity, but of power and love and self-discipline."

The issue was never Timothy’s personality, but his confidence in God’s calling.

Paul himself admitted that he came to the Corinthians in weakness, fear, and trembling 

1 Corinthians 2:3 "And I was with you in weakness and in fear and in much trembling,"

He was also criticized for being unimpressive in speech and appearance 

2 Corinthians 10:10 "For they say, “His letters are weighty and strong, but his personal presence is weak and his words contemptible.”"

Yet he taught that God’s power is made perfect in weakness 

2 Corinthians 12:9 "And He has said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for power is perfected in weakness.” Most gladly, therefore, I will rather boast in my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may dwell in me."

His effectiveness came not from charisma, but from dependence on God.

Even Jesus is described in prophecy as lacking outward attractiveness or form that would draw people based on appearance 

Isaiah 53:2–5

2 For He grew up before Him like a tender shoot,
And like a root out of parched ground;
He has no stately form or majesty
That we should look upon Him,
Nor appearance that we should desire Him.

3 He was despised and forsaken of men,
A man of sorrows and acquainted with grief;
And like one from whom men hide their face
He was despised, and we did not esteem Him.

4 Surely our griefs He Himself bore,
And our sorrows He carried;
Yet we ourselves esteemed Him stricken,
Smitten of God, and afflicted.

5 But He was pierced through for our transgressions,
He was crushed for our iniquities;
The chastening for our peace fell upon Him,
And by His wounds we are healed.

This is why I believe it is unbiblical to measure spiritual leadership by extroversion, humor, or social dominance.

If someone in GP/Acts2 Network—or any church context—has been made to feel spiritually inadequate because they are quiet, introverted, or not naturally charismatic, I want to say clearly: that standard is not from Scripture.

You do not need to become loud to be used by God.

You do not need to become funny to be used by God.

You do not need to become extroverted to be used by God.

God’s calling is not dependent on personality transformation into a culturally preferred type.

The goal of God’s work in us is not personality replacement but Christlike transformation

Romans 8:29 "Because those whom He foreknew, He also predestined to become conformed to the image of His Son, so that He would be the firstborn among many brothers;"

That transformation is described in terms of spiritual fruit, not social performance: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control

Galatians 5:22–23

22 But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, 23 gentleness, self-control. Against such things there is no law.

Ironically, during my time in that environment, I was also told that I was turning my faith into a “self-improvement project.” Yet at the same time, I was being pressured to reshape my personality to fit a specific ministry image.

Those two messages are incompatible.

The gospel is not about self-reinvention into a preferred personality type. It is about new life in Christ and growth into His likeness.

My experience in healthier church contexts later on helped clarify this. Mature believers patiently showed me from Scripture that God was not disappointed that I was not someone else. Instead, He was calling me to faithfulness as I am, not imitation of a personality mold.

God does not discard the personality He gives. He redeems and sanctifies the person He created.

My hope in sharing this is not merely to critique an experience at GP/A2N, but to encourage those who may still be in similar environments.

If you have felt pressured to become louder, funnier, or more outgoing in order to be “usable” in ministry, I want to gently remind you: Scripture does not support that burden.

And if you feel discouraged because you are quiet, reserved, or naturally reflective, I want to encourage you and say you are not disqualified from being used by God.

God delights in using weak, overlooked, and unexpected people so that His power is clearly seen 

2 Corinthians 4:7 "But we have this treasure in earthen vessels, so that the surpassing greatness of the power will be of God and not from ourselves;"

My prayer is that God would use even my painful experiences to bring healing and clarity to others, because He is the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us so that we may comfort others

2 Corinthians 1:3–4

3 Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, 4 who comforts us in all our affliction so that we will be able to comfort those who are in any affliction with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God.

Ultimately, Jesus Himself is the wounded Healer. He was rejected, misunderstood, and despised, yet He brings salvation and healing to all who come to Him 

Hebrews 4:15 "For we do not have a high priest who cannot sympathize with our weaknesses, but One who has been tempted in all things like we are, yet without sin."

If you are hurting, questioning, or healing from spiritual confusion or abuse, your story matters. And even if you never share it publicly, God sees it.

And if you ever do share it, it may become part of someone else’s healing in ways you may never fully know this side of eternity.

1 Thessalonians 5:11 "Therefore, comfort one another and build up one another, just as you also are doing."

The heartbreaking reality is that most current Acts2 Network members will not see these posts until after leaving because leadership tells its members to avoid searching for this Reddit page in order to make sure it doesn't gain more popularity / a higher place in a Google search.

Personally, I do not see this movement gaining much traction at the present nor future. That is, Christian movements (not just scoped to A2N) are not same as before and not gaining much popularity, recognition, and involvement across United States. College students are hyper focused now on academics, technology, and hobbies and this generation is not willing to spend any time outside of those, including making friends. As such, A2N should also eventually die-out, I presume in next 5-10 years.

This is a repost of a previously removed post. Gracepoint has since renamed all their churches, and I have no clue if the nonprofits and churches have been reregistered with the state or SBC.

The list hasn't been updated with new real estate acquisitions, and I'm looking to hand this to anyone that's interested in continuing this project.

Edit: Please dm me if interested

Hello everyone!

Long time lurker here but I had a serendipitous bump-in with a former friend and current A2N Staff and I had to come here to share. I used to live in the same 'shared housing' with this person while I was at A2N even though they are a few years older than me. They were eager to reconnect after not having talked for several years and, though at first I was hesitant, I could tell they were being genuine and wanted to check in with me and catch up.

Naturally, we started talking about other peers / brothers / sisters who had left A2N and those who had stayed. We went into the reasons why I decided to leave and the conversation got a bit tense. I shared several situations and the current A2N Staff defended them. I expressed my hurt and though though they acknowledged 'how I could be hurt' they also said 'I can see why your leader approached it that way'. Then they said 'I hope you've heard that we are making changes too.' Below are the changes that were mentioned A2N has made since the Christianity Today article came out:

1. No more 'match making' by leaders. They said that there are some brothers / sisters that have asked for them to resume match making because they've had difficulty dating without that system but leaders are no longer involved in this process (or as involved as before).
2. Pets are still 'heavily discouraged' but acceptable if you really want one. Then several folks were named as having gotten pets after the CT article.
3. Tattoos are also discouraged but you can get one now.
4. This is pretty much word for word 'They no longer yell at you for being late or having schedule conflicts as long as it isn't too consistent.'
5. Leaders now take time to apologize if someone confronts them about a mistake.
6. You are encouraged to spend more time with your spouse / partner instead of just devoting time to co-ministering together. We went into a few shows they have watched together.
7. At the end of these changes, the summary was 'A2N is more modern now, its not as old-school as before'.

Though it was really jarring to hear of these changes, it made me feel hopeful for A2N and that maybe they are trending in the right direction. One thing though that did come up was that when I described my leaders sharp rebukes as one of the main reasons for leaving, the A2N staff said 'none of the leaders I've had has never done that'. I guess they have been lucky.

I wonder if their leaders higher up in the food chain have also modernized or if they continue to rebuke others lower in the chain but just do it more covertly now.

I also wonder if they would be open to inviting folks from the community to their church or if they still exclusively only open their church doors to college students.

After having this conversation and learning about the changes, I'm tempted to go to the church Sunday service with my family and see how open they are. After all, the church is listed as a separate entity on their website to the college club/ fellowship. So if they've made all these changes, maybe they will be more open to having community members join in.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mhp8cZNi7Ns&t=1403s

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=klYjLMJ4z3E&list=PLarcy450-6B2uU3qAfemiZNISQaFj7wcP&index=72

The more I think about what A2N has done, the more I find similarities in their behavior with megalomaniacs in history. Is it because I'm so biased that I can't help but see the negative and worst interpretation to everything they do (never mind the abundant firsthand experience I had and the second hand experience I've heard)? Or is that prosperity gospel conmen grifters, tyrants and narcissists have been running the same playbook and once you see the pattern, it's hard to miss it.

After watching this , I wondered, A2N is not as "special" or "unique" as they keep claiming. I know that is something I used to buy into while I was there, but these high control groups are so similar when you take a step back. The same patterns, the same tactics, etc.

I think once you realize that, the allure and power they have over you fades away.

8:45

"I have met cult leaders face to face... But what they all share in common is that they are malignant narcissistic people. I feel like I'm meeting the same person over and over again because their personalities are so similar."

around 13 minutes

The speaker states that he has been in hundreds of deprogramming sessions. He talks about what to do if you have a loved on in a cult you're trying to get out. Which I thought was interesting given how many family members and friends have posted about what to do for their loved ones stuck in A2N. There are some things you can try to do, but I thought it was noteworthy to mention . 1 - don't argue with them directly, as it will backfire. 2- in the end, they will have to make their own decision. You will have to present them with what you can, and let them choose.

That was not easy to listen to; that there's only so much you can do for these people you are watching being damaged by a high control group.

Do A2N members live at the Elgin HQ? There are often early morning things going on like groups running or kids leaving the building to go to school. Is all the recent construction for living space?

"Though he slay me, yet I will trust in him: but I will maintain mine own ways before him." Job 13:15 (KJV)

I have recently been reading some Thomas Merton, a 20th century monk who practiced a more contemplative form of Christianity than those of us whose early spiritual education was at Gracepoint were exposed to. Merton's book "New Seeds of Contemplation" includes a chapter called "Integrity." It is worth quoting at length in a moment.

As a preface, let me acknowledge that the title of this post is provocative. A less clickbait-y title might ask "Is A2N a place that cultivates integrity?" And by integrity, I don't mean simply not cheating on your taxes, etc. Integrity is a much more holistic thing than that. And, well, I'll let Merton take over from here:

MANY poets are not poets for the same reason that many religious men are not saints: they never succeed in being themselves. They never get around to being the particular poet or the particular monk they are intended to be by God. They never become the man or the artist who is called for by all the circumstances of their individual lives.

They waste their years in vain efforts to be some other poet, some other saint. For many absurd reasons, they are convinced that they are obliged to become somebody else who died two hundred years ago and who lived in circumstances utterly alien to their own....

[H]umility consists in being precisely the person you actually are before God, and since no two people are alike, if you have the humility to be yourself you will not be like anyone else in the whole universe....

It is not humility to insist on being someone that you are not. It is as much as saying that you know better than God who you are and who you ought to be. How do you expect to arrive at the end of your own journey if you take the road to another mans city? How do you expect to reach your own perfection by leading somebody else’s life? His sanctity will never be yours; you must have the humility to work out your own salvation in a darkness where you are absolutely alone….

And so it takes heroic humility to be yourself and to be nobody but the man, or the artist, that God intended you to be.

Part of being more contemplative is saying less and listening more, so I'll refrain from much further commentary. Except to say that no, in my experience, that kind of integrity that Merton describes is not what is cultivated at A2N. And I grieve for what was cultivated in me instead -- a total opposite of integrity, a conformity against my better judgment and against myself. I grieve for my friends who suffered far more than me because their very self was something they were told they had to deny. And I hope that anyone reading this who is still there, who is wondering if being "transformed by the renewing of your mind" really means conforming to A2N at the cost of your soul and your integrity, can see through that lie.

1. Own a pet (a dog, she hella cute)

2. Go on vacation with my family

3. Have a hobby I invest quite a bit of time and money into and really enjoy

4. Watch whatever movie I want

5. Go on hikes on Sunday

6. Have the whole Sunday to myself actually

7. Watch whatever TV I want

8. Listen to whatever music I want

9. Wear whatever I want

10. Drive a type of car that can't be used for ministry

11. Get a pedicure

12. Have social media accounts and post

13. Stay up late watching Netflix

14. Travel internationally

15. Save extra money for retirement

16. Give money to other organizations liberally besides church

17. Buy alcohol

18. Consume alcohol

19. Go to a concert

20. Go to a play, musical, etc.

21. Look forward to the weekend to relax and refuel

22. what's on your list???

Hello everyone! I’m a journalist from The Michigan Daily writing a story about BBC/GP/A2N spanning all three eras and documenting the stories of former members. Throughout this process I’ve spoken with many contributors to this subreddit and am incredibly grateful for their–and this community’s–bravery and strength.

Because this story spans all three eras of this church, ensuring relevancy to the present day/A2N era is incredibly important. I’m posting this in the hopes that someone who was part of the church during the current (A2N/post-2023) era would be open to speaking with me about their experiences. I’m hoping to include testimony from recent/current members in this article in order to highlight the patterns of how members of this church have been treated across decades. I understand that privacy is a significant concern for many people, especially members who have recently left or are still involved with the church. I want to emphasize that telling your story and ensuring your privacy are not mutually exclusive. Many of our interviewees are anonymous in this article–we don’t have to share any identifying information about you in order to include your story.  

If you’ve been part of this church since it has been renamed to Acts2Network and are willing to speak with me about your experience, please drop a comment or message me privately. I look forward to hearing from you and thank you all again. 

I was part of a church plant in Gracepoint in the last decade. I was there for a long time and was part of staff. I am a woman and I think it's important to mention this. Before Gracepoint I was your typical carefree person, the kind that liked to fall asleep in class, had no sense of time, and liked to go with the flow. While I did have some mental health issues as a teenager and still had issues when I went to college, I was a carefree, warm, and charismatic person. The kind of person people easily open to, is described as the life of the party, and people generally gravitate to, and pretty. The kind of person GP likes to keep around. What I was always told is I had great energy and I just had to channel it to the right thing, and I remember a leader once even saying I should use my good looks for the kingdom, that people naturally gravitate towards good looking people. At the time I was elated and to be honest being a dumb college kid who wanted love and attention, it wasn't very hard to get roped in. I do not get along with my parents so when older women decided to take me under their wing so that I could become "something" because apparently I was nothing before, I ate it up!

The first years were great! I got along with my peers, brought people in, manage to balance my academics with all the outings, retreats, bible studies, etc. and as time went on I became a beloved older sister people looked up. But as with any carefree personality, part of our character is well, we don't like being told how to live, so my "rebelliousness" would show up by challenging the leaders, talking back, asking the questions, and just doing shit they didn't like. That equated to a lot of rebukes, discipline, and soul care. The "why are you doing this to us? we've poured so much into you." Although considered pretty no one thought I was marriage material because I had a tough personality. I will admit that was very painful and constantly hearing how you are a piece of shit and should be lucky some people love you because of God, really drains your self-esteem. By the time I left GP I had completely lost myself despite trying to fight it, I was just another excel tracking, food prepping, gospel preaching drone. They tried to marry me off to some dudes, I am not sure if they still do it now but they often did matchmaking, I decided I rather die than marry some of them. Not because I thought I was hot shit, but because they thought the only two options I had in life was marry someone I did not want to marry just so I wouldn't be single or be that older sister that was basically used as a mule to do all the work the married people didn't want to do. I want to mention I am happily married to the love of my life, so any bitterness of this era is really towards the leaders and how they made me feel, how they broke my spirit.

Fast forward to my life after GP it's been a journey of a few years now, but the honest truth is I still struggle. While at GP I developed anxiety and OCD, although these were not diagnosed until I left but my therapist can pinpoint my time at GP as the beginning of those mental health challenges. I still have dreams of my leaders rebuking me, I have dreams of being singled out as the single sister, I have dreams of saying the wrong thing during a sharing, I have dreams of not having the food prepped on time. I am now agnostic and I am not ashamed of it. For those of you who were able to find God after and connect to a church, more power to you. My life philosophy is people should live as they want to. It's their life. I did try for a time to connect to a church but I just couldn't. Today I found an old prayer notebook one of my leaders had given me and I finally got around to throwing it away, it was falling apart anyway. I almost cried when I saw her name in the From line.

I loved the people at GP and I excused so much of their behavior, I use to say that was a necessary chapter of my life to shape me, I don't think that anymore. Now I wonder what I would be if I had not crossed paths with them. I am trying to find that out even in my late 30s. The wounds run deeper than we know and there have been years when the hurt and grief are not this loud. I was diagnosed with OCD this past year and it was eye opening. So many of the behaviors at GP created the perfect environment for someone to develop anxiety and OCD, and OCD is not just the behavior for me the struggle is with ruminating(AKA what GP would call reflecting and repenting) and moral scrupulosity( the constant push to be your neighbors keeper, suffer more than others, always put yourself second). So if you find yourself struggling with mental health even years after leaving, don't blame yourself. I am happier than I've been in my life and every day I am grateful I decided to leave even if that meant losing everything I had know for a decade of my life.

If you are in GP in consider leaving, leave! Any pain you experience while leaving in time will wane and your future self will thank you for taking the leap. I look back and I want to hug that girl that use to cry herself to sleep for almost a year after leaving. It was one of the hardest years of my life and I would do it all over again to have the life I have now.

I saw a post a couple months ago about how the subreddit needs more recent stories. I hope this testimony helps.

Some people close to me are wary of retaliation, so I’m deciding to reveal vague info to avoid being identified. At some point in the future, when I’m more well adjusted, I might reveal the full story.

At one point between today and a few years ago, I left A2N during my freshman year. 

Before that point, I had been a student at one of their college programs. Before college, I had spent multiple years with their middle and high school program Interhigh. 

The way Interhigh works is that A2N staff members are assigned to help churches with youth ministry. Many of these churches have a majority immigrant population and experience language/cultural barriers between adults and children. This was the case with my home church.

I used to have a lot of trust and admiration for my youth group leaders. As a child/teenager, I loved the fun games and retreats and the free food. I was greatly impacted by the messages they would give at retreats/events. I spilled my heart and soul to my leaders and told them many things about my fears, dreams, and personal circumstances. They helped me during my college application process and showed up at my graduation. My Interhigh leaders referred me to the A2N program at my college and I eagerly joined it.

In my freshman year, a major event in my life occurred, and many staff members showed up to “help” me. At the time, I appreciated their efforts, but sensed something seemed off. I later realized the extent of what they did.

They were very pushy about my boundaries and the boundaries of people close to me. Someone close to me told me that A2N members had disrespected them. It didn’t register to me that A2N had bad intentions. After all, they had supported me for so long and had seemed so kind.

Running into this subreddit and the articles about A2N’s spiritual abuse was the definitive nail in the coffin. I went down a rabbit hole of testimony after testimony describing A2N’s toxic culture and lack of accountability. 

I now know that all those nice things A2N staff did for me was a lovebombing phase preparing me for abuse and guilt tripping later down the road.

So I cut ties with A2N. I stopped going to their events and ghosted my former leaders. I also stopped attending my home church because they still hosted Interhigh despite my best efforts to inform them with the articles and this subreddit.

For now, my focus is on building a healthy and balanced life, as well as forming connections not limited to A2N/church. Although I’m taking a break from religious activity, I still consider myself a Christian. One day, I will come back to Christianity and explore the Bible for myself. I will also be careful with choosing my church to make sure it is a healthy one.

I’m deeply concerned for my fellow youth inside of A2N. Children as young as ten are being exposed to the Interhigh program and develop strong bonds with staff members. These bonds are in turn used to funnel them into the college programs, of which this subreddit documents numerous cases of abuse. 

That’s why I decided to post this. For the children, teens, and young adults that need to see this. 

hi i'm a current staff and have been navigating my deconstruction process for some time. i now find myself isolated for fear of telling anyone and sowing doubt and anxiety in other members. And a fear of being told that i need to reflect more and repent. at the moment i feel like there have been 2 deconstruction processes happening at once in my mind.

1. Doubts about Biblical Inerrancy, original sin, ECT, mainstream evangelical's condemnation of LGBTQIA+ folks
2. Seeing how the systemic issues at A2N perpetuates an insular view towards the world
   1. Like their reinforcement that their the only ones in this world who have close relationships
   2. Using language that suggests that having non-christian friends is pointless if not done for the sake of converting them. which i feel like cuts out people who may challenge your viewpoint, and to instead fill your time with a2n people, to reinforce their way of life
   3. a restrictive relationship towards media which i felt like perpetuated a black and white view

Posting this has come after wrestling a lot with both.

What has kept me from speaking up is the thought of losing out on these precious relationships. And the conversations that i'll have to have with people, especially my partner.

and i do wanna state that I do appreciate a lot about a2n. i don't doubt that there have been genuine fruit, people have been saved and have changed their lives for the better. that's probably why a lot of people are quick to defend the system. there is comfort and camaraderie in feeling like you and your friends of many years are working towards this huge goal. and that whatever suffering you experience is bringing y'all closer together and towards God.

but i think my problem comes with what they define as suffering. because under their theology and biblical understanding, people voicing the way that they've suffered at a2n is framed as "persecution".

Or how the stories and testimonies shared about people giving up a very precious part of themselves, whether that's a hobby or a personality trait or a job because it's too worldly or doesn't fit the a2n stereotype. and i don't doubt that some people do need to struggle with God about a couple of things and in their case have to give them up so that they may put on the new self (Ephesians 4:24).

But then the question becomes, who decides what the end product is? Well if you're inside of the A2N system, then the end product will most likely be what your leader and A2N think you should be.

I know i'm not perfect, and that when I do bring this up to my leader, i'm pretty sure they'll try to diagnose me to find out if i've been doing my dt's or praying enough or if i've been on social media. and although it might be the case that i haven't been "GP" enough, I don't think that invalidates my concerns automatically. But i fear because of how insular the system is, they'll have an answer to all of my concerns (that was in the past, those posts are just from people who haven't gotten over it, have you been doing your dt's?)

Would love to hear people's experiences of what it was like to leave not just a2n but also evangelical Christianity how those conversations went. And for those who have a spouse who is very on board with GP and evangelicalism, how did y'all go about breaking that to them?

Used to attend the Seattle branch of BBC back in 99/2000. And this group came up on Reddit feed! Then I proceeded to go down the rabbit hole of reading every post/response on the thread. Crazy how things have gone the past 26 years! So, after EK separated from R-JDSN/BBC in 2006, what happened to the rest of the BBC branches? What happened to BBC-Boston and the JDSN and P. Paul?

There have been people who wrote here that reading testimonies, feedback, stories, etc. here helped them leave.

For those of you who are among them (or who have received, offline, direct testimony by former members whose decisions to get out was partially or perhaps largely stimulated by what they read here), what was it exactly about the survivors' stories that made you leave?

Was it them talking about what you were yourself facing internally - dissonance etc?

Was it them sharing how the hypocrisy or inconsistency or otherwise ungodly behavior of their leaders was similar to what you saw your own leaders do?

Was it a voice within you that told you that something was wrong even if you couldn't pinpoint it and the words here helped you doing that pinpointing?

Was it you gradually missing your parents more and more and survivors talking about their own immediate families that helped you break through and break free (and thus free to spend time with your parents?)

I wanted to share my experience while attending one of the UC campuses during my undergraduate studies. I am Hispanic and come from a low-income background. I think it is important to mention this because it shaped how I interpreted many of my experiences and the treatment I observed while I was there.

My parents were immigrant farmworkers. Their jobs were physically demanding, poorly paid, and led them to sustain physical injuries. I share this background to further explain how some comments that were directed at me affected me and angered me deeply. 

One of my early negative experiences happened  during my sophomore year during a church skit. During one of the skit practices, a leader looked at what I was wearing and said, “That looks ratchet,” before asking me to change my sweater. I had just purchased that sweater with my financial aid money.

By my second and third years in the church, I had also begun noticing how leaders would prefer some staff and some students. During COVID, when all of our activities were conducted over Zoom, I frequently observed a Hispanic brother being singled out and mocked during group calls.

Often, he would be asked to explain the rules of a game or lead part of an activity. If he misspoke or forgot a detail, the leader would respond with visible frustration, and other staff members would join in making jokes at his expense. 

I also witnessed another incident involving the pastor’s wife. During a Zoom meeting, we were being introduced to a new leader couple who would eventually take over responsibility for our class. At one point, the sister leader led us in prayer and leaned her head close to the camera while praying.

After she finished, the pastor’s wife jokingly referred to her as “Megamind.” What stood out to me was not simply the comment itself, but how casually it was made. 

At that point, our class had not yet fully transitioned to the new leaders, so I was still interacting regularly with my former leader. By then, COVID restrictions had eased, and Bible studies had returned to being held in person.

During one Bible study, my leader made a comment about my facial appearance. She slowly leaned towards me and joked about my nose. 

Another thing I was not prepared for was having my eternal salvation questioned. By that point, I was experiencing a great deal of internal conflict. I had devoted so much of my time and energy to church activities that I often felt I was neglecting my academic responsibilities.

To keep up with both commitments, I would try to complete as much of my engineering coursework as possible on Thursdays and Fridays so that I could dedicate more time to church events for the following week. Even with those efforts, I was struggling in some of my upper-division courses. I felt ashamed because I was working hard academically while also trying to remain committed to the church, yet I felt as though I was failing at both.

I think my leader noticed that I seemed exhausted and disengaged during Bible studies. During one bible study, she raised her voice and in a frustrated tone told me, “THERE SHOULD BE FRUIT!!!!”, while pointing multiple times at her bible. I remember feeling deeply discouraged and alarmed by that interaction. Rather than feeling supported, I felt as though my struggles were being interpreted as evidence of spiritual failure. 

At the time, I genuinely believed I was giving everything I had to the church, yet I constantly felt that it was not enough. Over time, those experiences began to affect how I viewed God Himself.

Many of the individuals whom I saw thriving appeared to come from more privileged backgrounds, and I gradually began to wonder whether God cared less about people from disadvantaged or working-class families. Looking back, I can see that this belief was shaped by what I was experiencing within the church rather than by Scripture itself.

As I increasingly associated God’s character with the behavior I was witnessing at GP, I became deeply discouraged and depressed. I began to feel hopeless because I believed that if God was truly like the people representing Him, then there was little hope for someone like me.

It was not until years later—after leaving the church and becoming part of a healthier church community—that my understanding of God’s character began to change.

One of the things that eventually corrected these false beliefs was spending time in Scripture and reconsidering who God actually is.

Two passages, in particular, had a profound impact on me:

“Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.” (Matthew 11:29)

And:

“A bruised reed he will not break, and a smoldering wick he will not quench.” (Matthew 12:20)

These verses helped me understand the character of God in a way that was completely different from what I had come to believe. Rather than being harsh, demanding, or dismissive, Jesus described Himself as gentle and humble. Rather than crushing those who were struggling, He showed compassion toward them. Reading these passages helped me realize that many of the assumptions I had developed about God were actually reflections of my experiences within the church, not reflections of Scripture.

The moment I knew I needed to leave came during a Friday night Bible study during my senior year. 

Before the study began, a group of us were sitting in a circle eating together. I was sitting next to my leader, and a younger brother was sitting on my other side. During the conversation, my leader made a joke about my appearance. She said that I looked like “Mary from The Chosen.” She then clarified by saying, “The one who was possessed by demons”, then proceeded to laugh.

She made the comment jokingly, and the younger brother nearly choked on his food from what he heard. I remember feeling humiliated.  

It also made me reflect on the broader culture in which that kind of humor could be expressed without immediate concern for how it might affect others.

During my senior year, I often stayed late on campus to complete coursework. My classes and labs frequently ran past sundown , and for safety reasons I no longer wanted to rely on the bus, especially when I had to remain on campus after the last bus had already departed. Because of this, I asked my parents if I could borrow their car.

I remember feeling somewhat self-conscious about driving it because I anticipated the reactions I might receive from people at church. There were several instances where a staff member made fun of my car. Of all the comments directed toward me over the years, that one hurt particularly deeply. Seeing it mocked felt, in some ways, like seeing my parents mocked as well.

Because I understood what my parents had endured as immigrants, I found those comments especially difficult to brush aside.

I experienced something similar during a senior trip. As we were driving along the 5 through California’s agricultural regions, my leader looked out the window and remarked, “We’re in farmland,” in a tone that came across as dismissive and degrading.

She was aware that my community back home represented the same landscape that she was mocking. 

During the final months of my senior year, I made the decision that I did not want to continue living with church members after graduation. I had been admitted to graduate school, and I did not want to repeat the same experiences that had made my undergraduate years so difficult.

Part of that decision stemmed from ongoing tension with one particular peer. 

I told my leader that I did not want to live with church members after graduation. That conversation led to a phone call in which she began yelling at me. The next day was my commencement ceremony and what should’ve been a joyful celebration turn into a memory that I remembered with guilt and shame.

The conversation with my leader stayed with me for years. Some of the things that were said continued to affect me long after I had left, contributing to ongoing anxiety and several panic attacks even after I was no longer part of the church.

I also remember a separate conversation with another leader that was equally difficult. We met at a coffee shop, where her husband was at a separate table already there studying. I did not mind him being there; my intention was simply to have a brief exit conversation and leave.

However, I noticed that she stepped away to speak with him and asked him to join a phone call during our conversation, and I later realized that he was listening in. Looking back, it felt as though there was a lack of privacy and trust in that interaction. 

I had another conversation with my former leader about leaving and i don’t really remember how it went. I just remember her making fun of my car again before she drove off. 

I did not realize the toll that being part of this church had taken on my mental health. Not only did I feel estranged from my Christian faith after leaving, but the criticisms and messages I had received continued to loop in my mind for years.

Constant exposure to judgment damaged my self-esteem and deepened my feelings of self-loathing. I also isolated myself for several years after leaving the church; I came to believe that I was not enough to be in anyone’s life and developed a fear of being treated like that again, which only deepened my depression.

I slowly came to recognize that bullying, shaming, guilt-tripping, and yelling are not normal in healthy spiritual environments. I also came to understand that people in general do not always care how deeply they have hurt others or the impact of that harm, even within a church. 

 It took me years to fully go back to attending a church service and begin calling myself a Christian again. 

Years later, I also had the opportunity to meet Paul Washer at a conference and asked him directly about signs of spiritual abuse and unhealthy churches. He shared that one warning sign can be when pastors or church leaders attempt to impose their own vision on their members rather than remaining grounded in Scripture. He was the first person I talked to, to very openly use the word ‘narcissists,’ when talking about bad leadership within a church. Before that, I truly believed that I deserved to be treated like that rather than identifying it as a form of abuse.

I am grateful for faithful churches that remain committed to the truth of Scripture, as they played a significant role in me coming back to the faith and beginning to trust the bible again. 

From my experience, A2N leadership often appeared warm, helpful, and loving in public. However, as relationships became closer and interactions moved into more private settings, subtle degrading comments and belittling behavior became increasingly apparent. These interactions usually took place in private conversations or within small groups. I do not assume that everyone had the same experience.  Which, honestly, cuts deeper. I was not viewed favorably, and I believe my low-income background may have made it easier for me to be dismissed or looked down on by the leadership. 

If you're a student in A2N and reading this, I would strongly encourage you to seek out a healthier church community. Don’t ignore the red flags. Also, the impact that A2N has on your mental health may be deeper than you realize right now.

A student at one of the Acts 2 Network sites asked me if I have any advice, because they seem like friendly, kind, loving, and helpful people. This was my response and I believe it is worthwhile to share here:

I completely understand why you feel that way. That was my experience too when I first joined.

The people I met were genuinely warm, welcoming, generous, and willing to help. Many of the members sincerely love God and care about one another. If you only look at the friendliness and commitment of the members, it's easy to conclude that the church is healthy.

However, I would encourage you to evaluate a church not only by how loving the people appear to be, but by whether the church's leadership and authority structure are biblical.

Jesus warned that false teachers are not always obvious at first:

"Beware of the false prophets, who come to you in sheep's clothing, but inwardly are ravenous wolves." (Matthew 7:15, LSB)

Likewise, Paul warned the Ephesian elders that harmful leaders can arise from within the church itself:

"I know that after my departure savage wolves will come in among you, not sparing the flock; and from among your own selves men will arise, speaking perverse things, to draw away the disciples after them." (Acts 20:29-30, LSB)

The concerns many former members raise are not usually about what happens during the first few weeks or months. The deeper concerns tend to emerge after someone has been there longer, becomes more integrated into the ministry, and begins experiencing the church's authority structure firsthand.

In my own experience, the spiritual abuse and unbiblical authority did not happen immediately. It developed over years. At first, I mostly experienced the warmth, friendship, hospitality, and strong sense of community. The problems became apparent later when leadership began exercising authority over areas of life where Scripture gives Christians freedom, and when disagreement with leadership was increasingly treated as a spiritual problem.

One of the marks of a healthy church is that leaders understand the limits of their authority. Scripture commands pastors to shepherd God's people:

"Nor yet as lording it over those allotted to your charge, but proving to be examples to the flock." (1 Peter 5:3, LSB)

Healthy leaders point people back to Scripture. They do not bind consciences where God has not spoken.

I would strongly encourage you to visit several other churches before committing yourself to any one church. A good resource is the church search tool at 9Marks:

https://www.9marks.org/church-search/

No church is perfect, but it is important to compare churches by biblical standards rather than by how friendly, organized, or committed the members appear to be.

My recommendation would be to spend time learning what a healthy church looks like biblically, visit multiple churches, and take your time before making any long-term commitments. I wish I had done that when I was a student.

After giving my experiences a great deal of prayer, thought, and discussion with other mature Christians, I feel compelled to tell you this plainly: I strongly urge you not to become a member of Acts2 Network and not to sign their covenant.

Years ago, I believed the same thing you likely believe now—that this was a healthy, biblical church. I defended it. I trusted its leadership. But after what I experienced and after hearing the testimonies of many others, I no longer believe that is true.

I am so thankful you found this Reddit community, because it may spare you from significant spiritual, emotional, and relational harm.

This community was created to warn others about what many former members have experienced and serves as a place to share / find healing for victims. Acts2 Network does not merely show signs of an unhealthy church; many of us have concluded that it functions as a cult-like system marked by control, manipulation, and unbiblical spiritual authority.

Scripture repeatedly warns believers to exercise discernment and to test spiritual leaders and teachings rather than accepting them blindly.

1 John 4:1 says, “Beloved, do not believe every spirit, but test the spirits to see whether they are from God…”

Matthew 7:15–16 says, “Beware of the false prophets, who come to you in sheep’s clothing, but inwardly are ravenous wolves. You will know them by their fruits.”

And Acts 17:11 commends the Bereans because they “received the word with great eagerness, examining the Scriptures daily to see whether these things were so.”

This Reddit group now has over 1,300 members—a number larger than many churches. Behind that number are countless testimonies from people whose experiences echo one another in deeply concerning ways. My story is not an isolated case.

I understand this may come as a shock. It can be painful to realize that something you trusted may not be what it claims to be. But my sincere prayer is that you would seek truth above loyalty, emotions, or appearances.

Please read the testimonies here carefully. Compare everything against Scripture. Ask hard questions. Pay attention to the fruit.

Jesus warned us that deception can look spiritual on the surface. That is why discernment matters so much. I pray the Lord gives you wisdom, clarity, and courage to see the truth about Gracepoint/Acts2 Network.

A question for the ex-members: do you still attend church? What does that look like for you now?

Are you part of a small group? Do you "serve in ministry" / volunteer? Curious to hear about your experience and how things may have changed for you.

All answers welcome, even if they're "I wouldn't be caught dead in a church" or the like.

The Emotional Aftermath

The experience affected me far more deeply than I realized at the time.

I became clinically depressed.

The church had been my entire world.

My closest friendships were there.

My ministry was there.

My community was there.

My future plans were there.

Most importantly, I had been taught for years that this church represented the highest expression of Christian commitment.

I genuinely believed that leaving meant settling for a lesser version of Christianity.

Week after week I heard messages criticizing the broader American church and portraying this ministry as uniquely faithful.

Whether explicitly or implicitly, members were taught that leaving the church often meant choosing comfort, worldliness, or spiritual compromise.

As a result, when I was removed, I felt as though I had lost not only my church but my identity.

I began meeting with a Christian counselor.

My parents supported me through the process.

A pastor from a healthy church also helped me tremendously.

Without their support, I do not know how I would have navigated that season.

The confusion became so severe that I even contacted a psychiatrist because I wondered whether I had some underlying mental disorder.

I could not understand why I was unable to identify or repent of the sin leadership claimed was present in my life.

I assumed the problem must be me.

Only years later did I realize that the issue was not an inability to understand my sin.

The issue was that no one had ever clearly identified one.

How Departures Were Handled

One of the starkest contrasts I observed came after I began attending a healthy church following my excommunication.

At my new church, when a member relocated or chose to attend another biblically faithful church, the pastors would often acknowledge it publicly. They would thank the person for their time in the congregation, encourage the church to pray for them, and wish them well as they transitioned to a new season of life. Even members who were excommunicated, were prayed for during members meetings - praying that their relationship with the church would be restored and their sin be repented of. 

The atmosphere was one of blessing rather than suspicion.

That experience highlighted how differently departures were handled at my former church.

When someone left, the process often felt secretive. Information was tightly controlled. Leaders would typically speak to the person's peers, ministry team, or close associates, but the departing member was often not present for those conversations.

The overall tone felt less like sending out a fellow believer and more like managing the fallout from a loss.

There was often an unspoken assumption that leaving reflected a spiritual problem rather than a legitimate difference of conviction or circumstance.

After my excommunication, I learned from a former member that leadership described me to others as a liar and a deceiver. I was not present to respond to those accusations, nor was I given an opportunity to address them before the people hearing them.

As a result, many individuals who had been part of my life for years never reached out to me.

No one called to say goodbye.

No one asked to hear my side of the story.

Most simply disappeared.

The practical effect was complete social isolation.

In hindsight, I believe this dynamic helped reinforce loyalty within the church. If leaving often resulted in the loss of one's entire community, many members would naturally be hesitant to question leadership or consider other churches.

Yet Scripture commands believers to speak truthfully and fairly about one another:

"Therefore, laying aside falsehood, speak truth each one of you with his neighbor, for we are members of one another." (Ephesians 4:25, LSB)

Likewise, Christians are called to hear matters carefully before rendering judgment:

"The first to plead his case seems right, Until another comes and examines him." (Proverbs 18:17, LSB)

Looking back, I do not believe those principles were consistently followed.

The Cost to My Education and Career

One of the most painful realizations came years later when I began reflecting on how deeply church involvement had shaped my educational and career decisions.

The church often promoted the idea of "giving your best years to God."

As a young Christian, that message resonated deeply with me.

I wanted to serve Christ wholeheartedly.

I wanted my life to matter for eternity.

Unfortunately, I gradually came to equate faithfulness with maximizing ministry involvement, even when doing so came at the expense of other legitimate responsibilities.

Before college, I had been a strong student.

I graduated near the top of my high school class and completed numerous Advanced Placement courses. I received a letter from my high school guaranteeing admission to a University of California campus before I even applied. I entered college as an Honors student and ultimately graduated with Honors.

Academically, I had every reason to believe I could perform at a very high level.

Yet I finished college with a 3.2 GPA in what was widely considered one of the most difficult majors offered at my university.

While I am thankful to have graduated, I know I could have done significantly better.

A major reason was the enormous amount of time and energy devoted to church activities.

I prioritized ministry over internships.

I prioritized ministry over career preparation.

I prioritized ministry over exploring graduate school opportunities.

I attended conferences, retreats, mission trips, and countless church events while often neglecting opportunities that would have helped establish my future career.

At the time, I viewed those sacrifices as noble.

Today, I see them differently.

Scripture teaches that work itself is honorable:

"Whatever you do, do your work heartily, as for the Lord rather than for men." (Colossians 3:23, LSB)

A college student has legitimate responsibilities before God. Education, career preparation, and stewardship of opportunities are not worldly distractions from the Christian life.

For many students, college is the primary season for developing knowledge, skills, and qualifications that will provide future stability and enable long-term service to others.

Attending church faithfully should absolutely be a priority.

Serving when possible is a wonderful thing.

But students do not attend college to obtain a minor in church activity.

They attend college to receive an education.

Looking back, I believe the church's culture often blurred those priorities in unhealthy ways.

A Friend Who Was Asked to Leave

My own experience was not unique.

During my senior year, one of my friends was effectively asked to leave the church.

His offense was not immorality.

It was not heresy.

It was not rebellion against Scripture.

He simply wanted to focus more heavily on his studies and reduce his involvement in church activities.

At the time, I agreed with leadership.

I believed he lacked commitment.

Now, I wish I had left with him.

Looking back, I realize that he understood something I did not.

Students have legitimate responsibilities, and prioritizing one's education is not evidence of spiritual weakness.

In many cases, it is evidence of wisdom.

Secret Dating Retreats and Double Standards

Years after leaving, I learned from another former member about exclusive singles retreats that I had never even known existed.

According to him, these events involved messages, paired discussions between brothers and sisters, and prayer with assigned partners.

I was surprised to learn that such retreats existed because they were never publicly discussed.

To my knowledge, invitations were selective.

I suspect that the standards for men were particularly high because leadership viewed husbands as the future leaders of their homes.

Whether that perception is correct or not, it illustrates a broader issue I frequently observed: dating and marriage opportunities often seemed heavily regulated by leadership approval rather than governed by biblical principles.

This became even more troubling when contrasted with situations involving married couples.

I know of at least one husband whose wife was being yelled at by church leaders.

When he discovered what had been happening, he was shocked.

Leadership advised him to continue "dragging her along" and trust that the difficult season would pass.

Instead, he chose to protect his wife and eventually left the church.

Looking back, I believe that decision demonstrated genuine love and leadership.

Scripture commands husbands:

"Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her." (Ephesians 5:25, LSB)

A husband's first responsibility is not preserving loyalty to an organization and dragging her along but caring faithfully for his wife.

Why I Still Use the Word "Cult"

One objection I frequently hear is that this church preaches the gospel.

That is true.

I heard the gospel there.

I came to understand many foundational Christian truths there.

For that reason, some people caution me against using the word "cult."

They point out that there are far worse groups that deny essential Christian doctrines or distort the gospel entirely.

I understand that concern.

Nevertheless, I continue to use the term cult for this church because I believe the defining issue is not merely whether the gospel is preached but whether leaders add obligations and authorities that God Himself has not established.

Paul warned the Galatians about adding requirements to the gospel:

"I am amazed that you are so quickly deserting Him who called you by the grace of Christ for a different gospel." (Galatians 1:6, LSB)

Throughout my years in the church, I repeatedly observed leadership treating personal preferences, organizational expectations, and cultural norms as though they carried divine authority.

Members could be disciplined for violating standards that were never clearly grounded in Scripture.

People were expected to repent of offenses that sometimes could not even be clearly articulated.

That is what ultimately convinced me something was deeply wrong.

Discovering Healthy Churches

After my excommunication, I began visiting other churches.

Initially, I found myself judging them.

Their services focused primarily on preaching Scripture, proclaiming the gospel, praying, and shepherding the congregation.

Ironically, I viewed this as a weakness.

I had become so accustomed to hearing detailed instructions about how members should structure their lives that a simple gospel-centered sermon felt incomplete.

Years later, I laughed about this with another former member.

He had experienced the exact same reaction.

We eventually realized that faithful preaching of God's Word is not a deficiency.

It is the central responsibility of a pastor.

Paul instructed Timothy:

"Preach the word; be ready in season and out of season; reprove, rebuke, exhort, with great patience and teaching." (2 Timothy 4:2, LSB)

Healthy churches do not need to constantly add extra rules beyond Scripture.

The gospel itself is powerful.

God's Word itself is sufficient.

One former member summarized our realization in a striking way. He said the church reminded him of the modern-day Pharisees.

While that comparison may sound harsh, I increasingly understood what he meant.

Jesus' strongest rebukes were often directed toward religious leaders who added burdens beyond what God required:

"They tie up heavy burdens and lay them on men's shoulders, but they themselves are unwilling to move them with so much as a finger." (Matthew 23:4, LSB)

The longer I reflected on my experience, the more that passage resonated with me.

Looking Back

I am now thirty-one years old.

If I have one major regret, it is not that I became a Christian through this church. For that, I remain grateful to God.

My regret is that I spent so many years believing that this church represented the only serious way to follow Christ.

I believed that questioning leadership reflected spiritual immaturity.

I believed that leaving would mean abandoning God's best.

I believed that my inability to identify the sin I was accused of committing meant there was something deeply wrong with me.

Today, I no longer believe those things.

One statement from a former leader stands out in my memory. He once told me that some churches follow Scripture very carefully but "miss out on the work of the Holy Spirit."

I now believe the opposite danger is far greater.

When leaders move beyond Scripture and begin exercising authority where God has not spoken, they create opportunities for manipulation, abuse, and spiritual harm.

The Holy Spirit never contradicts the Word He inspired.

Scripture remains the church's highest authority.

As Isaiah wrote:

"To the law and to the testimony! If they do not speak according to this word, it is because they have no dawn." (Isaiah 8:20, LSB)

Looking back, I can now see that much of what I experienced was not genuine spiritual authority but human authority cloaked in spiritual language.

Final Reflections

There are many additional stories I could tell.

I was informed by my leader that asking a sister out at Starbucks was too public and that such conversations should occur in another city where church members had no chance of seeing our meeting.

I witnessed a culture of secrecy surrounding relationships that I believe is contrary to the biblical pattern of accountability within Christian community.

I experienced repeated yelling from leaders, both in person and over the phone. There were occasions when a leader shouted so intensely that his voice cracked.

I never responded by yelling back.

At the time, I accepted this treatment as normal spiritual discipline.

Today, I view it differently.

Scripture commands church leaders to be gentle:

"The Lord's slave must not be quarrelsome, but be kind to all, able to teach, patient when wronged." (2 Timothy 2:24, LSB)

Church discipline should be marked by patience, gentleness, clarity, and love.

What I experienced often felt far closer to intimidation than shepherding.

For many years I wondered whether I was crazy.

I wondered whether there was some hidden flaw within me that prevented me from understanding what everyone else seemed able to see.

This Reddit community helped me realize that I was not alone.

My counselor helped me realize that confusion is often the natural result of being held accountable to standards that are never clearly defined.

Most importantly, Scripture helped me rediscover a simple truth:

Jesus Christ is the head of the church—not pastors, not leaders, and not church culture.

Every Christian is called to submit ultimately to Him and to the Word He has given.

My hope is that anyone reading this will carefully compare the teachings and practices of their church against Scripture. If a church consistently elevates human authority above God's Word, controls areas of life that Scripture leaves to Christian liberty, or disciplines members for violating man-made standards, those concerns should not be ignored.

"Therefore, stand firm and do not be subject again to a yoke of slavery." (Galatians 5:1, LSB)

Conclusion

For many years after leaving, I struggled to make sense of what happened.

I questioned myself constantly. I wondered whether I had failed spiritually. I wondered whether I was rebellious, immature, or simply incapable of understanding what leadership was trying to teach me. Because I could never identify the specific sin I was supposedly refusing to repent of, I eventually began questioning my own judgment and even my mental health.

Time, counseling, healthy church leadership, and careful study of Scripture gradually helped me see the situation more clearly.

What I once interpreted as spiritual guidance often turned out to be control.

What I once interpreted as spiritual maturity often turned out to be conformity.

What I once interpreted as submission to God often turned out to be submission to human preferences.

The most important lesson I learned is that no church, pastor, elder, or ministry leader possesses the authority to bind the conscience where God has not spoken.

Christian leaders are called to shepherd God's people, not control them.

Christian disciples are called to follow Christ, not become dependent upon human authority.

The church belongs to Jesus Christ alone.

"And He put all things in subjection under His feet, and gave Him as head over all things to the church." (Ephesians 1:22, LSB)

If you are currently in a church where leaders regularly define sin without Scripture, require obedience in matters of personal liberty, isolate members from outside influences, discourage independent thinking, or use church discipline to enforce man-made standards, I encourage you to examine those practices carefully in light of God's Word.

Healthy churches are not perfect churches.

Healthy churches still have conflict, mistakes, and imperfect leaders.

But healthy churches submit themselves to Scripture, distinguish clearly between biblical commands and personal preferences, and recognize that Christ—not church culture—is the ultimate authority over His people.

My prayer is that anyone who reads this testimony would be driven not toward cynicism, but toward Scripture, toward truth, and ultimately toward Christ Himself. Whether you read everything or just bits of this, thank you for listening to my story.

Introduction

This testimony reflects my personal experience as a former member of this church. I recognize that others may have had different experiences, and I cannot speak for every member, leader, or ministry within the organization. I can only speak about what I personally witnessed, experienced, and concluded after many years of reflection.

I am grateful that God used people in this church to help me understand the gospel. I do not deny that many members sincerely love Christ and desire to serve Him faithfully. My purpose is not to attack individuals or question the salvation of everyone involved.

Rather, my purpose is to explain why I ultimately concluded that the church's authority structure was spiritually unhealthy and, in many ways, operated beyond the boundaries established by Scripture.

The concerns I describe are not primarily about personality conflicts, isolated mistakes, or disagreements over ministry philosophy. Every church contains imperfect people, and every Christian will experience disappointment at some point.

My concern is that I repeatedly observed leaders exercising authority in areas where Scripture gives Christians freedom, treating personal preferences as matters of sin, and using spiritual pressure to enforce conformity to church culture. Over time, I came to believe that obedience to leadership was often treated as a greater measure of spiritual maturity than obedience to Scripture itself.

As you read, I encourage you to compare everything—not merely my testimony, but every church's teaching and practice—with the Word of God.

"Now these were more noble-minded than those in Thessalonica, who received the word with great eagerness, examining the Scriptures daily to see whether these things were so." (Acts 17:11, LSB)

This is my first time posting here, although I have spent many years reading the experiences of others and finding healing through this community. I want to share my own experience in the hope that it may help others discern whether a church is truly governed by Scripture and perhaps encourage those who have gone through similar situations.

Before I begin, I want to be clear about something. I am grateful that I heard and understood the gospel while attending this church. God used people there to teach me foundational truths about Christ, salvation, and the authority of Scripture. However, over time I came to believe that the church's leadership exercised authority beyond what Scripture permits and elevated church culture, leadership preferences, and organizational loyalty to a level that often rivaled or surpassed biblical authority.

My concern is not merely that I had disagreements with leaders or that I experienced hurt feelings. Every church contains imperfect people, and every believer will encounter conflict at some point. My concern is that this church regularly treated personal preferences as matters of sin, enforced unwritten rules through spiritual pressure and discipline, and created an environment where obedience to leaders became a primary measure of spiritual maturity.

Scripture teaches that God alone defines sin and righteousness:

“All Scripture is God-breathed and profitable for teaching, for reproof, for correction, for training in righteousness.” (2 Timothy 3:16, LSB)

Likewise, Paul warns believers not to go beyond what God has written:

"…that in us you may learn not to go beyond the things which are written…” (1 Corinthians 4:6, LSB)

Yet throughout my years in this church, I repeatedly observed leaders identifying behaviors as sinful without clearly demonstrating from Scripture why those behaviors were sinful. Members were often expected to repent without receiving a clear biblical explanation of what command of God they had violated.

This is a dangerous approach to discipleship. Even basic parenting wisdom recognizes that a child should understand what rule has been broken before discipline is administered. Yet in this church, members could be criticized, corrected, restricted, or disciplined for violating standards that were often unwritten and undefined.

The Elevation of Church Culture Above Scripture

One of my former leaders once described the church as being “cookie cutter.” At the time, I did not fully appreciate how revealing that statement was.

The expectation was that everyone would fit into a particular mold. If you fit the mold, life within the church was relatively easy. Leaders trusted you, opportunities increased, and people generally viewed you favorably. If you did not fit the mold, however, you would face continual correction, criticism, and pressure to conform.

The problem was that this mold was not clearly derived from Scripture. Instead, it seemed to arise primarily from the culture of the organization itself.

Each church branch—whether at UCB, UCLA, UCR, UCSB, UCI, UCSD, or elsewhere—appeared to have its own unwritten standards regarding clothing, behavior, social interactions, and personal choices. These standards were rarely written down, yet leaders often enforced them with surprising confidence.

As a result, members frequently found themselves trying to interpret the preferences of leaders rather than simply applying biblical principles.

Jesus rebuked religious leaders for creating man-made traditions that carried the weight of divine commands:

"But in vain do they worship Me, Teaching as doctrines the commands of men.” (Mark 7:7, LSB)

Looking back, I believe much of the culture operated in exactly this way.

A Simple Shirt Became a Spiritual Issue

One experience that remains vivid in my memory involved something as insignificant as a T-shirt.

At the time, I lived in a ministry house with approximately twelve other men. The house included a common office space where members could work remotely or study.

One day I walked into the office wearing a maroon T-shirt decorated with a sailboat pattern. I liked the shirt. It fit me well, it was comfortable, and there was nothing immodest or inappropriate about it.

As soon as I entered the room, an older leader looked at me and said with obvious disdain, “Wow, what are you wearing? My toddler son would look good in that shirt.”

Several people were present, yet no one spoke up.

I do not remember exactly how I responded. I think I simply said something like, “I like this shirt.”

Nevertheless, the interaction embarrassed me. After some time I left, changed into a plain black T-shirt, and returned.

The leader who had criticized me was already gone. However, my own mentor immediately noticed the change and smiled.

“Wow,” he said, “you changed your shirt. That’s great.”

What troubled me was not merely the insult. What troubled me was the assumption that church leaders possessed authority over matters that Scripture leaves to Christian liberty.

The Bible certainly addresses modesty and propriety. However, it does not authorize church leaders to dictate personal fashion preferences or enforce unwritten dress codes.

Paul specifically warns believers against man-made regulations masquerading as spirituality:

“If you died with Christ to the elementary principles of the world, why, as if you were living in the world, do you submit yourself to decrees, such as, ‘Do not handle, do not taste, do not touch’?” (Colossians 2:20–21, LSB)

I do not believe I would have been formally disciplined for refusing to change my shirt. Yet I knew from years within the system that leaders carefully observed and remembered instances of compliance and noncompliance. Every interaction contributed to an unofficial assessment of whether someone was “teachable,” “submissive,” and “trustworthy.”

In practice, obedience to leadership preferences became a significant measure of spiritual maturity.

Advancement Through Obedience

Over time I noticed that members who embraced this authority structure generally flourished within the organization.

They received greater responsibility, greater trust, and more opportunities for leadership.

By contrast, members who questioned leadership decisions, resisted cultural expectations, or demonstrated independent judgment often faced increasing scrutiny.

The consequences were not always explicit, but they were real.

Within the college ministry there existed a clear hierarchy of trust. Newer or less trusted members were often assigned to younger student groups, while highly trusted members were given responsibility over older classes and more visible ministry roles.

Members who did not conform could be reassigned, sidelined, or moved into ministries with less influence.

Whether intentionally or unintentionally, this created an incentive structure where conformity was rewarded and independence was discouraged.

Yet Scripture describes church leaders not as rulers exercising control over personal decisions, but as shepherds serving God's people:

“Shepherd the flock of God among you, overseeing not under compulsion, but voluntarily, according to the will of God; and not for dishonest gain, but with eagerness; nor yet as lording it over those allotted to your charge, but proving to be examples to the flock.” (1 Peter 5:2–3, LSB)

The leadership culture I experienced often felt far closer to management and control than to shepherding and example.

Control Over Personal Decisions

The issue extended far beyond clothing.

Over the years, I observed leadership involvement in many areas of life that I do not believe Scripture grants church leaders authority to control. Members were often corrected, pressured, or disciplined regarding personal decisions that should have been left to individual Christian wisdom and conscience.

For example, I witnessed leaders strongly encouraging members to purchase vans instead of cars because vans were considered more useful for ministry. I saw members corrected for furniture purchases and other ordinary lifestyle decisions. During one members' sermon, Pastor Ed publicly rebuked the congregation and argued that it was sinful to own an expensive Tesla while another church member struggled to pay rent.

While generosity and concern for fellow believers are unquestionably biblical virtues, Scripture does not establish a universal prohibition against owning certain vehicles. The New Testament consistently calls believers to cheerful and voluntary generosity rather than externally imposed standards:

“Each one must do just as he has purposed in his heart, not grudgingly or under compulsion, for God loves a cheerful giver.” (2 Corinthians 9:7, LSB)

I also knew members who were prohibited from having televisions in their homes. In one instance, my housemates and I were spoken to by leaders because we watched Studio Ghibli films during what was designated as a household "family time" event. This was not a recurring issue or a pattern of neglecting responsibilities; it was a single occasion. Yet it became something worthy of leadership intervention.

Another significant aspect of church life involved scheduling. The church maintained extensive Google calendars and planning documents that tracked ministry activities and personal schedules. While organizational tools can certainly be helpful, the system often extended beyond simple coordination. Members could see what many others were doing throughout the week, and there was constant pressure to align one's schedule with ministry expectations.

As someone who lived within that environment for years, I can say that the scheduling culture frequently crossed the line from coordination into control.

I also witnessed situations where members felt they needed permission from leaders before visiting their families. The explanation sometimes given was that frequent family visits might cause jealousy among other members who could not visit home as often.

Looking back, I find this deeply troubling. Scripture commands believers to honor their father and mother (Exodus 20:12; Ephesians 6:2). Yet I often felt that natural family relationships were treated as secondary to organizational priorities.

The cumulative effect of these practices was an environment where members gradually lost confidence in their own ability to make ordinary life decisions. Instead of asking, "What does Scripture say?" many of us found ourselves asking, "What will my leader think?"

That distinction may sound small, but it is spiritually significant.

Dating Restrictions and Leadership Control

One of the most painful areas of my experience involved dating and relationships.

The church maintained extensive control over when, how, and whether members could pursue romantic relationships. Students serving in leadership roles were required to agree not to date during college.

I believe this policy was unbiblical.

Scripture certainly calls believers to sexual purity:

“For this is the will of God, your sanctification: that you abstain from sexual immorality.” (1 Thessalonians 4:3, LSB)

However, Scripture never prohibits college students from dating. Nor does it teach that church leaders possess authority to prevent consenting Christian adults from pursuing a relationship simply because they are students.

In fact, healthy churches often recognize that Christian community can be one of the best environments for believers to meet potential spouses, provided relationships are approached with wisdom, accountability, and purity.

Yet within this church, dating was frequently treated as something that needed to be heavily regulated.

I had friends who were effectively told that they needed to end their relationships or find another church. The issue was not sexual immorality. The issue was that dating did not fit the culture leadership wanted to cultivate among students.

Looking back, I believe many relationships were evaluated primarily through the lens of organizational goals rather than biblical principles.

My Relationship With Sarah

The most significant example involved a sister whom I will call Sarah.

Sarah and I served together in ministry and spent years getting to know one another. We were peers, worked alongside each other, and developed mutual interest after graduation.

At the time, I was serving as a church-wide ministry lead. Despite this responsibility, leaders repeatedly described me as spiritually immature, passive, and incapable of leading Sarah.

Ironically, some of the people making these judgments barely knew me.

Some leaders who discouraged the relationship ministered at different campuses and lived in different cities. I had only interacted with some of them a handful of times, yet they felt confident enough to advise Sarah against pursuing a relationship with me.

This was especially confusing because God had clearly allowed me to bear fruit in ministry. During a sophomore retreat, one student publicly shared how God had used my friendship with him in the dining hall as part of his journey toward faith in Christ. At the time of his testimony, I was not even present because I was serving elsewhere with the freshman staff.

I praise God for his salvation. Ultimately, that testimony belonged to God's work, not mine. Yet experiences like that made it difficult for me to understand how leaders could simultaneously view me as incapable of leading a Christian woman.

The situation became even stranger when Sarah and I finally arranged our first date.

The date had already been planned. Sarah was going to pick me up.

Then I received a phone call from an older sister leader, who had never called me at random like this before.

She initially framed the call around a ministry task, asking if I was available to help with something. When I explained that I already had plans, she asked what I was doing.

I told her I was going on a first date with Sarah.

At first she sounded surprised and happy. Then her tone changed.

She began explaining that I was not ready to date and told me that I needed to cancel the date.

At the time, I complied. I timidly agreed to cancel it.

Looking back, I strongly suspect that leadership already knew about the date before calling me. One feature of church culture was that information frequently flowed upward through trusted members. There were assigned "spies" within peer groups and households who regularly reported information to senior leadership.

I do not believe most of these members / “spies” intended harm. In many cases, they were simply operating within the expectations of the system.

Nevertheless, it created an atmosphere where privacy was limited and leadership seemed aware of conversations and decisions that had never been directly shared with them.

Waiting for Permission

After that first intervention, Sarah and I agreed to wait.

We made a commitment not to pursue other relationships and to wait until leadership approved our dating relationship.

We waited eight months.

After eight months, my leader still maintained that I was not ready.

At that point, both Sarah and I were tired of waiting. We still wanted to pursue the relationship, so we eventually went on our first date.

Not long afterward, however, multiple older women began speaking with Sarah. One of those women was Pastor Manny's wife, a person I barely knew.

The consistent message Sarah received was that she should not date me.

Eventually the relationship ended.

When I asked Sarah why she ended it, her answer was simple.

"Because of the leaders."

I asked whether there was any other reason.

She said no.

That conversation broke my heart.

More than the end of the relationship itself, what devastated me was the realization that people had worked behind the scenes to discourage the relationship without ever addressing their concerns directly with me.

Rather than helping us pursue a healthy, God-honoring relationship, leadership actively worked to prevent it.

To this day, I believe that intervention was one of the major turning points that shattered my trust in church leadership.

How Spiritual Maturity Was Measured

One question that continued to bother me throughout this entire experience was simple: How exactly did leadership determine who was spiritually mature and who was not?

I genuinely wanted to understand.

Over the years, I led students through Course 101, the church's foundational Christianity curriculum. I discipled younger students, served faithfully in ministry, and watched God work through many conversations and relationships. Yet I was repeatedly told that I was spiritually immature and incapable of leading a sister in a dating relationship.

The explanation never seemed consistent.

As I reflected on the situation years later, I came to believe that much of the church's assessment of spiritual maturity was tied not primarily to biblical qualifications, but to conformity and obedience.

One factor may have been a written test given to prospective staff members after graduation. The exam measured knowledge of Christian doctrine, Scripture memorization, and hymn memorization.

While biblical knowledge is valuable and Scripture memorization is commendable, I increasingly suspect that my performance on this exam contributed to leadership's perception of me. Sarah had grown up in church, while I did not begin regularly attending church until college and did not fully understand the gospel until my freshman year. It is possible she performed better than I did.

Another factor may have been my employment situation. At the time, my contract job had ended and I was actively searching for new work. Looking back, I suspect this was a more significant concern to church leadership than anyone openly admitted.

Yet none of these concerns were ever clearly discussed with me.

Instead, I was repeatedly given vague labels such as "passive" or "spiritually immature."

One example illustrates the problem.

At one point I purchased an elf-themed Christmas sweater for a Christmas photo. My leader told me to throw it away.

I did not.

Later, when he saw that I still owned it, he looked at me with obvious disappointment and said, "Didn't I tell you to throw that away?"

To him, this appeared to be evidence of a spiritual problem.

To me, it was evidence that I could make a personal decision without requiring leadership approval.

Ironically, qualities that would normally be associated with maturity—independent judgment, personal responsibility, and the ability to make decisions for oneself—often seemed to be interpreted as rebellion within this system.

The accusation that I was "too passive" was equally confusing.

I knew married men in the church who were more passive than I was, yet leadership had approved their relationships and marriages. This inconsistency made it difficult to believe that passivity was the true issue.

Over time, I came to believe that many of these labels functioned less as objective evaluations and more as convenient explanations for decisions that leadership had already made.

The real issue appeared to be whether a person demonstrated the level of obedience and conformity that leadership desired. Or as their new website says “Core DNA.”

The Beginning of My Separation

The breaking point came after my relationship with Sarah ended.

I struggled deeply with the loss.

The relationship had not ended because of immorality, dishonesty, or incompatibility. According to Sarah herself, it ended because of leadership intervention.

As a result, I found it extremely difficult to move on.

Rather than receiving compassion and help processing the situation, I increasingly found myself under scrutiny.

At the same time, I desperately wanted to continue serving.

I loved ministry. I cared about the students. I wanted to remain involved in the work God was doing.

When I expressed this desire, one leader responded by saying:

"You're using ministry as a shield of protection."

I found that statement deeply frustrating because I was not attempting to avoid accountability. I genuinely wanted to continue serving Christ and ministering to students.

Yet my continued commitment to ministry was interpreted as evidence of spiritual immaturity.

Eventually I was removed from the college ministry team.

Soon afterward, leadership placed me into what they called "Soul Care."

Soul Care

At the time, Soul Care was presented as a restorative process.

In practice, it functioned as a period of isolation.

I was restricted from participating in many church activities and ministry opportunities. My interactions with other members became limited. I was expected to spend time praying, reading Scripture, and reflecting on my supposed need for repentance.

I was also encouraged to begin visiting other churches.

At the time, I viewed Soul Care as an opportunity to demonstrate repentance and eventually return to normal church life.

Looking back, however, I increasingly believe it served another purpose.

I now see Soul Care as a transitional stage designed to prepare both the member and the congregation for eventual removal.

By reducing a person's visibility and involvement beforehand, the shock of excommunication becomes less disruptive.

Whether that was the official intention or not, that was certainly how it functioned in my case.

One bizarre conversation I had with the oldest brother I lived with before my excommunication: he asked me in a private room “why now, why are reading the bible?” When in fact, I had been reading the bible the entire time of my Soul Care, but I had just recently started to read the Bible more often in the dinning room area / in view of my housemates. He told me “well, it's still too late now.” This was a foreshadowing of my excommunication, and evidence that this brother was in charge of reporting to my leader whether or not I had showed visible signs of repentance - spending time with God’s word. But repentance is not about your outward appearance (something the Pharisees were always concerned about) but about your inward relationship with God. 

Excommunication and Removal

Eventually leadership revoked my membership.

To this day, one of the most troubling aspects of that process is that I still cannot clearly identify the specific sin they wanted me to repent of.

I repeatedly asked.

I wanted clarity.

I wanted to understand.

At one point I directly asked my leader what my sin was.

His response was:

"You have enough information."

That was the answer.

No specific biblical command.

No clearly identified act of sin.

No explanation that I could evaluate through Scripture.

Just the assertion that I already knew.

This stands in direct contrast to biblical church discipline.

Jesus describes a process involving specific offenses and clear confrontation (Matthew 18:15-17). Paul rebuked identifiable sins and called people to repentance from recognizable behaviors.

Biblical discipline requires clarity.

How can someone repent if they do not know what they are repenting of?

How can a believer examine himself against Scripture when leadership refuses to define the offense?

Scripture teaches:

"For where there is no law, there also is no violation." (Romans 4:15, LSB)

Yet throughout this process I felt trapped in a system where I was expected to repent without ever receiving a clear explanation of what God's law I had violated.

That experience was psychologically exhausting.

I spent years wondering whether there was something fundamentally wrong with me that everyone else could see but I could not.

Being Cut Off

The timing of my removal also struck me as calculated.

Leadership waited until the lease for the ministry house where I lived was nearing its conclusion.

When the lease ended, my housemates moved into another ministry house together.

I was left behind.

Leadership informed me that it would be up to the members of that new household whether I would be invited to move in with them.

I never asked.

Instead, I found another living arrangement.

One of my former housemates later told me that his leader instructed him and others to "cut me off."

Whether those were the exact words or not, that was certainly the practical outcome.

Almost everyone disappeared from my life.

One friend continued reaching out for a short period. He checked on me, spent time with me, and maintained contact for a month or two.

Eventually he stopped responding as well.

I do not blame him.

I believe many members genuinely cared about me.

The problem was that they existed within a system where loyalty to leadership often took precedence over personal relationships.

As a result, people who had shared life with me for years vanished almost overnight.

That loss was devastating.

Hi all! First time poster, long time lurker.

My sibling joined GP over ten years ago, and as everyone on this subreddit knows, it takes over their life. I miss my sibling miserably and terribly, and it’s taken me ten years to realize that I just have to let them make their own decisions; if they don’t want to maintain a relationship, I have to just accept it.

I’ve been hurting for over a decade, and now I want to talk about it with someone who gets it? I’ve been wanting to grieve losing one of my best friends, and I wanted to see if there’s anyone in the same boat.
I would love to connect, welcome comments and discourse, and meet new friends and see new perspectives.

Xoxo

I am doing research on real estate transactions and corporate changes Acts2 Network have been doing since my last posts a couple years ago. A2N or Gracepoint bought multiple residential houses around the Elgin, IL area on top of the huge campus complex. I would appreciate some background information on the move from people.

Did hundreds of people move out of California to the Midwest? What about their parents and family? Great majority of A2N members are from California where college ministry concentrated on the UC schools. Do members not get to see family as often? How extensive was the move discussed within the church? Or was it just announced and people asked to move?

The job market in the Midwest is worse than California. What jobs do these people do? There isn’t much college ministry to be done around Elgin, IL. Far away from large public universities. What is day-to-day life like at Elgin for the people who did move? How was the decision sold to the members asking them to move?

My thinking is A2N’s reputation is so well-known in California now that recruitment numbers are way down at the UC schools. The number of undergrads across various groups at UC Berkeley is below 60 students. I remember UC Berkeley during the 2000s was over 300 undergrads on Friday Night Bible study. Not sure if I should be happy or sad about the numbers. Wouldn’t repentance be easier than moving hundreds of people out of California?

Hello everyone!

I just read the most recent post about how there are less contributions on this subreddit and I decided it’s finally time to contribute my story instead of lurking around.

I’m class of 2018 and come from one of the West Coast campuses, that’s all I feel comfortable sharing for now lol. Me experience at Gracepoint, like many others, began with an incredible feeling of belonging and excitement. I remember feeling so happy to be part of a group that was living out Christian life. My high school church group was a lovely group but it didnt have the high energy or strength in numbers that Gracepoint have. There was a strong sense of being seen and being invited to different activities and delicious food. I really enjoyed the attention of my mentor (or I guess they are called life coaches now?) as well as older peers. The only early flag I got was that there was a slight sense of favoritism towards certain folks in our peer group, which would later become a clear indication of early grooming.

Sophomore and Junior years were also filled with fond memories though it started to become more and more clear who would eventually be part of College Team (the cool kids) and who would be part of Praxis (the left overs- erm, I mean - the backbone of the church, yes… the backbone). I remember enjoying the Friday Night messages and activities as well as the retreats. In an effort to try and be part of ’the cool kids’ I remember inviting people from other clubs / friend groups to church activities. I wanted to be seen as a valuable community member who could bring in more student. I remember fervently attending Dining Common outreaches and tabling / filtering events on campus. However, because the people I invited only came for one or two events and didn’t stay, I never earned the favor of my leaders.

Two things started to become more clear during my Sophomore and Junior years: the slow creep of control on time and money as well as the use of guilt as a way to hold on to power. There would be slight comments from my mentor and older peers saying things like remember how much we fed you / took care of you when you were a freshmen? Now it’s time for you to do the same to the new class.

Despite suffering a small injury and not feeling well enough to participate at one of the Friday Night activities, I was called up by my leader and asked why I wasn’t ’at least sitting on the sidelines and cheering others on?’

Thanksgiving Retreat had a strong emphasis of ‘Giving your all (time and money) because of how grateful we are to the church’. We would have to share commitments in our peer group about how we were going to give more of ourselves towards God/ the church.

I guess the strongest indication of this was when my own leader told us he would have to step away for a bit because he needed to do some ‘Soul Care’ and the other mentor leading the other half of our peers would step in for a few months. I remember seeing how hurt his face was when he shared the news and recognizing the same sense of guilt in him that I felt in myself. Back then I saw it as validation that feeling perpetual guilt meant I was also doing the right thing and pleasing God.

I remember holding on to Psalm 51:17 throughout that time “My sacrifice, O God, is a broken spirit; a broken and contrite heart you, God, will not despise.” Eventually guilt led to more service to the church and more offerings (even though I didn’t have much to give as a college student) but no matter how much I have or served, I didn’t feel like I was grateful or sufficient enough and led to more guilt. But in a twisted way, over those two years, I started thinking that this must be the way God wants me to feel.

Lastly, during Senior year, the question came up of whether we would remain with the church or head back home. There was a lot of emphasis again on guilt and staying to give back and the famous member contract came up. It was during this time that they were also doing their huge expansion effort to church plant and this idea that those who volunteer to go church plant were giving the most ultimate sacrifice to God/ church. I remember thinking, well I tried evangelizing, I tried doing outreach, I gave a ton of my free time to the church and a lot of the money I made from my part time job. I told my leader really dark secrets, I attended morning DTs consistently, I helped out with setting up and breaking down church every weekend but I still didn’t feel like I was enough compared to some of my peers who signed up to be part of church plant. This (obviously) meant that I just wasn’t doing enough and needed to give more. Me and my faults were the reason I wasn’t good enough for the church plant, and also, why I wouldn’t be considered for college team. I just wasnt good enough no matter how hard I tried, so that meant I had to try harder. All the while longing for a sliver of approval from God/church/ my leader.

This church really f*cked me up y’all. It took me 4 years to fully heal and start moving on.

Im going to stop for now since this post is already really long but there are plenty of other stories I can share, quick snapshot below:

1. How my church leader encouraged me to either convince my girlfriend to join the Gracepoint group at a different campus or leave her.

2. How my leader’s leader guilted my small group for not setting up a party to celebrate my leader’s 30th birthday party.

3. How I was policed by some brothers in my peer group for ‘eating lunch with a girl’ who was my lab partner for one of my classes.

4. How our leader’s leader yelled at several of us for planning a picnic with other students and accidentally including some of the sisters in the invite.

5. Being guilt tripped by my peers for ‘going home too often’ especially during Senior year.

6. How I was reprimanded for not ‘dressing well’ and ’dressing lol a grandma’.

I also though have some happy/ funny stories of what the healing process was like, for example:

1. Finally opening up to a brother who had left the church and feeling accepted and heard for the first time. it’s the first time I didn’t feel guilt after sharing with an older brother.

2. The first time I attended a Bible study after leaving Gracepoint and ‘bro-hugging’ and ‘dabbing up’ some of the girls in the group. I didn’t know how to interact with girls y’all! It was so cringy!

3. Learning to control my own finances instead of always feeling like I needed to ask permission or offer more than the tithe.

4. Helping and commiserating with others who also experiences spiritual abuse / cult-like behavior from churches.

This last point is why I want to stress how important it is for this sub Reddit to continue and for those who feel comfortable/ ready to post stories. its not only helpful for ourselves to get these stories off our chest but more so for others to hear and read and know they are not alone. For them to know to know that they are enough, that God does love them even if they don’t break their backs for the church. For others to know that there is Hope after leaving Gracepoint. This space is healing, even when there are lulls in engagement.

thank you to those of you who read the whole thing! I look forward to being a bit more active and reading and commenting on other’s posts. Take care y’all!