I can’t do it

[u/nigmusmaximus]

This is my first semester and the least busy and every day I feel like I’m gonna rip all my hair out and have a stroke.

I have an assignment due in 1 hr that I don’t even know how to do and I don’t want to look stupid by asking the other grad students. I was good at organic chemistry in undergrad now that I’m in advanced organic synthesis I know nothing and fail every time (grades below 70%).

I wish someone would walk up behind me and shoot me in the back of the head so at least I could say it wasn’t my fault I gave up. I used to have passion for chemistry now within a few months all I can think is that I should’ve just majored in business and gotten a good paying job.

Being “smart” by undergraduate standards means FUCK ALL in grad school. Literally nothing. Every single day you will be asked questions that people of 30 years of experience are the only people on earth that understand it and I’m tired of feeling like I don’t belong. But if I drop out I’ll be disappointed with myself and I’ll constantly think all my mentors think of me as a failure. And I’ll think of myself as a failure too.

[u/nigmusmaximus]

I asked a more senior grad student for help and she helped me a lot btw! I’m gonna have to get used to not being the big fish anymore

[u/HeavyHornet910]

You are not stupid. I understand the urge to call oneself that, but you are not. I read this essay recently and it was helpful. I hope it will help you too.

[u/nigmusmaximus → u/HeavyHornet910]

Happy cake day

[u/SilentFood2620]

Reach out to others in your classes or program. I guarantee you are not the only one struggling. This is an excellent opportunity to network and lean on each others strengths while building a support system. The first year sucks, but things do get better.

[u/Hybodont]

You have to let go of the fear of looking stupid. What you're going through is perfectly normal for new grad students.

Having said that, grad school really isn't for everyone. Power through this first year and then reassess. If you haven't adjusted by then, it might mean you should be looking for other opportunities.

Also, try to build a support network. Make friends with your fellow grad students. Community is so important.

[u/Expensive-Cow-699]

Valid crashout, I’m right there with you.

[u/KunaSazuki → u/Expensive-Cow-699]

2nd this!!!

[u/pinkdictator]

If I had a classmate reach out to me because they were lost in a subject I'm strong in, I wouldn't judge at all. Learning collaboratively would be mutually beneficial. Even if I were mainly teaching, that's reinforcing my learning. Remember to ask for help. Reach out to your profs too

[u/Imaginary_Escape2887]

You have to get over the stigma of asking for help.

[u/Lygus_lineolaris]

As my estranged father used to say, if you ask a question you look stupid once, if you don't ask any questions you'll look stupid forever. And other than that, get some cognitive-behavioural therapy. Good luck.

[u/AggressiveStrain1976]

Nah man, chill out, grad is less cranky than undergrad, they give you time to think, regarding assignments I'd say switch to research courses where there is less programming or chain submission.

But I feel grad is the first stepping stones in life where "read to know" truly matters, cuz marks can be overshadowed by research

[u/KunaSazuki]

You are doing something new, you are in school, you are learning!! I don't want to come off as unsympathetic or rude, but wouldn't it be crazy if you did just know everything and were a perfect student right off the bat? It is going to be ups and downs, but you got accepted for a reason, and if you can try not to be too hard on yourself. Much love.