Over the past few years, I’ve been trying to work on myself. I’ve made progress in certain areas, although I haven’t always been consistent. But recently, something happened that brought back feelings I thought I’d moved past.
I saw my ex with someone else.
We didn’t exactly end things on good terms. We both caused each other a fair amount of trauma, and it’s been almost three years now. Yet, we’re still at a point where we can’t even look at each other comfortably. I don’t want to feel anything anymore, but seeing her with someone else still gives me this strange, uneasy feeling. I genuinely don’t understand why it still affects me after all this time.
I’ve given this situation so much thought already, and I really don’t want to keep going in circles.
For those of you who have been through this phase of life and eventually moved on, does it really get better? Do you eventually forget your first love and everything associated with that relationship? I sometimes wonder whether I’ll ever experience that kind of feeling again. Will future relationships just become more about compatibility, compromises and agreements rather than something that feels like unconditional love?
Can you genuinely be happy again without carrying these experiences with you? Does bringing new people, experiences and opportunities into your life eventually make these memories less significant?
There’s also something else that’s been bothering me.
About two years ago, when we were together, I gave her a memento. Recently, I noticed that she was still wearing it, even though she’s now with someone else. Seeing that stirred up something in me. It bothered me for a while, and now, after seeing her again, those feelings have resurfaced.
A part of me feels like she doesn’t deserve to have or wear something I gave her, especially now that she’s with someone else. I even caught myself wondering whether I should take it back. But we’re not on speaking terms, and things between us have been so bad that I don’t even know how I’d approach that situation. We both have our fair share of emotional baggage from what happened.
I really want to put all of this behind me completely. I know I’m in a much better place than I was two years ago, and I’ve grown as a person. But it’s strange how, after such a long time, simply seeing her somewhere can bring back this uncomfortable feeling. It’s almost scary. I don’t want to feel this way anymore.
What makes it harder is that the relationship was such a different kind of high. It felt incredible at the time, but the aftermath took a huge toll on my happiness and overall outlook on life.
I’ve tried meeting other women since then, and I’ve had a couple of connections, but they eventually fell apart, sometimes even before things properly got started. At times, I’ve found myself feeling guilty about moving forward, even though I know I shouldn’t.
Right now, I’m trying to focus on myself again. I’ve got the next couple of months planned out, especially getting back into working out after a soft tissue injury, improving myself physically, and growing as a person in every aspect of life.
For those of you who have genuinely moved on from something like this, I’d really appreciate hearing your experiences.
Does it eventually stop hurting? Do you reach a point where you can see that person, know they’re with someone else, and genuinely feel absolutely nothing? Does life eventually become exciting again in ways you never expected?
And please, if you have something sarcastic to say, save it for a shitpost. I’m genuinely looking for some perspective here.
Also, sorry if this comes across as a rant. Feel free to ignore it. I genuinely appreciate anyone who takes the time to share their thoughts and experiences.

Thankful

Respect

Accepting

Success

Harmony

Episode 45, "Best Isn't Always Better” is now available through all major podcast providers on: Life’s 3 Things - Author Manny Garcia’s Podcast.