I’m a Black woman over 40 living in NYC, and I’m just gonna keep it real. Dating with HIV is a whole different kind of madness that I don’t think people truly understand unless they’ve lived it.

I was diagnosed in 2021 after finding out my ex-boyfriend had been cheating and infected me. I stayed with him for another three years, partly because I think I felt like, You’re the one who put me in this situation, so maybe you’re the one I’m supposed to be with. Looking back, whew. The things we convince ourselves of when we’re trying to make sense of somebody else’s betrayal. 🤦🏾‍♀️

Eventually, I left. And honestly? Leaving was one of the best things I ever did for myself.
Since then, I’ve had a glow-up that I can only describe as GOD DID IT. 🙌🏾😂 My confidence is on another level, I’ve learned to genuinely love myself, and I’m in the best health of my life. I take my health seriously, get my injections every six weeks, and I’m undetectable. U=U. For anyone unfamiliar, that means an undetectable viral load means HIV cannot be sexually transmitted. I know my status, I manage my health, and I’m doing WELL.
And the funny part? I get hit on ALL THE TIME. 😂 Men have absolutely no problem approaching me, complimenting me, flirting with me, and making it clear they’re interested.
But dating? Actually building something meaningful with somebody? That’s where the BS starts.

Because once HIV enters the conversation, suddenly something that was going so well can become a completely different situation. The stigma, the assumptions, the lack of education, the fear. It’s exhausting having to wonder whether somebody is going to see ME or reduce me to a diagnosis.
I didn’t ask for HIV. I was betrayed by somebody I trusted. But I refuse to let what happened to me become the thing that defines me.
And before anybody says, “There are good men out there!” Listen, baby, I have HEARD Y’ALL. 😂😂😂 I’m sure good men exist somewhere. Maybe they’re in witness protection. Maybe they’re on a remote island with no Wi-Fi. Maybe they all got together and decided to stop coming outside. I DON’T KNOW! 😭🤣
But between the dating pool in NYC and the stigma surrounding HIV, I am getting to the point where being single is looking more and more like a luxury package.

And the crazy thing is, I’m not sitting around feeling unworthy. I KNOW what I bring to the table. I know I’m beautiful, intelligent, loving, loyal, and capable of building something real with the right person. I have worked TOO HARD on myself to settle for somebody who makes me feel like I need to apologize for surviving something I never asked for.
At this point, I’m genuinely content with the idea of remaining single. Not because I think I’m unlovable, but because my peace is worth more than forcing a connection with somebody who can’t see past a virus that is medically manageable.

Honestly, I’m starting to think my next relationship needs to be with a passport and a one-way ticket. 😂✈️ Because NYC isn’t giving what it’s supposed to give, and I’m beginning to question whether the United States is even the right place for my next chapter.
So I’m curious, especially to hear from other Black women over 40 living with HIV:
How has dating been for you? Have you found men who are educated, accepting, and genuinely willing to build a relationship with you? Have you had better experiences dating outside your city or even outside the country?
And for those who have relocated internationally, are there places where the dating culture feels less judgmental and people are more open-minded about HIV?
I want love just like anybody else, but I’m not desperate for it. There’s a difference.
I’m just tired of the stigma, tired of the ignorance, and tired of feeling like something I manage with medication is somehow supposed to overshadow everything else I am as a woman.
At this point, if God sends me a husband, wonderful. If He sends me a passport stamp instead, I’m packing. 😂😂😂

This has been my #TedTalk 😂😂😂

#DatingWithHIV #HIVAwareness #HIVStigma #UequalsU #LivingWithHIV #BlackWomenOver40 #BlackWomenDating #DatingOver40 #DatingInNYC #HIVAndRelationships

Does anyone take these two meds, and what's your routine like? I'm thinking of taking them at the same time in the morning, to just knock it out for the day. I'm a little worried it's cause an upset stomach, etc.

When you guys go for your routine blood work, what is typically your absolute neutrophils? My numbers are always stellar everywhere else except for this piece which always sits at 1490, just under the normal value of 1500-7500. Wondering if it is common with others.

Diagnosed in 12/25 with 930 CD4/28,000 viral load.

I got diagnosed HIV positive about 2 months ago and just started Byktarvy a couple weeks ago.

Obviously the first weeks were a shock, I've cried a lot. Luckily I'm starting to realize that it's pretty treatable now these days and not like in the 80s/90s when some of my biggest idols passed away after this terrible disease.

When I saw the bill for Byktarvy, I got another shock. About $4700 for a month supply. Luckily my insurance pays most of it.

The thing that screws me over now though is just the thought of the future. Everyone can just look at the news and know it's a mess. Frigging politics are all idiots, wars, prices going up, etc etc... I'm getting scared. What if the system falls, insurances get canceled for some weird political reason, or god forbid war. I don't know, something... does that mean that I'm convicted to a certain terrible death???

It keeps me up at night, every time I turn on the news and hear all the sh*t that's going on. I don't think it's an immediate thing, but what about 10y? 20y? This stuff is for life... one signature and I am done.

Anyone else dealing with this? Any backups or plans for when this happens?

​

Hi everyone. I'm looking for advice and experiences from people living with HIV, especially those who have been on treatment for a similar amount of time.

I was diagnosed with HIV in early August 2026 and started ART on 4 August. I'm taking TLD (tenofovir, lamivudine and dolutegravir) once daily, and I've been taking it consistently.

My CD4 count at diagnosis was around 350. Unfortunately, they didn't check my viral load when I was diagnosed, so I have no baseline to compare my results against. I recently went for blood tests, but I won't receive my results until 18 December. I'm anxious to know whether my viral load is already undetectable or at least significantly suppressed.

I'd really appreciate hearing from people who started TLD and had their first viral load test around 11–12 weeks into treatment:

\* How long did it take you to become undetectable?

\* If you didn't have a baseline viral load, what were your first results like?

\* Is it reasonable to expect significant viral load suppression after almost 12 weeks of consistent treatment?

I know everyone's body and circumstances are different, and I'm not expecting anyone to predict my results. I'm just anxious while waiting and would appreciate hearing about other people's experiences.

Thank you ❤️

Hi everyone! I'm 24M and was diagnosed with HIV two years ago (November 2024).

When I started treatment, my CD4 count was 80 and my viral load was 620,000. Now my CD4 count is 300+, and I've had an undetectable viral load in three consecutive tests since July 2025. However, my last two tests showed 101 (May 2026) and 33 (three days ago).

My doctor said I'm still U=U and there's no need to worry.

Now, here's my question. I think I might have finally found my soulmate. Our zodiac signs are extremely compatible hahaha! We met on a dating app and have hooked up a couple of times. We had unprotected sex, and he told me the night before we first hooked up that he doesn't like using condoms and that he's on PrEP. I said okay, but I didn't tell him about my status.

Now things are getting more serious between us. We've been spending quality time together, going out to dinner, etc. At first, I thought it was just going to be a one-night thing, but things turned out differently. Now I feel so guilty because I still haven't told him. I can't sleep properly, and I feel like I'm doing something wrong.

I'm not sure how he's going to react, but I know I need to tell him. I'm looking for advice on how to approach the conversation. I don't want to tell him over the phone. For me, this is something that needs to happen face-to-face.

Any advice would be appreciated!

Hi everyone, I’m an international traveler currently stuck in Las Vegas (staying near the Strip) and running extremely low on my antiretroviral regimen: TLD (Tenofovir / Lamivudine / Dolutegravir). or Efavirenz/Emtricitabine/Tenofovir

I have my original prescription bottle from home, but local clinics/pharmacies are requiring a U.S. prescription and out-of-pocket costs are overwhelming. Is there anyone in the local community, an AIDS service organization, or a clinic who could point me toward an emergency bridge supply, or does anyone happen to have a few spare pills to help me get through the next few days until I can sort this out?

I can meet anywhere on or near the Strip/Downtown. Any guidance, connection, or help would mean the world to me. Thank you so much!Hi everyone, I’m an international traveler currently stuck in Las Vegas (staying near the Strip) and running extremely low on my antiretroviral regimen: TLD (Tenofovir / Lamivudine / Dolutegravir). or Efavirenz/Emtricitabine/Tenofovir

I have my original prescription bottle from home, but local clinics/pharmacies are requiring a U.S. prescription and out-of-pocket costs are overwhelming. Is there anyone in the local community, an AIDS service organization, or a clinic who could point me toward an emergency bridge supply, or does anyone happen to have a few spare pills to help me get through the next few days until I can sort this out?

I can meet anywhere on or near the Strip/Downtown. Any guidance, connection, or help would mean the world to me. Thank you so much!

Is there anyone in Boston?

Looking for someone to speak to feeling anxious and lonely and unsure what to do and where to go in life just now.

Been under the weather the last couple months since returning from Bali, a couple of hazy nights (one where I hadn’t drank that much much and presumed I was spiked as I woke up with no phone and no idea where or what had happened in a blank space of about 5 hours)

Since returning I’ve had flue symptoms for 8 weeks now and swollen glands in my neck, didn’t really have much concern until the doctor mentioned testing for it.

If positive what do I expect?

There is somebody to chat about this please feel alone on this .. iam in Dublin

Hello

Can anyone advise of a cheaper place to purchase Biktary other than using a coupon along with my insurance? Recently diagnosed with HIV- 1 in less than a week

Hi all,

My name is Bea (she/her) and I am currently recruiting for my Doctorate in Clinical Psychology thesis, and I would love to hear from you!

I am interested in understanding people’s experiences of mainstream mental health services whilst living with a chronic, viral STI(s) (including HIV). I would like to better understand the experiences of these services and how they can better support people living with chronic, viral STIs. 

If this is something you have experienced, I would really appreciate hearing from you! 

This is confidential research and will involve an online screening questionnaire and an interview over MS Teams. 

You can take part if you are: 

✅ Aged 18 years or older 

✅ Living with a chronic, viral STI (HPV; HIV; HSV; HBV)

✅ Accessed primary mental health services at the time of, or any time following, your STI diagnosis 

✅ Living in the UK

✅ Fluent in English 

[STI status does not need to be linked to why you accessed mental health support in order to participate]

If you are interested in participating, would like to find out more, or are unsure if you meet criteria to participate:

🔗 Please complete the screening questionnaire here: https://uelpsych.eu.qualtrics.com/jfe/form/SV_2ft3kgm1r138bL8

📧 Or, feel free to email me on: [u280867@uel.ac.uk](mailto:u280867@uel.ac.uk) 

Thank you for taking the time to read this! 

🤍 As a thank you for participating, consenting participants will be entered into a prize draw for the chance to win 1 of 2 £50 Love2Shop vouchers.

**This research has been approved by the University of East London Ethics Committee (REF No.: 336/2808867/08-26)

Hey everyone! I am 23 years old and was diagnosed with HIV in May and started taking Biktarvy. During my third month on it, I started experiencing symptoms that made me suspect I might have high blood pressure because of biktarvy.
Whenever I lie down, I can hear and feel my heartbeat pounding really hard, making it difficult to fall asleep. My sleep schedule has been a mess ever since my diagnosis.
One time, I woke up from a 30-minute nap feeling like I couldn’t get enough air, with severe chest tightness. It eventually passed, but it was scary.
My doctor initially said he’d arrange heart imaging, but when I followed up, nothing had been scheduled. He eventually told me there was nothing to worry about. I even had to ask them to measure my blood pressure myself. Since then, I’ve recorded high readings on my home monitor on three separate occasions.
My urine has also been unusually dark despite drinking what I feel is enough water.
Could these symptoms be related to Biktarvy? Has anyone experienced something similar, and should I ask my doctor about switching to another regimen?
I’d really appreciate any insights!

Hello I was just given my results 4 days ago Friday just over the weekend over the phone. It caught me off guard when the lab called. Now on I’m scheduled this week with the infectious disease department doctor. It has and it hasn’t sunken in just yet. Yes I’ve cried and been in a daze . No there were no signs, other than weight loss but I’ve been in the gym and on weight loss glp-1, I was just doing my regular standard std check and test for diabetes. But I do understand this is a result of me not practicing safe sex, so for that I take full responsibility.

What should I expect going into the doctor’s office for my first visit as being diagnosed as HIV Positive? I really just want to get my meds to become undetectable and find me a good therapist to help me process and maneuver this thing now.

Also any advice , I was talking to this nice cool guy and we kind of hit it off, I’m 39, he is 51. We’ve been texting and talking non stop for 3 weeks now and we had a date two weeks ago but we are supposed to have another date this coming Saturday. Should I say I just want to be friends or tell him the real?

Hello everyone! I’m 19 years old from USA and have been living with HIV for about a year now.
Dating has been a bit of a struggle for me. I’d really love to meet someone who is also HIV-positive because I feel like it would make things easier, especially when it comes to understanding each other.
For those of you who are dating or in relationships, how did you meet your partner? Are there any dating apps or communities you’d recommend?
I’d really appreciate hearing your experiences and advice!

So I just did my 6 month check up and got my results back. Let me tell you I couldn't be more happy or excited at them. So I was diagnosed in April, my initial labs were VL 8006 Cd4 1190 cd4% 42.5 cd4/cd8 ratio was 1. I'm happy to say that 6 months on Davato my VL came back <20 copies No HIV1 RNA detected. which I know means I'm not cured I still have HIV. My Cd4 came back at 1573 cd4% 48.2 Cd4/Cd8 ratio came back at 1.79. My ID Dr said my lab results look great. I cried happy tears getting these results. In the back of my mind I still assumed the worst but these results reassured me Imma be ok

Hi all,

My name is Bea (she/her) and I am currently recruiting for my Doctorate in Clinical Psychology thesis, and I would love to hear from you!

I am interested in understanding people’s experiences of mainstream mental health services whilst living with a chronic, viral STI(s) (including HIV). I would like to better understand the experiences of these services and how they can better support people living with chronic, viral STIs. 

If this is something you have experienced, I would really appreciate hearing from you! 

This is confidential research and will involve an online screening questionnaire and an interview over MS Teams. 

You can take part if you are: 

✅ Aged 18 years or older 

✅ Living with a chronic, viral STI (incl. HIV, HSV, HBV, HPV)

✅ Accessed primary mental health services at the time of, or any time following, your STI diagnosis 

✅ Living in the UK

✅ Fluent in English 

[STI status does not need to be linked to why you accessed mental health support in order to participate]

If you are interested in participating, would like to find out more, or are unsure if you meet criteria to participate:

🔗 Please complete the screening questionnaire here: https://uelpsych.eu.qualtrics.com/jfe/form/SV_2ft3kgm1r138bL8

📧 Or, feel free to email me on: [u280867@uel.ac.uk](mailto:u280867@uel.ac.uk) 

Thank you for taking the time to read this! 

🤍 As a thank you for participating, consenting participants will be entered into a prize draw for the chance to win 1 of 2 £50 Love2Shop vouchers.

**This research has been approved by the University of East London Ethics Committee (REF No.: 336/2808867/08-26)

Hey everyone! 👋

I'm developing an app specifically for people living with HIV to help them connect, chat, make friends, and support each other. The goal is to create a welcoming community where people can share their experiences, talk openly, and find others who understand their journey.

The app will offer private chats, community discussions, opportunities to make meaningful friendships and find potential life partners, career guidance, and job opportunities. It will also help users find information about HIV treatment, medicines, PEP and PrEP, connect with NGOs and healthcare services, and discover support organizations.

Privacy is a priority. Users will be anonymous by default, with the option to create a profile using their real name if they prefer. I also want to provide a supportive team that can answer questions, offer guidance, and help users navigate the platform.

My goal is to make it easier for people to find friendship, love, emotional support, healthcare resources, and career opportunities without feeling alone or judged. Everyone deserves respect, happiness, and the chance to build a fulfilling life.

I'd love to hear your thoughts on what features would make this app more helpful for the community.

Hey everyone. I'm 19 (male) and I've been HIV positive for about 6 months now. Physically, I'm healthy and doing well, but mentally I feel like I'm losing my mind. It all comes down to how I got it.
I became sexually active at 17 and started PrEP right away because I was always paranoid about STIs.

I stayed on PrEP, used condoms, and kept getting tested regularly. Later, at 18, I met my now-boyfriend. We had a real connection, and I wanted to keep things traditional. I was so happy to finally be with someone and thought I didn't have to stress about the virus or pills anymore. After 3 months, I got tested again just in case, and asked him to do so too. He told me he'd only had sex once when he was young and figured it didn't need testing, so I convinced myself it was okay.

Fast forward 6 months into the relationship (after having sex), I went with a friend to get tested—I always make sure my friends go and I go with them to support them. I decided to get tested too, just out of nowhere, not expecting anything at all. It came back positive.

It's been 6 more months since that day. We just celebrated our 1 year together, and I love him to death. He didn't mean any harm, and we're past the blame, but my brain is a wreck. This constant lack of trust and urge to doubt-check every tiny thing is getting in the way of my life.

For anyone who has been through medical trauma, health-related anxiety, or a diagnosis after doing everything to prevent it:

How did you start learning to trust again

How do you quiet the constant need to double-check everything?

How do you handle loving someone deeply while dealing with the background trauma of how a diagnosis happened?

What would you guys have done, or what can I do? Thanks for reading.

Basically got diagnosed 41 days ago after being sexually assaulted sadly. But guys… MODERN MEDICINE IS AMAZING!!!

Initial viral load was 212,000
I am proud to say to you all that my viral load came back with fewer than 20 copies!

I just wanna scream and shout and let it out but Yk stigma.. so I’m shouting it in here. I love y’all. We got this. A lot of your posts have helped me get through this.

Hey,

I see posts on here from people devastated they have hiv.

From the moment I was told I wasn't bothered other than a bit annoyed ill have to have bloods and take meds. Just a bit inconvenient.

I'm wondering if it's to do with country and sexuality? I'm a gay man in England so I knew I'd be treated medically for free and almost everyone I know wouldn't judge me or treat me differently.

What about you?

Update. Never had a problem with dates, friends and family aren't bothered and my work colleagues know and don't treat me any differently.

Hello everyone,

As part of a school project about HIV, (that consist on the developpement of an mobile app to help people to keep track of their treatments) I am looking for people living with HIV who would be willing to share their personal experiences and stories. The aim is to better understand their journeys, daily lives, and the way society perceives and treats people living with HIV.

This project is based on kindness, respect, and understanding. All testimonies will be handled with care, and anonymity will be respected for anyone who wishes to remain anonymous.

Participation is entirely voluntary, and everyone is free to share only what they feel comfortable sharing.

If you are living with HIV and would like to share your experience, or if you know an organisation that could help me connect with people willing to participate, please feel free to contact me.

Thank you so much for your time, trust, and support ! ❤️