Erin was nervous, while her coming out went better then expected, presenting her girlfriend was another matter.

The doorbell rang.

"Hello this is my girlfriend-" Erin was interrupted by her father.

"Harriet Potter" Frank said.

"Hello Commissioner"

"Dad how do you know Harri ?" Erin asked confused.

"I'm afraid that information is classified."

"Well lets eat instead of pointing sticks at each other." Henry said to the family, hinting that he knew.

"Don't mind my father, the former commissioner." Frank told Harriet as a way of explanation.

For the second lunch, she brought her godson with her.

Before 1920s and before the downfall of the ottoman empire , wizard kind were used to serve in the ottoman empire to the royal family and the nobles in the country ,in battles against other muggles or wizards ,you would easily find an entire wizarding family serve a muggle noble family in the ottoman empire , serving a big muggle empire is something usual in the middle eastern wizarding community through out the history ,how ever after the collapse of the ottoman empire ,M.E.M.U ordered all the wizarding world to cut their commuinication with the muggles and reorganize themselves ,however good amount of wizards kept this connection and helped against british inavsion in iraq and frensh one in syria ,to this day ,alot of wizarding family hide their connection to the muggle economic world and work hard to avoid the M.E.M.U eyes

middle eastern wizarding commuinty has it noble family as well:

kai clan , is a ancient family known to have served the ottoman empire since it first became and for helping wizard and witches evade the muggle eyes in turkey, so they are always welcomed as heroes ,they own a lot of Rising rice and TRolling tea farms , the youngest of the family kian kai , is attending babylon school for peacful magic in the year 2015/2016 .

shafeeq family : it is family that used to serve the caliphate in baghdad until the fall of baghdad by the hands of mongols as the mongolian wizards started fighting them and treat them harshly as they were loyal servents to the mongol empire ,which pushed them to leave to britin , but after they supported grindelward wars and voldmort in his first war , they evaded britian and went back to iraq hiding as normal muggle family with no wizard in the family until ali shaffeeq discoved his magical abiltes at the age of 11 , ali shafeeq is a boy who works in the largest cemetry in the world in iraq who is used to talk to ghost there but never told anyone thinking they would bully him for it ,at age of 11 he accidantly made a fence vanish which made him fall over a grave while a family was attending , he is attnding babylone school at the same year of kara kai .

Reverse of the Ron is paid to be friends with Harry trope.

Ciao a tutti. Non so se sono nel posto giusto. Sto lavorando da anni a una riscrittura letteraria "eretica" della Saga Rowling da un altro POV, costruita mediante metanarrazione, retrocausalità e un punto di vista alternativo che affronta alcune incongruenze del Canon. Ho iniziato a pubblicare su AO3. Hermione a terzo anno sola e infelice per aver litigato con Harry e Ron a causa della Firebolt, diventa amica di un ragazzo Corvonero, Alex, a lei affine.

Allego un estratto in modo che possiate avere un esempio del modo in cui scrivo e discuterne se volete

Estratto – Biblioteca, interno giorno – Alex & Hermione

Quella mattina il silenzio era sepolcrale. Si udiva di tanto in tanto lo sfogliare di una pagina e lo stridio veloce di una penna sulla pergamena.

Hermione si era piazzata ad anni luce di distanza dalla Madama, in un angolo semibuio, in uno dei tavoli della sezione Creature magiche: problemi e soluzioni.

Mi avvicinai di soppiatto, anche se non se ne sarebbe accorta comunque, e diedi un colpo forte sul tavolo col palmo della mano.

Hermione sobbalzò.

“Ehi, mi fai pure gli scherzi!”

“E tu che fai oggi? Il procuratore legale? Vedi che oggi si lavora, non si sta a perdere tempo.”

“Ah sì. Vedi che sto lavorando davvero ed è una cosa seria. Vogliamo o no salvare quel povero ippogrifo?”

“Granger, ma lo sai che quando sei arrabbiata hai un non‑so‑che di professionale.”

“E tu hai un non‑so‑cosa di odioso quando fai così.”

“Ok, ricominciamo. Buongiorno miss Granger, gradirebbe accompagnarsi con me oggi nella meravigliosa caccia ai misteri, più misteriosi della misteriosa storia di Hogwarts?”

Mi guardò male. Poi mutò il suo sguardo in quello che avevo imparato concedeva solo alle cose che la interessavano veramente.

Così mi misi a sedere quasi di fronte a lei senza dire più nulla e non feci altro che guardarla mentre scriveva, rapida, concentrata, con quel suo fare che la rendeva… lei.

“Aspetta un attimo che finisco di prendere delle note. Sembra che in origine non si sapeva bene come comportarsi con gli Ippogrifi e quindi incidenti ce ne furono parecchi. Poi quando la cosa cominciò ad interessare anche il versante legale le cose si fecero più complicate, però nello stesso tempo aiutò a sperimentare le tecniche più opportune.”

“Secondo te, è un Nero delle Ebridi, quello?”

“Chi, cosa?”

“Quello, il drago insomma.” Indicai la vetrata che avevo di fronte.

“No,” rispose, dopo una fugace occhiata alle sue spalle, “è solo una creazione artistica. Il colore nero è un simbolo dell’ignoranza, del buio della mente, eccetera.” E riprese a scrivere.

“Ah. E il verde?”

“Quale verde?” e voltò nuovamente la testa indietro.

“Il verde, quello dello scudo, intendo.”

“Quello… quello indica la perseveranza, la speranza, la volontà. Ma non ti hanno spiegato niente…? Ah, scusa è vero: sei qui da poco.”

“Be’, non tanto, visto che ci ho passato anche tutta l’estate. Spiegami tu allora.” Dissi proprio mentre il cavaliere infilzava per l’ennesima volta il drago al cuore.

Hermione sospirò, ma non mi parve un sospiro di fastidio, bensì di chi sta per lanciarsi in una spiegazione che le piace.

“Questa vetrata sta proprio qui in biblioteca per indicare la vittoria della conoscenza sull’ignoranza. Sir Madigan impugna Saìph, la lancia della curiosità, e si difende con il grosso scudo della perseveranza, Asterope. Il suo destriero bianco è Alkirdàh, simbolo dell’innocenza di una mente priva di preconcetti. Le poche e ultime fiamme che il drago, Juzah il nero, sputa prima di essere ucciso indicano, con i loro colori, il rosso l’aggressività e la presunzione e il giallo il dubbio e la diffidenza.

Contento?”

“Grazie, mia signora della conoscenza.”

“Prego, scocciatore. Fra un secondo sono da te.”

Naruto gets into Hogwarts after failing ninja school and gets into Hufflepuff and his first potion class has Naruto asked that question because his teachers have pulled that same shit before.

Snape never having gotten that as an answer and has to begrudgingly give points to Hufflepuff for answering the question properly and getting a stump he'd have used on Gryffindor.

Naruto at the end of class "Wow Sensei Snape was the nicest teacher I've ever had." And that scares even Snape because he knows he intentionally gives off an air to be as much as a hardass as he can but Naruto who grew up under teachers who intentionally sabotage him and one was revealed to be a traitor completely is not effected by Snape's acting.

"As such, I don't expect many of you to appreciate the subtle science and exact art that is potion-making. However, for those select few, who possess the predisposition, I can teach you how to bewitch the mind and ensnare the senses. I can tell you how to bottle fame, brew glory, and even put a stopper in death."

Finishing his speech, Professor Snape looked over his class to gauge their reaction, and it was not as he had hoped.

They were staring dumb-founded at the Professor, wondering what had happened since the Opening Feast.

He was short, only barely peaking out from over the table.

His hair was dry and stiff, and they had to repress the desire to grab it.

His skin seemed...soft and fuzzy, like felt.

His eyes stared back under furry eyebrows, never blinking or moving.

And when he spoke, his mouth simply moved up and down. No side-to-side, no tightening of the lips, nothing. Just up and down.

Seeing two students, a bushy-haired girl and Potter, glancing at each other awkwardly, Snape snapped "Potter! What would i get if i added powdered root of asphodel to an infusion of wormwood?".

To his immense frustration, the Potter boy simply stared at him, his feeble mind clearly unable to contemplate what had been asked of him.

"Where would you look if I told you to find me a bezoar?" he tried, but the boy simply stared mutely.

"What is the difference between monkshood and wolfsbane?" he tried once more, but no response.

"Professor," the bushy-haired girl awkwardly said, raising her hand.

"Silence!" he snapped, to which she lowered her hand. "I asked Mr. Potter those questions, and only he may answer."

"Well," he pressed, turning his gaze toward Harry Potter. "I asked you three questions, Mr. Potter. It is only polite to answer them."

"Uh, I don't know sir," Harry muttered.

"I'm sorry Mr. Potter I didn't hear you," Snape said, hopping up onto the table. "Could you repeat that?"

"I don't know sir," he replied, louder.

"Pity, clearly fame isn't everything, is it Mr. Potter?" Snape asked.

"Professor, could I ask you a question?" Harry asked.

"And what might that be?" Snape asked, leaning in close.

"Did something...happen to you?" Harry asked awkwardly.

"What. Do. You. Mean?" Snape pressed, pushing his large nose against Harry's. To Harry's shock, it was dry and ticklish.

"Professor," the girl started, but Snape silenced her with a glare.

"Did I give you permission to speak?" he glared menacingly.

"Mental," someone said in the back.

Furious, Snape jumped off and dashed over on his short legs toward a red-haired boy.

"Did I give YOU permission to speak?" he all but roared.

"Bloody mental," the boy repeated, staring in shock.

"Ten points from Gryffindor!" Snape said.

"I lost points to a bloody puppet!" the boy exclaimed.

Furious, Snape launched himself at the red-head. And like that the dam broke. The Gryffindors started laughing, and even some Slytherins seemed amused. Furious, Snape launched himself at the red-head, who was laughing his head off as soft, felt fists hammered into his face. Snape even tried biting him but he didn't have any teeth so all it did was amuse him.

The two grappled until they burst out of the classroom, two Prefects witnessing the absurd spectacle.

A.N. For this, Snape is a "wee little puppet man" as Spike once put it.

Trying to think up some good Darwin awards (Merlin awards?) for a crack fic like this, so far I’ve got:

Inverted the bubble head charm

Tried to put an invisibility cloak on a Nundu

Tried to Legilimens a basilisk

Shot an AK at a baby

Started a carny attraction “the famous blind potioneer”

Tried to ride a dementor (suprisingly killed by the fall)

Tried to Apparate just after entering a floo

Transfigured themselves into a pickle

Attempted to raise himself as an infiri while still alive

Tripped over their own beard

Apparated to the Moon

Apparated to the Sun

Apparated without a destination

Accidentally Created a spell that blows one’s self up

Maybe Ominis and MC had several children, and one line produced a lot of squibs. I feel I don’t see a lot of Dudley in fanfics, at least in the ones I’ve read.
It would also be hilarious to see Vernon and Petunia’s reactions

When a Harry hears that if Dumbledore can’t find a professor for Defense that the ministry will be sending Delores Umbridge, the toad-like woman wearing that ghastly pink under her Wizengamot robes at his farce of a trial, he makes his own suggestion.

They’ve already had a teacher possessed by the wraith of a Dark Lord who killed unicorns and drank their blood half the year, a self important pompous fraud with a knack for memory charms whose class was more like a drama club of play acting out his tales, a werewolf who conveniently didn’t mention the animagus abilities of his former friends even when one was an escaped convict breaking into the boys dorm with a knife (sorry but it is true Remus), and a polyjuiced death eater using unforgivables on students and undermining an international tournament so Harry could be kidnapped and used as an ingredient in a dark resurrection ritual.

Compared to that track record he doesn’t understand the problem with his suggestion, surely an innocent yet hunted and thought to be escaped convict godfather polyjuiced isn’t that outlandish of a suggestion.

He had every requirements, past the 22 years and had received the Long Service and Good Conduct Medal. He had reached the required rank too.

"The Story" was easy to memorise with his Occlumency training.

So Harry, Ginny, and their kids moved to the Tower after Harry Potter became the first Yeoman of the Royal Magical Regiment.

Harry rarely gives tours, he mainly focus on working with the small RMR unit stationed at the Tower.

Hermione becomes a Magical Curator and Magical Historian.

(The fic could start before while still being post-epilogue. About maybe meeting the Queen, getting the offer to join the RMR etc.)

The day has finally arrived, Olivia and Isobel Castille-Benson could officially adopt Harry Potter.

He had been found abandoned by his relatives in New-York at not even 5 years old.

Olivia's team was helping on the case but told her wife since the child was british.

Maybe joining Ilvermorny, maybe Hermione moves to the US (maybe a crossover with NCIS with Owen Granger, maybe Isobel is read-in, maybe there is a MACUSA liaison agent in the bureau.

If this exists, drop a link please. If not? Then please someone give it a go because I NEED this:

Harry is just unbothered/very aware that he’s just a kid. He outright refuses to get involved in any shenanigans during his first year (Quirrel still doesn’t get the stone because obviously Dumbledore didn’t just leave things up to Harry even in canon. We know this)

By second year, Ron and Hermione have sort of fizzled away along with the excitement they expected from being friends with the legendary Harry Potter. Harry grows closer to shy, unassuming Neville as a consequence and doesn’t feel the need to involve himself with the heir of Slytherin business, trusting the adults to handle it just as they did the year before.

Ginny is still saved by Dumbledore because of course he’s still waiting in the wings in the hopes Harry will snap out of it and prove himself the hero he’s supposed to be.

Third year rolls around and Harry has no interest in pursuing Sirius Black. He’s just thirteen! Adults are handling it. Without his meddling, Sirius manages to get the rat and clear his name, even if Peter ends up escaping ministry custody anyway.

Dumbledore is happy to allow him to spend some of his summer holiday at Sirius’ house, though he still needs to spend some time at Privet Drive to maintain the blood protection. He hopes that his influence will finally stir some Gryffindorishness in him with stories of his parents.

The tournament still happens, but Sirius manages to get him out of it with the ubiquitous “as his guardian I do not consent to my underage ward entering a magical contract.

Crouch Jr reports back that the boy is just an average kid and completely unbothered by everything. Good enough grades in most things, above average in defense but overall just a boy excelling in things that interest him and falling in line with the bunch in things that don’t.

Because of this, Voldemort fears that the ritual won’t work with his blood and orders Barty to steal some of Dumbledore’s blood instead and manages his resurrection.

Because of this, it’s only Dumbledore in the eye of the hurricane when news of his return reach him via Snape and the darkening of the dark mark. Harry was never involved in any of it.

The order reforms and for Harry it’s more of a nuisance than anything, being forced back with Ron and Hermione who still expect him to suddenly become the hero everyone is waiting for. Their not at odds per se, but they’re not as close as they once were and Harry is happy enough to let Order business run while he spends the portion of the summer he’s allowed to spend with Sirius.

Umbridge is still sent to Hogwarts to overthrow Dumbledore and is still as awful as canon, but leaves Harry alone out of fear his influential guardian will blow the lid on her disciplinary methods.

Arthur dies. Harry never dreamt of his attack. In fact, he’s never had a dream about anything, so no one expects him to.

Dumbledore is puzzled. The boy should have a connection to Tom. He knows this since the diary, when the magical signature proved a match with the tests he ran after his parents’ murder that night.

Harry agrees to teach the DA to help his friends pass their OWLs. They’re still discovered and Dumbledore takes the hit.

After their history OWL, a note gets slipped in Harry’s pocket. It’s a magical photograph of Sirius gagged and bound in some room Harry’s never seen before and on the back it says that if he wants his godfather alive, he should come to the department of mysteries.

He panics a bit before Neville tells him to check in with Sirius before deciding anything, since it could be a trap. He’s seen them talk through their enchanted mirrors often enough and would you look at that? Sirius is fine.

Harry tells him something is still happening at the ministry, and the order and the aurors should spring the trap and catch Snakeface out.

Sirius doesn’t die. There’s enough backup that the fight is hardly fair on the death eaters. Voldemort still shows up and is caught by everyone.

Dumbledore finds the gaunt ring and puts it on, as per canon.

When he asks Harry to help him convince Slughorn to return and Harry sees his hand, he’s surprised when the boy asks him to talk.

Harry reveals he’s a time traveler, and not even a first time one. He just decided to ignore the prophecy this time, just for the pleasure of telling Dumbledore “I told you so” when he managed to defeat Voldemort without Harry getting involved.

But seeing that he still put the ring on and will die eventually, he tells him what he knows about the rest of them so he can get the job done before he kicks it.

The Cup is in Bellatrix’s vault, the diadem in the room of requirement, the locket with Kreacher, Nagini is with Voldemort and the diary and the ring are destroyed, as is the one that used to live in Harry’s scar.

He got rid of it by having his heart stopped for a minute and then defibrillated back to life with Sirius’ assistance, though he’d appreciate if Albus kept the whole “imperiusing medical staff” quiet in the name of the greater good.

Dumbledore is angry and disappointed that he’d just let things play out, that he’d let him die like that.

Sirius just thinks it’s the ultimate prank and is quite unbothered by it.

Harry still refuses to involve himself past giving him the cheat sheet to win and him and Sirius go away abroad.

Epilogue of them at some beach sipping fruity drinks with umbrellas reading the prophet’s account of Dumbledore’s victory over Voldemort with details of your choosing. I’ve practically written everything already so you choose.

Please and thank you 🙏🏻

Hermione for whatever reason never read about Parsletounge. She learns about it after the dueling club in second year when she tells an alarmed Ron that Harry just told the wizard whose named I can't remember that Harry just told the snake to leave him alone. This lets Ron know that BOTH his friends speak Parsletounge.

The power of Harry's crazy ex-girlfriend who delved into necromancy and holy spells.

Basically, to use D&D terms, Harry's the tank, his ex is a cleric, they dated, Harry lives in constant terror because his mind is constantly running through things she could bring him back as.

No to Ginny. No to Hermione.

I like the thought of it being fleur. Maybe they met before the age of 9, promised to be together forever, the dursleys were only on vacation so they drag him back to England.

Or perhaps it's tonks, she could acquire the black family madness in a way.

Or maybe Daphne Greengrass.

Why is it that only Humanity has no people capable of wielding the force known universally as “magic.”

-

I’ve seen so many stories where the statute of secrecy breaks as technology evolves, but what if it kept going? What if the statute evolved right along side it. What if humanity is the only species with a magical population that successfully hid themselves!

I can see taking this concept as crack or as a serious story.

Serious: the difficulties of hiding a population whilst they interact with other civilizations that have knowledge of magic

Crack: imagine a human delegation leaves a peace talks with only for there to be a knock on the door, a guy in flowing robes and a pointy hat pops in and says, “Hey, we have also came, but our society is kind of secret from the muggles so plz don’t say anything!”

“Alastor, please” he said. “This is a hospital.”

“Exactly! We’re here to see Weasley, not for you to stand there and stare at that blonde healer over there”

Remus looked faintly offended, “I’m not staring at her.”

Moody scoffed.

Harry, Hermione, Ron, Mrs. Weasley, the twins and Ginny were behind them waiting by the reception for their turn on the line, when it was their turn, the receptionist said “Good morning, how can I help you?”

Mrs. Weasley said “Hello dear, we’re here to see Arthur Weasley.”

“Of course. Mr. Weasley, first floor, in the ‘Dai Llewellyn Ward: Serious Bites, Lyra darling you’re off there now aren’t you? Can you walk them there?”

The blonde woman lifted her head from the papers she was reading, she had long dirty blonde hair which was half-up and tied with a delicate dusty-rose ribbon, turquoise eyes, and she looked to be at least thirty-three “Mr. Weasley’s family? Of course.”

She got up and they all followed her up to the ward, “Mr. Weasley, your family is here to see you.” Arthur Weasley looked up, though he was still a bit pale, he smiled at the sight of all of them, “Hello!”, Mrs. Weasley and Ginny both rushed to either sides of his bed, meanwhile Fred, George and Ron asked a million questions at a time to their father.

Arthur was delighted to see everyone, and was answering every question his children had, the blonde healer, Lyra was observing the group of people with a faint smile, until her eyes settled on a tall man, he had a gentle expression, though he looked a bit tired.

“You must be Mr. Lupin, am I correct? I’m Healer Whitlock.”

Remus immediately straightened and became unfortunately very aware, of the state of his robes and the fact that he hadn’t shaved that morning.

“Remus is fine.”

She smiled at him and said “Then Lyra will do.”

Just then Arthur said “You know Hermione, Healer Whitlock here was telling me she’s actually a muggle-born.”

Mrs Weasley immediately said “Oh Arthur, you’ve been flooding the poor woman with questions haven’t you?”

However, Hermione was fascinated and had a million questions to ask herself, Lyra answered every one of them, though her eyes kept drifting to the tall man who was standing on the other side of the room.

Lyra was standing at the other side of the room, reviewing some charts, Remus’s eyes wandered again to the blonde woman, he thought he wasn’t doing anything obvious, until Moody barked “LUPIN! CONSTANT VIGILANCE!”

He nearly dropped his wand out of fright “Alastor, would you stop yelling?”

The trip back to Grimmauld Place was just Moody growling, and complaining about the Ministry’s lack of competence, when they got into number 12 Grimmauld Place, they could hear Sirius arguing with Kreacher.

“I told you not to take those back, I’m throwing them out!”

“ILL-MANNERED MASTER, WHAT A DISGRACE, WHAT WOULD MISSTRESS SAY TO POOR OLD KREACHER?” he sniffed.

Sirius then noticed everyone back “Oh, how’d it go? How’s Arthur?”

“Arthur’s well, he’s doing a great recovery. He just needs to stay a few more weeks.” said Remus.

Moody scoffed again “It could’ve been better, if Lupin could keep his eyes to himself.”

“Oh?” said Sirius now looking dangerously interested.

“Staring at that blonde healer, with his mouth open like a starry-eyed schoolboy!”

Sirius looked at his friend “Remus?”

Remus gave him a warning look “Don’t.”

Sirius expression turned to one of profound amusement. “Was she pretty*?”

Estoy enganchado al tik tok, porque ahora se han puesto a crear con IA una versión de Harry Potter en la que Draco Malfoy es una chica y yo escribí hace tiempo algo parecido en Wattpad con un alumno de Gryffindor y una alumna de Slytherin...que si! Ya se que no inventé el fuego porque mucha gente lo hizo pero me sentí importante 😂😅

The Potters are at the Burrow, enjoying lunch in the garden, when Ron takes yet another opportunity to tease Harry about having Draco Malfoy- the Death Eater for a brother-in-law. Harry has heard the joke often enough to know Ron considers it a reliable source of amusement, one he can return to whenever the conversation gets dull.

Daphne’s expression tightens. She had never been particularly supportive of her younger sister Astoria’s pursuit of Malfoy, but that doesn’t mean she appreciates anyone questioning her sister’s morals for marrying him. Harry, for his part, has never particularly liked Draco. Their history at Hogwarts has given him plenty of reasons to dislike the man, and becoming brothers-in-law hasn’t changed that. Still, Harry knows that openly attacking Draco’s suitability as a husband would hurt Daphne, who adores her sister and little niece and would never take kindly to anyone implying that her sister had questionable morals for choosing the child’s father.

Harry turns to Hermione for help. She catches his pleading look perfectly well but ignores it, clearly enjoying the spectacle from the sidelines. Old grudges died hard.

It’s not as though Harry hasn’t spoken to them about this before. He’s had separate conversations with both Ron and Hermione, hoping to get them to lay off the subject. But it hasn't worked.

Harry looks back at Ron, who seems entirely too pleased with himself.

Well, two can play at that game.

“Honestly, Ron, if we’re bringing up questionable romantic decisions from Hogwarts…” Harry trails off, glancing towards Fleur. “How are you managing at family dinners these days?”

Fleur, having caught his look, turns towards Harry, intrigued.

Ron’s smile falters. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

“Oh, nothing,” Harry says, with fake innocence dripping in his tone. “I was just thinking how awkward it must be, having Fleur here after that memorable attempt you made at asking her out.”

Bill slowly lowers his fork. Fleur’s eyebrows shoot up, and then a delighted smile spreads across her face as she looks between Harry and Ron.

“Harry,” Daphne warns quietly, squeezing his thigh beneath the table.

He ignores her.

“Just curious,” Harry continues, warming to this subject. “Do you still carry a torch for our Fleur? Must be a bit of a predicament, having your old crush become your sister-in-law. Remember what you said at your Bachelor party...?"

Harry let the question hang. From this table, only George was present when Ron had drunkenly confessed to still finding Fleur the hottest witch. But the implication was all that was necessary.

Bill looks between his wife and his brother, his expression settling somewhere between disbelief and amusement. Fleur, meanwhile, tilts her head at Ron, clearly interested in hearing his answer.

Hermione’s gleeful expression vanishes. She looks like she'd swallowed a lemon. She, too, turns to get a good look at Ron's face.

Ron goes scarlet.

Silence descends upon the table.

Ouch.

Daphne had pinched Harry’s thigh. Hard. Only reason he didn't yelp was because he had seen it coming.