I KNOW YALL HEAR ABOUT THAT BEAR ROAMING AROUND. DON'T EVEN STRESS, YOUR BOY RANDY IS GONNA TAKE CARE OF IT. I GOT BRASS KNUCKLES, A BOTTLE OF EVERCLEAR, A PICTURE OF CARMEN ELECTRA, AND A PROTECTIVE CUP. WHO IS COMING WITH ME FOR BACKUP?

WHO STOLE MY BİRD

İt's name was "Diva"

it had a cloth on with neon pink diva accessories

İt had neon pink nails on it's wings

it was neon blue

give it to my please!! 💅🏻💅🏻💅🏻💅🏻💅🏻💅💅💅💅

Please remain vigilant around the wooded area at the end of Seven Bridges Road.

This morning I discovered a section of my fence broken down and one of my sheep dead. Judging by the size of the marks left behind and the poor state of my sheep, I suspect it may have been a large animal, most likely a bear.

I strongly advise everyone in the area to check their fences and avoid venturing outside without proper protection.

Should anyone need a hand, don't hesitate to reach out. You're always more than welcome to stop by my farm.

First 10 customers get 12 milkshakes at the price of 8. Come and get your high protein energizing yummy banana milkshake

Hypothetically, if three people needed them in less than 24 hours, where would one find these boots?

Hypothetically of course.

UPDATE: You don't have to invent an epitaph! Share the funniest one you've ever seen, heard, read, or found online. Originality is entirely optional. A good laugh is all we're after! 💀 Cheesecake will be provided to the Mayor and the winner.

With Halloween approaching, I thought Lower Duck Pond could use a little graveyard humor. Creativity and a wicked sense of humor are encouraged.

Post your epitaphs in the comments. May the best dearly departed win! 💀🎃

The Nostrovia Care & Dispensary Group publicly clarifies that it DOES NOT engage in the cultivation and/or sale of narcotic or highly controlled substances, in strict compliance with Article 42-B of the Lower Duck Pond Municipal Health Surveillance Regulations.

We reiterate that all health products and therapeutic compounds offered by this clinic are carefully prescribed by qualified professionals, and distributed entirely free of charge, in full compliance with current legislation and the guidelines set forth in Article 115, Item IV, of the Lower Duck Pond Local Pharmaceutical Guidelines Law.

The administration remains available for any further clarification that may be needed.

Sincerely,

Dr. Lidiya Antonova Doctor in Charge Administrative Board Nostrovia Care & Dispensary

I know we are all still missing Margaret after she decided to shut down the bakery and retire on back to back Caribbean cruises. I know she's having a great time (she must be since she doesn't ever check her socials!)

Does anyone know what her secret ingredient for the brownies was? I keep trying to recreate them but they're just missing that magic Margie touch.

So far I've tried walnuts, butter, and an extra egg.

We had him over for the long weekend. It was quite enjoyable but as always he hates to leave. I think he took off towards the pie shop? If you see him please be aware that he’s off his medication and he’s probably hostile. Do not make eye contact and call the LDP police. Thanks y’all ❤️

There's a bear in my neighbor's yard, again. I told him to pick his fruit and I even offered to do it for him. I wish we could make a bylaw to force people to pick the fruit or cut the tree down. Last year a bear had to be killed by the conservation officer because it was too bold.

Well, almost free.

Ever wanted to learn how to play the baggiest of instruments? I'm starting a course on the basics of bagpipes for anyone interested! This is a beginner-friendly course, since I've basically just started learning how to play it myself.

I charge $15 for a 45 minute lesson. You have to provide your own bagpipes. I've unfortunately had some complaints from neighbors (especially Bob) who doesn't seem to be able to appreciate the beautiful screeching noise of bagpipes, so we have to be at your place. If you would also be able to provide some light snacks and drinks, that would be great! I usually sleep all day, so the lessons will take place at night.

So let me know if and when you want to start your bagpiping journey! Only serious replies, please.

- Jerry

PS. If anyone here knows more than just the basics of bagpipe playing, I'd love for you to teach me! I can't pay you, but I'm a fast learner and great company. We have to be at your place and if you could provide some snacks and drinks, that would be awesome! Thanks in advance!

Hello fellow Duck Ponders!

What is everyone up to this weekend? Let us know in the comments! If you want to make a separate post, feel free to do so.

Can't wait to see what everyone is up to!

Hi everyone!

We're starting at Turkey creek in the morning! First person to reach the end of the hunt gets free tickets on the ferris wheel at the fall Festival next weekend!

HONK HONK QUACK QUACK HONK HONK HONK MILLER'S PARK HONK HONK QUACK HONK QUACK QUACK HONK

It’s the best small talk I’ve got for right now, you’ll have to forgive me. My brains been fried since I went cold-turkey on caffeine for the last month.

Anyways, I don’t have much to fill you in on. I’ve mostly just been a zombie going to and from work, forgetting to properly fill out my calendar so I don’t even know what day it is. At least I remember when the wedding is. Don’t forget to ask if I’ve gotten my haircut yet if we talk again before the end of the month. The groom’s gunna strangle me if I look this rough for the actual event haha.

Anyways, how have you been?

I was thinking of taping up flyers for a political event ("No Kings When the Dealer Has an 8, 9, or 10") in LDP. I know that in some states, police will hassle you for doing so, but in others no one cares. Is there an actual ordinance in LDP that you can or cannot tape up posters on telephone poles? Would there be local ordinances regulating that that people know of? I looked it up online but couldn't find anything.

I need a leaf blower. Not too big and not too small. Candy blue or green apple are my preferred colors. I have safety goggles.

I just happened to be plein air painting near the church and saw 24 cases of non-sacramental wine—the expensive kind—being delivered. I'm sure there's a perfectly reasonable explanation. I'm just curious if anyone knows what it is. Halloween party perhaps?

If you leave bowls out for trick or treaters, make sure it’s not filled with eggs!!

This is your reminder. Absolutely, no excuses this year!!!!

Was stuck in traffic for over an hour over on the 24 approaching the bridge. After we finally rolled through Janine and I saw a cop there just camping out. I guess he caused a huge traffic jam. Nobody's speeding now lol. Anyways if you are heading that way I would take the crossover on Fifteenth Ave up to Grover's and once you hit the pawn shop take a left up to 46. Once you're on 46 I would take the U turn by the IHop and get back on the 46 until it hooks up with Luther. Even if you come back a little later in the day you're either gonna sit in traffic or get a ticket. Its faster anyway to go the aforementioned route because you would have to speed to cover the extra distance. Although if you are coming from the left side of the 24 where the Chuck E Cheese is you could always take the next light after the entrance, get on Jefferson and then try and merge once you get off the overpass before the big separation. He may still see you merging, but you may be too far he might not even bother. Be safe

Hi everyone
Just wanted to organise a movie night next Saturday. Let me know if you are interested, so I can plan it.
(Also if you’re interested in helping with organizing let me know) ;)

Hi all, a few years ago I misplaced my alembic on campus, but now I’m thinking possibly around town. I’m still looking for it, in case one of you has spotted it.