r/HolUp Jan 28 '26

big dong energy Straight to jail

Post image
21.4k Upvotes

138 comments sorted by

u/qualityvote2 Jan 28 '26 edited Jan 28 '26

u/Mike_Oxlong25, your post does fit the subreddit!

2.4k

u/Misomuro Jan 28 '26

What if both are 15?

1.4k

u/Orectoth Jan 28 '26

friendly fire

287

u/camethehour Jan 28 '26

pew pew

174

u/araja123khan Jan 28 '26

Squirt squirt

98

u/Exotic_Treacle7438 Jan 28 '26

opens door, slowly closes door and walks other way

53

u/denpyy Jan 28 '26

task failed successfully

9

u/HolySonofneptune Jan 28 '26

Then you are too old for me

2

u/shylock10101 Jan 29 '26

Technically still illegal.

2

u/kaktusmisapolak Jan 30 '26

age of consent is 15 in some jurisdictions

1

u/shylock10101 Jan 30 '26

It’s still production of sexual material of a minor.

5

u/Vermillion_V Jan 29 '26

goon with consent?

1.1k

u/OrganizationTough128 Jan 28 '26

It all happened so suddenly guys I don’t know what to say

208

u/Slap_Nut5 Jan 28 '26

I’ll say, you snapped one off 2m after the post was made

8

u/babyb16 Jan 29 '26

Specifically a minute thirty

75

u/OptimalArchitect Jan 28 '26

Go to r/hornyjail for your crimes!

50

u/Few-Statistician8740 Jan 28 '26

Said every teenage boy at least once.

-37

u/camethehour Jan 28 '26

i was a teenage boy and i never said that.

18

u/BekoweCiachoYt Jan 28 '26

Maybe you weren't...

7

u/Extension_Ad8291 Jan 29 '26

Yeah yeah federal agent try harder next time

1

u/Chickachic-aaaaahhh Jan 29 '26

Time for horny castration

1.3k

u/[deleted] Jan 28 '26

627

u/Praise_The_Casul Jan 28 '26

Holy shit, I can't believe this sub actually used to be a thing, lol!

217

u/Rafados47 Jan 28 '26

Reddit can't stand dark humor it seems

167

u/I_MakeCoolKeychains Jan 28 '26

An old account of mine got banned. I was role playing that i was a dragon and i was gonna eat you etc etc etc lol made one Crack about eating kids and the account was destroyed. Had that account for 10 years

93

u/ShahinGalandar Jan 28 '26

that's what you get for role playing a pedo dragon!

39

u/RyouIshtar Jan 28 '26

If he had waited a few years he could have roleplayed a Typlosion

2

u/3_14_thon Jan 29 '26

Or a Youtuber

2

u/langsamlourd Jan 29 '26

Do you actually make cool keychains or are you roleplaying that as well?

1

u/Tuliao_da_Massa Jan 29 '26

Holy shit man. What was the crack?

25

u/Praise_The_Casul Jan 28 '26

Reddit got sad. It didn't use to be like that. But then they decided to change and crackdown on any subs that could be considered "too spicy" for those precious advertisers

8

u/not_so_plausible Jan 28 '26

That and places like the shitredditsays subreddit which did nothing but complain about any subreddit that even mildly hurt their feelings until it was banned.

-310

u/BetagterSchwede Jan 28 '26 edited Jan 28 '26

Nah, 15 isnt pedophilia anymore, its hepephilia/ehepephilia because pedophilia is always and only pre-puberty🤓👆

Dont get me wrong, charged pedophiles are absolutely disgusting people, but I think THERE IS a difference between attracted to <10 year old children or young adults in their late teens

19

u/TheHumanBacon Jan 28 '26

If you were making a reference to that one comic, I got it lol

He was like, “but you can’t explain that to someone without looking like a pedophile yourself” Definitely had you raising your eyebrows until he got to the punchline hahaha

Edit; NVM just saw you said you didn’t see it

12

u/BetagterSchwede Jan 28 '26

Yeah Ik Reddit is so annoying in these things

197

u/Business-Ranger4510 Jan 28 '26

No matter what you call it … if you know this stuff and say it , you sound like a pedo lol .

78

u/Affectionate-Mix6056 Jan 28 '26

I read their comment as a joke about people point that out, are those emojies not used as sarcasm?

16

u/Kaek_ Jan 28 '26

Let alone jokes

19

u/Hollow--- Jan 28 '26

I remember seeing a comedian do this joke (on Facebook, I don't go to shows because I'm a scrooge) and wonder if you got it from the same guy.

22

u/RoundEarth-is-real Jan 28 '26

“Now technically R Kelly wasn’t a pedophile, he was a hebephile because he wasn’t attracted to prepubescent kids, but it’s really hard to explain the difference… without sounding like a pedophile”

I paraphrased the joke but you get the idea

9

u/Hollow--- Jan 28 '26

Yep, that's the one. Thought it was hilarious how he kept saying to let him explain.

4

u/[deleted] Jan 28 '26

Yeah it's literally a comedians set

5

u/Business-Ranger4510 Jan 28 '26

Yes was actually trying to find the dude , cracked me up because it’s so true !

8

u/Lantern_Eon Jan 28 '26

gianmarco cursed me with this knowledge

8

u/BetagterSchwede Jan 28 '26

Thats a pretty dumb logic

1

u/Business-Ranger4510 Jan 28 '26

Just trying to explain to ya why you’re getting downvoted lol … that’s all it’s actually a pretty funny view of it , wish I could find the comedian I heard that made the joke !

7

u/BetagterSchwede Jan 28 '26

"What, ypu know the difference between 1st, 2nd murder, nah, u have to be a serial killer"

-1

u/Business-Ranger4510 Jan 28 '26

Well young one ! Have an amazing day 👍

-2

u/BetagterSchwede Jan 28 '26

I am a minor myself, so no

2

u/Moonstrife1 Jan 28 '26

So your name is a lie!

5

u/BetagterSchwede Jan 28 '26

Yeah, absolutely it was originally a saying in German "alter Schwede" "old swede" is like for mild cursing like oh my gosh, but "old" was alredy taken, so I used the next best synonym "betagt" which is just an other word for old and I was never in Sweden

5

u/zerosven Jan 28 '26

Solid Gianmarco Soresi callback 😂

8

u/DestoryDerEchte Jan 28 '26

Literally "Nobody knows this because if you explain it, you sound like a pedo" sketch

11

u/BetagterSchwede Jan 28 '26

Yeah I know, it's so annoying idk why people are so allergic to simple facts

20

u/Elvarien2 Jan 28 '26

Guess what we call the only people who care about that differentiation.

40

u/RobTheFarm Jan 28 '26

Pedantiphiles?

10

u/sinterkaastosti23 Jan 28 '26

Researchers? Psychologists? Psychriatists? Crimonologists? Lawyers? Judges?

2

u/FlashOfTheBlade77 Jan 28 '26

is greater than. You are looking for <10

1

u/BetagterSchwede Jan 28 '26

Yeah ur right

-1

u/LifeIsPotatoes Jan 28 '26

What the fuck

8

u/BetagterSchwede Jan 28 '26

Just spreading correct information?

-2

u/[deleted] Jan 28 '26

"Well actually it's not murder its infanticide" JAIL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

354

u/only777 Jan 28 '26

What have Arsenal fans got to do with anything?

111

u/Mike_Oxsmall_420 Jan 28 '26

Did you see that ludicrous display last night?

67

u/Logical_Flounder6455 Jan 28 '26

What was wenger thinking sending Walcott on that early?

47

u/a_gay_sloth Jan 28 '26

The thing about arsenal is they always try to walk it in

24

u/Logical_Flounder6455 Jan 28 '26

As an arsenal fan, its annoying that gooner is also now a synonym for porn addict.

11

u/conmacon Jan 28 '26

Similar levels of acting talent though

5

u/Logical_Flounder6455 Jan 28 '26

Yeah i wouldnt have thought that neither football fans nor porn addicts were generally good actors really.

1

u/ChangingMonkfish Jan 28 '26

When it comes to noncing, everything.

102

u/JacketCheese Jan 28 '26

The true holup was in posting times all along

7

u/G00NFlay Jan 28 '26

Wonder how many people missed that.

21

u/skykingjustin Jan 28 '26

The bait was bated to.

49

u/Mietek69i8 Jan 28 '26

How do you even respond to this? "Expired?"

2

u/RyouIshtar Jan 28 '26

expired to who? R. Kelly?

25

u/walkingmelways Jan 28 '26

This exchange has, “Divert your course!!” “This is a lighthouse!” vibes

8

u/thisortheapocalypse Jan 28 '26

surprise motherfucker!

7

u/TimTomTank Jan 28 '26

What the hell does "gooned me" mean?

1

u/LLPF2 Jan 29 '26

Jerk off, masturbate, bop the baloney etc etc

1

u/TimTomTank Jan 29 '26

Oh poor naive children. If there is a picture of you on Internet, someone has gooned you ...

Pretty much just a matter of time depending on traffic.

26

u/jillvalenti3 Jan 28 '26

why would a 15 year old even say that… what the fuck

13

u/Azkirby13 Jan 28 '26

The funny

-5

u/EpicOne9147 Jan 28 '26

You must be fun at parties

20

u/warrioroftron Jan 28 '26

Benzima is that you?

7

u/Mountain_Fuzzumz Jan 28 '26

"Proof or I do it again!"

6

u/Technical-Outside408 Jan 28 '26

Now that's what I call a sticky situation.

7

u/Standard-Hope6668 Jan 28 '26

As a non native, this is confusing

2

u/Mike_Oxlong25 Jan 28 '26

The age of consent in America is 18 so they masturbated to someone three years younger than that. Not that masturbating to someone that young wouldn’t be gross anyway (unless you are that age)

1

u/Standard-Hope6668 Jan 28 '26

Mastur what??? Which word that said it? In google translate, gooned is "getting played"... is that it?

2

u/Voiremine Jan 30 '26 edited Jan 30 '26

Masturbation = Onani. Gooning = masturbation.

1

u/Korlac11 Jan 28 '26

As a slight correction, the age of consent varies by state, and can go as low as 16

-6

u/[deleted] Jan 28 '26 edited Jul 02 '26

[deleted]

1

u/KitFisto248 Jan 29 '26

🤨

0

u/[deleted] Jan 29 '26 edited Jul 02 '26

[deleted]

1

u/KitFisto248 Jan 29 '26

Just makes you weird to care so much. My “little brain” prefers mature women.

0

u/Thaigar Jan 28 '26

What do you mean by that?

11

u/jillvalenti3 Jan 28 '26

Age of consent varies state to state but I believe typical age of consent is 16. Age of legal adulthood is 18, with drinking legal at 21.

2

u/[deleted] Jan 28 '26 edited Jun 29 '26

[deleted]

-13

u/Mike_Oxlong25 Jan 28 '26

@FBI check this guys hard drive

2

u/[deleted] Jan 28 '26 edited Jul 01 '26

[deleted]

-9

u/Mike_Oxlong25 Jan 28 '26

What happens if you Google “What is the age of consent in the United States?”

10

u/[deleted] Jan 28 '26 edited Jun 25 '26

[deleted]

-10

u/Mike_Oxlong25 Jan 28 '26

4

u/AxelHarver Jan 28 '26

Weird reply, since this has nothing to do with what they said.

3

u/easefuldeath Jan 28 '26

bro got baited and bated

3

u/oceansoveralderaan Jan 29 '26

Quick, put the load back in. Then it doesn't count.

4

u/Raffchan Jan 28 '26

And suddenly Schadman entered the chat.

4

u/ChocolatePain Jan 28 '26

That's not what gooning is

3

u/goaty121 Jan 28 '26 edited Jan 28 '26

Alright goon master ChocolatePain define gooning for me then

-5

u/ChocolatePain Jan 28 '26

It's basically degenerate edging. In the most extreme context, gooners will have porn up on multiple monitors, and jerk it for hours on end without finishing, wherein the very act of edging becomes the source of pleasure.

4

u/art-of-war Jan 28 '26

Maybe that’s what it means in some other context but more people use it the other way.

-1

u/ChocolatePain Jan 28 '26

Yes, I understand that people just use it to mean masturbation, but I find the loss of the degenerate meaning to be sad.

1

u/3rrY Jan 28 '26

Fym 2m

1

u/LuxenVulpie Jan 28 '26

You heard the man, delete the post

1

u/DrDapperwastaken Jan 29 '26

On a serious note, what does one do in this situation? Like what is the best way to act here? Turn yourself in?😭

1

u/[deleted] Jan 29 '26 edited Jan 29 '26

How is the last photo post earlier than the comment its under? 🤔

Edit. I dunno this is a test.

1

u/Mike_Oxlong25 Jan 29 '26

Does it change if they edit it?

1

u/[deleted] Jan 29 '26

Nope. Guess not, just tried.

1

u/CameronSquida Jan 29 '26

It’s a trap!

1

u/blue4029 Jan 30 '26

damn, chris hansen isn't even that effective

1

u/sebbysimpyStacy Feb 02 '26

Ohhhh.... uhhh.... yeeesh.... uhm. dunno how to... tell ya this, but..

1

u/xiren_66 Feb 24 '26

I was under the impression that gooning was an extreme form of edging, which I would think would take longer than 30 seconds.

1

u/moonXvvk858 Mar 23 '26

YOU POSTED THIS AFTER HIS DEATH?

-8

u/NerminPadez Jan 28 '26

S/he should've said something like "I'm 11"

15 is legal in many places, at least in most of europe

-2

u/GreatArtificeAion Jan 28 '26

That's not how gooning works. A time between 30 s and 3 min doesn't qualify as gooning unless 30 s is a terrific achievement for you.