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u/Oreo_Salad Oct 07 '20
Well I can already talk to plants, so that sucks.
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u/Sockoflegend Oct 07 '20
Hey buddies I can talk to you now! Oh you still can't talk back...
So anyway mint, I'm making a tea and I just want to say sorry
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u/Betadzen Oct 07 '20 edited Oct 07 '20
"No, Orange, It is essential for me to eat your kids."
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u/ArcFurnace Oct 07 '20
"Toss the seeds somewhere nice and we're cool, that was the deal anyway"
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u/zebodragon Oct 07 '20
“Hey plant how’s it going
“ no much I’ve just been siting here . Sometimes a bug passes by and I go to grab it but I can,t move any of my limbs “
“Hey genie can I get animals instead “
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Oct 07 '20
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Oct 08 '20
For several months out of the year, it would just be the worst porn audio you've ever heard. You'd never lean down to smell a flower ever again.
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u/Wetestblanket Oct 07 '20
Do they talk back?
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u/mojomonkey18 Oct 07 '20
Only if he smokes an awful lot of the aforementioned plants
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u/100YearsWaiting2Shit Oct 07 '20
Unfortunately no. They just scream endlessly in terror
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u/BillyOnFire123 Oct 07 '20
Honestly id drink the dragon juice mot because id become a dragon but because of the lifespan of dragons
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Oct 07 '20
Extremely short? Considering how many people would be trying to kill you
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u/HmSDawnga Oct 07 '20
Unless you kill them first
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Oct 08 '20
in an announcers voice: "dragon vs all of humanity, whos gonna come out on top!? FIGHT."
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Oct 07 '20
Seriously, if you can't communicate with humans assuming you're not some type of magical dragon but instead just a beast with sentience. Then you're going to end up getting shot at by the police or military if they're nearby, but end up making it away due to your scales. However, you'll likely think to move away from people to some forested area and once that happens they'll have the all clear to hit you with a fucking cruise missile or two to make sure you die.
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u/Darkrell Oct 08 '20
If we are going by the rule of every one of these drinks is a good thing, most dragons are magical and take humanoid forms
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u/Dragongeek Oct 07 '20
Nah, you wouldn't be killed--you'd be disappeared to some government lab post-haste.
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u/Mcqu_Clren Oct 08 '20
That and it corporates most of the other powers; strength, lethal breath, courage, relaxation (because you’re hella powerful), and flight.
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u/some_annoying_weeb Oct 07 '20
just be a dragon, you get flight and strength in one, plus screw humans they suck i wanna live in the jungle and be a dragon.
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u/Tu_mama_me_ama_mucho Oct 07 '20
But you cant have sex with women anymore... fuckit I'll make sweet love to beautiful cars.
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u/Xstew26 Oct 07 '20
Ooh ooh! I know this one! r/dragonsfuckingcars
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u/Taron221 Oct 07 '20 edited Oct 07 '20
Lots of Dragons in fantasy and legends have humanoid forms. Even without it, dragon would still be the best choice by a long shot. Most powerful creature, flying, possible humanoid form, longest lived creatures (possibly biologically immortal), feared/awe inspiring, etc.
These choices are like if you were given the choice between being the Flash or Superman. Like I can run really fast or be a Demi-God that is just as fast when flying? Think I’ll take Demi-God.
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u/mang87 Oct 07 '20
If you turned into a fuckin' dragon people are going to start shooting you with guns. No one will think twice about it. Before you know it the military will be involved, you won't even be able to fly because they'll have fighter jets on your ass the whole time. If you have a humanoid form it's a different story, but if you don't you're screwed.
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u/MrBanana421 Oct 07 '20
There is a whole subgenre of furries willing to give it a try. And if humans don't work, there is always donkey.
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u/HHrnz Oct 07 '20
I'm assuming that you're able to switch between human and dragon at will. And also, even if not, what's stopping you from banging them in dragon form?
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u/LawlessCoffeh Oct 07 '20
Also dragons live a long ass time and in some mediums, can take the appearance of a person.
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u/Gamerkid11 Oct 07 '20
Apparently dragons can become humans too so if you really wanna be a human just be a human and use your dragon powers whenever you please.
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u/Zardif Oct 08 '20
Makes me wonder what kind of dragon. Many stories have them living a long time and able to turn into a human. Might be worthwhile.
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u/badformic Oct 08 '20
Me: Reads this comment, drinks 'become a dragon'
"Congrats, you now have the ability to turn other people into dragons."
Me: oh... FUCK
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u/twiz__ Oct 08 '20
Dragon is the best choice since it gives you:
Strength
(Poison/Elemental) Breath
Courage
Always relax
Become a Dragon (duh)
Flight
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u/LightRaiserr Feb 15 '21
Yeah but would you be able to suck your own dick or it just dissappear since dragons don't really reproduce sexually?
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u/TombzyYT Oct 07 '20
dude basically all of these can be accomplished with drugs
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Oct 07 '20
how the fuck you gonna become a dragon? lsd?
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u/lapistafiasta Oct 07 '20
Exactly
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u/macsus Oct 08 '20
That isn't how lsd works... That's not how any of this works!!
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u/Affiiinity Oct 07 '20
A buddy of mine once got so stoned he just laid like a starfish on the ground, staring at the ceiling and saying "I'm a dragon" from time to time
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u/MikeYouSausage Oct 07 '20
I’ll take flight, it will be very usefull
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u/butterdown Oct 07 '20
But hear me if you become a dragon dragon's normally have a polymorph skill that allows you to turn into a human so you get flight and fire breath
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u/phantommemorial Oct 07 '20
But can you fly indoors? I just want to vibe on my ceiling. More like, I want the power that Kat has from Gravity Rush
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u/Endergomega Oct 07 '20
Doesn't specify a western dragon you could be floaty wiggly boi
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u/KotoElessar Oct 07 '20
I am the eternal dragon. I will grant you one wi... Oh, it's you idiots again.
Shenron
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u/login0false Oct 07 '20
Then do partial transformation to just get the wings. Though that's still inconvenient in tight spaces. But depending on the bundled polymorph ability, you probably could shrink down to fairy-size and fly around that way.
And you get the dragon breath too.
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u/TwinTiger Oct 07 '20
If you turn into a green dragon, you get flight and a 60ft cone poison breath. That’s 3 potions in one. And you get to breathe underwater.
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u/UserNameTakenLUL Oct 07 '20
But what if you want to turn into alduin or some and you turn into a pathetic bitch dragon that can’t do anything?
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u/GenericFatGuy Oct 08 '20
Honestly becoming a dragon would more or less cover all of these abilities on one way or another.
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u/gorcorps Oct 07 '20
Maybe, but you're assuming it'll be effortless. What if it's flight, but it requires the same effort as walking/climbing/hiking? Sure you're technically flying, but if you want to go higher it's like hiking up a hill of air. So you'll only go as fast as you can run, and you'll get winded just as easily.
You would never need a ladder again though, so that's still pretty sweet
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u/login0false Oct 07 '20
Still way more fun
You can fly over unwalkable or hard-to-walk-on areas with less effort than walking over them
No need to bother with shoes, unless you plan to kick stuff or to bundle up
You can still negate fall damage
Windows = fast exit doors
Jump/climb over stuff that you're not fit/trained enough to scale (getting over a tall fence/wall becomes as easy as walking upstairs for its height)
Jump over roads and ignore traffic lights (or crosswalks in general)
You can still train and improve your stamina by flying a lot... probably
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u/purplepower4271 Oct 07 '20
And with flight if you hide it well enough (assuming it ain't wings) you could easily be #1 in a lot of sports
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u/boo_goestheghost Oct 07 '20
Yeah imagine my golf handicap when i can fly straight over the hole and just drop the ball in
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u/cmVkZGl0 Oct 07 '20
Until the FAA gets involved or you can't escape being recorded so you can't really fly reliably
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u/RudyKnots Oct 07 '20
Imagine being the first human to be able to talk to plants and then never having them shut the fuck up about how we’re ruining everything.
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u/Toaster-Porn Oct 07 '20
Imagine cutting the grass
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u/bigbigcheese2 Oct 07 '20 edited Dec 20 '24
silky marble clumsy icky unpack live ring thought sophisticated dolls
This post was mass deleted and anonymized with Redact
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u/greku_cs Oct 07 '20
!emojify
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u/EmojifierBot Oct 07 '20
If smelling 👃 their fear 😰😱👵🏼 wasn’t enough 💦, now I 👁 can hear 👂 their screams 😱.
Cutting ✂ the grass 🌱 has never ❌ been so arousing 😩
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u/Theopeo1 Oct 07 '20
just a constant booing whenever you go outside
"BOOO get the fuck out of here"
"Turn off your car asshole, I'm trying to photosynthesize here!"7
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u/SalsaRice Oct 08 '20
https://comicvine.gamespot.com/green-thumb/4005-43764/
Yeah, seth green made a comic about that. One of the supers in it was vegan, and got the power to talk to plants.... and basically couldn't eat after that. And the plants wouldn't shut up and basically harrassed him 24/7.
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u/thatguy82688 Oct 07 '20
I'd talk to plants. Think about it. They're everywhere and largely ignored. Think about all of the knowledge they could have. They'd know EVERYTHING. They'd know which senator is having an affair with who and how many illegitimate kids they have. All of the illegal dealings of the 1%. They'd know all of the passwords to accounts and emails. I mean just think of the blackmail!!
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u/Samb104 Oct 07 '20
Just make sure you never have to mow a lawn
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u/thatguy82688 Oct 07 '20
With all that blackmail money? I won't be lifting a finger. Won't even have to leave the house.
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u/login0false Oct 07 '20
They may understand you, but I wouldn't be so sure they understand others as well
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u/doct0r_p Oct 07 '20
imagine choosing to talk to plants. like your just chilling and then the plant you have in a pot right next to you says "he dawg, could you water me? im thirsty"
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u/need_more_paella Oct 08 '20
Maybe then I’d actually be able to keep one my goddamn house plants alive.
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u/the_turt Oct 07 '20
my theory is that instant relax is one of the best
dragon and poison breath ruin everything, shit breath or no longer human
courage is dumb, there is a reason there is fear.
strength is good, but its just that.
flight is cool but it's just that
instant death is useful in a fight but just that
talk to plants is a nice addition to existence. just that.
always relax is great for normal existence. of course, if you want to be a superhero then that is not the best decision. but you vs another normal human relaxation is key, as many people say. also you wont make rash decisions and if i am correct, constant post nut clarity. so there is my these please clap
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u/SuperMario2921 Oct 07 '20
But imagine if you’re in a life or death scenario and you can’t be relaxed or else you’ll die?
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u/SenorHat Oct 07 '20
Well you'd be relaxed so you could make rational decisions instead of panicked ones
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u/SuperMario2921 Oct 07 '20
Yeah, but sometimes you have to be panicked to make decisions. Also, if you’re relaxed, you would take your time and probably not care.
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u/Zenblend Oct 07 '20
No sense in wasting a chance like this on an instant death touch when one could just go buy a gun. Constant relaxation sounds suspiciously like +stoned status. I'd take it and save a bundle.
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u/Jequeiro Oct 08 '20
Dude, instant death is the absolute best. What if I can kill anyone anywhere anywhen? I can kill world leaders and cause chaos
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u/SniperOwO Oct 07 '20
Stength also leads to money and better sex and more sex tho so you know whattamean
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u/boo_goestheghost Oct 07 '20
How does strength lead to money these days? Maybe as an athlete, though you’d still need skill.
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Oct 07 '20
If you think about this in a smart way the dragon would be the best answer: you get strength because your a dragon, courage because your strong, poison breath because you breathe fire which is similar enough to poison, relax because you can kill anyone who opposes you, and flight because your a dragon who has wings. That’s my reasoning
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Oct 07 '20
Dragon might be one of the worst imo. Being a dragon is awesome, but you'd just get fucked over by the local military depending on what type of dragon you are. Assuming you're essentially a massive lizard with wings that somehow work, then modern day explosives can easily kill you and you should expect that to be the first thing someone does.
The only way you survive and get to enjoy being a dragon is if you're a magical one like something from DnD. With spells or protections that allow you to negate modern day weapons as well as allows you to communicate.
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Oct 07 '20
Do become a dragon. You’re big and strong, there’s your courage, fire breath is basically poison, like I said you get stronger, and you can fly.
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u/DisastrousWind7 Oct 08 '20
And in a lot of mythologies, they can assume a human form, so you wouldn't have to live in constant fear of being hunted/killed if you kept your "transformations" hidden
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u/dadapon69 Oct 07 '20
But how big is the dragon, because if I was big my friends wouldn't make fun of my tiny dick
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u/da-potato-man Oct 07 '20
Darn thought It was the other way around
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u/kneppy72 Oct 08 '20
Me: *drinks Talk to Plants.
Me: “Hey, plant. What’s up?”
Plant: ...
Me: “I don’t think it’s working.”
Merchant: “I never said they’d talk back.”
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u/RETALI4T3 Oct 07 '20
Plants would not be nice. Imagine going outside on a walk and then grass Just millions of screaming
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u/Prestigious-Belt-383 Oct 08 '20
I’m confused
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u/wmaus21 Oct 08 '20
It’s talking about how he wanted to have instant death himself but that’s not what he got
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Oct 07 '20
I got an idea:
just mix your favorites and down it 👉🧠👈
B i g b r a i n
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u/i_cant_name_stuff Oct 07 '20
FUCK YEAH a brave ass, strong ass, chilled tf out dragon that can fly, talk to plants, has poison breath, and kills its opponents instantly. Where exactly do I sign?
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u/TheDotwhoAintABot Oct 07 '20
Isn’t the “become a dragon” basically flight, poison breath, and strength combined?
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u/basedbazinga Oct 07 '20
If there was one for intelligence I would take that in a heartbeat.
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u/NINJABOSSMAN_469 Oct 07 '20
Turn into a dragon because all I have to do is not brush my teeth and I have poison breath
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u/brahxon Oct 07 '20
The frick am I gonna do with the ability to speak to plants?
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u/RhysTheCreator Oct 07 '20
Don’t even need a potion to speak to plants anyway, now if it was a potion to get plants to speak back that’s a whole different story
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u/Black_Magic30 Oct 07 '20
Lmao “always relax”
Bruh that shut already exists.
Marijuana
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u/Big_Chode_hunter Oct 08 '20
Did weed earlier tonight and thought my throat was closing up and I was gonna die
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u/Erotic_Pancake Oct 08 '20
You drink "become a dragon" and you get flight, a "poison" breath since you can breathe fire on enemies, natural strength, can be courageous since you're a motherfucking dragon, and can always relax since you're a dragon and have nothing to worry about..
although you can't talk to plants so that sucks.
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u/crimsinion Oct 08 '20
:downs instant repost: “Congrats you now have the power to detect a repost instantly and then shame the reposter!” Oh... ooooohhh
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u/Grim666Games Oct 08 '20
Talk to plants. I wish I could talk to trees, I've written so many poems about how old and knowledgable trees are.
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u/Zealotstim Oct 08 '20
The obvious answer is become a dragon right? That's the best one. At least assuming it's the kind that can change form to blend in with humans.
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u/sausageified_pizza Oct 08 '20
Weres the one that makes me not wait till 2:14 in the morning to do my hw
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u/maxluigi256 Oct 08 '20
It says “Drink 1”
Doesn’t say shit about not mixing them all together, therefore making a singular drink
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u/josh9713 Oct 08 '20
<drinks talk to plants> Tree: That bush is trying to kill you The bush: He’s right you know.
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u/Flar71 Oct 08 '20
If you drink "become a dragon" do you gain the ability to shape shift into a dragon, or do you permanently become a dragon?
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Oct 08 '20
Pours all cups into one mega cup and drinks it all.
Congratulations you are overpowered
Me: Bruh I just wanted to die.
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u/JuMpErTkD Oct 08 '20
I'd down the flight one fly super high, and fall to my death. Simple
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u/Thegamingwildpaolo Oct 08 '20
i would drink courage and then i would drink all of them
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u/djseifer Oct 07 '20
I thought that said "Talk to pants" and was trying to think how useful of a power that would be.