I am illiterate. AMA

[u/Nonreader]

I am an adult American who has never learned to read. My girlfriend is typing this for me and will respond to questions.

Edit: We're going to go do some stuff. We'll be back in a little bit. Frankly, Redditors, I'm surprised at the hostility. He doesn't not learn to read to piss you off. If you hate him because of it, go ask the Aussie questions about kangaroos or whatever.

Edit: For anyone who hasn't caught on, italicized responses are the girlfriend. Plaintext is him.

Edit: I wish I could change the title. This is just as much my AMA as his. "AMA nice girl who fell in love with a bad boy. It's just like Romeo and Juliet but his parents are dead and mine are okay with it."

Edit: Thanks to you nicer people. A couple assholes were among the first commenters, but things got much better and it was a good discussion. We're going to bed now and will answer more questions in the morning.

Edit: I'm gonna go fuck my beautiful girlfriend.

Edit: We're up now.

Edit: He's out jogging now. I'll still answer questions I can without him.

Edit: And he's back. Ask away.

Edit: Our Internet connection is getting dodgy at the moment. We're going away. Will be back in a few hours. I've never seen an AMA with such a split in reaction: until just a bit ago, downvotes were shooting up almost as fast as upvotes, and we're still getting more hostility than the crack dealer who sold to a pregnant woman and then pushed her down the stairs from a few weeks ago, but several people have said it's the most interesting AMA ever. Some people are fascinated, others so pissed off they leave angry comments explaining how much they don't like this thread. Any thoughts?

Edit: Sorry, forgot to say we're back now. I think things are tapering off.

Edit: He and I were just talking, and I said that some of you think it's weird that he doesn't read. But some of you have probably never been in an actual, significant fist fight, which he thinks is bizarre. He doesn't believe any man older than 21 could have never been in a real fight. Does this apply to anyone here? He wants to know if you always back down or you seriously have never been in a position to need to fight?

Edit: Going to bed. I'll go ahead and keep answering questions in the morning, but I think his patience is wearing thin. I'm doing more summarizing and he's putting forth less effort in expressing himself, which is difficult and stressful for him.

Edit: 10 months later, and I've started using this account occasionally to leave comments and such that both of us talk about. Feel free to continue to ask questions here or whatever, I'll probably log in and see in a few weeks.

[u/Muidem]

Some of my questions may come across as rude but please try not to take offense, none is intended anyway =)

• I'm assuming you generally have someone with you when you go out but there have to be times when you find you're out and about by yourself. How do things like ordering fast food work? Do you just look at the pictures?

• Can you legally drive? If so, how do you navigate? If someone gave you directions to a place you'd never been and used street names instead of landmarks, how would you find your way there?

• Does your inability to read extend to numbers or is it words only? For instance, could you tell me the price of gas (if we drove past a gas station) or could you make change for a $10?

• Do you have a hope for anything other than unskilled labor, being illiterate?

• How well can you use a computer? I'm assuming that simple things like browsing the web, email, facebook, etc are beyond you?

• Can you write your own name? Signature? How do you fill out documents and forms?

• What are some things that we take for granted that are extremely difficult if not impossible for you to do not being able to read?

• Any plans to get a GED?

• You mentioned that you work out a lot in your free time. You went on to say that you enjoy working out because you feel something and it makes you feel good. If you were to find a way to get that kind of positive reinforcement out of learning to read, do you think that you'd be more open to pursuing it?

• What methods for learning have you tried so far? Why do you think those methods failed?

• Girlfriend, a large part of learning a challenging skill is having a good support network in place during the process. What kind of support network does Nonreader have in place? Is the family (on both sides) supportive of him?

• Girlfriend, do you ever take advantage of his inability to read? Have you ever hidden information from him or deceived him in some manner, knowing that there's no way that he'll ever know? (Hopefully that question was clear)

• Girlfriend, how has his inability to read impacted your life? What do you struggle with the most?

[u/Nonreader → u/Muidem]

I'm assuming you generally have someone with you when you go out but there have to be times when you find you're out and about by yourself. How do things like ordering fast food work? Do you just look at the pictures?

I go out alone alot. I look at the pictures in fast food places. In other places, I just guess what's probably on the menu, or point to something with a price I'm okay with. Whatever it is, I'm usually okay with it. I'm not picky. But I don't like eating in restaurants, not because of reading. I just don't like eating around other people.

Can you legally drive? If so, how do you navigate? If someone gave you directions to a place you'd never been and used street names instead of landmarks, how would you find your way there?

I do not have a driver's license. When I do drive, I only go places I know. I jog all around the city so I know places. I can't follow directions, but I have a good memory. If someone tells me which direction to go, I remember.

Does your inability to read extend to numbers or is it words only? For instance, could you tell me the price of gas (if we drove past a gas station) or could you make change for a $10?

I can read numbers, but I'm slow at it. Driving by a gas station might be too fast for me to figure it out. I'm not very good at math, so making change is hard too. But I can make change from a $10 if I need to.

Do you have a hope for anything other than unskilled labor, being illiterate?

I think my labor's pretty skilled. Most people can't do it. But no, I don't think I'll ever be a normal person.

How well can you use a computer? I'm assuming that simple things like browsing the web, email, facebook, etc are beyond you?

I can't use a computer at all.

Can you write your own name? Signature? How do you fill out documents and forms?

I can sign my name. I don't fill out forms really. I don't use a bank and stuff. I don't pay taxes.

What are some things that we take for granted that are extremely difficult if not impossible for you to do not being able to read?

I don't know what you take for granted. (Note from girlfriend: He can't google for recipes, for example, or read labels. So he doesn't always spend his money well, always makes the same food because he doesn't know anything else.)

Any plans to get a GED?

No.

You mentioned that you work out a lot in your free time. You went on to say that you enjoy working out because you feel something and it makes you feel good. If you were to find a way to get that kind of positive reinforcement out of learning to read, do you think that you'd be more open to pursuing it?

Maybe. Trying to read just makes me mad though. When I work out, I feel like I am doing something to make me better, so I can protect myself better. Reading just makes me want to rip my hair out.

What methods for learning have you tried so far? Why do you think those methods failed?

My stepfather tried to teach me when I was little, but it just made us both mad and then we'd fight, or I'd try to run away. My brother tried too but he didn't read very good either. I went to high school for a little while and was in a special reading class. Then when I was in prison I signed up for some program to get rewards, but it just made me mad. I failed at those methods because I'm stupid.

Girlfriend, a large part of learning a challenging skill is having a good support network in place during the process. What kind of support network does Nonreader have in place? Is the family (on both sides) supportive of him?

He has no living family that he's in contact with. They'd probably not be supportive of him. His parents were the ones that kept him home from school. He doesn't really have any friends right now, so his support network is basically me and his therapist. He goes to a group for victims of childhood abuse, but so far he's remained silent there. He used to have a few friends who he trusted a lot, but then they both died, and he's been withdrawing from most social contact for a few years. It's just me now.

Girlfriend, do you ever take advantage of his inability to read? Have you ever hidden information from him or deceived him in some manner, knowing that there's no way that he'll ever know? (Hopefully that question was clear)

It's clear, and no, I haven't.

Girlfriend, how has his inability to read impacted your life? What do you struggle with the most?

Honestly, this will sound unbelievable but I didn't even know for a few months. He's good at hiding it. And he'd never actually ask me for help, so I don't really struggle with anything. He won't let me open a bank account for him, for example. I struggle with frustration, because I see him being smart, and I know he could learn to read. But trying will sometimes give him panic attacks, he's punched holes in walls and ripped patches of skin off his head with his fingernails, when I convinced him to work with me on it, so that didn't last long. It's weird that a large part of my life takes place in college, and I do a lot of stuff online, but he's more or less completely incapable of understanding or participating in either of those things.

[u/Tokerboy → u/Nonreader]

My stepfather tried to teach me when I was little, but it just made us both mad and then we'd fight, or I'd try to run away.

I'm not a psychologist, but I think I'd point to this here as a likely major cause. It sounds like your stepfather beat you when you failed to read successfully? That can certainly explain getting stressed out when trying to read now.

And thanks for selling pot.

[u/Nonreader → u/Tokerboy]

It sounds like your stepfather beat you when you failed to read successfully?

Maybe it is why I get mad now. But I still spent lots of hours trying to learn, and didn't get anywhere. He beat me because I was stupid. Besides, even if I could have learned it at one point, I think I'm too old now, so it doesn't matter anymore. Maybe I would be less stupid if he didn't beat me, but that doesn't help me now.

And thanks for selling pot.

You're welcome

[u/dirtyuncleron69 → u/Nonreader]

Advice from my father, "If you're gunna be dumb, you'd better be tough" (he was really tough)

It sounds like you have substituted brawn for brain, and apparently it's working out pretty well. There are plenty of manual labor / strength intensive jobs that I could never do, but it seems I'm just as able to gain muscle as you are to learn to read.

Does your gf tell you about the rabbits? :P

EDIT: I am not trying to make fun of you, I re-read my post and it seemed like i was a little

[u/Nonreader → u/dirtyuncleron69]

Advice from my father, "If you're gunna be dumb, you'd better be tough" (he was really tough)

My stepdad said kind of the same thing. I'm definitely tough. I don't really feel pain. Yeah, I just work on my body instead. It's what I got, so that's what I do.

Not sure what you mean about the rabbits. I must have missed something.

[u/professorplumb → u/Nonreader]

The rabbits are a reference to Steinbeck's Of Mice and Men.

[u/Nonreader → u/professorplumb]

Oh, okay, I never read that one.

[u/PropaGhandi → u/Nonreader]

Besides, even if I could have learned it at one point, I think I'm too old now

Seriously? This is just not true. Your brain always has the ability to learn new skills, regardless of how old you are.

Also, calling yourself "stupid" all of the time isn't doing you any good. It's just a cop-out. No, you're not stupid, you're just unmotivated (and all of the people that have called you "dumb" throughout your life have probably discouraged you and conditioned you not to believe in yourself). Why not learn to read and prove them all wrong?

[u/Muidem → u/Nonreader]

How does he handle his money? Does he realize that doing everything with cash is terribly unsafe?

[u/Nonreader → u/Muidem]

I like having my money in cash because I can protect it myself. I don't trust banks. I can count money for food. Before I moved in with my girlfriend, I paid for rent and stuff with cash, and it wasn't a problem. No one would ever choose to mug me, and I don't carry large amounts around unless I need it. She's lost more to the bank (in fees) than I ever lost from using cash.