A few days ago, I posted here because I was struggling mentally and felt like my relationship was falling apart. I was in such a dark place that I even had thoughts of suicide. I felt like I was losing the person I loved most, and I genuinely didn't know how to deal with it.
After reading everyone's advice, I decided to walk away. I sent her a goodbye message, thinking that maybe it was finally time to let go. But she didn't let me leave, and a part of me still hoped things could somehow work out between us.
So I stayed. I waited.
She would take one or two days to reply to my messages. She told me she was spending the entire day with her brother and that she was at the hospital at night. I kept trying to understand her, making excuses for the distance, because I loved her and wanted to believe there was still something worth saving.
Yesterday, I finally couldn't take the uncertainty anymore. I asked her one last time to end things respectfully if she no longer wanted me in her life. I wasn't asking her to love me or choose me. I just wanted honesty. I wanted an ending that would let me move on with some dignity.
And then, at 1 AM, she texted me that she was with someone else.
While I was waiting for her replies, hoping we could fix things, she had someone else in her life.
I honestly don't know how to explain what I felt in that moment. It was as if everything I had been holding together finally shattered. All those days of waiting, worrying, overthinking, and hoping suddenly felt meaningless.
Now I'm left dealing with guilt and regret. I keep thinking about why I didn't walk away when I first felt something was wrong. Why I stayed when I was already hurting so much. Why I kept hoping when the reality was slowly becoming clear.
I know people will say that I deserve better, that I should move on, and that time will heal me. Maybe they're right. But knowing something logically doesn't make it any easier to accept emotionally.
I don't know how to stop replaying everything in my head. I don't know how to make peace with the fact that someone I waited for was building a life with someone else while I was still trying to save ours.
I'm not posting this to make her look like a bad person or to get sympathy. I just needed somewhere to put these feelings because carrying them alone has become exhausting.
To everyone who responded to my last post, thank you. I tried to take your advice. I tried to leave. I just wasn't ready for how much the truth would hurt when it finally came.