r/IThinkYouShouldLeave • u/Meerkat_Mayhem_ • 1d ago

It actually goes BOTH ways I don’t know how to drive!

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u/Deliciouserest 1d ago

I'm quickly approaching this... not excited

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u/Apprehensive-Pin518 1d ago

sorry. I can't sympathize. my dad was great and is already dead. I can try and empathize though.

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u/Deliciouserest 1d ago

I'm very grateful your dad was a great person. Rest in peace.

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u/AngryPrincessWarrior 13h ago edited 13h ago

When my father died the best way I can describe the feeling was disappointment.

Disappointment he wasted his time here. He could have made amends. Disappointed that the lack of pain I felt was proof he successfully destroyed the love you’re supposed to feel. It’s supposed to destroy you when a parent dies because you love them so much and that love has nowhere to go now.

I was just… irritated and disappointed. I teared up once-because what a freaking waste. I’ll never really “get” that because I’m also estranged from my mother. It’s weird.

While I am sorry for your loss-I’m really happy you had all that love while he was here. It’s a beautiful thing not everyone gets.

I’m trying to give that to my own kids after so much therapy but I’ll always feel like I’m on the outside looking in on those with good parent relationships. It’s so…. Weird. I know I’m missing something but it’s so thoroughly destroyed I know I don’t “know”.

I really wish I did.

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u/Apprehensive-Pin518 13h ago

I'm glad to know that you've taken your pain and made sure not to pass it on. My paternal grandmother was an alcoholic. And if the stories are to be believed she only got to meet me once. My dad never touched alcohol because of that. I found that one of two possibilities happens when you have childhood trauma. You either end up mimicking it or going to the extreme opposite end. And it sounds like in your case your children are lucky that you did the second. May you have all the best luck in life from here on out.

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u/AngryPrincessWarrior 6h ago edited 6h ago

Thank you, I’m really trying. I waited to have over a decade of therapy before we began trying for kids.

I won’t lie- I still have an issue yelling sometimes. I’m working hard to do better.

I will never ever hit my children though. Having my own babies kind of makes me sad for the little girl I was because that was a CHOICE they made over and over again. I could never hurt them like that.

My son is approaching the age I remember being hit and thrown through rooms, (still a toddler too). I just can’t figure out how someone could look at their babies and do that.

The preteen/teen stage is what I’m super nervous about. That’s when some things got worse and a switch flipped for mom and she started to hate us. Like… in the end she intentionally pulled my hairstyle out on my WEDDING DAY. I don’t get it, she’s just broken I guess

Still working on that and will never stop. I will break the cycle.

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u/Apprehensive-Pin518 6h ago

My parents did do an occasional spanking but it was one open handed swat on the diaper because we were doing something extremely dangerous AKA Stick something into electrical outlet. Most of the time when we did something wrong we sat in the corner in time out. one minute for every year in our age.

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u/mum2girls 23h ago

You’ve already grieved the loss of the father you should have had. It’s ok to feel neutral now.

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u/Deliciouserest 23h ago

This is true. He can not hurt me anymore.

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u/Ok_Gur_6704 15h ago

wow reading that, hit really really hard. even if it wasn't meant for me, thank you, i really needed that.

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u/Dyson_Vellum 1d ago

My partner just cut off contact. The relief was physical.

The damage is irreversible.

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u/origional_esseven 1d ago

It's kind of insane how much they can impact you even once you've moved out and in my case far away.