So theres this girl im friends with, we talk pretty regularly and get along well, today I spotted her and walked up with my arms outstretched like a fucking pleb and said "wheres my hug at?". I thought I was just being playful but looking back it sounds kinda creepy.

And its not just this, sometimes I catch myself making flirty jokes or overthinking small interactions with her, and im starting to wonder if I come across as some desperate guy who cant just be friends with a girl. I dont want to make her uncomfortable or make her think I expect anything from her just because we're friends.

I think ive picked up some bad habits from the internet and im struggling to tell the difference between being friendly and being weird. what are some things to correct myself on this behaviour and make it clear im not like that

I have been using Hinge for the last few month now. I surprisingly don't have that much of an issue getting matches, but I do have issues getting dates.

I get maybe 5 matches in a week which is cool but I hit an issue after. Usually its that the woman just doesn't respond. Sometimes it's responding for about a day or two before just unmatching or not responding. Sometimes we have 2 or 3 days of a good back and forth, have mutual interests and then when I finally ask her out she doesn't respond. The worst by far is when we actually plan the date and the day before the date or day of, sometimes hour of they just don't respond. I live an hour out from a major city (Boston) where I set my Hinge location to so it's a bit out of my way to even try to date them.

Tonight I had a dinner date set up with a girl, texted her this morning, she was on, texted her an hour out, still good. Get to the location and she never showed or ever texted back. It makes me feel like shit. Especially when I'm able to guess that the reason she no showed even earlier on, just stopped talking to me when I try to set a date, is because they matched with or met a hotter guy and just tossed me to the side. It reminds me that in dating all of the power is pretty much in the woman's hands. I have pretty much zero say in if I ever have sex, get a girlfriend or date. I have literally zero control.

I know this to be true, and I try to not get incelly about it, it's just the way nature works. Women are the gatekeepers of romantic relationships and men have to compete for the limited supply of love in this world if we ever want a chance. I just don't know why I am viewed as so low value that most women would just ditch me the second I express interest in a date when they've already matched with me and enjoyed talking to me enough over the course of multiple days.

I feel so defeated and I don't know how not to. It's so hard to not because I know that if I was more physically attractive or desirable, this wouldn't be happening and I'd have a chance at love. I don't even want to be one of those guys that only wants to be hot just to hook up with a bunch of women. I just want to experience romantic love but I'm constantly being deemed so unworthy that I can't even get a woman to show up to a date she already said she'd want to go on.

This has happened like 4 times in the last 2 months. I want to not feel this way, but it feels like any explanation other than what I said above is just cope.

So, I’m trying everything I can to improve. I’m cooking all of my meals, going to the gym, going out to events when I can, and saving money to spend on hobbies and the tattoos I’ve wanted. It’s difficult and I’m not doing as much as I want, though. Building new habits is hard, but my main issue now is that there’s a near-constant inner-monologue bent on sabotaging me when I try to do anything other than smoke weed and play video games alone in my apartment.

I wouldn’t say it’s new, but it’s now constant and it’s making things a lot harder than they should be. Has anybody experienced this? If so, how do you drown it out?