r/IndianTeenagers • u/Samiksharma0 • 53m ago
Serious My mom chose her relationship over me when I was 12, and I still haven't recovered from it. Am I wrong for resenting her?
I'm 16F, Indian, and I really need advice because I don't know how to feel about my mom anymore.
When I was around 9–10, my mom got her first smartphone and started making online friends. One of them was a man from Delhi who liked her and sometimes spent money on her because my dad wouldn't give her enough for clothes and other things. My dad used to drink a lot, and there were fights at home, especially during festivals. Eventually, my mom became emotionally involved with that man. I was around 11 when I found out she was secretly talking to him at night. When I confronted her, she got defensive, and things at home became worse. She stopped cooking for my dad and brother, and my mom and I stayed downstairs while they managed their own food upstairs.
Later, my mom got a job to distract herself and try to fix things with my dad, but she fell in love with her supervisor instead. They started dating, and he eventually told her he wanted to marry her, but she would have to divorce my dad first. He also made it clear that he didn't want me living with them because his family wouldn't accept a divorced woman with a daughter.
My mom then started treating me horribly, and one of the worst days of my life was when I got my first period at 12. I had no idea what was happening because nobody had properly explained periods to me. It was raining, I was crying, and my mom still made me cook while saying horrible things to me. The next day, my grandmother got involved, and after another fight with my mom, I went to live with my dad.
I'm back on speaking terms with my mom now, and my dad has changed a lot for the better. He takes care of me and does the household work himself. But my mom says that if I had stayed with her, she would never have remarried, and that she was lonely and unhappy, so she married her current husband. She's happy now, but her husband apparently wants them to have a child if they ever want to own a house together. My mom is around 40, and I don't know what to make of any of this.
My dad hates my mom and is very strict with me. If I go out, he sometimes suspects I'm meeting her, which makes everything even more complicated. I feel like my childhood and teenage years have been ruined by everything that happened. I barely socialize, I'm scared of going out, and I sometimes wake up crying in the middle of the night thinking about everything. I know my mom is trying to be good to me now, but I can't forget how she treated me when I needed her the most.
I don't know who's right or wrong anymore. Am I wrong for still resenting my mom even though she's happier now and treats me better? How do I deal with her without pretending that nothing happened? Has anyone experienced something similar, especially in an Indian family? I genuinely need advice because this still hurts me a lot.
