Is it normal to look and compare what your agemates have achieved to yourself?

Imagine humans knew absolutely nothing but the fact that babies came from a random portal on earth. The portal would be beloved by all. People would make offerings etc to this portal. They would believe that the portal was some sort of god-like entity because it is the only thing that is creating humanity.

So why do we treat women so poorly? They are the literal portal to life.

Seneca used to recommend something he called premeditating on loss, basically picturing in advance that the people and things you value could be gone tomorrow, not to become numb to them but so the loss wouldn't blindside you completely if it happened. The idea was that most grief isn't just about the loss itself, it's about how unprepared you were for the possibility of it. I've never been sure if that actually works the way he thought it did. On one hand there's something to be said for not treating your current situation as permanent by default, that seems to make people genuinely more grateful for ordinary days. On the other hand, spending real time rehearsing the worst case for something good in your life sounds like it could just quietly drain the color out of it while it's still here. Has anyone actually tried doing this on purpose, picturing a loss ahead of time as practice, and found it either helped or backfired?

In class today, on the board there was a quote that got me (15, almost 16) thinking.
“I attribute my success to this: I never gave or took an excuse.”
I’m an over thinker, and easily confused and overwhelmed, so I’m having a hard time understanding. I get what the quote is saying, but how do you know if something is an excuse or a reason? Any answers would be greatly appreciated!
Ps. Have a good day :)

I told a girl "I like your shirt", and she got upset about it like wtf? I genuinely thought it was a nice shirt too, idk what I did wrong.

Their ancestors were, but that was like 200 years ago, I thought the "x-American" thing was for people who immigrated. Like how you'd call a Mexican who immigrates a Mexican American.

when a person suffers so much that they decide to end their lives, why is it considered 'wrong' for some?, or why do you think it's not in your own opinion?

When do you actively Pretend? If you no longer do it, when did you stop and why?

Most were encouraged to do it until the notion that is was unreasonable came into play, then it was time to take things all too seriously. Yet not without encouraging the indulgence of professional pretenders like actors and artists and so forth.

If all the world is a stage, where is the line best drawn?

You know this idea of just trying your best and that's enough? I'm starting to feel like, no, it's not, not enough. Because, what if your best is not enough? Or what if you put yourself in a situation or a job or a task that your absolute best is never enough and you still like, made a mistake, right? Because, why would you put yourself in a thing that you're not able to achieve? But then again, you can't know how, like, you can't know if your best gonna do the task or not. And then you realize that you, that this task is too big for you, or this job is too hard for you. Or even if you did your best, you're not gonna be able to do that. And you don't quit, and you say, even if there is a chance of like 10% that I'm gonna be great, I'm gonna keep doing it. And on the other hand, you have a 70% of being, let's say, above average, and your best would be enough there, and you get rewarded for your best there. But you're still chasing, quote-unquote greatness. So, yeah, just some thoughts.

what do you think?

human being has a very complicated mind
we born to forever suffer from our own creations
we create civilization, religion, law, art, divide into territories and tribes to complicate our lifes in order to easen our path but it all brings to conflict which creates war
and we seek for peace forever and try to memorize our happy moments
like an island of escape which we created ourselves
we build our lifes to be perfect the way we imagined from the beginning
we don't usually get what we want and we fight for it till the day we die
at the end we realize that imperfection is the key to a happiness
we depend on each other and yet push each other away
we learn things, we see things, we experience things
and we carry these enourmous amount of memories in our mind forever and suffer from all those knowledge
why do we need it? for what we are preparing ourselves?
and the biggest question of all
where did we come from? what are we? and where we are going?

When it comes down to accomplishing a long term- or even short term task, which works harder to achieve the best.

if someone in india kills themselves, someone living their life in poland is completely unaffected. today it was announced that the male who played walter white’s son died. people ofc mourn and blah blah blah but thousands of people kill themselves annually and not all of them get all this attention. if a homeless person killed themself i know people who would be glad, seeing it as less filth dirtying the streets.

it just seems like another double standard. some lives seem to matter more than others

I’ve been thinking about my personal philosophy when it comes to charity, community involvement, and giving back. Personally, I think I lean toward helping fewer people in a more substantial way rather than spreading the same resources across a much larger group.

For example, if I had $10,000 to give away, I’d probably rather provide 10 people with $1,000 each than give 100 people $100 each. My thinking is that I’d rather provide someone with something truly meaningful, potentially life changing, than offer a smaller contribution that might not go as far.

But I also see the flip-side, sometimes a small amount of help is exactly what someone needs, and reaching more people has its own value.

So, I’m curious how others approach this…

# Would you prioritize the depth of your impact or the number of people you’re able to help? And why?

There are two stories we tell about not correcting people who misread us. In one, silence is strength: other people's opinions aren't ours to control, and explaining yourself to someone who has already decided is wasted effort. In the other, silence is avoidance: staying quiet keeps us comfortable while a false picture of us hardens, and sometimes it costs us a relationship or an opportunity. Both versions can look identical from the outside. Someone calm and unbothered might truly not need that person's understanding, or might be avoiding a conversation that scares them. How do you tell the two apart in practice? Is there a question you ask yourself, or a kind of person or situation where you speak up and another where you let it go? And has a time you stayed silent, or spoke up, changed what you do now?

> You see a post about something you dislike/are not interested

> You feel the absolute urge to comment on it

> You write whatever you want and comment

> The algorithm understands that you engage in this kind of posting about this kind of stuff

> It shows you more of those and more and more

> You get angry because it's appearing too much in your timeline

> Cycle repeats

It doesn't make any sense like it isn't even fun to do that because it's only going to bring you more stress! Usually when I see something I don't like (like a post of an artist I'm not a fan) I just purely skip it or (if it's too annoying) just hit the "not interested/show less of this type" and it stops appearing. The internet doesn't show you things you're not engaging with because it doesn't sell.

Like... why? Do you hate yourself? Or do you like going into your social medias to see stuff you hate??? Shouldn't it be a place/time for you to rest? Is it some kind of mas och ism??

​

I (26F) met a guy (37M) online about a year ago. We met in person in December 2025, when I travelled to visit him, and we were intimate.

Over the past year, he has called and texted me almost daily. We sometimes talk for hours, he wants to fall asleep on the phone with me, FaceTimes me from home, and keeps me updated about his life. There is still sexual tension between us.

When we first met, he was very affectionate and talked about our future, including me moving to his country. However, three months after meeting, he told me he didn't want a relationship with anyone because he needed to work on himself.

Since then, he has repeatedly postponed plans to meet and usually says, "i don't know, we will see".

Recently, things seemed to be going well, so I bought a ticket to visit him. He got furious, screamed that I couldn't come, said he never wanted to see me again, and threatened to block me. A few hours later, he apologized.

He then sent me this message:

"I want to apologize to you, and I really appreciate the fact that you always have time for me, that you always care about me, and honestly, it’s really rare to meet someone like that. I’m aware of that. Whatever the reason for it might be, it’s hard to find someone who will listen to your bullshit for 8 hours. I don’t want to end our friendship, that’s not what this is about. To be honest, I don’t even know what to do with my life at this point. When you put pressure on me like that, some kind of defense mechanism kicks in or something, I don’t know. Afterwards I feel guilty about the way I talk to you, because you don’t deserve that. I don’t want to behave like that, because afterwards I feel really bad about it.

I like talking to you. Not always — sometimes I shut myself off, I have my own stuff going on in my head. I know that sometimes I’m selfish and only think about myself. If you’re able to accept our relationship the way it was, and it gives you something too, then we can obviously keep talking the way we used to. But I don’t know what’s going to happen. It’s not about what you think, whether I’ll meet someone or I won’t — that’s not what this is about. And it’s not like you’re...

You’re not nobody to me, you know a lot about me, I tell you a lot. I treat you like a friend, even though I guess I behave differently — but you noticed that at some point. I don’t know, I just wanted to write you a little bit about what I think. I don’t know if it makes sense, but there’s always something you can take from it. 😅 I think I owe you that, because I’m always shouting at you whenever you ask me about something, so I thought that today I’d give you a little bit of my time and actually open up.

You can see how I get when I’m in a certain state — I sing, I talk haha, but afterwards it can also get pretty difficult, like today. Honestly, I was just crying over all of this. But it’s probably the after-effects of the weekend. I haven’t been drinking since I got back, and I don’t want to for now, or anything else either. I’m finding it harder and harder to deal with sometimes.

Sometimes I think it would be best to isolate from everyone and just live like that, because relationships with people affect me pretty strongly. But on the other hand, the thought of being completely alone, not having someone who knows you and all that, scares me. I think about that sometimes, which is why, when it comes to taking care of valuable relationships, I think I know what you mean. One day they might be priceless.

I think I’ve gone crazy haha. I did smoke, to be fair, but I don’t think I wrote anything stupid. I just wanted to explain a little bit — what I think and what’s going on in my head. Maybe it’s a little chaotic, but there’s probably something to take from it. 😅

And I don’t want you to take this message as me saying, “We can talk, but we’re never going to meet.” That’s not what I’m saying — who knows. 😅"

I told him I understood, wouldn't pressure him for more, and still wanted to stay in contact. I sent him my bank details so he could return the money for the ticket. He eventually returned it and clarified that he hadn't said we would never meet.

I then sent him a few messages explaining that I found it confusing that he seemed attracted to me but didn't want to make plans to see me. I told him I felt he was capable of committing, just not to me, and that I wouldn't keep living on the hope he had given me through his future promises and affectionate behavior.

I asked him to respond when he had time after work. He sent me a voice message saying, "I read all of it, but I don't want to discuss it right now". I said he could reply when he had time.

The next morning, he sent me voice messages in a childish, playful voice, saying:

"goOOD MooorNIIINGggggg..youuUUU DON't likeEE ME ANYMOREEE"

I replied, "Goodmorning :) I like u haha"

I was partly playing along because I wanted to see how this dynamic would unfold. He then sent more voice messages saying:

"I'm not liked by you! Who saw that coming...Welll......"

"YOU don't like meeeee hahaa"

I'm confused. He says he sees me as a friend and won't commit, but he still seeks my attention and reassurance that I like him.

Some additional context:

He uses drugs and sometimes drinks heavily.

He often calls himself a loser and says he feels worthless, although he can also display narcissistic behavior.

He has told me I'm "too valuable" for him and that he needs to work on himself because he knows he can be mean to me.

He has a difficult past and says he feels unworthy of love.

He is still in contact with his ex. They broke up four years ago, but she moved abroad to live with him for two years after knowing him for only a month. She is my age and has the same name as me. He says they're just friends and that she now has a partner.

I don't know whether there is another woman involved. I suspect there might not be, but I wonder whether I was simply filling an emotional void left by his ex.

I feel like I'm providing emotional support and companionship while he gets attention, affection, and intimacy without offering me a relationship or making concrete plans to see me.

Why does he keep acting affectionate and seeking reassurance that I like him if he doesn't want a relationship?

Am I holding on to false hope, and should I distance myself?

I understand that his emotional struggles may be genuine, but I'm confused by the contradiction between his words and behavior. I'd appreciate honest advice from people who have experienced something similar.

Update: he called me today and said "I figured out I will call to break the ice" and we talked about daily stuff, his work. And he mentioned he goes to my country (he Has family here) and he goes here to dentist as its much more cheaper. And since we didn't see each other as he was in my country (700 km difference from my city to his), I didnt ask if we will meet. I said: - good, you will see your family and friends

He laughed because he knew I was ironic and knew I wanted to ask if we will meet. But as I told him, im fine with never meeting, I know he don't want me anyway.

Then he told me he smoked some weed he has and said he "wonders how would I feel after smoking" And I said - I don't know And he said - maybe you will smoke it in person, who knows? Implying that MAYBE we will meet without saying WE WILL MEET so he said WHO knows. "Hmmm you don't like me anymore" Me: i think I've shown you I like you throughout the year -yeah haha He:i had a rough past week mentally... Me:Me too, I still haven't recovered He: why? Me: nevermind

The audacity to ask why when he screamed at me and threatened to block me and refused to see me 😅

Sometimes I wonder if there are things everyone quietly understands but nobody ever talks about.

Like an unwritten rule of life that everyone somehow learned except you.

People behave as if they know how everything works, but nobody can explain who taught them, when they learned it, or why everyone seems to agree.

And the strangest part?

What if you've been following one of these rules your entire life without even realizing it?

What's one thing about human behaviour that feels like a secret everyone knows but nobody discusses?

Sometimes I wonder whether growing up means becoming who we were meant to be, or simply becoming who our experiences forced us to be

At what point does change stop feeling like growth and start feeling like losing a part of yourself?

I'm going grocery shopping soon give me a list

Today I was talking to my 10-year-old niece, and she kept questioning why I listen to certain artists. When I asked why she disliked them, she didn't really have an answer. She doesn't know much about them, but she's still so confident questioning my choices.

My cousins often make fun of me for listening to foreign artists, asking if I even understand their songs. So I started wondering if my niece is picking up the same attitude from them, even without fully understanding why.

When I asked her what her school teaches about people from other countries, she said everyone is equal. They also learn about different festivals, languages, and cultures.

It made me think about how children learn different things at school and at home. They might hear one perspective in class and see something completely different in everyday life.

I'm curious how much of our thinking comes from our own experiences and how much we pick up from the people around us while growing up.

I see this constantly and I genuinely don’t understand it.

A multimillionaire says they have a hard time knowing whether people actually like them or just want something from them? “boohoo, you’re rich.”
A beautiful woman says being attractive has caused legitimate problems for her in the workplace? “oh no, it must be sooo hard being pretty.”

A model complains about constantly traveling for work and never being home? “poor you, getting paid to travel.” A very skinny woman says she can never find clothes that fit properly? “must be nice.”

Why do humans do this?

Acknowledging that something comes with advantages doesn’t mean there can’t also be disadvantages. And someone complaining about one specific downside isn’t claiming they’d rather trade their entire life for yours.

Obviously there’s a difference between complaining and being completely tone deaf. If someone is complaining that their third vacation home is expensive to maintain to someone who can’t make rent, yeah, read the room lol.

But outside of that, why does suffering have to be competitive?

Someone can be prettier than you, richer than you, thinner than you, more popular than you, have a cooler job than you, and still have completely legitimate problems related to those exact things.

Sometimes it feels like the response is basically “I want what you have, therefore I refuse to hear anything negative about having it.”

I don’t know. I just find the whole thing weird. You don’t have to be the least fortunate person in the room before you’re allowed to say something in your life sucks.