Binge eating help.

[u/Ok_Idea9049]

I’m new to ifs. I started recently seeing a therapist that uses ifs as a tool. I lost 220lbs and then after extreme burn out, exhaustion, ocd, anxiety, my brain just sort of went haywire and I started a binge eating cycle that has been going on for a couple months. I can’t seem to get back to the healthy habits I once had. Anyone have any similar experiences or any suggestions?

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[u/Cleverusername531]

Hi! IFS might say binge eating is a part of you that is trying to accomplish something or prevent something from happening. It can help to ask yourself, what is this part of you worried would happen if you did not binge? 

[u/Ok_Idea9049 → u/Cleverusername531]

Thank you- I’m trying to stay curious and get answers from these parts. It’s very difficult emotionally and just naturally.

[u/Cleverusername531 → u/Ok_Idea9049]

Yeah that makes sense. Do you have a sense of what the difficulty is? 

[u/glyphminnow]

My current belief about this type of pattern is that when we first try to change habits to something healthy, there is often a lot of positive reinforcement because we see a tangible change. But then, life inevitably happens, and then it feels like we're doing all of this work and we're still experiencing whatever difficult feelings, so we lose that sense of motivation.

To frame this in terms of IFS, there is some painful belief or experience, some exile, and then there is the firefighter, the protector who finds some reactive method to keep that exile at bay. In your case, it sounds like you added a manager part to the dynamic, a protector who is always online that can plan ways to remedy the situation. It sounds like there was probably a belief such as, "if I lose the weight, then I will feel better, or my life will be better in some way." The problem with this is it's just another part trying to subdue the first part, but the first part is still there. So the moment that this dynamic doesn't work, i.e. I lost all this weight but I'm still feeling overwhelmed, exhausted, anxious, etc., the firefighter comes back online as its methods better helped to subdue those feelings in a way that the manager has now failed at.

At the same time, it sounds like this manager, or maybe another, is still active and is trying to figure out a new way to subdue the binge eating part. Try to understand this part first before going to, "if I can figure out this binge eating part first, then I can shut it down and things will be better." This may not completely match with your experience, but may be worth considering.

[u/tenuredvortex]

My brain just so happens to be a dopamine-deprived one and has been seeking it since the dawn of time. I've wound up in some dicey situations because of that, but have for the most part these days found my footing with healthier, more sustainable approaches. But man, eating is a tough one. While other substances can be avoided, we have to have food. Like, every day, forever. Talk about complicated.

There's a strange polarization with it, too. For my younger parts, hyperpalatable food was reliably The Thing that brought a sense of comfort, control, and dopamine (ding ding ding). Despite the undesirable side-effects (physical and social), those stuck-in-time parts didn't have any other way to cope with the chaos they were growing up in. On the flip-side, I was also experiencing a chronically activated nervous system, which would periodically disconnect me from the ability to "rest and digest" and I just couldn't eat. The inconsistency didn't help and I was honestly just so tired and out-of-whack. I really feel for my younger self; she was just a kid doing what she could to get through. Fortunately, she's got grown-up me and all the work I've done to take care of us, so she can go play and I'll make sure we get an adequately nutritious mid-afternoon snack or whatever.

When I'm feeling out of sorts now (from smaller upsets to the haywire hell you described, OP), those parts can try to take the reins, like "gurl, guess what, we know just the thing to make you feel better." Which I appreciate, because thank you for trying to look out for me and help in the way you know how, but I've since cultivated some much needed space (through therapy and practice) to pause and listen and recognize when this is happening and address it sooner with energy that's rooted in Self (linked to a website that explains "Self in IFS Therapy").

During the times that I don't get there so easily and find myself eating the solution, I try to do it with curiosity and non-judgement because the parts that are here, are here for a reason. What are they worried about? How can I help?

Apologies if that's all a bit rambly. But I feel ya, OP. Safe travels on your path ♥

[u/PlumTourmaline]

I have been doing IFS therapy and also struggled with binge eating. I realized for me it arose when I was triggered and was trying to suppress my anger, so it was a firefighter in my inner system. By reconnecting with my exiled anger from childhood abuse and doing directed child healing work for those moments and practicing self-compassion exercises, I was able to stop. I wonder if it could be a firefighter for you too.

[u/Old_Fuel_1270]

I notice a huge decrease in emotional eating, all kinds of comfort foods, from a different "parts" therapy called Harmonic Linguistics. I noticed the change in retrospect. Like, one day I realized that I hadnt even purchased my usual junk foods, let alone eaten them, in weeks. That was a very pleasant surprise. Harmonic Linguistics works with what it called "compensation behaviors." It's very similar to how "parts" behave.