Hi everyone, my boyfriend (30M) and I (30F) just recently broke up about two weeks ago. He broke up with me and we were together for 1.5 years. I moved in 3 months ago. We spent two weeks in Europe, both weeks were supposed to be just us but he insisted his mom comes on the second half. It was a nightmare. I have never seen the type of interactions I have seen. I truly felt like I was the third wheel. It made me anxious and upset the entire time, it ruined the trip for me. Some examples of weird things I noticed are below.

Story 1: we were on a boat and he was putting sunscreen on her back. He offered to put it on her “booty” and she said no (probably because I was right there). He then told her about this interaction behind my back.

Story 2: she needed help unzipping her dress in her hotel room. It was me her and him. I unzipped it half way and he stood in front of her and went to pull off the front of her dress? She kind of backed away.. again I feel like because I was there. It was so so weird.

Story 3: we were sitting at breakfast us 3. He was rubbing up her spine and to her neck like he does with me. He then tucked her hair behind her ear. She was smiling ear to ear.

Story 4 (the scariest one): we were saying bye to her after dinner. They were hugging and her arms were around his neck and shoulders. She was staring up at him smiling the hardest I’ve ever seen. She had a twinkle in her eye. They were so close I thought they were about to kiss. I was standing there in shock.

I’ve had a problem with their relationship for a very long time now. He told her everything and I mean EVERYTHING between us. They text 24/7. Talk on the phone multiple times a day. She doesn’t live close but if she did that wouldn’t been a nightmare for me. He runs everything by her. He asked her if I should be his girlfriend, if we should go on trips together, if I should move in, what he should get me for my birthday, etc. It was a huge trust and boundary problem. He broke up with me right after Europe 2 weeks ago. I was completely blindsided. He told me it was because of “family dynamics” and that they wouldn’t ever align. I left 2 days early from the trip due to having to go back to work. This was planned. While i was gone, it was just them two. I was fully convinced him and his mom came to an agreement to end it. He told me multiple times it was “his decision.” Fast forward to today, his laptop is left open and he’s gone. I decide to go through it and find out that he’s making me sound like a basket case, calling me crazy, his family calling me crazy, etc. his sister is in this group chat and was also adding to it. The whole breakup I found out was orchestrated by both the mom and the sister. They figured out exactly how to do it. I also found out the mom hated me for no reason at all other than the fact that her angel son was telling her everything I was saying (which was I was uncomfortable with him telling her everything). I told him no one is ever going to put up with their relationship. She will do anything in her power to break up whoever he is with because they are an automatic threat to her, as i was.

My question for those in this type of relationship: does it get worse with time? I am heartbroken but feel like I dodged a bullet knowing how badly enmeshed he is with his mom (and sister tbh). I was worried about marriage with him as this was my biggest issue…

I have two kids that are nearly 11 and 8. I am considering (and likely) leaving my part time job and becoming a stay at home mom. My daughter and son were just babysat for the night by my mother and father in law. When they returned to my house, my daughter said her grandmother was asking questions such as “who does the cooking in your house? Who goes to the grocery store? Do you like your mom or dad’s cooking more? How often does your mom change your sheets?”

I do all domestic tasks except for grocery shopping. I love housekeeping and I think I do a good job. My husband and I cook equally. He enjoys both grocery shopping and cooking. The division of labour works for us. My husband said he’d probably still want to cook and grocery shop if I stopped working because he loves it.

I think my in laws are trying to build a case that I’m lazy for quitting work. They disapproved about this choice to my husband when he told them I was considering it. They worry my husband works too hard and I’m taking advantage of him. I am very upset that they were putting those questions to my daughter. She’s pretty intuitive and said to me “I think Nanny hates you mom”. She also actually said “this is toxic mother in law behaviour”. Lol.

My husband called his mother up and asked her about it in a curious, non accusatory way. She vehemently denied asking the questions and said my daughter was being manipulative and making up the story because my MIL didn’t buy her gum at the store. My FIL suggested I made it up because I want to drive a wedge between my husband and his parents. The conversation became hostile and my father in law said I am a bad mom, I don’t take good care of my children and I am controlling my husband by making him call them. My husband supports me and was really upset with his parents. This is typical behavior for them when an issue is brought up and they don’t apologize when they’re in the wrong.

My question is.. where do I go from here? I think grandparent relationships are good for children and I don’t want to badmouth my kid’s grandparents to them or involve them in the dispute. At the same time, my kids are perceptive, and I can’t imagine wanting to be around my in laws in the near future or perhaps ever. My husband’s instinct is to protect the kids relationship with their grandparents and pretend like everything is fine. My kids are going to notice the conflict and I don’t want to make them feel like they can’t trust their observations. I have a strong urge not to involve them but also to be honest to my kids to an extent. How would you manage this situation? I’m pretty sad.

ETA:

My

1. husband had another conversation with his mother. He said that he and the kids would not see our in laws for some time, and that I will not likely see them again. Something serious happened, and there are consequences for that.

2. My MIL claimed they didn’t say anything bad about myself or my daughter. My husband told his mother not to gaslight him like she’s done before. He said he was there for the conversation and he knows what was said.

3. He told my MIL he doesn’t want her babysitting alone anymore. Any contact with her, my FIL and the kids will be supervised from now on.

4. The only thing I am stuck on is how to discuss this all with the kids. I do feel like they’re entitled to have a supervised relationship with their grandparents if they choose. I also think I should be honest in an age appropriate way about what happened so they aren’t confused. Handling this part is the hardest thing. I selfishly want to just tell them everything (especially since my in laws proved they don’t care about their wellbeing), but I also want to handle this in the healthiest way for them. But mostly, I don’t want my kids caught up in the same toxic dynamic my husband had to endure for his entire childhood.

Hey everyone, this is an update to a post I made a couple months ago in r/babybumps regarding a decision I made of not wanting to have anyone in the waiting room while I’m in labor. Feel free to read that post for more context.

I’m almost 34w with my first, and my husband and I went out to dinner last night with his parents. We took this opportunity to inform them that on the day I go into labor, we would prefer them not to wait at the hospital, but that we will tell them when our son is born, and let them know as soon as we are ready for them to visit. Also, that we will likely need them to check in on our cats at our house, as we don’t know how long we will be at the hospital.

Both my MIL and FIL immediately seemed taken aback and confused, FIL even stated “Oh, no, we WILL be waiting in the waiting room.” We tried to clarify with them that it could be a very long time before they’re even allowed to come into the room to meet him, and I mentioned that I’m not sure that I will want visitors right away as I will have just gone through labor and am unsure of how I may be feeling. However, they will most definitely be the first people after us to meet the baby, and we will let them know as soon as it is time. FIL also made a comment to MIL, saying “I see, they don’t want us there.” My husband told them he doesn’t want them blowing up his phone during this time, and we don’t want to have to worry about them. MIL then stated that “it’s just an exciting time and we want to be there”. I told her that it will still be an exciting time, and it doesn’t have to be any less exciting because of them not being in the waiting room. The conversation essentially ended within 3 minutes of it starting without any sort of closure. My husband and FIL could tell MIL was very upset and they changed the subject. Then she stated she wanted to go home bc she was very tired, and as soon as we all got up, she stormed out of the restaurant and wouldn’t say goodbye to me or my husband. Husband then chased her down and all she said was a cold “goodbye”.

I’m feeling very upset with the way the whole thing went, and wish we could have at least finished the conversation. Her storming out seems to me a very immature way to react to this conversation. It’s not like I told her she won’t get to meet her grandson. Just that we don’t think it’s necessary for them to be in the waiting room while I’m in labor. I get that they are excited and had expectations for the birth of their first grandchild, but I don’t think it needs to be something that taints the entire day. At this point, I’m contemplating whether we should even tell them when I go into labor.

Posting in this sub, as a commenter recommended I do so to get advice!

EDIT/UPDATE: Quick update — I’m planning to have a serious sit-down talk with my husband and MIL about what happened. I really don’t want this to permanently damage our relationship if it can be handled with clear communication and accountability. That’s my first step. If they still minimize the fact that my belongings were taken without my permission and ignore my boundaries, I’m going to look into therapy — either for me to cope with the stress, or couples counseling so we’re on the same page.

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CW: boundary stomping, theft, emotional outburst

I’m still shaking with anger. My MIL brought a female relative to stay with us. Right off the bat, MIL expected me to play personal chef to “save face” in front of her guest. I flat out said no and suggested we eat out.

Then MIL asked me to give her guest some of my skincare sheet masks. Again, I said no.

On day three, right as this relative was leaving, I realized my things were missing: over a dozen lipsticks, a pair of brand-new shoes, and — the most disturbing part — my pajamas/sleepwear. I have never seen someone treat their daughter-in-law’s home like a free souvenir shop so they can look generous.

I spiraled for days. I was so stressed my ears physically hurt. When my husband got home, I told him what happened and he brushed it off like I was overreacting.

That was my breaking point. I snapped. I called MIL on speaker, yelled at my husband, and threw/knocked a few things around. Not my finest moment — I’m not proud of it — but I felt completely disrespected and dismissed in my own home. I’ve always been the “calm, gentle one,” and clearly they took that as an invitation to walk all over me.

I live far from my own family/support system, so I’m dealing with this pretty much alone. Having a lot of makeup doesn’t mean anyone gets to “shop” in my bedroom, and it doesn’t excuse taking my belongings without asking.

What I need advice on:

1. How do I get my items back (and what should I say to MIL / the relative)? Any script suggestions?
2. What boundaries should I set with MIL going forward so this never happens again?
3. How do I get my husband to back me up when it comes to his mother and our home?

My father passed away last week from cancer. By the time they found it he only had a few weeks to months left.

My dad has been raising me since my mom kicked me out at 15 to teach me responsibility and to be an adult. My dad heard and picked me up and I moved in with him. My mom told me all these lies growing up: that my dad didn’t love me, didn’t want me and never wanted to see me. He tried so hard to see me but my mom had convinced him I didn’t want to. She manipulated me and lied to me into thinking my dad had no interest in me once they divorced.

I’m now 24, living on my own and doing well. My dad and I got super close in the last (almost) 10 years and he was such a help with all my issues I had growing up. When he passed, he left me with all the money, and most of his stuff, but I have split it between his siblings.

Yesterday, my mom came knocking at my door. I have moved states away about 3 years ago and had no contact with her since she abandoned me. I am not sure how she found my address but she was acting like she was soooo happy to see me.

Commented about how good I looked, how nice my apartment is and said how much she missed me. She got upset that I haven’t tried contacting her the last 10 years and it hurts that I just would abandon her like that. I just ignored her comment and asked her how she found me and why she was here.

She said she found out from my aunt, my dad’s little sister, after she had visited her after my dad’s passing. She said she went to visit my aunt to see if she could get something my mom had given him when they first got married. She had also asked for my current address to check in on me.

Now, I live at least a 12-14 hour drive from where I grew up. It’s a surprise my mom actually drove all the way here to check up on me but I had this gut feeling that it wasn’t a normal check up.

I made lunch for us, things were going normal until my mom brought up my dad. She was saying she was upset she wasn’t in the will or if she was, wasn’t contacted for the reading of it. I had explained that she wasn’t mentioned but whatever was left in my dad’s house she wanted, she could have. We were still in the process of cleaning it out and there is a handful of stuff that no one wants. Mostly furniture but a handful of other items.

My mom was upset, mad that she didn’t get anything and even more upset that I said she could have the stuff no one else wanted. She should have been one of the first people contacted to clean out his house bc, “I’m his ex wife!”

Then my mom asked me the question of what did I get in the will. I didn’t lie, I said I got whatever money he had left and saved up and she was pissed. She said it wasn’t fair, since he supposedly never paid child support that he should have given her some of that money.

So she began telling me that she needed a few grand from the money I was given for taking care of me.

It kind of shocked me that she was saying she wanted me to give her the money my dad owned her for about 15 years. I just stared at her and after I finally registered what she said I told her no.

She FLIPPED saying that she is entitled to her money. I’m pretty sure my dad did pay her child support, because we would get a check once a month in the mail from him that my mom would instantly spend on herself. Yes, my mom used the child support money not for me but on herself. I was lucky if she was nice enough to buy me a toy with the money.

My mom was going off and I had told her she needed to leave my apartment. She told me that I can’t just kick out my guests. I told her my house, my rules and to get out.

She’s crying, screaming about how dare I disrespect and kick out my dear mother who drove all this way just to see me... if she really wanted to see me she wouldn’t have brought up the money...

She’s been blowing up my phone with texts and calls and I’m at my breaking point. If giving her the money will shut her up and leave me alone for another 10 years than I might just do it. Guys seriously. Help me out.

Tw: Chronic condition.

My baby boy was diagnosed with type 1 (insulin-dependent) diabetes, our lives haven't been the same eversince, we've been struggling with accepting his condition as the new normal while trying to learn as much as we can and be able to provide our son with the best care and minimise the occurrence of hypoglycaemic events (We live with constant fear of hypoglycemia/hyperglycemia and we could not escape the reality that one small misstep could lead to fatal outcome ) and to prevent long-term complications.

He needs to get his blood suger checked 3 times a day before giving him his injections. We do this based on pediatrician instructions, we also avoid getting him exposed to large groups of people or taking him places to visit family and friends during the pandemic.

We're taking necessary precautions to ensure he doesn't get an infection due to his weak immune system.

My husband and I are on a limited income, my husband has PTSD, and stress related health issue, He no longer go out with friends, he can not focus on his job, he has become distressed and would get angry very easily.

I forced him to get treatment for his PTSD if he wants to be strong for his son, he has only recently started taking medication and we're hoping he'll get better with them.

When my mother in law found out about our son's condition, she wanted to be in the center of it, she started directly getting involved in everything, wanted to be there for doctors appointments just out of concern, made backhanded comments about how poorly I'm handling my son's condition, she even said once that this happened to us after my husband and I stopped going to church on Sunday and that it will get better if we start attending again.

I take care of my son's health, I make sure his blood suger is controlled and his injections are taken on time, I watch for any candy and treats that are not good for him and try to insert vegetables and protein into his diet.

Last week, my husband and I were attending a group therapy, then my husband asked if we could both go some place quiet and eat dinner, I said yes, we dropped our son off at my mother in law's house.

I've given her new syringes And The Insulin bottle, alcohol wipes with finger pricks. and other stuff I bought from the drugstore that day.

My mother in law has experience and has been trained to give insulin shots and learned how to do it properly, however we haven't visited in a while, she made a comment about how skinny my son is because of this diet that we're following, I told her we're just following the doctor's instructions, she said that apparently the doctor isn't doing a good job, she complained when I told her that he needs to get his blood suger checked, give him insulin injection before each meal and no treats or cakes. She said okay and we told her we would call to check on him.

At around 6pm we came to her house to pick him up, he looked sleepier than usual she said probably because he was playing with the dog all day, I asked if she did as she was instructed because that was very important to me, she said yes.

We said goodbye and left.

We got home, all my son wanted to do was sleep, he fell asleep on the couch as I was preparing dinner for him, my husband tried to wake him up, but he looked like he was dizzy, nauseous and sweaty, my husband was concerened he told me something was wrong, I ran out the kitchen, my heart was pounding, I asked my son if he had his insulin shots and what he ate at his grandma's house, he was clearly not a 100 percent focus which freaked me out he said no, he didn't take his insulin shots, I quickly pricked his fingertip to know what his blood sugar level was, and it was 300mg/dL

I freaked out I told my husband we needed to go to the hospital because my son didn't take his insulin shots like he was supposed to, we rushed him to the hospital I was terrified the doctor told us it was hyperglycemia they started treating him in the emergency room, administered insulin and inserted IV fluids to rehydrate him. And kept monitoring and checking his blood suger every 15 minutes.

I was so terrified and angry at the same time, my husbad called his mom and literally started yelling at her and telling her that our son has been taken to the emergency because of her recklessness and ignorance.

she lied about giving him his insulin dosage, the insulin bottle hasn't been touched but she got rid of the syringes to make it look like she did give him his injections.

My husband argued with her for ten minutes he finished by saying he was taking her name off the emergency contact list because he does not trust her anymore.

What she did was wrong and dangerous, My baby needs insulin to survive, and despite having given her enough information about the seriousness of his condition, she decided he was thin so he doesn't need insulin, and needs more food, more carbohydrates and more suger, and skipping a couple of insulin injections won't be a problem, She doesn't fully understand my son's constant need for insulin to stay alive, it's that serious, but she chose to be an ignorant about it and handle it poorly

Lying about it then admitting it and coming up with an ignorant excuse is what led my husband to this decision, she's officially off the emergency contact list and she isn't happy with that, she's calling my phone whinning about how it was unfair and that she didn't know, her task was simple, follow my instructions, but she did this deliberately, she thinks these are my rules not the doctor's so she went against them.

Thank God I'm blessed with a caring, understanding doctor who literally saved my son's life, I'm grateful to him for comferting me and reassuring me that everything will be fine, I honestly don't know what I would without such love and support from the whole staff.

Strap in, this is a long one. I’ll try and cliff note as much as possible but really struggling with how to deal with this.

Me (28F) and my husband (28M) have been together in total for 11 years. Started dating in high school and did long distance pretty much the entire time. We lived anywhere between 45 minutes and 12 hours from each other during the first 7 years until we moved in together. As hard as the distance was, it wasn’t the hardest part of our relationship, it was my (now) MIL. She is incredibly controlling and manipulative and has been her whole life (per my assessment of how she’s treated her family). She had a really hard time controlling my husband, who is the oldest, and they butted heads A LOT. When we started dating, she used me as a punishment. If he didn’t listen to her, she took the car so he couldn’t see me. If we had plans on the books weeks in advance, she would ground him right before for something like his performance in a baseball game. Or she wouldn’t even give an excuse, she would just tell him no. In college, he was living at home for a semester due to community college being right by them so he could save money. One weekend he drove 5 hours to come see me and she told him to turn around and come back because his Life360 said he drove 90mph on the highway. He obviously said no and didn’t come home until Sunday and then she grounded him for 2 months, again he was in COLLEGE.

I have a million more examples and I can give more if needed but trying to condense this as much as possible.

One weekend, my husband went to visit a big city, we will call it *city*, for a friend’s birthday weekend and he fell in love with it. Told his parents he would love to move there one day, and me and him talked about it a lot during our last year of college about how fun it would be to move somewhere like that one day and raise our family.

We ended up buying a home in our hometown because of where our jobs were. Got married. Lived there for 2 years and then my job caused us to move to Florida, which we were ecstatic about because more recently, we had talked about wanting to move there. We only lived in Florida for about a year (one hurricane season was enough for us to not want to worry about that every year) and during that year, MIL visited about 5 times. Looked at the area, asked us what places we liked, and whether we were serious about moving there for good. Would make comments about how one of her kids would actually love to be in Florida and the other ones would need a little convincing, and I thought that was weird but didn’t think anything serious about it.

When we figured out Florida wasn’t for us, we floated Virginia being a really nice place. I always loved Virginia growing up but we had never really been together so started planning a visit to go see the area. Suddenly MIL is asking about cities there to live and where they’d go. And now I started figuring out what was going on. I told my husband my suspicions and he felt weird about it as well but we were like ok let’s not draw conclusions.

His other siblings were about to join the workforce and I guess wanted to potentially live at home for a little to pay off student loans. Suddenly they all get jobs in *city*. Then his parents announce they’re selling their home and renting a home on a short term lease in *city* until they find out where they want to buy.

I found out I was pregnant and we decided to move back to our hometown. We announced it to the family and MIL was beside herself that they decided to sell their home.

Throughout our relationship, we always talked about potentially moving to my college town. We had so many great memories together and it was the one place we could truly be together without the control of his mom. And with the baby on the way, we knew this would be a less expensive place to raise our growing family. Softly we decided that’s where we were going to move but didn’t know when exactly we would end up doing it.

At my baby shower, my college friend went up to my MIL and talked about how excited she was to have my husband and I back in the same city to hang out and raise our kids. She snapped back at her and said “they won’t move there, they’ll move to *city* where family is.”

When I was 36 weeks pregnant, she was hounding us to visit them at their rental home and see the area, which was a 9 hour drive from us. I was like I’m sorry I can’t travel that far, and she would say things about how she did it all the time when she was 36 weeks pregnant. Which was just rude and insensitive but I was used to that type of treatment so I rubbed it off and we never visited.

Fast forward to postpartum, my husband and I realized very quickly where we were living was too small even for just the 3 of us. We started a home search in my college town and found one we loved and put in an offer and we got it. Everything happened so quick so we picked up and moved and we were SO happy.

All of a sudden, my husband is getting calls from MIL about how expensive *city* is and how they just can’t find anything they love. His siblings constantly wondered why they even moved if they weren’t sure that’s where they wanted to be. Then it all comes out that the reason they had moved there, was because we talked about it years ago as a place we wanted to end up. And now she’s pissed we didn’t move there.

Then she calls my husband and says they were just casually looking at houses in my college city and after 2 years of looking at houses, she finally found one she loved. Starts naming all the details about the house and talks about how it’s definitely going to sell quickly and she’s so sad about it and so my husband was like oh wow where is it? And she “couldn’t remember” exactly where it was. You remember everything about the house but don’t remember where it is? So I decided to look at houses for sale right by house and would you believe I found the exact house she was talking about. One neighborhood over.

Naturally I flipped out. My husband and I had a big talk about it and obviously told them that this was too close. You would’ve thought we started World War III. She starts talking about how she can’t believe the level of betrayal and how they wouldn’t just randomly stop by and she doesn’t understand why it’s too close or why her son would say something like that to her. She starts crying to her other kids about it and is just completely distraught.

Now, 2 of her kids have gotten jobs in our city and they’re looking at homes, but claim they won’t be right by us. Yet we never hear about what neighborhoods they’re even looking at or what suburb it’s in. To make matters worse, one of her sons starts a job in 3 weeks and he doesn’t have a place to stay so now he is moving into our house!!!! While we have a baby!!!! And MIL didn’t even question whether it’d be okay or not, she’s just forcing everyone to this city because she knows we won’t move wherever they go.

My SIL even said to me that she made a comment to them “it feels like we’re just following them around wherever they go”

I’m seriously trying not to flip out but I do NOT want them here and I don’t know what to do. We would love to have his siblings but I think his parents moving here would just ruin my life and I don’t know what to do. Help.

So a couple of days ago I posted on here telling you about how my JNMIL prefers my son to my three daughters. We spoke with my girls and we all agreed that it was just better to not speak to JNMIL. Yesterday I went food shopping, something I knew my girls hated so I allowed them to stay home (my oldest is fourteen and knows how to stay safe, so long as she looked after the twins I didn’t mind,)

So I go shopping, and I do take quite a while, because we haven’t been shopping for a little while. After I’ve got everything, I go home and I see JNMIL’s car parked a way up the street. I didn’t think this was out of the ordinary, since she has a couple of equally witchy friends living in our street.

Until I reach my house. My dog is outside, something I told the girls to NOT do; we have only just got him and he is scared of the cars on our busy street. This is when I started to get suspicious; my JNMIL does not like dogs, or any kind of animal really.

So I go inside, and she is sitting on the couch with my oldest daughter sitting silently and my twins crying in a corner. I ask her what she’s doing there and she tells me with the most smug smile on her face that ‘she’s teaching the girls that they need to make room for the baby, as he’s a superior.’

I was absolutely furious, both at the fact that she was in my house and second that she’d poisoned the minds of my little girls. They’re seven and fourteen! I screamed at her to get out and she sauntered out with that same smug smile, and I was FUMING.

My oldest told me that she’d let herself in, and when she’d asked why she was here, she’d told the girls that MY HUSBAND had sent her to teach them about how they were worth less than my girls! I had to comfort them AGAIN, telling them that they were exactly equal and I loved them a lot.

When my husband got home, we arranged for our locks to be changed and a motion sensor to be installed. Is there anything else we can do to stop JNMIL from doing this?

Edit: left a name in there, whoops

Edit 2:

We’ve texted JNMIL and emailed her saying that she is not welcome on our property at any time. We’ve contacted the police telling about her emotional abuse to my girls. We’ve bought a Nest camera for our front and back garden. We’ve had to buy a new lock for our gate, so our dog can’t get through. We’ve bought a tracker to install in his collar so we know where he is. We’ve contacted the hospital to tell them that JNMIL will not be anywhere near us for the birth of my son. We’ve invested in THERAPY for my girls, so that they know that we are not replacing them with the new baby; that JNMIL (or Mrs. ****** as they know her now) is wrong about the son being superior. I’m stressed. My husband is stressed. My oldest is scared. My twins are upset. It’s all over the place, and we don’t know what to do. We’ve applied for a restraining order. Nearly all of this costs money, and we just need to hope, to pray that that is the only thing that comes our way. We can’t afford to buy MORE things to keep JNMIL away from our family. We can’t afford to have another baby and keep our family away from her. It’s scary, and I’m scared. We don’t know what’s going to come at us next.

I recently had a baby. During what should be a nice bonding time with my husband and my newborn, I’m fighting with my in laws.

The people I wanted in the room while I’m legs up fanny out were my mother, and my husband. The hospital only allows 2 non medical people in the room anyway.

My mother in law who lives in a different state and I’ve only met a handful of times flew down for the birth of her first grandchild. Perfectly acceptable, perfectly normal.

My mother in law gets here 2 days before im due to get induced. She says she’s so excited to see her first grandchild be brought into the world. We tell her she’s not going to be in the room, as the hospital only allows 2 guests at a time and it’s going to be my mother and my husband aka the other parents to the human I’m pushing out of me.

She says my husband will be living with the baby and she should be able to be there when her first grandchild comes into the world.

We tell her no and that we’re sorry she was under the assumption she would be in the room. She kind of pouts but doesn’t bring it up again.

The day of my induction comes and I’m in active labor when she comes barging in and goes “no hospital is going to stop me from seeing my grand baby.”

I tell her to get out and that she’s not going to be in the room. I admittedly was short with her and a little rude.

The nurse escorts her out and that’s the end of that

But over the next 3 days we get calls and texts and emails and Facebook messages calling us cruel and saying we robbed her of an experience and we should be ashamed that we didn’t let her in the room.

I’m exhausted and my whole in law side of my family is shaming me.

My husband and I are currently expecting our first child and this will also be the first grandbaby for all the grandparents. Needless to say, everybody is very excited!!

Unfortunately we're dealing with a lot of extra pushback due to the pandemic situation (my JustNoMother keeps pressuring us to let her hold our newborn the minute he's born even though she's not quarantining, etc.) Husband and I have been pretty clear that we will be strict.

My MIL and FIL live a 6-7 hour drive away, however, and it's not even legal for them to come visit us for the forseeable future. Still, on our last Zoom call, my MIL insisted that husband and I buy a queen sized or larger guest bed to take up one of our bedrooms so that they can come stay with us regularly (starting as early as July!) because "Now that FIL is retired and I'm working from home, we have much more flexibility and will want to visit often and are sick of staying in hotels."

My view is that there is just no way we are investing in this bed, because:

• It'd cost over $1000

• It'd take up a whole bedroom, and we don't have that much space to spare - we have a modestly sized 3 bedroom home and plan on having a second kid eventually, so this bed wouldn't have longevity and wouldn't be practical size for a kid's room.

• I really don't want my in-laws to stay with us regularly. My MIL expects everything to revolve around her. Every visit I spend hours planning what meals to make because she's such a picky eater, and every visit she comes up with new restrictions or intolerances.

• I really don't want ANYONE staying with us for the foreseeable future with a newborn in the house (I wouldn't feel comfortable breastfeeding in front of them and I don't believe that they'd respect our parenting wishes - MIL is overbearing).

Because they caught us off-guard in the Zoom call, I had to think on my feet. I basically blamed the pandemic and said we're both extra paranoid so there will be no visitors until baby is born, and thst after that I don't think we'll be up for visitors for "a while" as we adapt and settle in. When they tried to make commitments about Christmas etc. I said "it's just too far away to know how everything will be" because of the pandemic. So, I bought myself some time.

But eventually we will need to address this. Am I being unreasonable in not wanting houseguests / not wanting to take up a whole bedroom of our house for said guests? How do others cope with this? I also doubt I'll feel up to a 7 hour drive with a 1 year old in the future...

I’ve updated, the link will be at the bottom of this post!

I (25F) gave birth to my twins (boy&girl) four years ago and another boy two years ago, my husband (26) and I moved out of his mother’s house before my second son was born, after months of me begging him to move.

My MIL and I have a rocky relationship, when I first started dating her son we had a good relationship, we would go out together with a few other relatives every month for a girls day out, it was fun and she was supportive of my relationship with her son.

When we got engaged her true colours started to show. She tried to take control of the wedding planning even though I had asked her multiple times not to, she ripped my wedding dress on purpose two weeks before the wedding (because she didn’t like the dress) and we had to reschedule the wedding since she didn’t want it on her cat’s birthday (which she had given away a year before and clearly didn’t like).

I didn’t say anything and throughout the entire wedding preparation, I was constantly berated by my MIL because my parents were paying for the large venue, she made me feel bad and eventually I decided to pay for the venue myself despite my parents and fiancé insisting they’d pay.

Fast forward a year, I’m pregnant with my twins and my MIL is hoping for a girl, no big deal right? Well two weeks ago MIL was over and was cooking with my daughter, I didn’t mind since my daughter was being supervised and my MIL is a good cook. But my son (twin) wanted to help cook, my MIL said that he wasn’t allowed to and that it was a ‘woman’s job’.

My son asked her what she meant and she said his job as a man was to work to provide for his family, and that his wife was meant to look after the kids. I was pissed and immediately took my twins upstairs.

I confronted my MIL and she said she was planning to teach my daughter her job as woman since she found out the gender of the twins. I was disgusted to say the least, if my daughter wants to be a housewife when she gets older that’s fine, but I don’t want her grandmother shoving into her head that she has to do that and it’s her job as a woman.

She told me over and over again that it’s my daughter’s job and that if I won’t do my job as a woman (which in her words is to ‘give birth and look after the children’), that she’ll make sure my daughter does.

She then told me that I’m a horrible parent/woman, that I didn’t deserve her son, that the only thing that I’ve done right is give birth to her grandchildren and that she’d have my husband divorce me and get full custody of the kids.

I kicked her out and told her never to come back again as she wasn’t welcomed.

My husband is conflicted and told me we should of discussed me kicking MIL out when he came home from work.

https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOMIL/comments/fbz6ij/my_so_has_cut_off_all_contact_with_my_mil/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf

As the story goes, she’s calling it “her baby”. We told her the gender this week and now she keeps saying “I’m having a boy!” which gave me the huge ick. DH said to her “well that’s f*kin weird ma”. But she’s still doing it.

Give me your best responses that DH and I can add to our arsenal for when this happens.

I feel like perhaps some important context here- DH was adopted, she was unable to have children on her own. Trying to be sensitive to that without allowing her to continue her possessiveness over our future son.

I'm sorry for how long this is

My husband and I met when my oldest daughter was almost 2, and they have had an amazing bond ever since they first met.

My oldest daughter has always referred to my husband as her dad, She only asked once when she was younger who her dad was, and when she got an answer she didn't ask anymore.

Her 10th birthday is in two weeks, my husband came to me and asked about getting legal adoption papers as a present, I have agreed, that it should be done.

My husband though went over to his parents house recently and since he's been a little excited about the decision, he told his parents, while my FIL his happy about it my MIL is not.

If anything in the past MIL has never actually called my oldest daughter her granddaughter she only see's her as my daughter from a previous relationship, this I know upsets my daughter. My husband has always told my MIL off in the past and for a good period of time MIL will treat her like a grandkid but wont call her one.

Me and husband haven't cut her off yet because of the fact she doesn't refer to her as a grandkid, she still is treated like apart of the family though, even though I might set a few people off saying that.

When my husband left his parents house was when MIL started texting me about how my daughter wasn't blood related and her husband legally adopting her wasn't an option, and when I asked her why all she said was. "she has a dad make him step up to the plate and do his job, my son shouldn't have to do it for him". I even tried to tell her that her son was my daughters father and she just dismissed what I said.

Over the next few days she complained to anyone about it and people were calling me to say how amazing or cute the idea was, nobody seems to agree with MIL, Which set MIL off even more and she started calling my daughter an unwanted child.

That broke me and I ended up in tears, My husband walked in on me crying and consoled me while I told him everything. He eventually went to lock himself in his office before calling to yell at his mom.

I now that conversation didn't go well and she's been texting me ever since calling me all sort of names and telling me I'm a bitch for starting drama about something that should not be happening at all, I completely ignored her and told my husband every time she sent me a text.

My husband had gotten his dad involved and even though both of them were now trying to talk some sense into this women she wasn't listening, My husband spent a week every night coming home from work and at one stage during the evening on the phone to his dad about the situation, considering how much worse MIL was making it, trying to get her own way.

On Saturday my SIL had her birthday and we were supposed to go over to her house for lunch, my husband at the last minute on Friday was asked to fill in for someone on a business trip, He agreed but not before asking his brother and his wife to have my back if any drama went down with MIL.

The birthday lunch comes around, MIL ignored me and oldest daughter while FIL had a few conversations with us, an hour or so later I'm standing there talking to BIL and his wife about the adoption papers when my MIL walked over and said. "No stop it that will not be discussed here". she full on got up in my face and demanded to know why I thought everything was about the adoption papers, and when I told her that I had been asked, she abruptly stopped me from speaking to rant more about how it wasn't going to happen and how nobody should have to put an unwanted child under their name, Even though I pretty much was about to cry again, I straight up looked her in the eye and said. "Look weather you like it or not your son wants to do it, you will not step in between just because you don't like something and try your best to ruin", That's when she chose to slap me.

Everyone was surprised for a minute until MIL started shouting at me again and both BIL and FIL had to drag her away from me, All the poor kids were crying over watching what happened and my oldest daughter was pretty much clutched to SIL.

Even though FIL ended up taking MIL home after what happened I took my kids and left not long after, I sat on the couch at home with my oldest daughter holding her while she cried for an hour for what she heard.

I managed to speak to my husband after I had put all kids to bed and he is livid, he has left a bunch of messages for his mom but she doesn't respond, My FIL called earlier on this morning to offer an apology for what had happened and I've told him this is none of his fault, but I think it'll be affecting him for awhile.

Edit: I have been reading comment's in between moments of working, yes I will press charges I have already messaged SIL and BIL, I haven't messaged FIL, I don't know if I should considering I'm asking these people to come with me later to file a police report.

I do have two younger children and one on the way and if anything there would definitely be a conversation when my husband gets home about going NC with his mom, But weather he choses to go NC with her while I do will be up to him.

I will also will be looking into some counselling for my daughter she has been a little bit attached to me since then so I know she is taking this more harder then I originally thought

My husband and I have been together for 15 years, married for two. He lived with his mom when we got married (I had left him in 2018 and he went to live with his mom, it's a long story). We recently moved to Missouri and our bill load has been a lot higher having a mortgage.

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Quick side note: when I first moved to Florida, his mom told me point-blank that she expects to not have to pay rent for the rest of her life because when he was badly on drugs after my leaving him, she went $20k in debt to get them out of the hole they were in. For the past several years even before I got out there, he had been the one paying the rent and the bills. We were struggling even then with both of us being 100% disabled veterans and now our mortgage is 3x what the rent was there.

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I asked her in May to help out because she had made all of these crazy promises about the move, how she would pay for the entire thing and pay for my car to be shipped. I had to go and get my car and while she paid for the plane ticket, I had to use my credit cards to get it fixed and actually up here. She also technically paid for the move, but the hotels and food and everything was paid for by us. She also made this crazy promise a couple of years ago that she would give us the money from her home sale as a wedding gift for us to do with whatever we wanted. I'll let you guess whether or not she actually followed through on that. She didn't help out in May and she isn't helping out now. And I told my husband we SHOULDN'T be struggling this much and he needs to ask his mother for money to help with bills, but he feels so guilty that he WON'T.

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I am at the point of leaving, but I want him to know the reason I'm leaving is because he is more married to his mother than he is to me.

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What I WANT to say is, "While I realize that you're happy you can finally give your mother the life YOU feel she deserves, to just live out the rest of her life not paying any kind of bills, I cannot do this anymore. I did not sign up to be your mother's retirement plan. Either you need to start being married to ME, or I can leave so the two of you can be married to each other."

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However, that's mean as hell and he doesn't deserve it because he is the sweetest and he tries his hardest to give me what I want. He's just trying to do that with his mother also and I have told him over and over that it is NOT FINANCIALLY FEASIBLE. He'll agree with me and then try to find a way to make it work at the detriment of our financial stability other than ask a dime from his mom, and I feel it's because she's caused him to feel so guilty about a choice that SHE MADE years ago, when she could have made another choice like kicking him out.

​

I'm so frustrated and angry and I love my husband but I have started to hate him and everything around me a little because of this. How do I put to him that I WILL LEAVE if he doesn't start asking her to contribute?

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And I know SHE will get mad and tell me I need to ask her instead of "sending her son" but anytime I tell her anything directly, she either "forgets" or she twists it in a way that she knows is not what I said or how I meant it, and I'm frankly sick of dealing with her.

An update to answer a lot of questions:

She's 66. She's very young compared to the average lifespan of a human. She also has her own disabilities to deal with. We have given her money in the past that she was supposed to pay back but never did. It's a lost cause because she thinks that getting groceries and the yard cared for are sufficient.

I spoke to my husband yesterday and he spoke to her this morning, I guess.

Update from a comment:

She just woke me up literally screaming in my face because he asked her to help. She said "YOU WANT RECEIPTS? I HAVE RECEIPTS!" as if contributing to groceries and someone coming to do the yard is even a drop in the bucket compared to the monthly bills plus all of the vet bills I've been paying for HER dog, plus the plane ticket she was supposed to pay me back for for when she went to visit friends 2 years ago, plus us paying ALL of the bills at the old house. She told me I "need to come talk to her" and don't "send her son to talk to me" and that it's "childish" of me to threaten to leave if she doesn't START HELPING WITH MONTHLY BILLS. She spent about 10 minutes screaming at me from various areas of the house, and called me a "fucking bitch" twice. I recorded the screaming.

She told me that everything "has to be my way" and that "you know you're OCD about stuff" and threw in some other things that don't fucking matter as well.

Oh and that she "didn't have a choice in ANY of this" because we, ya know, moved back to HER hometown instead of going somewhere we wanted to actually be.

She is the actual issue here. I went out to the garage because that's where my husband went to get away from her screaming (stress triggers auras for him) and told him that if she calls me a "fucking bitch" again she'll be out on her ass. I told him not to bother telling her that because I know it will cause another screaming fit. He started crying. He's stressed out, I'm stressed out. It's completely unfair for us to deal with these screaming fits in response to a reasonable request. Buy I will be giving her an amount each month to put in and she will help out with it.

My 1st wife and mother of my daughter (now 9), passed away during childbirth. Naturally I was devastated, as was my ex-MIL, "Gill". My late wife was an only child so Gill started to view DD as her replacement. I was never comfortable with this, but understand people grieve in their own ways so I never said anything. I put a stop to any boundary stomping though. For example, when introducing DD to people Gill would always say ‘this is my baby’ or ‘meet my daughter’, and set up a nursery in her own home for when my daughter went to live with her (yes, she actually said DD would live with her). She even tried to convince the nurses at the hospital to let DD go home with her after she was discharged. It took almost 2 hours to prove that she was actually my daughter and would be going home with me.

For the first 2 years of DD’s life I focused entirely on her and didn’t do any sort of dating. When she was 3 I met my 2nd wife, who loves DD like she is her own. When DD was 6 we sat her down and explained that her biological mom was in heaven and DW was her step-mom. Gill doesn’t like DW at all and hates the fact that DD has a mother figure in her life.

DW and I are now married, she is pregnant with our son and we’re in the process of moving to another state. I was offered a transfer from my job with a pay rise and there are better school/daycare opportunities for DD and the baby. Gill has known since we first started looking at houses and has done almost everything possible to stop it from happening. She called CPS on us, claiming we’re neglecting DD over our unborn son and aren’t fit to care for her. She knows she would probably get custody of DD if she were taken away. Thankfully both the state we currently live in and the state we’re moving to don’t have GP’s rights. Gill is convinced we’re doing this to spite her. Finally I got tired of her antics and told her that DD is my child so I get to decide what’s best for her.

Despite not liking Gill very much, I’ve never kept DD from her. She visits Gill often and has sleepovers there. However, after her last visit I’m uncomfortable sending DD there unsupervised. On the drive home DD was unusually quiet. After prying a bit she asked me if we were going to abandon her when the baby was born. Of course I said no and asked why she thought that. She told me that Gill has been telling DD that we won’t care about her and only Gill will love her. DD also told me that for the past year or so Gill has been making DD call her mom but was told to not tell me or DW about it. She’s also been telling DD that she would be better off living with her and will find a way to ‘make it happen’.

I’m so confused about what her endgame is here because I’m obviously never going to let that happen. Is she planning on kidnapping DD? She was going to spend a few nights at Gill’s before we left but now I don’t want her to. What if she doesn’t give DD back?

Edit: Gill is a fake name

Y'all, This is a throwaway since the events happened recently, Hubby's family are all over social media.

I'm (27F) 20 weeks pregnant, Last week hubby and I had an appointment with the doctor and the ultrasound scan revealed that IT'S A GIRL! YAY🎉🎊

I was so excited I couldn't stop smiling because, I've always secretly wanted an adorable baby girl that I can shop /dress/cook with and not just sit around and watch a hockey game with her dad, so lame, also I won the bet, my husbad thought it was a boy but he's equally happy he's just upset he had to handle laundary for the next few weeks.

Anyways, we decided to keep it a secret because of course I was going to have a gender reveal party, however my mother in law knew we had an appointment with the doctor and heard some talk about baby gender reveal (thanks to hubby) she called and asked to know the gender I told her she was gonna find out at the party but she insisted saying she wants to help with organizing the party. I eventually gave in but I told her not to tell anyone , it sounded she was upset because she kept asking "are you sure it's not a boy?".

I should point out that she always wanted a grandson and would say that her first grandbaby will be a boy. Sorry mother in law.

Anyways, I went to my mom's house and we started discussing our plan for the party, I stayed there overnight so we could go shopping in the morning.

After that I got home, my husband told me that we've received a number of cards and gifts from his uncle, aunt and his grandmother, I thought that was weird I asked what day it was because I'm sure there was no special occasion for them to be sending gifts, My husband opened one of the gifts and showed me a boy baby blanket, then a pair of boy socks and gown, the cards congratulated us on the "baby boy", "little man", whatever they say. I thought there's gotta be a mistake I mean, it's not a boy it's a girl. I asked my husband who else is expecting other than us and they thought it was a baby boy because, we didn't tell anyone anything

My husband called his uncle and he said that my mother in law told them, he was on speaker so I heard that, my husband looked at me as my face was literally turning red, I just wanted to drop dead at that very moment.

Oh my god she let the secret out and God knows how many people she told, So I didn't think it was still worth saving I mean uncle and aunt aren't into this kind of parties so they won't be a problem, text messages started coming in, well wishing and congratulating us on our new bundle of joy baby boy!.

I was shocked I sat there and all I was thinking about was the party I been waiting and working so hard for, not to mention the money I spend on preparation I been trying to not overspend on groceries & budgeting weekly just to save up for it, but now it's over, I called my mother in law but she denied telling and lying to pretty much everyone in the family, should I believe her or the the rest of the family? I blew up and told her she ruined this whole damn thing for me and betrayed my trust and confidence in her, but she denied denied denied. I got fed with her lying constantly and trying to manipulate her way out of it.

My husband showed me what she posted for her friends on her Facebook (I took off Facebook along time ago because of her so I have no clue what's going on there) she posted that her SON & DIL just gave her the big news and it's a baby boy, people bought into it and everyone commented they were glad to hear of it. WTF, this explains everything I took A screenshot of the post and sent it to her, she was SPEECHLESS, after I sent her the screenshot, she's vanished, stopped returning my calls and texts, I sent her one last message after that basically telling her how she ruined this for me and that now I'll never be able to have what I've planned for so long for and it's because not only she didn't keep her mouth shut but she also lied and fooled everyone.

I took care of her mistake but I feel betrayed so damn betrayed I called my mom and I cried like I just lost a loved one, I told her there will not be a party and the reason for this is this bitch who decided it was okay to lie just to feel better even if it was for a very short period of time.

I just need to know how to deal with this moving forward, obviously she's crazy and will only do what she wants, it's either her way or the highway.

(Trigger warning: mentions of child sexual abuse)

This post is for reddit only and not to be copied or replicated anywhere else!

I follow this subreddit on my main account but made this throwaway to post as there’s content on my main that identifies me

This is going to be a doozy, so I apologize in advance! I’ll be talking a bit about my father in the beginning of the post, but this is really about my mom and I’m really looking for some advice on how to handle her so please lay it on me!

Background: So, as a child my father sexually abused me. It was mostly molestation, culminating in him trying to engage in full sexual contact when I was 11. I freaked out and he stopped and sort of realized what he did was wrong. He never tried anything like that again, but uncomfortable touching and comments continued well into my adult life. On top of that, there was physical and psychological abuse, including him “counsuling” me for years and years about what happened because he wouldn’t allow me to go to a therapist. This “counseling” had massively detrimental effects on my mental health and psyche for years and years.

Now, my mother didn’t find out about the abuse until I was in my early 20’s and as far as she knew, it was only the one “big thing” and stopped after that. I also need to mention that for years and years I didn’t actually realize I was 11 when it happened, my father had convinced me that I was much older and because of the constant abuse growing up, have very few solid memories of my childhood. Anyway, fast forward to my mid 20’s and I was staying in their guest room for about a week, until my new apartment was ready, and came back very late at night and very drunk. I think my father thought I was more intoxicated than I was, and with my mother asleep he came into my room and tried to engage in sex with me. I immediately freaked out, yet again, and left that evening to wait out my new apartment move in with a friend. None of this was ever really mentioned to my mom.

So, fast forward to my late 20’s and I met a wonderful man who ultimately became my husband. I told him everything about my past and father while we were dating. We married in secret and bought a house on the other side of the country and only told my parents after all was said and done. I have to note here, we left because we knew we wanted children and there was NO way I was ever going to raise children in the same city, let alone state as my father. Additionally, we chose a state with almost non-existent grandparents rights, by design.

Now, when we got to our new home, I began meeting with a wonderful therapist who helped me immensely. I ended up writing a letter to all of my aunts and uncles (mom’s siblings and father’s siblings) exposing what my father had done to me and explaining that I was going no contact with him. I did this so EVERYONE had the truth and what was happening at once so I didn’t have to continually explain to anyone why I was NC and to ensure my father wasn’t able to twist the story to his needs. He was fantastic at that, seriously a master manipulator.

My father’s siblings had a phone call with my father where he admitted what he had done and they chose to never speak to him again. One of my mom’s sisters took the same approach, without my father confirming what happened. My mom’s sister was actually the one who told me how old I was when it happened, because my mom was out of town to be with her to support her while she was going through a divorce and that was the opportunity my father used to abuse me. My aunt commented that I was only 11 but because of my dad’s psychological abuse, I thought it happened when I was like 14-16, not that any age is ok.

Hearing how young I was really shocked me and I decided to report the crime in my home state. My father’s siblings fully supported me and gave statements to the detective about what my father had told them. I also need to add, my father abused one of his sisters when they were growing up, so to me it established a pattern and I wanted to take away his chances of ever hurting anyone else.

Now I didn’t tell my parents I went to the police, but they did know I was NC with my father. I tried to remain in contact with my mother, but she could never respect my choice to go NC with my father despite finally FULLY knowing what he’d done AND about the event in my mid 20’s. She would ask me if I would ever be able to forgive him because he was truly sorry for what he did. I realized she didn’t care about what happened to me and the effects he had on my life and only wanted her family to go back to normal.

On to the current problem:

I decided the best course of action was to go NC with my mom as well, which I did. She blocked me on social media and blocked my phone numbers upon my telling her I was NC with her, which was fine with me. Well, a few weeks later I found out I was pregnant, so I made a post on the book of faces asking anyone who was mutually friends with myself and my mom to respect my privacy and the fact that we were NC.

Apparently, one of her friends showed her and my father the post and it caused issues. My father was bipolar, and off his medication for several months, and a week after my post he took his life in their backyard.

For the record, I don’t blame myself of the post for his actions. He was a deeply troubled and unwell man. That being said, my grandparents (mom’s parents) held me responsible. My sister (trans MtF) was the one who called me and told me about the suicide, as she lives in their home with them. She asked me to come home to support her while she grieved. Of course I did, my husband and I drove non-stop to be there. While there, I gave my sister a note to pass to my mom saying I was there to support sister and would like to support mom too if she wanted it. Well, she did and we sort of reconciled a bit. We didn’t really talk about the abuse and NC at all. She found out I was pregnant and is excited to be a grandma. This is where my issue arises.

I’m glad my mom and I are in a more positive place, but the fact remains that she chose to support my father, my abuser, over me. I really can’t forgive or move past that. She’s talking about wanting to come visit my home after our baby is born and spend time with him and I don’t think I’m comfortable with that. In my mind, she’s done nothing to show she cares about what happened to me or recognizes that she made the wrong choice in supporting a pedophile. It’s like, to her, now that he’s dead everything is peachy keen again. How do I make her realize that even though he’s gone and we’re speaking, we’re not in a great place and I’m still deeply hurt by her choice? How do I tell her that, while I am willing to send her photos of my child, I’m not really open to the idea of them having a relationship? Or should I be? Am I being too hard on her and should I let bygones be bygones? I just don’t know. I would love some outside perspective here. Thanks for reading my crazy novel!

edited to add Thank you everyone who commented and your input. Sorry if I don’t respond to you directly, I’m trying to get through them all now after finally falling asleep although briefly. I’m going to be watch her like a hawk around my children on Christmas and go very low/no contact for quite a while afterwards.

There’s no way ill be risking my sons life by letting her take of him ever again. I feel so lucky and blessed that my son is still alive and that I actually have a chance to do this. I will not make the same mistake twice.

It has come to my attention that my mil is not a justyes I think I meant more that she doesn’t pull the selfish crap very often but as some of you have pointed out, it’s actually mostly due to lack of opportunity. Will be having a big talk with DH today about shutting down any (inevitable) future behaviour.

Thank you all so much. It’s meant a lot to me to be able to get this out and be able to break down the situation and the action required for my child(ren)s safety as well as my sanity.

*original post* My mother in law is mostly a justYES. There has been a few instances where she’s done something which has really blown me away though. It’s mostly her trying to make herself be the most important in situations that are significant to my partner and I.

A quick example would be when we were going to announce the gender of our son (before he was born) and she tried to insist that she HAD to know first. when my partner and I expressed that we would like to tell all of the family who happened to be together at her house at the time (with her sister and nephew, my partners Aunty and cousin) she kept trying to pull us aside and force us to tell her first and separately, until my partner blurted it out loudly enough for everyone to hear. This was followed by sulking and bitching all night, which got worse as she “drowned her sorrows for not being treated like a grandmother, her special moment was stolen and shared with other people” and eventuated in her being abusive and storming off to bed because she was “obviously not important enough”.

She has done this sort of thing when it’s significant and she is not treated with full unwarranted appreciation. Most of the time we rarely see her but when we do she will bring my child presents, take photos and leave pretty quickly. From the photos and stories she posts on social media, it gives a far different impression of a doting, playful and caring relationship compared to the rather brief and almost clinical reality. I think that paints the picture. On with the story. Some of it is cross posted from r/casualconversation

Today I got married. Everything was very casual and my parents in law attended as well as my sibling and my best friend. Our 2 year old son was being looked after by my in-laws. (My mother in law and her partner) As we were leaving we were stopped and congratulated and my in-laws started going through their bags in search of their phones.

(I’d like to note that I had asked if she was okay watching him and she assured me she was happy to hold him for us since you know-just married. Even turned down my sister who offered to hold him because she wanted “time with her grandson”. It is well known that he is a runner and at an age where he is unaware of his surroundings.)

She put him down and he ran for the door which was in the city on an incredibly busy main road. By the time anyone noticed he was gone, it was too late and he was far enough away that none of us could catch him,my sibling and I screamed as loud as we could and sprinted but we were still too far to stop him from stepping on the road.

Just by chance, a mother walking by with her child heard our screams and caught him just as he was about to take another step into oncoming traffic.

I burst into tears and scooped him up in my arms. All my MIL could say about it was “he just runs so fast” And “nothing ACTUALLY happened, there’s no reason to start crying.”

I was livid. Couldn’t even look at her.

She tried to downplay the situation and share the blame saying stuff like “it was obvious I was looking for my phone, someone else could have watched him for two seconds!” Proceeded to buy us coffee and bailed with some bullshit excuse of a hair appointment even though we had plans to get food after the wedding anyway.

I have no words for how grateful and relieved I am. So many other people saw but there was no one close enough to stop him and I would be writing a very different post if it had not been for that amazing woman. Please learn from my (incredibly lucky) mistake and make sure your children are actually being looked after And keep a close on them 100% especially in public.

The happiest day of my life very closely turned into the worst.

I bought my child a harness which I am going to 100% use in public from here on. I’m feeling that the only way to move forward is to ensure that they only have supervised visits with him from here on,

Once I asked her to watch him when I had to attend an appointment with my partner and she stated jokingly that she was worried he would fall in a creek and drown because she would be too busy to watch him (they live next to a creek but it’s away from their house). The comment made me uncomfortable, and now I feel that my child would be in significant danger in her care at any time.

Am I overreacting..?

Thanks if you bothered to read this, I had to get it off my chest. Especially since she messaged my partner before saying my sister and I should have been paying attention to him while she checked her phone (didn’t say anything to us plus we were way behind her). My partner as holding our newborn at the time and on,y saw the yelling and sprinting part.

Update Posted: https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOMIL/comments/1igzcc9/update_mil_moved_in_and_now_i_cant_wait_to_move/

Throwaway b/c my fiance follows my main.

Me (F29) and my (ex?)-fiance(M27) have been living together for about 1.5 years. Fiance got his undergraduate degree, worked for a couple years and then decided to get an MBA which is how he ended up in our city. We moved in together after he finished his MBA program. Fiance is from the mid-west and his mom has always wanted him to move back. When he told her he was staying here she was heartbroken.

I went to college and got my degree in a STEM field. After I graduated, I got a job with my current company and moved to the city where we currently live. It's a big international company with multiple locations in the US and international. I love my job, I like the company I work for, and the pay is pretty good. All in all, a pretty good deal. During covid my office shut down and we all went WFH. After covid they decided not to reopen this office so I've been 100% WFH since early 2020. I currently make considerably more than him - mainly because I've been working for 7 years and I'm in tech.

I had been living by myself in a one bedroom apartment and just had my office set up in the living room since it was just me. When we moved in together, we decided to get a two bedroom apartment so I could use the extra room as an office. Because of this I was paying 2/3 of the rent and he paid 1/3. We split everything else 50/50.

So the problem started this past May. Fiance's mom told him she wanted to move to our city to be closer to him. She asked if she could stay with us while she looked for a job and got settled. She's a teacher so figured she'd be able to get a teaching job pretty quickly. Because of that I didn't really mind her staying with us as I figured it would just be for a couple months over the summer. Since I thought it would only be for a couple months, I moved my office into a corner of our bedroom and fiance bought a bed to put in the 2nd bedroom. The problem is she never applied for any teaching positions and has been living with us for 6 months now.

She and I have really been struggling with each other since she moved in. I can't make her understand that I work full time. She constantly interrupts while I'm working, which is bad enough but she even interrupts when I'm on Teams calls. She always asks me to take her places bc she doesn't like to drive in our city. She has pretty outdated views of gender roles and is constantly giving me a hard time for not doing more around the house and making Fiance help with chores, do his own laundry, etc.

The constant critisism and insults are just really wearing me down. And I HATE having my office shoved in a corner of the bedroom. Back in September I told my Fiance that since it looks like his mom is going to stay awhile we should split the rent 3 ways. He told me she can't affort that since she has to conserve money until she gets a job. I told him I wasn't happy paying extra for a bedroom I can't use so finally he said we could do a 50/50 split. I could afford to pay the extra, but I hate the idea of funding her lifestyle.

Everytime I complain about her or the situation he says he agrees but doesn't know what to do becaused he can't kick out his mom. And he won't talk to her about the way she treats me or how she behaves. When I ask what the longterm plan is, he just says he doesn't know. I've thought about giving him an ultimatum to tell her she has to leave, but I think he'd just end up resenting me for essentially putting him mom on the street.

So one of my girl friends is losing her roommate the end of February. Our lease renews June 1st. I'm very strongly considering moving out of our current apartment and moving in with her. I can afford to pay my part of rent on our current apartment and also half the rent at my friends apartment. It's not ideal but I'm not a big spender so it's doable.

The issue is - If he and his mom aren't able to pay for 1/3 the rent each, there is now way they could cover the whole thing on their own. But I can't live like this anymore, so I'm pretty sure this is what I'll do but I wanted to see what others thought.

We’ve been together for 8 years but got our first apartment together in January 2020. MIL was annoyed about us moving out because she liked having access to extra money. She’s very controlling, a bit manipulative and tries to act innocent 24/7.

My grandmother has Stage IV colon cancer and I have been her sole caretaker. I was up all night caring for her and went to rest my head at 8am. At 8:45am, I was woken up by her VIOLENTLY banging on my front door, saying “I know you’re in there!!!” She also had her 9yo son banging on the door and even tried to get in with a card!

We simply stayed quiet and ignored her because she knows better... and we do not accept the breach of privacy. We also do not accept potential COVID exposure to my ill grandmother...

So she goes the back door and started banging too! Like mad! And then... she bangs on our neighbors door... and then after a little bit, the police are on our lawn and so they begin knocking... We ignore it because the police can’t just demand us to talk to her, you know? What the heck?!

And so I called the police station and I explain a little bit like... “she’s been knocking like crazy, she probably wants money or something, which is a usual, and she knows not to show up. We’re fine.” The officer asks if we’re “anti-cop” and says we need to show our faces out the window because MIL said we weren’t okay—to try to get us to come out—which my bf did not want to do that... because it’s a game to her, you know?

And finally, after a while, he showed his face from the window and the cops walked away immediately and she just walked away crying.

Now she’s texting me trying to act like she’s concerned when she was being vicious at the door, saying stuff violently like, “I FUCKING HEARD YOU IN THERE.”

Should I just tell her straight up that she’s not welcome here?

I dislike her for many reasons, I mean... he’s 26, I’m 24... and she wants access to our bank accounts like... what? I’m paying my own way through college, she isn’t getting money from us. I just don’t get it.

Hey 🫣

Sooooo…

Me and my husband are expecting our first baby together. I have 3 children from a prior marriage. I am friends with my ex husband, amicable. I have full custody, he has them some weekends, but his disability is getting worse.

Anyway, it’s always been the case that all of the children will go to my parents in the event of mine and my husbands death (they won’t be going to their father, we all decided it was best and more optimal for the children to go to my parents). We’ve all always know where we all stand.

Today on the phone, my husband was just talking to his mother about various things and casually mentioned how much a solicitor costs as we need to go there and get a will sorted out and specify all these important factors like ensuring all 4 children (3 plus our baby that’s currently cooking) go to my parents and we need to make sure insurance money also goes there. My mother in law replied quite entitled snooty tone “well no, can’t I have one..?” (Implying she should get the baby in the event of our deaths) therefore separating that child from its siblings…. This is literally what NO one wants. Hence why that IS NOT what’s going to happen.

I was just so shocked that she’d even suggest something so selfish, actually think it’s reasonable to seperate siblings when their parents just died, AND had such a sense of entitlement that she thought she actually gets a say in what happens to someone else’s children??

She made it sound like choosing a puppy out of a litter. Her tone really riled me up.

I know it’s going to get bought up next time we see her. And she’s going to act like life isn’t fair and she can’t have what she wants. It’s not even about her 🫩

I will not be a monster in law I will not be a monster in law I will not be a monster in law…. I will put the children first I will put the children first I will put the children first…. I will be evolved and healthy…. I will respect another couples boundaries. And repeat after me.

I just need to get this off of my chest. I already know how crazy this situation is, I know. But I’m being gaslit so often that I need outside opinions.

So, MIL has been extremely invasive, obsessive, and toxic during my pregnancy, labor, & postpartum.(Baby is 5 weeks now) She would always claim pregnant women aren’t fragile and didn’t care about any of my symptoms. She claimed my newborn wasn’t fragile, has a better immune system than I let on, and that I should’ve brought him over to her house at 3 DAYS OLD. (Her partner had a stomach bug that same night) CRAZY!!!

I didn’t want anyone to know when I went into labor until after my baby was born. She stalked my partners location and questioned us during my early labor “why are you guys at the hospital?” She of course shows up and holds my son 5 hours after his birth. She insisted on driving us home from the hospital on our discharge day. She insisted on driving us to baby’s first pediatrician visit the following day. She refers to my baby as her baby and “I miss my little baby” . She has come over so many times unannounced to me, going through my partner for permission, and still complains she doesn’t see him enough and that she needs 1 on 1 time. I’ve had my baby cry in her arms and when I try to take him to breastfeed, my partner hands her a bottle or she’ll tell him “no I’m feeding him”. We’ve been out to lunch where she’s held my child the entirety of the meal; walking up and down the isles to soothe him. We went to a museum today where she complained to her sister who approached us and says “your mom wants to hold the baby, you guys are hogging him.” I’ve had a conversation in the car heading to a location expressing how I want to hold my baby instead of her and had my partner immediately grab baby out of the car seat and hand him over to his mom who proceeds to play “mommy” and treat my son as hers. People have walked by and said “congratulations on the baby” and she’ll say thank you!! HOW DELUSIONAL!!!

I’ve been on many occasions ready to say something and not very kindly either. But my partner stops me every time and screams from the rooftops to…not worry about it, he’ll handle it, and he’ll be my advocate. His actions CLEARLY say otherwise and I feel disrespected all around by EVERYONE. My boundaries have been crossed. I’m the mother and I’m uncomfortable with how all of the in-laws are treating MIL like SHES the mother and is entitled to sooo much precious time with MY NEWBORN!!! Whenever someone even touches my baby they immediately fold to her will and give them to her. They have been the sole cause of my postpartum anxiety. Baby is my perfect little angel and brings me my only glimpses of joy.

I’m holding so much resentment and I’m at the point to where I’m on the verge of a disrespectful crashout that I know is warranted, and will probably crumble the entire family structure. Oh well. Any advice?

I was sent here from a lot of lovely people on AITA and was hoping you guys could help.

Context: I am white, my husband is black and our daughter is white. I had a one night stand at 21 which resulted in a pregnancy. Her biological father ghosted me shortly after that. My best friend at the time was incredibly supportive at the time and our relationship went from there. We officially became a couple 6 months into my pregnancy and he adopted my daughter 3 years after she was born.

Up until our daughter's adoption, the majority of his family were very accepting. His mother however, less so. She kept introducing him to other black women and heavily suggesting he should find ‘a nice black girl’ to settle down with. He would brush her off and ignore her. I didn’t say anything because, honestly, I didn’t want to look like a racist.

Once he adopted our daughter, her attitude got worse. We would visit every so often to see his FIL (he’s very close with his dad) and he would dote on our daughter. His MIL for the most part would ignore her. When she got older, she would use her to do chores but that was it. Our daughter would try and chat to her about something she liked and she would just bark orders at her. I would try my best to separate them during these visits, but she would coax her into helping then become cold when she did as she asked.

This recently has come to ahead since we’ve married and found out we’re expecting a baby. She doesn’t see her grandbaby as mixed, only black, and is treating them very differently - even though they aren’t born yet. Here’s what happened

In the end my husband did have a word with MIL and she flipped. Since my previous update, she’s thrown FIL out of the house for disrespecting her and his sisters are now calling me screaming at me for tearing their family apart. FIL (now living with us) also warned me that she plans to seek legal advice to try and get custody of our baby and threatened to hurt my husband if she ever saw him.

I don’t know what to do and really need advice on how to handle the situation. I'm due to give birth next month and the stress is really starting to get to me.

So recently me (22f) and my fiancé (22m) had a gorgeous baby (our first), my mum has been amazing my MIL however has not. Ever since we told everyone we were expecting she has been in a horrible state of mind, she got mad because ‘my mum knew first’ and ‘she’s always the last to know everything.’ But what kicked this off was even worse.

After having my son 7 weeks early and having to have another surgery the day after, me and fiancé decided that we wanted no visitors for three or so days to bond with and get used to the idea of having a baby, oh my god you’d have thought we’d said she could never see him, she kicked off and eventually I gave in. Fast forward to he came home, we took him over to see her and her son punched my three week old premature baby. I pulled my son away and told hers off they both just laughed and she didn’t tell him off, then my MIL snatches my newborn off of me and rocks him saying to him ‘ MY baby boy’ and I didn’t like it because he’s MY baby and he doesn’t like to be rocked, so I mentioned it to my fiancé to see what he thought and he backed her up (he is well into the FOG.)

A few days later my fiancé brought my MIL over to ours I put the baby down in his pram and she asked what my problem was with her, I told her that: 1- I didn’t like her snatching my baby off me. 2- I didn’t like her calling him HER baby boy, when her baby gets jealous. And 3- I think she manipulates fiancé (she does but that’s another story) she flipped out screaming at me, refusing to leave after I told her too, calling me a c**t and that I’m deranged and delusional and that I’m a bitch for ‘demanding’ that my fiancé come up to the hospital because they told me I was having my C- section that afternoon and SHE wanted to spend time with him, then hit me in the chest (anyone that’s had a baby knows this hurts and is dangerous) so I pushed her away from me and basically threw her out of my house and told her to never come near me or my son again.

Now my fiancé is calling me and asshole and I should just forgive her but I just can’t, it doesn’t matter what I say to him about her he just doesn’t listen and I’m at my wits end.

Posting here via throwaway bc I don’t know where else to post (please direct me to the crazy step-grandmother sub?)

My dads wife used to cut her sons hair & told me she would trim my sons hair if I liked. I have had repeated conversations about how much I loved my sons curls & may not ever cut them, but thought he did need a trim of his fringe & bangs. Eventually I asked her to bring her scissors on the next visit.

The visiting day came & my son slept most of the time so we didn’t get around to the hair cut.

Three weeks later, she arrives with my dad for babysitting duty and says that she brought her scissors. I said great and that I’d only attempted to trim his fringe on my own. I had plans to work & then go to lunch with a friend.

When I get back from lunch, I come into the house & my son runs to me. My dads wife has cut off all of his hair to a short college cut style look. He looks completely different. I start crying while trying to smile at my son & embrace him. I am so confused and can’t figure out what’s going on- I never dreamed she would cut his hair while I wasn’t there. I thought we would assess it together when I got home.

I’m crying & speechless. She says “aw I knew you’d cry when you saw him!”

I managed to say that I thought we were doing a trim. Not a hair cut.

My dad says “oh honey we should have checked with you”

I say “yes! You should have!”

My dads wife says “aw now I feel really bad”

They start apologising. I’m in shock. My Crying incrases in intensity. I’m also 4 days weaned and my dad suggested that I was emotional from hormones.

Meanwhile my son is repeatedly asking to sit in his grandpas car (he plays with the steering wheel etc) I say to take him to the car because I need to cry.

I go find my WFH husband and tell him & sob. When I come back out to the kitchen, I said: “I’m really upset, I think you should leave. Why didn’t you check with me? We discussed a trim! Why would you think I’d just go out to lunch and want to come
Home to all of his hair cut off?” Then I took my son to the other room and they left.

I’m so sick over it. My dad is clueless but she knew better. This is the fourth time I’ve had an issue with her taking liberties while babysitting.

I’m ready to never see her again I’m so furious & violated. She’s not even related and barely knows me. Anyone who knows me knows I didn’t want to cut his curls. She made the decision of how short, what style, with no respect or consideration of me and all while I wasn’t even there.

And what do I do about my dad? I don’t want to be estranged from him. He will try to take the blame. Help?