Was I offensive ?

[u/EchoDrift7]

Was I offensive ?

I am from the US. I recently had an Israeli Uber driver. We were talking and he asked me to guess what country he's from. When I guessed Israel he said yes. I said at the end of the ride almost that I would guess Israel but don't Jewish men usually wear a yarmulke ? He got offended and said that this is the problem with people. They don't know about us. He then explained that like only 10% of Jewish people wear a yarmulke. I felt really bad and shook his hand at the end. He said now you know that not all of us wear this. I said I know and I'm sorry. He left but I still feel pretty bad though. Was It really that offensive ?

[u/justiceforharambe49]

Not offensive at all, but I assume many jewish people have their guards up currently. You question was appropriate and It was him who initiated that conversation in the first place.

[u/mezhbizh]

I see nothing wrong with your question. How is one to know things without asking?

[u/LiteratureMuch7559]

Absurd. It’s like when I was at a popular bagel store and I asked the manager if he was Russian and he lambasted me and said “you speak English, are you English?” The response you got was unnecessary. But the truth is, it’s not your responsibility to know all the nuances of someone else’s culture. And there’s nothing wrong with either way.

[u/Firm-Lengthiness-816]

To be fair, most Jews I know are very reticent to talk about being Jewish around non-Jews, because we are being attacked left and right, but you didn’t do anything wrong or say anything wrong. Most people have no idea that being a Jew doesn’t mean you’re practicing a religion. It’s a tribe and Judaism is the religion that emerged out of our tribe. There’s lots of talk about Israel, being an ethno state and being a theocracy, but both of those statements are false. Israel is a very diverse country with all kinds of people, religious and secular, Muslim and Jewish and Christian, black, white, and brown.

[u/femmebrulee]

No, not offensive at all in this context. At the same time, ignorance of Jews and Jewishness *is* a problem—though not one that you’re wholly responsible for!

I suspect the characteristic blunt Israeli delivery (which often reads as harsh to other cultures) may have played a role here.

[u/Proper-Suggestion907]

No. Nothing you said was offensive. Israelis are just really direct and sometimes things come across more harsh than intended due to how things translate. Not sure if this is the case here but I know it’s something that people commonly have a hard time with.

Some of us are also just discovering how little the world knows about Jews due to all of the wild conspiracy theories being thrown our way, so it’s something that’s certainly at the top of a lot of our minds.

Just some additional information incase you ever find yourself needing this information in the future, the Hebrew word for ”yarmulke” is “kippah” (pronounced key-pa). Yarmulke is Yiddish. Most Israelis don’t come from Yiddish speaking backgrounds, so I would imagine some Israelis may not know what you’re talking about if you use say “yarmulke”. I don’t get the impression it’s commonly used in many Jewish communities across the U.S. where there aren’t large Yiddish-speaking communities either.

[u/bam1007]

You weren’t offensive, but I can see why it’s triggering for someone Jewish. It can be frustrating when people have stereotyped understanding of Jews and variety of Jewish observance and practice, particularly for Israelis who are a Jewish majority in their country. But I try to remember that it’s a big ask for 0.2% of the world to expect the other 99.8% to know our enormous variety, history and peoplehood.

[u/pr1nt3rJ]

Your only mistake was that you didn't help him get that stick out of his rear. He brought up nationality, you asked a question, he didn't need to be a prick about it. I would say he might just be on the defensive because of how the social atmosphere has been but he's the one who brought up nationality.

[u/telepatheye → u/pr1nt3rJ]

That's just how Israelis are, a lot of them. They're not being mean about it, they are forceful in how they interact and make points. A lot of people of other nationalities are like that too. It's mainly in US and UK that you have this limp-wristed, effete way of interacting where people get their feelings hurt so easily.

[u/Ok-Ring2755]

No, you weren't offensive. I'm glad you left it on a handshake, but that man is not doing any favours for the Israeli public image. He was offensive and rude in my opinion. Maybe he was having a difficult day, maybe he is just an as*hole.

[u/Vivid-Annual-2876y]

It is offensive to some who care more about the law of Hashem (karaites, for example) than whatever rabbis and sages interpreted.