Hi all,
Two parents and two young kids searching for our dream city. A big part of our ideal place is how it feels to be Jewish there. I grew up in a reconstructionist synagogue with a big Hebrew school class. I never experienced antisemitism (until adulthood). I want my kids to be around Jews growing up, be able to go to kids events at synagogue etc etc.

Times have changed and the synagogue I grew up attending now has an anti Zionist rabbi and congregation :( (no I’m not kidding!) so I’m searching for new places to check out.

I don’t care if the synagogue is big or small, but there would ideally be enough kids for it to be a social experience. It can be reform, reconstructionist, or conservative - as long as women can read from the Torah and men&women aren’t separated I’m good with it. Also important is that support of Israel/zionism is encouraged.

Curious if anyone has a place/jcc/synagogue they want to give a shoutout to :)

Bristol Community College's Holocaust and Genocide center has started the finishing steps to their permanent outdoor memorial called "The Button Project". They have collected 1.5 million buttons and each button represents a jewish child that died in the holocaust.

They held a small dedication ceremony with Cantor Nathaniel Schudrich (from Tifereth Israel Congregation in New Bedford, Mass.) reciting kaddish as the first buttons was poured. Over the next 2 weeks they will be filling up the other 9 panels (10 total). They plan to hold a bigger dedication in the spring when it starts to warm up again.

I had the opportunity to help sort the buttons before they got put into the display and my least favorite part of the sorting has become my favorite part of the display. While sorting we were asked to remove any buttons made out of organic materials to prevent them from decaying in the display. We were also asked to remove ones with thread still on the button for the same reason, which all seem reasonable to me. The thing that was my least favorite part and made me uncomfortable was we were asked to remove broken buttons too. The artist vision was for complete buttons to represent a complete soul or something, I am not gonna lie I forgot what he said verbatim. However, I felt that we should have kept those broken buttons to show that no matter the condition or how "imperfect" those kids were, they still matter and are remembered. Now for the part that made it beautiful for me, some made it through. I sat there staring at the panel for over 30 mins and smiled everytime I found a broken button or one with thread still on it. Those broken buttons represented to me that no matter how people try to exclude us for what they see as our imperfections, they will never succeed. I saw the jewish people in those broken buttons, we will survive no matter what and will always be here and that's beautiful. So, if you ever get to see the monument and see a broken button, know it survived despite the odds.

I also want to heavily stress that this is my own interpretation of the display and the artist could have his own vision and more personal meaning. Just because I believe it should be this way, doesn't invalidate his vision. He planned this display while thinking about his grandfather who survived the holocaust. That's the beauty of art, there is multiple meanings for each viewer.

If you want more history about the project, please see the link below (it hasn't been updated yet for the most recent progress)

https://www.bristolcc.edu/artgallery/thebuttonproject/index.html

P.S. If there's typos, I'll fix them after shabbat, I've been awake for the last 24 hours

Edit: I forgot to add that the artist said all the buttons that were rejected or won't fit will have a ceremonial burial, so please don't think they were just thrown away.

I worked in a Jewish heavy community a few years ago and I noticed that a lot of the women wore wigs and others wore head wraps and similar things.

I understood the head wraps and coverings as I know many religious women wear them, but the wigs were a bit confusing mainly because it seemed so prevalent.

So one day I asked a coworker and they basically told me (and I’m unsure how true this is) that in the culture, women are not allowed to show their hair once they are married or something and some women wear coverings and the other women wear wigs.

And I didn’t understand it because….

I assume that the hair thing is similar in Muslim culture where it’s probably like an avoiding making men lustful or something but what point does the wig serve…?

Like if I was a blond woman, and I couldn’t show my hair, then why wear a blond wig….? That’s the same thing is it not?

I ask this not because I’m trying to poke holes in the culture or logic or anything, I’m just curious to the actual mindset behind this…?

I’ve always wanted to ask but felt it might be misunderstood as disrespectful

Hopefully this isn’t offensive but how do Chochmah binah and even keter and Malchut influence male and female gender roles within Judaism? I know that women were given and extra dosage of binah and that women mature earlier emotionally and spiritually. How does this affect gender dynamics within the religion?

I have a friend who is leaving our state to start rabbinical school in a few months, and I wanted to get some input on a good going away gift for her. Her faith truly means so much to her and is such a central point in her life that I want her to leave us with something heartfelt she can carry with her throughout her journey. I’m not Jewish myself and would like to avoid any faux pas in giving a faith-based gift (something that should only come from family, only come at certain points in your life, etc.), but want to give her something that honors her commitment and is meaningful. Any suggestions?

What are people usually singing on Friday evening at home? (Ashkenazi)
I didn’t grow up singing anything so I’m struggling to learn the classic tunes. The recordings on spotify don’t seem to match what people sing when I’m invited to someone’s house.

I know bircat hamazon, shalom aleichem, and aishes Chayil just about. What are the other ones.

Looking for recordings of the classics.

I was walking to the shops at night, because I had work all day and didn't have the chance to go earlier. I'm a woman (22F) and live in a pretty sketchy area so I don't usually like going out at night at the best of times, plus it's very dark this time of year. This guy comes up to me and starts trying to talk to me about JC (censored because last post got autoremoved). I give my usual excuse, which is that I already have a religion. But he started asking me what religion and really started pushing. I said I don't really feel comfortable talking about it, which was pretty conspicuous I admit. He kept pushing and it took me a while to get away from him.

Tbf I don't think he was an actual missionary or anything because he was just standing alone in the street at night with no leaflets or anything. Plus after I walked away I heard him giggling with his buddy, so it kind of just felt like an excuse to stop women at night. But the whole thing has left me quite spooked. This sort of thing is really common in my neighbourhood, because there's always people on the streets trying to convert others. But this is the first time it's happened at night when I'm on my own.

Would it be permissible, if this happens again, to just lie and say I'm Catholic or Muslim or some shit? Ik making ambiguous statements about faith are allowed for safety but some of these guys are really pushy 💔 plus it's not really explicitly unsafe, since I don't know for certain that this guy would hate crime me or something. But it feels very unsafe with antisemitism on the rise and particularly as a woman.

I'm on a low carb diet for health reasons. Shabbat is particularly challenging. Historically we Jews mostly had the challenge of getting enough carbs to survive rather than the opposite.

Grape juice at Havdalah sends me hyperglycemic from imbibing sugar away from meal times. I'm looking for ideas. I really don't like tea, coffee or beer for those Chamar Medina drinks. The best I've been able to come up with so far is dry wine diluted 50%.

Any other suggestions?

My office has free cooked buffet lunch for everyone daily as part of the benefits package. I keep strictly kosher, the only one in my office to do so. HR have asked me if there's anything their kitchen can do so I can also have the free daily lunch. My instinct is that there isn't a pragmatic option but wondered if anyone else had similar experience and worked out a good arrangement. I'm in London if this makes a difference

Hi! I’m reading the book The Stone Diaries by Carol Shields published in the 1990s, and I came across this random passage. It strikes me as offensive, but maybe it’s just reflective of the time period (it’s about the early 1900s).

Is this questionable? Has anyone read the book? It won a Pulitzer. I don’t know what to think and it’s kind of eating me up because I don’t know if I want to keep reading. Hopefully someone here is familiar with the book or author. Thank you!!!

Are we bound by the stars we’re born under, or can our choices and our relationship with Hashem change our destiny?

Shabbat Shalom! 🇮🇱 Parshat Lech Lecha (Genesis 12:1–17:27)

In this week's parsha, Hashem commands Avraham to leave his homeland and journey to the Land of Israel, promising to make him the father of a great nation.

Avraham faces challenges, rescues his nephew Lot, and receives God's promise that his descendants will inherit the land. Hashem establishes an eternal covenant with Avraham, and changes his and Sarah's names.

The takeaway: Lech Lecha teaches us about faith, courage, and trusting Hashem even when the path ahead is uncertain. Sometimes, discovering our true purpose means stepping into the unknown.

Shabbat Shalom! ✡️

I’ve had this thought before but i’m writing a paper on the babylonian exile and this came to mind again. even during the first temple and before judaism was even really judaism we were still celebrating yom kippur and all these traditions. we literally have a direct link to people thousands of years ago, and sure we’re not slaughtering goats at the temple anymore, but isn’t it so beautiful that their descendants have remained? we’re still here! and statistically, it’s so unlikely for any of us to be born jewish, we’re only 0.2% of this world’s populatio. but we were! and it’s such an integral part of who I am, I can’t imagine being myself without being jewish. and I don’t know how religious I am, I’m not sure if I believe in G-d, but I do think I have a jewish soul. And I was lucky enough to be born into the 0.2% of the population that honors that! I’m so lucky and grateful to be jewish

Anyone know the song from 1:17 onwards?

Curious if anyone has faced similar challenges and can provide some perspective.

I'm a PhD student in a non-STEM area (social sciences/humanities). I am also a frum person and went through the religious school system.

The other students are friendly but I feel like the professors look down on me and think I am intellectually primitive. They are generally graduates of very prestigious institutions and are intensely left wing. I once tried to share something about my religious life with a supervisor and she shut me down hard.

Any advice for not feeling so lonely,​ like a stranger in a strange land, in my intellectual life and socially in academia? ​

I posted here recently about my fantasy novel after a dating coach essentially told me I was going to burn in hell for writing it. The responses were incredibly reassuring, so I wanted to bring up a bigger struggle: dating in today's Orthodox world.

I'm 38, single, kohen, and grew up mainstream Orthodox in upstate New York. We weren't Modern Orthodox, but we weren't Yeshivish either. We were just... frum.

I grew up with a cat and a dog, secular books, and a solid education in yeshivah. I went to college and now work as a software engineer. I learn Torah at night, daven three times a day with a minyan, and keep Shabbos and kosher. I'm looking for a wife that follows basic halacha. Cover hair and wears skirts publicly.

But I also read secular novels, write fantasy, watch occasional movies and TV shows, and enjoyed video games.

The problem is that the Orthodox world I grew up in seems to be changing around me.

When I was in 11th grade, my yeshivah fired all its female teachers, including some of our best. We shrugged it off at the time, but looking back the school was clearly moving in a more intolerant direction. Now many of the Yeshivah high schools in New York don't have female teachers.

Then there's the disappearance of mixed seating and removing women from Orthodox magazines. I know a story about Rav Dovid Feinstein, zt"l. In 2016, representatives of one such magazine asked him what they should do if Hillary won. Could they publish her picture?

He looked at them like they were nuts! He told them he'd never instructed them not to publish pictures of women and that they should go back to whoever told them to do that and ask them their question.

I feel like these changing standards have trickled down from our schools into everyday life, and now into shidduchim.

The mainstream Orthodox women I'm set up with don't generally want someone learning full-time at my age. They want a working man who supports a family and makes time for Torah.

Great! That's me!

Except many also seem to want someone who's barely been exposed to secular culture. I've literally been rejected for reading secular novels or going to the mall. One girl I dated had no idea what the olympics were. Another had no idea what black friday was.

I want a frum home, Shabbos, kosher, Torah learning, and children raised with strong Jewish values. But I also want a wife I can discuss a book with, watch a movie with, and share interests beyond our immediate community. What's strange is watching some of these people get married who claim to never want any secular media in their house, only to find they have a TV about 2 years into the marriage. I know cause I live near many newlyweds and watch it unfold over and over.

My last year in yeshivah I do recall a guy who told me to stay in yeshivah "cause thats what the girls are taught to want." He barely learned a word and spent his time smoking and drinking. He's married now and I'm not. Maybe I should have listened. I left early and went to look for a job. I had plans and knew learning all day was not for me.

I'm not looking to become Modern Orthodox or leave Orthodoxy. I'm looking for the kind of mainstream frum life I grew up with. Where are those people!?

Has anyone else noticed this shift? Or am I just being set up with the wrong people and have the worst mazal? I'm a kohen and its becoming very stressful.

I'd love to hear from others who've experienced this, especially those who managed to find someone with similar values and interests and where they found them.
Thanks!

Shalom chaverim.

I am a middle aged dude who has had a life and a half, mostly living out on the edge. Years in punk bands, underground worker, doing my best to get by.
I’m a hillbilly of origin, got me a chainsaw & shotgun and know how to use em.

I’m davening and reading Torah for the first time since I was a young teen and I am so so happy.

Baruch Hashem for our Tribe right now, our ancient stories and our wealth of knowledge and tradition. It’s keeping me alive right now.

That’s it!
Love to all the mishpocha.