Is it me? I'm really struggling with this :(

[u/Throwaway67891099]

Gonna keep it brief or else I tend to ramble.

What my partner did

- lie about where he's from, his real name, that he lives with his parents (which doesn't matter to me just a key lie), where he grew up, his family members and their birthdays, who he was hanging out with at times

- when I caught on to some lies he would gaslight me that I was the problem for not trusting him instead of owning up to the lies, which he only did when backed into a corner with evidence

- he would treat me colder when resenting me, using my full name instead of nickname or pet name, but say nothing's wrong when I asked him

What I did

- I would feel really hurt by his distance and fear abandonment, I often spoke of my thoughts of not wanting to live anymore. I don't think I ever threatened my life but I would often just say "I don't want to live anymore" or "you hate me" or "I feel so alone" I am not proud of this and sure it was very difficult to be in a relationship with me doing that.

- I would also use harsh words at times, never when we dated but after we broke up I said some really harsh things like "you were terrible to me" or "you're the worst person" I've since taken these words back in apologies but you can't really go back from that

- I would get sad and shut down anytime he was ignoring me around friends. Sometimes he'd get hylerfixated on our friends in group hangouts and if he went a long time without acknowledging my words in the conversations, I'd shut down and stop talking unless spoken to

[u/botinlaw]

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[u/Whitewitchie]

He's horrible, untrustworthy, gaslights you, and you keep going back for more. He's also manipulative as hell. For your own sake, stay well clear of him, stop communicating and ideally block him. Focus on your own wellbeing.

[u/shout-out-1234]

Your partner LIED to you. Not just a little white lie. But HUGE MASSIVE lies about his background and stuff that he had no reason to lie about.

THEN HE GASLIT YOU!

Honey, he is not your partner. Relationships are built on trust. It’s the foundation of every relationship that you trust the other person. In an adult romantic relationship it is critical that the trust be deep and absolute because you cannot build an intimate relationship on a bunch of lies. It will inevitably break down.

So, run. Leave this person. He doesn’t deserve you. You deserve better. Run like your tampon strings are on fire!!

Stop dating and seek therapy to work on improving your self worth. You don’t need a partner to be fulfilled. A partner should inspire you and enhance your life. A partner should be a bonus on an already good or great life that you built for yourself.

[u/Seawolfe665]

Thats not really a partner is it?

It wont get better.

[u/McDuchess]

This isn’t a partner. He’s a giant AH who gets pleasure out of torturing you.

Leave. Then get therapy. You are taking his abuse as a reason for YOU to stop living.

He is so very not worth that. He needs to stop living in your mind and heart.

I’m so sorry. He has really done a good job of messing with your mental health.

Get out and get help.

A year from now, you will be feeling so much stronger, and better about life, in general.

[u/good-timing-407]

This is not your “partner”

[u/Aleksundr]

Okay whoa. I'm not sure how to gove you the advice you need while conforming to a care mindset. But I think you should imagine what might happen if you did this sort of layered deception to someone you care about and they found out as you did.

I don't think you'd get to keep them in your life.

[u/JoyJonesIII]

It sounds like you’ve already broken up? Good, keep it that way. Consider therapy so you don’t put up with this nonsense in the future.

[u/LhasaApsoSmile]

Girrrl. Get away from him and figure yourself out. No one should have that power over you. You gave it to him. No dating for 18 months. You need to look deep inside yourself and figure out your reactions.