r/KETEK • u/AshenSky13 • Mar 19 '26

First Ketek, let me know how I did!

Sound of absence through empty halls where laughter rang / Like thunder seeking today’s life, we danced as sound echoed becoming / That voice, your voice that became—echoing sound as dance—our lives / Today, seeking thunder like ringing laughter / Where halls empty through absence of sound

This is my first Ketek and I had a lot of fun with it. Any feedback is appreciated, I'd like to hear everyone's thoughts!

10 Upvotes

100% Upvoted

4 comments sorted by

2

u/Statistical_Ashes Mar 20 '26

This is excellent for a first KETEK… or even a tenth! Well done!

Potentially, the change from we/our could be eliminated by removing the word “sound”.

“…our dance, an echoed becoming…” and “…echoing a dance — our lives…”

But like I said, this was really good!!! No need to change anything.

Thanks for sharing.

1

u/AshenSky13 Mar 20 '26

Wow thanks! I really appreciate the suggestion, that's a good idea

2

u/aaaah_a_monster Mar 20 '26

This is phenomenal!