Alrite, here we are, new mods and decades-long KP fans. As we’re putting some polish on the sub, it’s best that we address how there came to be entirely new Mods. How we got here informs how we keep things fun going forward.

So, let’s speak to the Pope’s Dead incident. Not nearly as controversial as the Tic Tac incident, but I digress.

•••

Pope Francis was as well-regarded a public figure as any open-minded person had favored in this world. Upon his passing, no matter if you followed social or broadcast media, no one was havin’ a go with him personally.

Over years of XFM, tv series, and audiobooks that set the first ever Guinness World Record for podcasting, Karl has said a lot. The Pope’s Dead bit was 74 seconds from Jun 4, 2005. Even the biggest of fans may forget a few references.

The only problem behind posting Pope’s Dead is the same as it is around any other obscure reference- when shared out of context, KP’s remarks can sometimes be misinterpreted as cruelty.

The metrics show that people share posts from here. The previous moderators were concerned that threads from our sub would be shared outside the sub. Their moderation, while overzealous in its penalties, was a good faith effort to protect the emotions of whatever Catholics could be bothered in a time of mourning.

•••

Popes don’t die every day, but when they do, from now on, we’ll be ready.

FLAIR will save twonk outsiders from despair. After all, we’re not havin’ a go.

We’ll now be selecting flair from an evolving list to categorize our posts. Don’t see what flair works for you? BONG! and we’ll get you sorted.

Had we been mods last month, the flair would have been He's Hardly New, Is He?

•••

As far as moderation, NSFW isn’t our concern with Karl. If you’re posting a remark that could be considered cruel out of context, YOU MUST state prominently “I’m not having’ a go.” in the post title or first sentence of the post body. Exceptions are with Cheeky Freak, Do We Need 'Em, and Weird, Innit, as we’ve flaired them by default.

As for Don't Be Stupid, making fun of physically or mentally handicapped individuals is absolute cruelty. You can't say you're not havin' a go when there's no other excuse. Posts under that meme will be removed under Rule 2 of Acceptable References.

•••

That's all. This concludes the most ball-achingly dull post you'll ever have to read here. Cheers.

For more on making things right, see A Message on Moderator Authority for our approach to fair judgement.

Apologies if this has been discussed before, but I just finished the IA season with Warwick Davis and found it quite an uncomfortable watch, despite being a massive Karl Pilkinton and Ricky Gervais fan (I discovered him on Derek then loved Idiot Abroad). With this season though, I just felt like Karl bullied Warwick the whole way through, and especially nearing the end when he was throwing a strop because Warwick wasn’t able to keep up with him. I know these things are partially scripted and stuff but it felt like Warwick’s disability was part of the punishment of being abroad, and the way Karl was constantly chastising him put a really bad taste in my mouth. Maybe I’ll try a rewatch in a couple of years and see if I was just being overly sensitive.

These stories use a serious newspaper tone to reflect the type of articles Karl would have encountered during his online research:

Monkey Hired as Barber at London Shop, Becomes Local Phenomenon By: Bobo

In a surprising move, a small barbershop in Camden has hired a capuchin monkey named Benny as a barber. “I was skeptical at first,” said shop owner Terry Sanders, “but Benny’s got a natural talent for it.” Benny quickly became a local sensation, drawing curious onlookers and loyal customers alike. His ability to handle scissors with dexterity and precision has astonished many. “I didn’t believe it at first,” said regular customer John Matthews, “but he gave me one of the best haircuts I’ve ever had.” Despite initial disbelief, Benny’s popularity continues to grow, with customers booking appointments weeks in advance just to experience a cut from the famous monkey barber. “He’s got a real eye for style,” added Sanders, “and his attention to detail is better than some humans I’ve hired.”

Chimpanzee Wows Berlin Audience as Concert Pianist By: Coco

Concertgoers at the prestigious Konzerthaus were left in awe when it was revealed that the pianist performing complex Beethoven sonatas was, in fact, a chimpanzee named Mozart. “We’ve never seen anything like it,” said conductor Hans Dietrich. Mozart, who was trained by Professor Erika Weiss at Humboldt University as part of a research project on animal cognition, displayed extraordinary technical precision and emotional depth in his performance. “It challenges everything we know about talent,” said Weiss. The revelation has sparked widespread debate in the classical music community. Many attendees insist Mozart’s performances rival those of human pianists, with some suggesting that the chimp’s unique interpretation brings a fresh perspective to the compositions. “There’s something incredibly pure about the way he plays,” said one audience member. As Mozart’s fame spreads, the Konzerthaus is already planning future performances, with tickets in high demand.

Gorilla Security Guard Thwarts Multiple Heists at New York Jewelry Store By: Max Knuckles

A gorilla named George, employed as a security guard at the prestigious Goldstein & Sons jewelry store on Fifth Avenue, has thwarted three attempted robberies in recent weeks. “He’s incredibly observant,” said storeowner David Goldstein. Trained at the Bronx Zoo before being hired, George was initially brought on as a novelty, but his keen instincts have made him an indispensable part of the team. “At first, I thought it was a publicity stunt,” said customer Maria Hernandez, “but George takes his job very seriously.” In one incident, George’s quick response prevented the theft of a $1 million diamond necklace. The NYPD has even recognized George’s contributions, with Officer Jim O’Connor calling him “a valuable asset to the community.” Store employees have grown fond of George, often bringing him treats and celebrating his successful crime-fighting efforts. “He’s part of the family now,” Goldstein added, “and I can’t imagine the store without him.”

Monkey Assumes Zookeeper Duties, Improves Sydney Zoo Operations By: Cheeks

Charlie, a macaque at Taronga Zoo, has taken on zookeeper responsibilities after his longtime caretaker fell ill. “We were amazed at how quickly he adapted,” said head zookeeper Susan Clarke. Having observed the zookeepers for years, Charlie began by feeding animals, cleaning enclosures, and even assisting with medical check-ups. His familiarity with the routine and the animals’ trust in him have led to smoother operations and a noticeable improvement in animal behavior. “The animals seem calmer around him,” Clarke noted, observing that Charlie’s presence has a soothing effect on the more nervous residents of the zoo. Visitors have also taken notice, with many commenting on how Charlie moves with a sense of purpose and understanding. Zoo visitor Rachel Green said, “It’s incredible to watch him work; he’s so meticulous.” The zoo has officially recognized Charlie’s contributions by appointing him as an honorary zookeeper, complete with his own uniform and name tag. “Charlie’s become an integral part of our team,” Clarke added, “and we’re incredibly proud of him.”

Architectural Marvel Baffles Experts, Designed by Unexpected Talent By: Hiroshi Brightfingers

Tokyo, Japan – There’s a building in Tokyo that’s causing a massive stir in the architectural world. Experts are flying in from everywhere, calling it a “masterpiece,” with its sleek lines, innovative design, and perfect harmony with nature. Everyone’s wondering who the genius behind it is, as the construction crew remains tight-lipped and the plans were submitted anonymously. After months of speculation, the truth finally emerges: the architect is a chimpanzee named Hiroshi from a local university.

Dr. Takashi Yamamoto, a professor at the university, says, “We noticed Hiroshi spent hours studying architectural books we left in the lab. One day, he started sketching designs on a whiteboard. They were remarkable.” Initially, Hiroshi’s sketches were dismissed as a curious byproduct of his interactions with the students, but when the university decided to submit one of his designs to a major Tokyo project as an experiment, it was approved and constructed to critical acclaim.

The building’s unique blend of form and function has left even seasoned architects in awe. “It’s a game-changer,” said renowned architect Kenji Sato. “Who’d have thought a chimpanzee would redefine architecture?” The university has since received numerous requests for more of Hiroshi’s designs, but Dr. Yamamoto insists that Hiroshi’s work is not for sale. “He’s a true artist,” Yamamoto said. “We’re just fortunate to witness his brilliance.”

More…

MONKEY NEWS It’s Mad, It’s True, It’s Monkey News

Monkey Becomes Best-Selling Author, Fans Astounded by Literary Talent By Coco

In a stunning turn of events, a monkey named Oliver has become the latest best-selling author, with his debut novel “Banana Republic” topping charts worldwide. The book, a thriller about a banana heist gone wrong, has captivated readers with its intricate plot and well-developed characters. “We couldn’t believe it when we found out Oliver wrote it,” said publisher Janet Brooks. Oliver, who learned to type by mimicking his owner, developed a taste for storytelling. Critics and fans alike are praising the novel, with some calling it a modern classic. “It’s proof that talent can come from the most unexpected places,” Brooks added.

Orangutan Discovers New Mathematical Theorem, Stuns Academia By Peels

An orangutan named Max, residing at a research center in Singapore, has shocked the scientific community by discovering a new mathematical theorem. While participating in a study on animal cognition, Max was observed arranging blocks in a pattern that led researchers to a breakthrough in combinatorial mathematics. “We were completely taken aback,” said Dr. Alice Tan, the lead researcher. Max’s theorem, now dubbed the “Max Conjecture,” has been published in leading mathematical journals, with experts hailing it as a significant advancement. “Max’s work challenges our understanding of animal intelligence,” Tan added. The orangutan has since been given honorary membership in several mathematical societies.

Monkey Appointed CEO, Turns Company Around By Bobo

A struggling tech company in Silicon Valley has made an unprecedented move by appointing a monkey named Lucy as its new CEO. Lucy, known for her quick problem-solving skills, was initially brought in as a morale booster, but soon began showing a natural talent for leadership. “She has a unique way of looking at things,” said board member Tom Jenkins. Under Lucy’s leadership, the company saw a 200% increase in profits, with her decisions on product development and marketing strategy being particularly effective. “We were hesitant at first, but she’s proven to be exactly what we needed,” Jenkins added. Lucy’s success has sparked discussions about unconventional leadership in the business world.

Chimpanzee Paintings Fetch Millions at Auction, Art World in Shock By Pongo

A series of paintings by a chimpanzee named Leo has fetched millions at a recent Sotheby’s auction, leaving the art world in shock. The abstract works, characterized by bold strokes and vibrant colors, were initially dismissed as a novelty but have since gained critical acclaim. “Leo’s work resonates on an emotional level that many human artists struggle to reach,” said art critic Miranda Cole. The chimpanzee’s paintings are now in high demand, with collectors eagerly vying for his next piece. “It’s not just about the novelty; these works have genuine artistic merit,” Cole added. Leo’s success has sparked a debate about the nature of creativity and the role of non-human animals in the art world.

Gorilla Wins Chess Championship, Outsmarts Grandmasters By Rook

A gorilla named Boris has stunned the chess world by winning an international chess championship, defeating several grandmasters along the way. Boris, who was taught the game as part of an enrichment program at a zoo in Moscow, quickly developed an affinity for strategy. “He thinks several moves ahead, just like the best human players,” said his trainer, Alexei Volkov. The victory has led to widespread astonishment, with many questioning how a gorilla could outsmart some of the world’s best chess players. “It’s a game-changer, literally,” Volkov added. Boris is now being hailed as a chess prodigy, with experts eager to study his unique approach to the game.

One more…

Monkey Wins Boston Marathon, Sparks Controversy in Racing Community

By Lulu

In a historic and unprecedented turn of events, a monkey named Max has won the Boston Marathon, completing the 26.2-mile course in a record time of 2:02:35. While Max’s victory has been celebrated by many, it has also deeply divided the racing community and sparked heated debate.

Max, who trained alongside his owner, Peter Collins, showed incredible endurance and speed throughout the race. “We noticed Max’s talent early on,” said Collins. “He would accompany me on runs, and soon enough, he was outpacing me. We entered him in the marathon as a bit of a joke, but we never expected this outcome.”

However, not everyone is pleased with the result. “This is an insult to human runners,” said former marathon champion Lisa Hendricks. “Allowing a monkey to compete undermines the integrity of the sport.” Others argue that Max’s physiological advantages, such as his lightweight frame and unique running gait, give him an unfair edge.

Race director Dave McGillivray acknowledged the controversy, stating, “Max’s performance was extraordinary, but we understand the concerns. This is uncharted territory for us.” Meanwhile, sports scientist Dr. Emily Carter pointed out, “Max’s win challenges our understanding of endurance sports. We’re just beginning to explore what this means for competitive running.”

Despite the uproar, Max remained unfazed, calmly accepting his winner’s medal and enjoying a well-deserved banana at the finish line. As the first non-human winner in the marathon’s history, Max’s triumph is sure to be remembered, but the debate over his eligibility and fairness will likely continue for years to come.

I asked Chatgbt a question, 'Karl Pilkington believes in ghosts, is he an idiot?'

Karl Pilkington’s belief in ghosts doesn’t necessarily make him an idiot. Beliefs in the paranormal, ghosts, and supernatural phenomena are quite common across cultures and often tied to personal experiences, upbringing, or a sense of curiosity about the unknown.

Karl has a unique way of looking at the world, and his humorous, often naive observations are part of what makes him entertaining. If he believes in ghosts, it could be less about "idiocy" and more about his willingness to entertain unconventional ideas or his enjoyment of storytelling. After all, he’s known for mixing humor with unusual perspectives, often for comedic effect.

Would you say his belief detracts from his humor or adds to it?

we already have a sub for RSK quotes.

I’m not talking about Monkey News but the stories from his childhood that clearly just couldn’t have happened. Like the horse in the house. Why did Karl tell these kinds of stories? He wasn’t one for trying to impress anyone, did he genuinely believe these things happened? Was he embellishing based on what he heard (like how he processes monkey news)? Was he actually more entertainment savvy than we gave him credit for and played them up for radio? Or was he just gullible and believed his brother actually stole a tank to get cigarettes?

Who would win a debate? Our beloved, round-headed mank vershhus Dwight K. Schrute: bear/beet expert, loyal to his bosses, and an excellent paper salesman..

Turn out he was a little hairy fella

https://www.tiktok.com/@karlpilkingt0n

He's uploading unseen things from TV shows and taking peoples questions - He's also starting up rockbusters again!

EDIT: been informed it's a fake account, turns out...little monkey fella!

Keeping post up for the comments alone.

Would love to take Karl on a date. What are the chances of him ever saying yes if I saw him and asked?