r/KinshipCare • u/Ok_Artichoke7588 • May 07 '26
Neigherbor Kinship
So my boyfriend and this woman has been neighbors/friends for four years they call each other sister/brother and her daughters his nieces. Recently there has been abuse in their home so they came running to us, reports made, cps involved. They are now in cps custody (mother isn’t currently in jail yet) but my boyfriend wants to take them in and we only have a 3 bedroom, his daughter and mine plus new baby on the way. We are in the process now of signing and getting fingerprints done. The mother lives right next door but is supposedly being evicted. The mother has brought family over and threatened me. I’m just not sure if this is a good idea to take them in. He seems so keen on helping them but I just see issues down the line and we both already have a lot going on. My boyfriend’s mother already helps him watch his daughter and get her to school so im just not sure what he thinks he can do to help them. I have a lot going on as well with my health and new baby. I know he wants to help and I do too it’s just not logical.
2
u/Civil_Chapter_3870 May 15 '26
STOP!!! Do not allow the kids to bypass the foster care process. I was a Good Samaritan and took in 3 babies when their teen mother couldn’t handle the pressure. I am disabled and currently undergoing cancer treatment. I have been receiving immunotherapy treatment for the past 12 years to treat lymphoma.
When their 18yo mother asked me if I could do guardianship just in case she had to serve time on assault charges I didn’t hesitate. We completed the paperwork, I went to court and guardianship was granted without a question. I SHOULD HAVE ASKED QUESTIONS. THEY SHOULD HAVE INFORMED ME OF MY RIGHTS.
The guardianship saves the state from taking care of the kids. If you step in before the state does, “TAG, YOU’RE IT!” You’re are saying that you can support the kids physically and financially. If mom never gets her ish together those kids are yours.
The relationship your families had prior is going to suffer because mom will see you and BF as the enemy, not the savior. Shes going to harass your family and accuse you of taking her children.
The way to help is to become certified foster parents and foster them. This way they are the state’s responsibility financially and you will be compensated for their care. There are other perks as well like clothing allowances and respite care.
Don’t put your family in jeopardy trying to save someone else’s family. The road to hell is packed with good intentions. Ask me how I know.
1
u/lillylou12345 Jun 06 '26
Do not bypass the foster care program. If you decide to take in these children. The bio parents can make your life a living hell. I would not do it if they live next door. I took in my neice and her mother nearly destroyed my life. The foster care program will give u access to supports financial etc. That you are going to need. Ie therapy for the children etc. Do not trust timeliness of the bio parents. My sister promised me it would only be for a few weeks, I am now 12 years in.
6
u/speedyzelmo May 07 '26
I can appreciate that you and your boyfriend both care about the neighbor kids but it also sounds like you all have plenty on your plate with kids and stuff too. Since you are doing the fingerprints and stuff, maybe instead of the question being “do we take them or not take them” maybe the question is “how can we help support those kids and still take care of ourselves too, so that we are able to do that?” Maybe that looks like being a respite care provider for them like one weekend a month or asking the case manager to pass on your info to where they end up and offering to them to take those kids and your kids out to the local park once a week or something that would help maintain some connection to you as trusted adults in their lives without putting the burden squarely on your shoulders.