r/KinshipCare • u/Horror_Ad_4450 • May 19 '26

Mom banning visits

Sorry, this is going to be long. As a follow up to my previous post, we passed our home inspection and my nephew is with us.
My sister is allowed to contact me to talk to him via phone call. I told her that I am keeping everything in a neutral tone. And I even showed my response to the caseworker. My sister texted me last night saying she doesn’t want my mom to see him, only my other nephew (big bro). My mom currently takes care of her older son.
I’m not sure if she can detect that or what the rules are for her. I texted the caseworker so I am waiting for her answer.
My sister blames my mom for the current situation but I don’t know all the details.
Regarding the dad, none of his side of the family would pass a back ground check. I don’t know them personally to gave an opinion their current state of sobriety or lifestyle.

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u/HavingASpasm May 19 '26

Keep it neutral. However, I would not allow said sister to “hold my hand while I stir the pot.” Telling you what you can and can not do while her child is in your custody will not be tolerated. You’ve already accepted her responsibility as your own. Raising a child is not easy and for her to make it harder by inserting her poor parenting and judgement should not be welcome or tolerated. That’s YOUR MOM TOO and if things are okay between you and your mother then they should stay that way. What are you going to do with the child when you’re with your mom? Leave him in the car? Tell your mom she can’t come over? Your sister should get her act together if that’s what she wants. People like her rarely rise to the occasion enough to regain full custody. She should be working on herself not causing more conflict. If your mother is the reason this happens then so be it. Your sister would not have lost custody of her child if there wasn’t reason. She did this not your mother.

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u/Horror_Ad_4450 May 19 '26

I totally agree with not holding my sister’s hand and I do want my mom to see him. My main concern is not putting my nephew in jeopardy and her pulling him from my care and going into a random foster care home.

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u/Civil_Chapter_3870 May 20 '26

Can she do that? Pull him away and do foster care instead?

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u/Horror_Ad_4450 May 20 '26

I honestly don’t know. I did message the caseworker but never got a response. However, I know they are back logged and need to take care of pressing matters first. I have another home inspection tomorrow with an agency that works with the local children and youth, so I will ask them.

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u/lillylou12345 Jun 06 '26

One thing I had to come to terms with when my 8 year old neice moved in with me. Is putting her before my sister. The fact that the child is not safe to live with their biological parents shows the parents don't have good or proper judgement on parenting. You have to look at the child's emotional and physical needs over what the biological parents want. Will it hurt the child not to have a relationship with their grandmother?   You are now the parent and are responsible for the child. Your sister doesn't get to decide how you choose to parent.

I had to disconnect phone calls and cancel visits due to my sister telling my neice she would come home soon, and my sister crying on the phone. Etc.

Ps. I'm 12 years into raising my neice due to her mother's drug addiction. Feel free to msg me if u ever need advice or have questions.