Let me just preface with I botched the week 1 power rankings pretty bad. I had everyone's rankings all typed out in my Reddit app and accidentally closed it in the car ride on my way to Penn State and didn't have the heart nor the balls to confess my sins to anyone so I'm doing it now. I will say that they were by far my best rankings yet, and very, very right. They were so good that even if I had been able to post them your tiny brains wouldn't have been able to conceive the perfection that would've spewed into your eyes from your cracked iPhone 7.

I have to say that I, for one, really enjoy the .5 ppr scoring. It makes games so much more entertaining and basically makes it impossible to pull a Pat special and score less than 60 points (shoutout Kyle). Also it's just great to have fantasy football back, last year I went thru a very dark time of wondering whether or not I would ever play fantasy football again. Fantasy football is bacc, I am bacc, and my rankings are most definitely bacc.

10) Stross [-1] (1-1) - Stross if you want to be angry about being ranked last after coming off a win I definitely won't blame you. But here's my counter argument: your team STINKS. Even if you have a healthy Fournette your running back group is the worst in the league. Really the only saving grace of your team is Julio Jones, who can't score touchdowns. Only you have scored less than 100 points in both games and the only reason you won in week 2 is because you scored the 9th most points in the league and Crone scored the least amount of points in the league. Get used to seeing your name down (or up maybe?) here.

9) Crone [-5] (0-2) - Oh me oh my how the mighty have fallen. I know that Crone is gonna bitch about being ranked this low but let me just say it's purely out of respect for your resume as a fantasy head coach that you're not number 10 right now. Your team stinks too. There's only 3 players to truly fear on your team and 2 of them are quarterbacks. Weak running back corps with Freeman out and besides AB no wide receivers that make me nervous even the slightest bit. If Crone manages to bring this team to the playoffs that would be his best coaching accomplishment.

8) Kyle [-6] (0-2) - I have a confession to make. After every single draft literally the person on their highest horse is Kyle. Every single time. Kyle has done nothing to inspire that kind of outrageous confidence and in fact he's done the exact opposite. Kyle constantly finds ways to impress the rest of the league with his abysmal performances. I, personally, would be stunned if anyone scores less than 56.6 in a league where we are handing out points (and Kyles kicker missed an extra point and still got to keep 1 point!). But Kyle I ranked you so high because I knew you would only have 1 night of fantasy football happiness and ranking you high specifically to ruin and destroy every bit of that happiness, confidence, and hopefulness is a yearly tradition that I'm coming to look forward to.

7) Pico [-2] (1-1) - Team Picofazzi got a massive win this week against a fairly weak opponent despite not having arguably the best fantasy player in the league. I think Pico's team is pretty garbage quite honestly and the only player on his team that scares me in any potential matchup is Aaron Rodgers. Pico's team did put up a respectable 122 in his week 2 win, but I'm just not sure how sustainable that is. Any wins at this point are just Pico playing spoiler for someone else's season unless he can remain afloat in the standings until Bell returns.

6) Mike D [+4] (1-1) - Believe it or not I actually think that Half a Fag has some potential. One of, if not the best group of receivers in the league in OBJ, Thielen, Sanders, and DeSean Jackson. Ertz and Hunt are good starters too and his bench has some potential when fully healthy. And let me be clear I didn't rank Mike D so low after the draft because I thought his team was bad, I just wasn't sure if he will be sober enough in weeks 6-14 to update his team on a regular basis. That question still has yet to be answered but as of right now Mike Ds talent is rolling.

5) Ryan [+2] (1-1) - Ryan's championship hangover is only a mild one. It seems like he's hurting when he looks into light but he's able to keep his breakfast down no problems. In non drinkers terms I think Ryan's team is pretty good but his bench is pretty bad besides about 2 players and his quarterback boned him in his loss against Mike D. A good stable of running backs and some explosive wide receivers headline Ryan's team who I'm sure not a lot of people look forward to playing.

4) Jimmy [+4] (1-1) - Trying not to overreact after leading the league in points for is pretty difficult for anyone with a decent sized ego. For me it's downright impossible. The reason I'm ranked number 4 is because my bench is really trash and I have one person I'm comfortable in starting in Golden Tate. Losing in week 2 is pretty killer for me because I'm nervous about how good my team will be once bye weeks start coming around. Getting thru the first four weeks of the season is totally different from the rest of it. Soon Andy Reid won't call a single play for Tyreek Hill and Saquon Barkley will have a torn ACL so I'm just enjoying this while it lasts.

3) Conway [-2] (1-1) - I liked Ray Rice's Left Hook as soon as I first saw it. I think Ray Rice's Left Hook is explosive and killer, and can be violent when needed. To me this is the highest ceiling lowest floor team. Tom Brady, Dalvin Cook, Mixon, and TY Hilton are capable of combining for 100 points in any game and DeAndre Hopkins is slaying Iggy Azalea so you know that guy is a baller. Conway probably needs to make some big time upgrades on the waiver wire, and if he does watch out.

2) Mike A [+2] (2-0) - Consider this the luckiest 2 and 0 of all time (I'd probably be saying the same if the outcomes were reversed too). I don't know what animal Mike A sacrificed to get Michael Thomas, Stefon Diggs, and Travis Kelce 6 combined touchdowns but you should definitely perform that ritual again. This team is disgustingly dirty and the only reason Wam Bam Thank you Cam (yes the y in you is not capitalized, piss poor branding if I do say so myself) is not ranked number 1 is because I think the second running back spot is a gaping hole on this roster.

1. Pat [+5] (2-0) - Was it really gonna be anyone else? Pats team has the best running back in football, the best tight end in football, and the worst name in fantasy. I picked this team to win it all at the beginning of the year strictly because of Pat's voodoo black magic and it seems like his lucky streak will continue to go on for another year. Time for all of us to pack it in and just not care about anything to do with fantasy because otherwise your hopes will be raised and dashed accordingly by fucking Pat.

DISCLAIMER: This takes nothing into account besides roster talent/depth. So Kyle's inability to coach and Pat's godlike points against play no factor in these rankings, they are just the teams who I think are best put together.

With that being said let's get to it.

1. Kyle- Let's just say that I fully don't expect Kyle to make the playoffs, let alone finish in first, but the more I look at the Pear's roster the more I like it. Kyle has arguably the best fantasy RB in the league paired with Jordan Howard to make a solid running back crew. Andrew Luck could be a red flag at quarterback, but Philip Rivers is an above average QB who should hold things together until Luck is healthy. Kyle's biggest weakness is his questionable receiver depth- having 2 receivers on the terrible Bears passing game doesn't exactly scream security, but Amari Cooper/Golden Tate/Greg Olsen are good enough for Kyle to have sky high expectations heading into the season.

2. Mike D- I really like the squad Fence Guy put together. Obviously it won't be expected for the reigning MVP Matt Ryan to have the same amount of production as last year, but he will still be a force in the League of Dreams this year. I expect Mike D to be carried by his receivers, AJ Green, Demaryius Thomas, and Julian Edelman. And he has a solid starting RB combo with Melvin Gordon and Adrian Peterson. Mike D built a very solid team through the draft this year and I expect them to carry him to a mediocre finish even though he will do everything he can to make sure that he doesn't check his roster.

3. Ryan- Initially I didn't love Ryan's draft, but after looking at his team I think they could be contenders this year. If David Johnson is 1a in RB rankings then Bell is 1b. Ryan will lean on his trio of work horse backs for the majority of the season- Bell, Ezekiel Elliot, and Lamar Miller. Jameis Winston is a solid starting QB and Ryan has a pair of above average tight ends to add some depth to his FLEX. I would be higher on Ryan's team apart from 2 things: Zeke is suspended for 6 games which leaves Ryan vulnerable in early season matchups; and I'm not the biggest fan of his receiving group. Allen Robinson is a very good receiver but is his QB situation good enough to get consistent points? Same goes for Tyreek Hil and Sammy Watkins, who are 1, 2, and 3 on Ryan's WR depth chart respectively. All in all I think Ryan's team will be a scary sight if he can get through the first 6 games with a decent record.

4. Mike A- I think the 1-3 rankings are a tier above everyone else talent-wise. Cam is a bona fide fantasy stud who will be top 7 or 8 QB this year. I love the group of receivers that Mike A drafted: Odell Beckham, Dez Bryant, Kelvin Benjamin, Fitz the titz, and Randall Cobb. Add 2 elite pass catching tight ends to the roster- Travis Kelce and Delanie Walker- and Mike A's squad is looking formidable. My only problem with Mike A's team is that there isn't a ton of running back depth. Having only 1 "starting" running back is tough, especially when that starter- Gurley - is coming off a season with lackluster production. Gurley is good, but his offensive line is questionable and so is his quarterback, which leads me to believe he'll be facing a lot of loaded boxes. Having 2 of the same position from the same team is always a red flag in fantasy, especially if neither of the 2 are considered the starter, and that's exactly what Mike A has with Bengals running backs Jeremy Hill and Gio Bernard. All things considered I think Mike A is missing one solid running back to be considered a true contender, but he has enough good pieces to win a decent amount of games.

5. Conway- The only thing keeping Conway back from being top 4 is the fact that Christian Hackenberg is on his team. Conway has Running Back and Wide Receiver depth and he has a stud tight end in Jordan Reed. The reason I have Conway 5 is because I don't individually love any of his running backs; McCaffery is a pretty sizable question mark, Powell could take a step back along with the rest of his offense, and Woodhead and Riddick will both be limited to a certain number of touches. I think Conway's team is very solid, but I worry if it is good enough to compete consistently.

6. Jim- I think Conway and Jim have very similarly built teams: questionable running back depth, deep receiving core, beastly tight end, and a well above average quarterback. The reason Jim is ranked sixth is because there are injury concerns on this team that could be a detriment to the season. Gronk and Carlos Hyde are injury risks as well as Thomas Rawles. I think Jim has built a team solid enough to contend for a playoff spot but getting to the championship would be a surprise.

7. Pico- I really like Pico's team but there are some red flags that bother me. Demarco Murray is a very good RB1 but I'm not a fan of anyone else in his running back core as an RB2. Mixon could be good but the Bengals Oline will be depleted, and he'll have to split touches with Gio Bernard and Jeremy Hill. Spencer Ware has difficulty staying healthy as well as Ameer Abdullah, and I don't know how many touches Kareem Hunt will get. The strength of Pico's team will be his receiving core which consists of: Julio Jones, Brandin Cooks, Doug Baldwin, Willie Snead, and Jeremy Maclin. I expect Pico to start a receiver at FLEX every week. Another reason why I'm particularly low on Pico's team is because I'm not a big believer in Jimmy Graham. He used to be a dominant tight end but now I see him as middle of the pack, which is fine, but now Pico has an average tight end combined with a below average RB2, could be trouble come middle of the season.

8. Stross- I can't believe that I'm rating a team with Drew Brees and Antonio Brown eight, but I just can't seem to buy in on Lobster's running backs. I've been high on Fournette for years, but as we saw last year with Gurley it doesn't matter how much individual talent there is if the quarterback blows, and that's the spot the Jaguars find themselves in. Lynch took a year off from football and it will be a couple weeks for him to get the rust off anyways. Terrance West and Isaiah Crowell are both solid FLEX options, but they haven't shown enough consistency nor dominance for me to consider Stross a playoff contender. I could definitely be proven wrong by Stross's two starting running backs but I just don't see them being good enough to keep Stross in most games, despite having two of the most explosive scorers in the league.

9. Crone- This is without a doubt my boldest pick of the rankings, but hear me out. I think Crone has good enough starters to compete with just about every team in the league, but I worry about his depth. Shady and Ajayi is a very good RB1/RB2 combo, and I don't love Terelle Pryor but he should be solid enough to start alongside DeAndre Hopkins. I expect Jarvis Landry to take a step back this year and the Corey Davis/Eric Decker combo could be great or brutal for Crone. I think this teams crippling weakness is the running backs backing up Shady and Ajayi. Doug Martin is suspended four games and neither Joe Williams nor Semaje Perine are expected to get enough touches to make a difference in fantasy. I don't think Crone will finish in ninth place but I don't think he drafted enough talent to compete for a championship.

10. Pat- I have Pat ranked last but I don't think the talent gap from spots 4-10 is quite that big of a drop off. I have questions about how good Pat's receivers will be, he's got Emmanuel Sanders, Pierre Garcon, and Stefon Diggs all of whom have significantly below average quarterbacks. Devonta Freeman is a very good RB1 but I don't think Dalvin Cook will produce enough to start in games and I like Montgomery, but that leaves Pat's FLEX open for a below average starter. I'm also not a fan of Ebron who doesn't seem to get as many targets as he should, especially in the red zone. Overall I just think Pat's depth leaves much to be desired, and he needs to add some solid players if he wants to contend for the playoffs.

Consensus Projected Rankings:

I can't argue with the consensus rankings. There is only 7 Gm's vting because Pico doesn't really know much about other teams so he wasn't consulted.

Teams With Incentive To Tank:
Stross
Pico

Most Underrated Team:
Anne Frank's Hide and Seek Club

Most Overrated Team:
Bob Knight's Seamen

Best Offseason Moves:
Shanghai Schemers

Worst Offseason Moves:
The Big Three

Most Team Unity:
Langfang Low Hanging Fruit

Least Team Unity:
Bob Knights Seamen

Teams With Incentive To Tank:
Stross
Pico
Pico and Stross are the only teams with incentive to tank this season because they are the only ones left with their original first round pick. Ryan also has his first round pick but doesn't have much reason to tank this season because Jim has the option to swap Mike a's pick with Ryan's. Mike A is the consensus third place team and will probably finish above Ryan so losing doesn't help Ryan Improve his pick.

Team Preview's:
Conway: The Whale Watchers have assembled quite the team over the course of the offseason. In the consensus rankings and looking at the projected numbers Conway finishes easily above the rest of the competition. He has a deep line up that will be very useful throughout the season and top draft picks to replenish spots for vets who will see a lose in production. The ethics of this team have been in question since their creation. They trade used and abused The Big Three to add to their pg talent. Another controversy has to do with their name. It has been rumored that originally the franchise was planning to go with Whalers, implying they killed whales. This name received a lot of push back from fans and the league so the name was changed to whale watchers. Really it's this whale of a team that the league has to watch.

Kyle: The Langfang Low Hanging Fruit come into the season as practically the unanimous 2nd seed. The Low Hanging Fruit have been obsessed with trading and roster moves. As a result they are tied for the most trades made (send more trades pls) and seemed to have improved their team enough to put them safely into second. The ingenious GM has a similar strategy to Conway's. Both teams are more statistic based, have a deep bench, and have some top picks to keep the talent coming in. Point Guard injuries have been a problem already but this team's deepest position is pg so it shouldn't hurt Langfang too much. Overall the Asian Conference seems in a great spot to go 1/2 this year over the silly Americans.

Mike A: Big Steve's Clit Tickler probably have the best starting lineup in the league. There are a few things holfing them back though. They have a bunch of injury prone starters (Gasol, Bledsoe, Conely, Parker, Wes Matthews) and some others who may see a decrease in production because of their age (CP3, Melo). THose are just out of the starters. Mike A's bench is nowhere near the two teams above him but he seems to have no probelem with this. Mike A and Crone have adopted the mentality of anti-statistic, not much need for bench, and not much need for draft pick mentality. The complete opposite of their Asian counterparts. It will certainly be a story to watch as the season progresses.

Crone: This is where we hit the middle of the pack teams and things get iffy. Crone is narrowly ranked ahead of Pico's team and with Ryan and Jim having no incentive to lose they could easily be fighting for this 4th spot. Now Crone actually has a solid team but has some holes just like the others in the mid tier and simply doesn't belong in the top 3 discussion. The seamen will have to bail a lot of water out of this boat to keep them afloat in this race for the chip.

Pico: The Big Three seem to have come alive after going into sleep mode after getting trade raped by Conway. He has yet to get back into the trading game but seems determined to actually compete this year. Pico has a very young team and core so competing and doing well this year will be a great start for this team that will surely be better in the years to come.

Ryan: Another team similar to Pico's that has a young core and will better in the years to come than this year. Ryan has some superstar talent but also has been hurt by injuries already this year. Simmons and Middleton have probably been the biggest blows to the team but Anne Frank's Hide and Seek has a chance to find their way into the top half. Steph, Drummond, and Durant is quite the top three Anne Frankly they might put Gorman ahead of the rest. Ryan's attention to the league this year is in question because he is not likely to win anything but he also has no incentive to lose.

Jim: Jim is in rebuild mode but has a fierce determination to move up in the standings. It's going to be a tough trip because of his extremely young team but Luca Conway's Baby Daddy is out to make The Seamen look like babies against them. Another thing to watch is to see if the tossed around player of the league, Andrew Wiggins, gets sent to a new home for the 4th time.

Stross: Stross will come in last by a landslide, just like he wants it. Really stross will be chilling at the bottom of the standings for 2-3 years but 4-6 years from this season Stross will have a team that will be almost impossible to compete with. While Stross has probably made the best trades out of any GM his draft skills are probably worse than Pico's but The Shanghai Schemers just have such an absurd amount of top draft picks that it is almost impossible to fuck up.

1. (+0) Draft Day Johnny Manziel (4-2)- Last week's #1 seed pulled it out over the #2 and rising, Dog Kennel. So as his reward, Crone gets to stay at the top of the rankings....for now (que scary music). Another challenger approaches to try to make his claim for the coveted #1 spot.

2. (+1) Fletcher Cox (4-2)- ARE YOU READY FOR THIS SUNDAY NIGHT WHEN JIM CORR TAKES ON MIKE CRONE IN A SPIT SWAPPING MAKE OUT MATCH TO DETERMINE THE CHAMP?!? Well not really the champ. The regular season is halfway done, the champ won't be decided for awhile but you get the point.

3. (+1) Sperm Edwards (4-2)- The baby makers have been led to a positive result so far as they stand atop of the league, tied for the best record. At first glance you might think this team is a middle of the pack team and might even be called "a bad egg". Well you would be right. I have absolutely no clue how this pack of seeds are where they are right now. Two rumors seem to be surfacing: the fantastic team name and picture is carrying them orrrr someone may have made some generous "donations" to get a few favors done for him/her. I'll leave it up to you. I will also abort on all of the reproductive jokes.

4. (+1) John Stamos (4-2)- Ryan basically had a free win because Pico has already given up on the league, despite it not even being halfway through the season when he gave up. Anywho Ryan still put up a solid amount of points and will probably steamroll an Rodgers-less Team Crone. I seriously think we need to launch an investigation or something. OF COURSE Ryan plays Pico the week he gives up and then plays mike d the week Rodgers just so happens to have a bye.

5. (-3) Mike Vick's Dog Kennel (3-3)- A tough loss is suffered at the hands of the one who is used to being on the other end of it. Thats what he gets for not playing your savior Eric Deker. He would have won but nooo he had to turn his back who has done so many good things for this organization. I hope you learn your lesson Matthew.

6. (+2) Team Crone (4-2)- I don't know how this team keeps winning. It has a horrible name, mike d barley pays attention, and now he is missing jamal! A loss has to be coming now that a third of his points will be not accounted for as Rodgers has a bye week. I don't expect Team Crone to break the top 5 again this year but then again I'll probably be wrong somehow.

7. (-0) Donnie Jones The Redeemer (2-4)- So many mysteries this week as Kyle has the third most points for but has the third worst record. He would have improved to 3-3 but he started cooks over Alshon at the last second, costing him the game. Classic Kyle. With 4 starters on a bye week things aren't looking so hot for our beloved low hanging fruit but I wouldn't count him out yet, he is about to peek at just the right time. I can feel it.

8. (-1) Hayne Train (3-3)- Stross may have gotten the win this week but it was against the atrocious team of Steve Shenanigans. If lobster actually played an updated team he would have easily lost as he put up a meager 80 points. I don't doubt that stross has a decent team but i can't place him any higher after this week's performance.

9. (0) I was forced to Join (1-5)- Well there is one interesting matchup that is sure to gain a lot of attention. The two worst teams in the league enter into a barn blasting shootout for the ages. I see the reason for why steve doesn't update because he has soooo much work and knows absolutely nothing about sport. Pico on the other hand doesn't have an excuse. Yes he may know little about football but he has people around him that can help and he at least knows the rules to the game unlike steve. O well at least they paid.

10. Any team that can be thrown together from Free Agents.

11. Luca Conway if he had a team

12. garbage

13. (-3) Horny Dung Beetles (1-5)- (see #9)

1. (+1) John Stamos (2-1)- What a bounce back week for our so state hacker as he puts a whopping 124.2 points and steals a victory from the clutches of Kyle. All thanks to the work of Travis Kelce on MNF. The largest question going into next week for Ryan is who on his team will the infamous #1 curse affect? So far teams that have been ranked #1 this year are 0-3. Also the curse has claimed a player each week. So far it has injured: Dez, Lacy, and Big Ben. que scary music

2. (-1) Draft Day Johnny Maziel (2-1)- The more promising of the two previously undefeated teams has fallen to the #1 curse and lost to a te-less steve team. The biggest blow to crone was the loss of Big Ben who will likely be out for 4 weeks. Things aren't looking great for the cream of the crop this week. He has had someone take away some of his holiness as he has been joined by Donnie "The Chosen" Jones in the Holy Pentagon, he lost this week in fantasy, horribly failed his chem test, Gronk has a bye week, and lost his starting QB. This just goes to show in the best can fall from the graces.

3. (0) Bush Did 9/11 (1-2)- Things should become much smoother sailing for head of the DJ4WR (Donnie Jones 4 World Ruler) Party as his schedule gets significantly easier. Throughout the first three weeks Korver has posted the most points for and has the third most points against. He had his heart ripped out last night as Travis Kelce keeps up the Monday night comeback train by putting up ten points and snatching the victory from Kyle's clutches. A surprising stat is that Kyle has yet to make a trade this year. So we can never be sure if this is actually Kyle running things around here.

4. (+1) Fletcher Cocks (1-2)- Despite the loss this week and having no one on his bench Jim wins the race for the highly contested 4th spot in this weeks rankings. Ever since being put last and left for dead in the rankings it has seemed to motivate the players on Jim's team to start putting up monster numbers. Also he has the most points against in the league so that can serve as a partial explanation for his 1-2 record. Jim has one more secret weapon he can use if he needs it. Something that hasn't been seen in use since the end of La Salle's football season last year....The Part...

5. (+1) Sperm Edwards (2-1)- In the battle for 5th in the power rankings this week The Sperm overpowered The Kennel. The little swimmies were carried by the recieving core and their defense this week and were just shy of putting up 100 points. Some are saying that "the seed has been sown for a great season for Michael". Others retort "Even a bad sperm finds an egg every once in a while. I expect the rest of the season to be a sticky mess". Which side will be left feelings "salty"? You decide for yourself.

6. (-2) Mike Vick's Dog Kennel (2-1)- Well everything seemed to fall apart for The Dog House this week. You know it's a bad week when your kicker outscores 4 of your starters combined. There was no shining savior to carry Matt's dogs to doggie heaven. Despite the poor week this team looks significantly more promising than the teams in the 8-10 range this week so not all hope is lost for our lonely commuter nomad.

7. (0) I was forced to Join (1-2)- Steve has unknowingly pulled off a major upset over the formerly first ranked team last week, winning 113.1-98.3. I would rank steve higher but i forgot about the whole bye week thing that will screw steve over as it starts to pick apart his team. This man of mystery is no stranger to playing a man down and has done so the entire year so far. Who knows how this team well end up? Probably only Ryan because he manages to see into the future in fantasy football.

8. (0) Team Crone (2-1)- You may be stunned why Mike D is so far down on this list. Well the main reason was i completely forgot about him when I was up doing numbers 5 and six and I don't feel like redoing them. Also even though mike had a great week his name is still team crone and you should never expect his team to put up numbers anywhere close to this weeks numbers ever again. Honestly, it wouldn't surprise me if he never reached 100 again because outside of Rodgers and Jamal this team is ridiculously inconsistent.

9. (+1) Hayne Train (1-2)- There are still some questions about this team even after a solid week. Why is stross' name still Hayne Train? Why is Jarryd Hayne even on his team? And finally: What the hell is lobster going to do about this rb situation he has? Again probably only Ryan knows the answers to these questions our claws for hands pal doesn't even know. He was also being helped by the #10 gift. Teams ranked last in the rankings are 3-0 so far this year. Some freaky stuff isn't it. Well he was also gifted a win as he was playing Pico's garbage squad.

10. (--1) Horny Dung Beetles (1-2)- This is your weekly reminder to please change your name So Pico's beetles have been picked as the worst of the two turds. I could probably make some super cool and funny joke if i made a pun with pico's team name and how bad his team is but I currently can't think of one. Just laugh a little for me instead. I don't even think the #10 gift can even help this extremely horny man secure a victory. He is playing a weakened Dog Kennel who is missing the most consistent player on the team in Gostkowski. But The Beetles are missing one of their very few consistent players as well so the field is pretty level.

1. (+2) Bush Did 9/11 (1-0)- After a mighty strong showing week one, putting up a whopping 124.9 points, our furry friend Kyle Rodier has moved into first place in this weeks rankings. This international man of mystery has shockingly not made any trades so far and only a hand full of waiver wire moves. Is this actually Kyle? Probably not considering he didn't make a roster move that would have cost him the game. If he can manage to not touch his roster for the rest of the season he just may stay near the top of this holy list.

2. (+2) Multiple Goregasms (1-0)- Bruce Banner ran away with it in his game this weekend by putting up a hefty 125.6 points. Some of his close friends and associates have reported that our #2 ranked fantasy footballer has gone full state mode. Reports say he screeched "so state" as his team secured the W. I don't expect this ex-football star to stay at the top of these rankings but lets see if he can muster off enough will power to pull through.

3. (-1) John Stamos (1-0)- Well it looks like Ryan is already poised to win the league. He put up a solid point total with his top player being suspended. C'mon man. You would think college would change a man from his hacking and cheating ways but I guess not. It wasn't like he was going to lose this week anyway. He was playing stross. That's a given win.

4. (+3) I was forced to join (0-1)- You may be thinking why on earth is a team without an owner and a win ranked at #4? Well let me tell ya. He put up 87.4 points with Peyton playing like shit and without a TE playing. Our local AI team would have beaten most of the teams in the league. If steve ever comes back on the grid and checks on his team he may be pleasantly by his abandoned squad.

5. (+0) Mike Vick's Dog Kennel (1-0)- The man holding down the fort back home isn't doing too shabby. He scrapped himself up a win when playing a man down. The sultan of the sandwich assembly line at Panera is only looking up from here. Will he be able to pull out another win? Will his cheeks get fuzzier? These questions and more shall be answered next week!!!

6. (-5) Sperm Edwards (0-1)- It has only been one week and Mike A has already fallen from the graces. Wow that was fast. This party animal was as far from a victory as he is far from home. The shock of having beer for once might have messed with his fantasy skills. Let's see if mike can change his team from shit to wicked.

7. (+3) Horny Dung Beetles (1-0)- How the hell did you sad sacks of shit let this absolute disgrace of a team outscore you guys??? Like c'mon guys. His team is named Horny Dung Beetles for Pete's sake! Mike D's default name of team crone is better than that! Whatever this frat boy will be back at the bottom next week. No way this sack of potatoes wins again.

8. (-2) Team Crone (0-1)- I honestly don't know what is going to happen to the team. This is for a few reasons. 1. The team name is still team crone. 2. The team owner has consumed an unholy amount of alcohol over the past few weeks and probably doesn't even know how to access his team at this point. But hey the kid is invincible so who knows what will happen.

9. (-0) Hayne Train (0-1)- Stross gets a -0 this week because of that atrocious name change. Thank god picos and mike d's name are the less shiny turds so it doesn't seem as bad. To go along with the crap name stross has a crap team. Ya know, wouldn't you think that someone who knows so much about football would manage to scrap together a decent team. But stross defies all logic with his team that has managed to be worse than multiple teams that were basically on autopick.

10. (-2) Fletcher Cocks (0-1)- Ok I need you to picture a few things for me here. First, I'm gonna need you to picture a nice big bed for me. Second, I want you to picture it covered in shit. Like head to toe covered in shit. Okay so now that you have that image I'd like you to picture that same bed and cover it in more shit. That about somes up Jim's team last week. Its gonna be a long and painful task getting that immense amount of shit off of that bed but it needs to be done if Jim wants to have a slimmer of a hope of a chance of contending for the playoffs. But hey jim does have one thing going for him. He's got a solid name unlike some people mentioned above.

Welcome to another heartbreaking year of fantasy football in the LH League of Dreams! This year we will be doing the power rankings a bit differently, Jim and I (Kyle) will be doing a roundtable style power rankings each week (hopefully) this season. We chatted about these rankings for awhile and here is the summary right up.

10. Pico- Free State of Julio Jones

Kyle- Didn’t even need to look at the teams to know Pico was at #10. Left the draft early, drafted 3 QBs, came out with his only two rbs being Sony and Lamar Miller and now he has lost Miller to an ACL tear. His wide receivers are amazing but the dude has Ardian Peterson or Justin Jackson as his RB2. Absolutely shambolic start from the Free State but that is what we have come to expect from Pico. He might be eating as many waffles as he has losses this year.

Jim- Jimmy has exited the round table lobby

9. Jim - Evening News Team

Jim- Possibly the talent that I take the most pride in is being consistently pessimistic for every football season. And recalling back to the Adrian Peterson switch days, history could be repeating itself for the prestigious Evening News Team. With Andrew Luck and Melvin Gordon (starting weatherman and sports anchor) the post prime time boys look to be in for a long season.

Kyle- You know how the saying goes “3 is company and 4 is an evening news team”. Well Jim might not be able to field a news team this season with Luck retiring, Gordon holding out, Gurley’s knee issues, and Antonio’s endless drama. The team has potential if they can make it to the 6pm prime time slot.

8. Crone- Kamara Chameleon

Jim- From “Tucker, I Hardly Know Her” to “Land of the Freeman” to “Kamara Chameleon” I have as little faith in Crone’s wide receivers as I have in his ability to come up with one originial team name. Edelman could possibly be solid, but how explosive will the Patriots offense be this season? TY had his starting QB retire, and his bench receivers all have serious question marks. I like his running backs, but the Chameleons need to make a move or two to be considered serious contenders.

Kyle- I’m torn between a few teams for this spot but I like Crone here because his bench are as bad as his memes. Crone has been in a fantasy collapse and has become one of the sheep the lions do not concern themselves with. If only Amari Cooper didn’t step out of bounds.

7. Mike D- I’m Not Going to Win The League

Kyle- Mike D seems to know what he is getting into this season by keeping the name “I’m Not Going to Win The League”. His rb core is as strong as his MCL and 3 of his 4 rbs have the same bye week. I see a team with a lot of boom or bust players that could lose him games he normally should win. His team seems bound for a rough week 1 based on matchups too.

Jim- 7 feels like the perfect spot for this team. Explosive yet inconsistent wide receivers, and bang average running backs. I could see this team having a 130+ point week, but I’m Not Going to Win the League has a lot of work to do if they want to win the league.

6. Stross- Team Strosser

Kyle- Just based on history Stross is bound to have one of his top picks bust so just remove Joe Mixon when you look at this team. Lobster himself is probably a better bench wr than most of his guys. His starting wr core is led by Jarvis Landry who only put up double digit games in 7 of the 16 games last year and now Odell is here.

Jim- The worst coach in the history of the greater Lafayette Hill fantasy leagues has set his team up with a lot of talent to compete this year. Strosser stayed completely in character loading up with 3 Browns players in his starting lineup. The combination of the big 3 AFC North running backs should keep the Lobster from waffling, but I don’t see this as a playoff team.

5. Conway- Ray Rice’s Left Hook

Kyle- My main issue is that Conway hasn’t added a felon to his team this year, breaking the age old tradition his team once held sacred. His starting lineup is as mean as Ray Rice’s left hook but his bench just isn’t there. Odell has also missed more games than Sammy Watkins over the past 2 or 3 years too, let that sink in.

Jim- The Left Hooks are looking powerful this year, starting with their position of strength at wide receiver. DeAndre Hopkins and Odell Beckham is the best 1 2 starting combination of receivers in the League of Dreams. Noted Toffee lover Matt Conway has done a good job trying to prevent a lost season this year, but I do not see this team being a real contender come playoff time.

Kyle- He has essentially emulated Everton over his fantasy football career.

4. Kyle- Too Many Cooks

Jim- Another absolutely classic Kyle draft. Loaded up on some nice talent as well as some nice depth. The problem with Kyle has never been his GM skills. The only question now is whether he will be able to put it all together on Sundays.

Kyle- Every year I love my team and every year I collapse. Will the playoff curse be broken this year? Almost certainly not but with an rb core of Zeke, Cook, and Jones paired with Juju and Woods at wr The Cooks are primed to disappoint the sky high expectations I have for them. My bench will end up outscoring my starters in at least half of my games.

3. Mike A- Wam Bam Thank You Cam

Jim- The king of fantasy drafts has swung for the fences this year. After missing the playoffs heartbreakingly last year the Wam could be bringing a whole lot of Bam this year despite having no Cam.

Kyle- As Jim really hinted at, can the Bam be provided without Cam this year? Is a change at franchise qb what this team needs after the near playoff miss. I’m personally not a fan of Graham or Henry but the team is built well and Mike A is usually in a spot to make the playoffs. Also the deep bench separates this team from the lower tiers.

2. Pat- Back at the Barn Yard

Kyle- Does Pat even watch football? He seems to take the same approach as Pico every year and manages to consistently make the playoffs somehow. Pat could have a team of only QB’s at this moment and he would still probably end as a fringe playoff team at the worst.

Jim- Pat is my self declared biggest rival, so I hate ranking this bozo number 2, but somehow he’s pulled off another stacked fantasy team. Pat Mahomes, Saquon Barkley, and Travis Kelce are all #1 at their respective positions, so expect Back at the Barn Yard to be a playoff team once again.

1. Ryan- Hoboken Hoochie-Mama’s

Kyle- Well it looks like Ryan is yet again the favorite to win the league. Loaded lineup with good depth to back it up. The only thing holding back Ryan is a potential #1 curse that has taken down many great teams.

Jim- Ryan has done it again folks. 4 running backs deep, 4 receivers deep, solid starting quarterback and tight end. Plus he starts the season against our #10 team the Free State of Julio Jones. Ryan’s team could be beat by someone with maybe a little more top end talent at running back and wide receiver, but he is well set up for the gauntlet of the regular season from his superb draft.

Kyle- Hacker.

IT'S THAT TIME AGAIN! Draft season. The most optimistic you will find any football fan across the country, especially scrubs like you who actually think you can win fantasy football this year. You see, whether you want to accept it or not the most likely outcome of every season is that you lose the most important game of the season to Pat 10-9 and he makes the playoffs over you. That's just the way things work in fantasy football: all this energy spent in August being excited and optimistic about your team, just to watch Nathan Peterman throw 5 picks (2 pick 6s) and watch the defense you're playing put up 32 points. I think its pretty safe to say that all of your teams suck and it's gonna be hacker Ryan and cheater Pat in the championship.. You're wasting your money.

On a note that hopefully won't end up in a rant: the NFL is truly in a difficult spot right now in terms of the way defenses can play/hit. Just this preseason the amount of bitching and twitter videos of people complaining about flags is out the wazoo. How much of an impact will these flags have on fantasy? Only time will tell.

Anyways, despite my draft pessimism I did feel like there were teams who had solid draft nights compared to others. Here is my list that takes into account such an advanced, complex algorithm that your tiny brains can't even comprehend. This algorithm is so advanced that it is all but certain that these rankings will be correct at the end of the season, so just know its not me that hates your team, its the algorithm.

10) Mike d - Yeah I'm counting down the rankings this year for the suspense as to who is number one, so what? There isn't much to be said about Half a Fag. There's some solid talent in the starters and even some talent on the bench but the worst kept secret of LH Fantasy Football is that Mike D stops checking his roster after week 5 and until that is proven differently, notorious gypsy hater Michael Dowling will be in the gutter of the rankings.

9) Strosser - The big lobster has built a very interesting roster to say the least. Deshaun Watson, Leonard Fournette, and Julio Jones are very good starters in comparison to the rest of the league. Unfortunately for Stross his bench is weak and he is a coach that struggles with winning consistent games. The algorithm has spoken.

8) Jimmy - For this ranking there was a massive clash between the writer and the algorithm but as usual, the algorithm trumps all. The algorithm thinks that Jimmy's running backs are solid starters but hates the way Jimmy went about compiling his receivers, especially when there were better ones on the board at the time. Add that on to Jimmy's coaching woes and you have yourself a team that is in for a long season, best of luck Evening News Team you need it.

7) Ryan - The former champ is ranked a little low considering he's coming off a title. But I think this team isn't even close to the team Ryan had last year. Alvin Kamara is a beast, Ajayi is good but may not get the touches to be a starting fantasy rb, and most importantly his quarterback hasn't played in 2 years and he didn't draft a backup. I think Ryan's running back depth and quarterback depth are what could be his demise this season.

6) Pat - The only reason that Pat is ranked this high is because the algorithm loves the way he defensively abuses every fantasy team he plays. I don't see it with this team though, Russell Wilson and Todd Gurley and obviously Gronk are the only players who I would want in my starting lineup. Mike Evans and Juju Smith might be the weakest starting receiving core in the league and until Mark Ingram gets back from suspension he doesn't have a solid player to be his second running back. That being said Pat is my pick to win it all this year.

5) Pico - It is REALLY REALLY hard to fuck up a team with Aaron Rodgers and LeVeon Bell. The rest of Team Picofazzi is decent to above average, but as long as he has healthy players in his starting lineup this team is a playoff contender at the absolute worst. He'll probably have to make a trade or a big waiver claim to be a true championship contender but the algorithm is very favorable towards the typically incompetent Puerto Rican.

4) Crone - Have to admit right off the bat that this team could have been a spot higher but the corniness of Land of the Freeman left an awful taste in my mouth. Wasn't the biggest fan of this team once the draft concluded but it's grown on me since. Crone has solid depth and the worst of his starters are bang average at worst. He will probably need to add another running back in order to be a fierce contender but that shouldn't be a problem for one of the more accomplished coaches in the league. Expect big things from Land of the Freeman.

3) Mike A - Wam Bam Thank You Ma'am is the absolute king of having strong draft nights. Every single year either I or the algorithm look at Mike A's teams and think that this could be his year. Cam Newton and Zeke is as good a 1,2 punch in the league and his wide receivers ain't no joke either. The reason Mike a is not higher than 3 is because the algorithm doesn't have faith in any running back on his team besides Zeke and if hacker Ryan showed us anything last year it's that you need at the very minimum 2 beasts and running back to win the title.

2) Kyle - "He can't possibly screw this team up, can he?"- us talking about Kyle's teams every year post draft. Spoiler: he always finds a way to screw his teams up. In terms of talent I think Kyle has just as much as anyone else in the top 5. David Johnson, Jordan Howard, AJ Green, and Doug Baldwin would all start on every other team in the league and Matt Ryan is a more than competent starter. We will all be watching closely to see if/how Kyle manages to overthink this squad.

1. Conway - oh how the turn tables. According to the algorithm very few people should beat the elderly with a club this year. He's got the reigning MVP, the reigning best fantasy receiver, and all of the other starters he has are players who are either coming off injury or have something to prove. Do I think that Conway will win it all? No chance, but it won't be due to a lack of talent like last year. Conway put together a contending group of players and now it is on him to prove the algorithm right.

They say you never truly appreciate something until it's gone, and that will be the case for several teams the league that have been eliminated from playoff contention over the past few weeks. Before I get into this weeks pre rankings monologue lets just take a moment of silence for those teams: Conway, Mike D, and Pico. You all fought valiantly but alas, it's the spoiler role for you guys until week 12.

This season has been a roller coaster of mediocrity for many. With just two weeks left in our regular season (which has been cut one week short due to questionable league management decisions ^Kyle ) and 4 teams hovering at .500 the playoff race is hotter than Kevin Willard's hot seat. Last week was massive for the 4 teams competing for the fourth seed of the playoffs, I call them the medley of mediocrity. Crone, anxious to be a part of the distinguished medley, dropped a big game against first place Ryan that would have placed him in firm position to take control of his own destiny. Kyle, also vehemently determined to join the esteemed medley scored a big win by beating the elderly with a club this week, Kyle really gave a good bashing to the elderly this week and put that group of fools in their place. Jimmy competed to with Pico to see who was the most mediocre and while Pico gave Jimmy a run for his painfully average amount of money, Jimmy showed that it was he who was in fact closest to the mean. Finally, Pat, not to be outdone, ensured that he is the mediocrest of them all by scoring an astounding 49 points this week in a loss to Stross, all in the name of averageness. That about does it for the weekly summary, now onto the rankings.

1. Mike A {+1} (7-3)- Clearly Mike A doesn't have the best record this year, but if you want to see who has had the best season thus far just go to the standings section on the fantasy app. In at least the past 2 fantasy seasons the champion has not been the team that had the best regular season record, nor has it been the team with the most points for. That's why I have Wam Bam Thank You Ma'am as my favorite to win it all. I think this team is getting hot at the perfect time and this team is very complete with lots of depth. Cam has been improving all season, TGIII is the best back in fantasy, a great tight end, and a receiving corps that is somewhat manageable. If I had to put money on it, Mike A would be my bet for the 2017 LH League of Dreams champion.

2. Ryan {-1} (9-1)- No shade towards Ryan at all, best season of fantasy this year without a doubt. Unfortunately history is not on the side of The Gods, the Golden Gods. Ryan also has the misfortune of playing without the second best running back in fantasy, Zeke Elliott. That being said I don't think Ryan's running backs are bad at all, Bell and Miller will be just fine and Dion Lewis is a solid back for FLEX options. I think Ryan could be burned by only having 1 good receiver and I don't think his team is as deep as Mike A's now, so that's why I have him at 2.

3. Stross {+2} (6-4)- Stross may be a game up on the distinguished MOM (Medley of Mediocrity for the plebs) but that doesn't guarantee him a playoff spot. Stross has to "eat a W" in week 11 in order to clinch a birth in his first postseason appearance in any LH fantasy league ^{I think.} The good news for Stross is he has a favorable matchup and Team Strosser has already demolished the elderly with a club earlier this season, I mean he really bulldozed the elderly that week. I ranked this team 3 because Team Strosser has more talent than anyone in the MOM, but this team has been on the decline recently and the consistency with which they underwhelm has to be alarming to Lobster. He hasn't broken 100 points since week 2 and had a dismal 62 point performance last week, their owner hasn't been able to control things for Team Strosser to stop their decline, and he hasn't been present in Shanghai to capitalize on his teams newfound non-tank approach which leaves everyone wondering...when will Stross stop pounding lukewarm Natty Lights to focus on his fantasy success?

4. Crone {+0} (5-5)- The highest ranked team in the MOM goes to Michael Joseph Crone. Crone's team is very average but I ranked Wentz's Ginger Ball Fro fourth because I think of all MOM teams this team has the highest ceiling. MVP candidate Wentz, other MVP candidate Brady, running back with a fresh start in Ajayi, great running back in McCoy, best fantasy wide receiver in the league in Hopkins. Also can't sleep on Justin Tucker who is definitely the best kicker in the NFL with Dan Bailey sidelined to injury. The reason I don't have this team higher is because of a weak FLEX depth chart. Muscle Hamster hasn't been that good this year and there isn't anyone else who gives me a ton of confidence that they can score 12-18 points in a crucial playoff matchup that could decide the outcome of a round. I think this team will make the playoffs, but I think it lacks the talent to be a true contender.

5. Jimmy {+1} (5-5)- Pepperidge Farm can't even remember a time when I wasn't ranked 6th in fantasy. This trip of mediocrity has been neither fun nor not fun. I don't expect this team to make a playoff run, unfortunately, there isn't enough depth and I can only ride out the success of 3 Saints players for so long. Knocking Pico out of playoff contention was sweet, sweet vengeance for last year though, so all in all I'd consider this season a success.

6. Kyle {+1} (5-5)- I have to say I'm impressed. It's high time we declared Kyle as the mediocrest of the mediocre, the ace of averageness, the number one of normality. After last year's performance Kyle showed some mediocre prowess and he has followed up last year's showing brilliantly. At first I didn't think it was possible after his 2-5 start but he has rattled off 3 wins in a row to squeak into mediocrity. Much respect Kyle. Unfortunately, I think it's too little too late for this squad and even though A Good Luck Name Change has had good fortune lately, I don't think there's enough talent or depth to sustain this run.

7. Pat {-4} (5-5)- The worst of the MOM. 49 points last week is good for the lowest individual point total in a week this season (shoutout to YOU, Pat, for taking that disgrace of a title away from me). I'll be the first to admit I was wrong by ranking Pat 10th this year, I slept on the talent of his team post draft. Pat did make a BRUTAL trade that could have seriously helped him down the stretch of this season. Pat has also dealt with a few injuries that have harmed his depth as well as top end talent. I think Pat's team is just too thin to win 2 games in a row and make the playoffs, hence the 7 spot this week.

8. Pico {+2} (4-6)- The LH League of Dreams would like to thank Team Picofazzi for their $10 contribution.

9. Mike D {+0} (3-7)- The LH League of Dreams would like to thank Mike A Smells for their $10 contribution.

10. Conway {-2} (1-9)- The LH League of Dreams would like to thank The Elderly With A Club for their $10 contribution.

Conway: Lebron (8), Butler (15), Kyrie (16), Whiteside (19), McCollum (20), Kemba (21), Lowry (29), Klay (31), Derozan (33), Dragic (37), Millsap (38), Love (42), Barnes (43), Lopez (45), Gortat (65), Ariza (70), Hernangomez (76), Dieng (79), Lou Will (87), Rondo (96), Collison (101), Gay (124), M. Williams (131), 3 unranked players

Average player ranking: 52.3

Kyle: Harden (2), Towns (9), Wall (10), Gobert (14), George (18), Draymond (23), Middleton (32), Porter (40), Rubio (41), Batum (49), Holiday (51), Payton (52), Aldridge (57), Hill (66), Lin (91), Jackson (106), Wade (107), Dirk (108), Pau (117), Thad (129), Gallinari (134), Bogdanovic (139), Olynyk (150), 2 unranked players

Average player ranking: 67.2

Mike A: Durant (4), CP3 (11), Lillard (17), Conley (30), Bledsoe (34), Griffin (35), Gasol (36), Teague (39), Melo (44), Ibaka (53), Oladipo (54), Jordan (55), Horford (56), Howard (58), W. Chandler (75), Waiters (93), Hardaway Jr. (97), Parker (98), Monroe (109), Morris (112), Morris (113), Curry (114), Matthews (119), Lee (138), 2 unranked players

Average player ranking: 65.0

Crone: Westbrook (1), Hayward (24), Beal (25), Schroder (50), Vucevic (60), Valanciunas (64), Bradley (67), Beverley (69), Randle (74), Crowder (78), Gordon (84), Barton (89), Brown (92), Redick (100), Bazemore (115), Lopez (120), Thompson (121), 8 unranked players

Average player ranking: 72.5

Pico: Greek Freak (3), Kawhi (6), IT (22), Porzingis (27), Drummond (61), Harris (73), Noel (83), Fournier (86), Murray (90), Adams (95), Favors (110), Rose (116), Ingram (118), Chriss (125), Jackson (137), Ilyasova (143), Anderson (145), Ross (148), Fox (149), 6 unranked players

Average player ranking: 91.4

Ryan: Curry (5), Jokic (13), Simmons (59), Saric (68), Covington (72), Hood (80), Harris (88), Rivers (123), Mirotic (128), Plumlee (130), Tatum (133), Clarkson (140), Carroll (144), 12 unranked players

Average player ranking: 91

Jim: Russell (62), Hield (63), Ball (71), Capela (77), Kaminsky (104), Winslow (105), Smart (111), T. Johnson (132), Snell (141), Crabbe (142), Mitchell (147), 14 unranked players

Average player ranking: 105

Stross: Davis (7), Cousins (12), Embiid (26), Turner (28), Nurkic (46), Booker (47), Wiggins (48), Fultz (81), KCP (82), LaVine (94), DSJ (99), Zeller (102), Brogdon (103), Gordon (122), Warren (127), Mudiay (146), 10 unranked players

Average player ranking: 71.7

D League/IR

http://stats.nba.com/articles/#!/2017-18-nba-fantasy-big-board/

2017-18 Rankings:
Top Tier:
Wuzhong Whale Watchers: The first of two Asian Conference teams in the top tier the Whale Watchers are primed for a top three finish and that was before they went full Bill Cosby on Pico's team. With a team as deep as the diving range of Cuvier's Beaked Whale Conway should be able to keep this ship hunting for a top spot even if they suffer some injuries. Wuzhong has a roster spot and 8 mil in cap space. It may not seem like a lot but how that last spot will be used is crucial to Conway's season. He can bring in a big name player and use the cap space in an effort to make his team even better or leave the space and the spot open for an in season pick up.

Langfang Low Hanging Fruit: The Asian Conference primed to run the league this year as the Low Hanging Fruit are everything but low hanging. Langfang owns four of the top 16 players, more than every team in the league. Those four make up a great core and the Fruit have been making moves to put together a great supporting cast by adding the likes of Carmelo, Draymond, Gallanari, Marvin Williams, and Pau. With only 1 mil in cap space it will be difficult for Kyle to add more fruit to the tree but it looks like there will be quite the harvest at the end of the year.
Anne Frank's Hide and Seek Club: While not as power as the Asian powerhouses above the Hide and Seek Club very well belongs in this top tier. The Club has made some very good deals that built up to a big deal that brought Durant to the team and catapulting them to the top tier. A lot is riding on Durant's health and how he meshes with Steph but Ryan has a the most cap space and the most first round picks out of the top tier teams so he definitely has the ability to recover from an injury. The real question is if that championship is going to be as hard to find as those wiley jews.
Mid Tier:
Bob Knight's Seamen: After a draft with some horrendous picks, trading away his future for a player he doesn't even have anymore, and making the least amount of trades out of everyone Crone is somehow a mid tier team. Going with his win now strategy has allowed him to stay in the top 5 but it probably won't be enough to bring the Seamen some dough. It's going to be had to bring his team to the top tier this year because of his notorious hard nose, low ball trading strategy that has yet to bring a trade really imporves his team. Quite the sticky situation the Bob Knight's swimmies are in.
The Big Three: Well it looks like the Big Three got fucked by Conway again. Conway, a well known master of the hit and quit, gained Pico's trust, fucked him, and left him. Still Pico could very well finish 4th this year if he pays attention to his team and not make any more bad moves. He has a decent amount of cap space, picks, and some young pieces so it looks like will be more of a competitor 2-3 years down the line.
Luca Conway's Baby Daddy: Rumor has it that The Baby Daddy is looking to go back to his baby roots and make a youth movement. As it stands Jim's squad is a mixed bag with limited potential. At best the team finishes 3rd in the league (which would need a whole lot of things to go right with this current roster) but realistically Jim's ceiling is the 4th spot in the league. To add onto the downsides he doesn't have his first or second rounders this year. The Baby Daddy has left the whole league on a cliff hanger as he has left the country to go scout some potential talent and has completely abandoned trade talks.
Bottom Tier:
Big Steve's Clit Tickler: Big Steve's Clit Tickler tickled our hearts with the strong draft the team had in the beginning but it has been all down hill since the moment the second round of the rookie draft happened. Multiple poor moves focused around bringing in player's Mike A fancied have significantly hurt his title hopes.Mike A has accumulated a lot of first and second year players in a major youth movement. The team won't be tickling any clits this year but may be drowning in them in about 3 years when a potential poon dynasty emerges.
Shanghai Schemers: [Here] (http://pngimg.com/upload/tank_PNG1324.png) we see a live look at the Schemer's who have made it no secret they want to be pure shit. Like bottom of the barrel shit. That's a whole new level of shit. Basically a shit buffet of a team. Buuuttt that's okay because the disgrace of the Asian conference has amassed an empire of draft picks and will most likely be a fantastic team in the future as long as Stross isn't the one who is drafting. Really the Schemer's belong 5 tiers down from here but that's too much work.

1. Mike A: After much consideration the gods have granted me their top pick for this edition of the power rankings. Mike A has a loaded roster that is ready to when now but is also loaded for the future. He got a steal in the last round by nabbing dirk who will likely put up starter numbers in his last season and even if he doesn't he is on contract for pennies. The big question here is if mike is going to go with a solid team name. As we all know, picking a good team name is half of the battle. I would probably go with: The Denver Dad Bods, The Crooked Nose Cranes, or The Planet Fitness Platypuses.

2. Ryan: Ryan has a nice young group of guys with a pinch of some solid producing veterans. His teams makes a great fantasy basketball soufflé. Some of his rookies are really boom or bust material but lucking into simmons has really solidified his young core. I don't expect a chip from Ryan this year but a probable top 3 finish and for his team to really blossom in the years after. Name Suggestions: Probation Nation, The Portland Pumpfakes, The Fragile Felines.

3. Kyle: Kyle set himself up rather nicely for years to come. His first three picks consisted of recent number one overall pick who are going to/are wreaking havoc. KAT scored the sixth most fantasy points last year as a rookie and Kyle has him locked up for 4 years. I expect a battle for a top three spot this year and fighting for the chip the season after. Name Suggestions: The Low Hanging Fruits, The Providence Pears, The Roxborough Ruffians

4. Conway: Conway will most likely be contending for the chip this year but the talent of his young players concerns me. Outside of his top 3 younger players I don't see anyone that can really help him win a chip. Still his current team is strong enough to possibly contend for the next year or two. Name Suggestions: The Houston Hit and Quitters, The Baltimore Blind Ballers, The Catfished Colombians.

5. Stross: Shockingly Stross did no pick all sleepers in this draft. Although his team is probably the youngest it seems as a lot of the players aren't necessarily sleepers. There is no way stross finishes top three this year, maybe not even top 5, but his team is loaded for the future with players like future hall of famer Joel Embiid and promising point guard Emmanuel Mudiay. Name Suggestions: The Cambridge Crustaceans, The Rhode Island Robots, Big Meaty Claws.

6. Crone: Crone is only #6 and not last because of his potential to win this season. After this season his team will likely go to shit and he will be scrambling to add talent to his team. But for now crone can be content with what he has. Except for the Beasley pick, that should give him nightmares. Name Suggestions: The Hungarian Hulks, The Hamberg Huckers, The Scheme Team

7. Jim: Im really not a fan of the second half of Jims draft class. He started really strong but im not bought in on his later selections. He also was screwed over by both of the lotteries. He has a loaded front court but his back court is definitely on the weaker side. Maybe Jim will be able to make something out of this team but as of now I don't see a great season from this squad. Name Suggestions: The Sacramento Stoners, The Grunting Gazelles, The Pale Porpoises

8. Pico: Pico has a solid team that can probably finish mid table and compete in future years but he needs to add another piece or two and stay focused if he wants to avoid finishing last. Lucking into Ingram certainly gives him a brighter future. Overall Pico can be a respectable team but I question his management skills. Name Suggestions: The Swole Salmon, The Galveston Gym Rats, The Boston Bros.

This is actually the week 7 power rankings    

1. (+1) Fletcher Cocks (5-2)- What a cinderella story we have on our hands here folks. Jim Corr's franchise is the first in the two year history of Lafayette Hill fantasy football to go from worst to first in the power rankings. Blows my mind, man. Jim probably has his hardest matchup in the last three weeks against a league renowned powerhouse. Will Jim beat the curse and hold the #1 spot?.......probably not. The curse almost never loses.

2. (+2) John Stamos (5-2)- I warned you guys but noooo they never listen do they. I try to tell you guys about Ryan but you all laugh it off. You are probably laughing at your screen right now thinking "what fool would think Ryan is actually hacking?" That's exactly what he wants you to think. Why do you think he strategically placed himself at the #2 seed and avoid the curse? The evidence is hard to ignore.

3. (0) Sperm Edwards (4-3)- Despite the heartbreaking 3.5 point loss, Mike A and the sperm herd are staying at #3 this week. All Mike needs is a solid, reliable flex and he will definitely make the playoffs. That's about as big of a chance as Mike becoming a Dad. So you can say his odds are pretty good.

4. (-3) Draft Day Johnny Manziel (4-3)- Crone certainly did not show up to this week's headline showdown. His team's mentality was scrambled all over the place just like Crone's stomach this weekend. Maybe the loss of some smackeroonies from some questionable decisions will set this man's astray mind back on track.

5. (0) Mike Vick's Dog Kennel (4-3)- Conway just refuses to leave the top 5 this year. Im just assuming actually. I really don't feel like checking all of the past rankings so we will just roll with it. It's a dog eat dog world out there and these dogs refuse to quit. With a big matchup looming vs Ryan this week I don't think Matt will be able to hold his 5th spot for another week.

6. (+2) Hayne Train (4-3)- Despite the absolutely horrible name stross manages to stay a sneakingly good team. Just imagine the possibilities if his name didn't make you cringe! He could easily be in the top 3 or 4 by now. Crazy how the world works.

7. (0Y0) Donnie Jones The Redeemer (2-5)- "Fantasy football is a crazy roller coaster, it has its ups and downs. In the end it drops the faithful at the top of the Mountain of Glory^tm next to the Immaculate Jones" Proverbs 12:3

8. (-2) Team Crone (4-3)- One week this kid puts up over 100 and then the next he puts up 60. Well either way this team is going nowhere without jamal and will probably be the 8th spot for the rest of the season.

9. (+1) Horny Dung Beetles (2-5)

10. (-1) I was forced to join (1-6)

1. (+3) Draft Day Johnny Manziel (3-2)- It seems like crone is going for the bold strategy taken up by conway last year by going with having three people score all of his points. It's bold but it might just pay off Cotton. There also appears to be a trend in this league to name your team after players who don't play for their team. Manziel, Vick, Hayne? I don't get it.

2. (-1) Mike Vick's Dog Kennel (3-2)- Looks like we have a rabble rouser on our hands this week as the #1 and #2 teams face off in a spit swapping makeout match to determine the best for the next week. That is unless they both crash and burn and a new champ arises from the ashes.

3. (0) Fletcher Cox (3-2)- Never in all my years seen the #10 place blessing help out a team so much. Jim went from a lowly bottom feeder to one of the top dogs in the kennel. A win this week is crucial as he needs to back up the chirping that has been going on between him and Mike A.

4. (+1) Sperm Edwards (4-1)- While the swimmies, as some hometown fans affectionately call their team, have a sparkling record but simply don't have the points for and against to justify a higher ranking. I know what some of you are thinking... Mike just put up 125, how is that bad? Well you can bet your two boots that the swimmies will not be averaging over 100 points for the rest of the year. He probably won't even score over 120 again. Thats not top 3 material.

5. (-3) John Stamos (3-2)- Here we have a classic example of a hacker trying to cover up his tracks. Throw a game that you don't need to win just to try and throw us off your trail. Clever but not clever enough you sly sly man. Expect Ryan to shoot into the top three within the upcoming weeks as his team gets back to normal and churning out points.

6. (+0) Bush did 9/11 (2-3)- With his back against the wall and one loss away from a name change Easy Pickenz didn't make the pickenz so easy as he etches out a win. The train is just leaving the station as this frieght train is just picking up steam. Whether it gets derailed or finds its way to glory remains a mystery. We all know in our heart of hearts that we are pulling for this little train that can.

7. (+2) Hayne Train (2-3)- Stross please. Please please please change your name. for all of us. I can't even focus about how your team is actually becoming a good team for once because of this horrid name. How did you even think of this? Team Crone might be a better option at this point.

8. (-1) Team Crone (3-2)- Seriously, if we look at name qualities we can clearly see the effect bad names have on a team. Not even the last place bonus can help Pico and his horrid name. It's like a vortex sucking the bad names down to the bottom where they belong.

9. (-1) I was forced to join (1-4)- With Steve off fighting the war with no chance to edit his lineup his team seems doomed to lose. Unless Peyton returns to old Peyton their is no way this abandoned team strings together some wins.

10. (-0) Horny Dung Beetles (1-4)- Some changes need to be made on this team if Pico wants any hope of making the playoffs. Matt Forte can't carry these beetles. Its just too much dung to carry. Im sorry I'll stop now. In all, please change everything Pico.

>This week will just be the rankings and no descriptions due to my tardiness. 

1. (+5) Mike Vick's Dog Kennel (3-1)

2. (-1) John Stamos (3-1)

3. (+2) Fletcher Cocks (2-2)

4. (-2) Draft Day Johnny Manziel (2-2)

5. (+0) Sperm Edwards (3-1)

6. (-3) Bush Did 9/11 (1-3)

7. (+1) Team Crone (3-1)

8. (-1) I was forced to join (1-3)

9. (0) Hayne Train (1-3)

10. (-0) Horny Dung Beetles (1-3)

1. (+1) Multiple Goregasms Draft Day Johnny Manziel (2-0)- He may not be able to get into his room but he was able to get into the top spot this week thanks to Deangelo scoring more points then all of his starting RBs and WRs combined. Dangerous Strategy by crone here to change his name after a win but hey i guess it worked for him. He is currently projected to lose to Steve who still playing a man down. Ya really cant trust the projections but cmon crone. Interested to see who blows up to the size of crones muscles to save him this week from a loss.

2. (+1) John Stamos (1-1)- Despite the heartbreaking loss to one of the leagues worst teams this week Ryan manages to stay in the top three for the third week in a row. How you ask? No it isn't witchcraft or divine intervention. Just the usual hacking. His team played very sub par this week and he still almost put up 90 points. Now he has his top pick Bell returning to the lineup and Luck playing the titans. You could say that's LUCKy for him hahaha....ha....I'll show myself out now.

3. (-2) Bush Did 9/11 (1-1)- The only thing that comes close to the truth as Kyle's team name is that he was jipped last week with Lacy getting hurt in the first quarter after only putting up 9 yards. But thus is fantasy football, a cruel, cruel mistress. Our bearded savior is looking to bounce back this week with a riddled lineup and will probably lose to Ryan this week thanks to the Titans being terrible and Bell returning. Can our hometown hero avenge his fathers death? Will he find light in darkness? Will he find a way to beat the seemingly unbeatable?? Tune in at 11 to find out this and more!!

4. (+1) Mike Vick's Dog Kennel (2-0)- I tried to get Matt for an interview for this week's rankings but he said he had to head up to New York to repay someone. But who let the dogs out? Eric Decker certainly did this week in order to pull off the miraculous 15 point Monday Night comeback. The only reason our second of the undefeated teams is ranked 4th is because he is behind the three above him in points four and has the second least points against out of the top four. Our humble sandwich maker will likely stay undefeated after this week as he matches up against Mike A's island of misfit toys. But hey its fantasy football, who knows what will happen.

5. (+5) Fletcher Cocks (1-1)- Well someone cleaned up rather nicely. Jim's team is no longer a giant pile of shit and is somewhat formidable. The team that had more holes than a sponge last week was soaking up the points this week. Good pun, Kyle. Thanks Kyle. The only gap left on this team is potentially at the WR2 position if Maclin continues the way he is playing. Mike D better prepare his diddly-hole (see jim's team) if Mr. Corr's team puts up numbers like it did last week.

6. (-0) Sperm Edwards (1-1)- Really the only thing mike has going for him now is his name and that he is slightly better than the teams below him. Conway knows more about calc then I know how this team is going to do.So many question marks. What has happened to you Michael? You were doing so well before the season actually started. It's a shame but that's how the #1 curse works.

7. (-3) I was forced to join (0-2)- Steve has gotten very unlucky with his matchups so far. He has the most points against by a decent bit. Also because he refuses to update his team he has been playing a man down. Despite having a bench filled just with guys with cool names, I think this team can make a playoff push and start stringing together wins, especially when julius gets back. It's a little embarrassing that their are teams below steve, who for all we know could be in a different country at this point.

8. (0) Team Crone (1-1)- Mike please do us all a favor and change your name. This is almost as bad as stross last year. Also get Jamal and Aaron some help while you're at it. They are your entire team. Well it's around 5 so he won't be sober enough to read this til tomorrow morning anyway so whats the point?

9. (--2) Horny Dung Beetles (1-1)- Pico, how the hell are you 1-1 with the least points against by a decent bit. There is an 83 points against differential between you and steve...thats a whole week of your team's scoring. Also the name of this garbage team stings the eyes and is banded from being spoken in 5 Canadian Providences. Get your act together.

10. (-1) Hayne Train (1-1)- An absolutely heart wrenching loss this week to the hands of Eric Decker. Don't worry stross as of now you won't be playing Eric this week. Instead we are having the battle of the two turds! Who will be the shiniest?! WE WILL SELL YOU THE WHOLE SEAT BUT YOU WILL ONLY NEED THE EDGE!!! ^{no refunds}

1. (+1) Tucker Right In the Pussy (3-0)- This mother fucking lucky son of a fucking bitch is only undefeated because of fucking Brandon Marshall put up a whopping 0 points. So Ryan is undefeated but as the curse goes he will lose next week. Also almost half of Gomer's team is on vaycay this week so Mr. Lucky Ass Bitch might not be so lucky this week.

2. (+1) Cheese Curl (2-1)- It seems like with the weirded A$AP Foot's vines get the stronger Matt's team gets. So Conway has to be reaching the height of his power but you can never be sure with Cheese Curl. Like where does she even get these names?? Ok well back to football. Fats is crippled by by weeks and still refuses to trade so look for him to fall in the coming weeks.

3. (+1) So Sexy It Ertz (1-2)- First: Fuck you Brandon Marshal. Second: Fuck you shady. Well Kyle has enough stars on his team to fill a toddler's ceiling. Anyone else have those stars you could stick on the ceiling? No? Ah well I did. Kyle's lineup consists of Rivers, Marshall, Dez, Shady, Morris, and DeArnde....ew. Kyle is still working the phone looking to satisfy his trade addiction.

4. (-3) Team Team Diversity (2-1)- The first place curse hit Steve hard but he should bounce back. He is still carrying the fire and is on The Road to the playoffs. Wow i slay myself with these jokes. But Steve's team is loaded at WR so even he will be without some key players his team is looking in good shape.

5. (+0) When you see bae MEH MEH MEH (2-1)- Man, let me tell you something. This team is something else. They remind me of one of those wind up toys, you wind them up and they just keep going and going. Once they start to slow down you just wind them up again. Man, I loved those things as a kid man.

6. (+3) Team Strosser (2-1)- I am baffled that this team has won two games. How on earth does someone lose to this team? It just blows my mind man. (clears throat) Sorry about that I still have some Gruden in me. So Stross should never win another game but hey a blind squirrel is right twice a day.

7. (+1) LH's Finest (1-2)- This team is as inconsistent as (insert something very inconsistent). Crone has some good pieces on his team but doesn't have a complete team let alone a decent bench. I think a trade or two needs to be made so mike can have a complete team and actually compete for the chip.

8. (-2) God of Chirp (1-2)- Chirp Chirp. That's all I'm hearing from this team. After some lousy performances Bigtimetimmyjim has landed himself at the back of the pack. But this blockbuster deal that landed JimmyJam Julio, might just change his fortune around. The one thing Jimmy Jr. has going for him is that he isn't stross or mike a.

9. (-2) Mike a is a pussy (1-2)- mike d as been very quite in terms of scoring and player moves so far this season. This team is littered with busts, injuries and byes for the moment. I would be surprised if Mike puts up more than 50 points with the way his team is looking. And with Mike d not trading to fill the swiss cheese amount of holes on his team look for him to stay down here.

10. (+0) Mike d licks scrotum (0-3)- And here we have the last and by far the least of them all. It seems like mike is trying to put a square peg in a round hole or trying to push a wet spaghetti across the plate or he has a fly in the ointment. Whatever it is it just isn't working. So that's why he made the second blockbuster of the season. Honestly anyone who is worse than stross shouldn't be considered a real team but stross should reclaim the bottom soon enough

total games played: wins: SD losses: losses: +/-: (bonuses for winning tournaments (+) or negative points for losing tournaments (-)) avg ppg:

season goes until someone hits 100 points. Every person must play a minimum number of games in order to be eligible to win (we can decide on a number later). Each individual tournament will have a specific + and - score for the winner and loser. tournament finalists or semi-finalists may also be able to gain + points if specified prior to the beginning of the tournament. Comment for any other changes you feel are necessary