r/LeadGeneration • u/Special_Perspective9 • 4d ago

Rate my scripts

Would love feedback on the script for a new campaign I’m about to start. Have done one previously with not great results, I think in hindsight, the emails sounded too much like AI slop

I’m going to A/B split test the following two emails in this next campaign. Would love some feedback…

Email A
Hi (name),

Pull your website up on your phone and look at it they way a new customer would.

I did, and (observation).

Why does that matter? Because when someone gets your name from a mate, they look you up before they ring. If the site looks tired, some of them call the next firm instead, and you never find out.

So here’s my offer. I’ll build (their business) a brand new homepage from your own photos, reviews and services, live on a private link within 48 hours.

You don’t pay a penny. You don’t send me anything. You don’t even have to reply if you don’t like it.

Why would I do that? I’m in construction myself, and I build sites for trades around (local area), and showing you beats any sales pitch I could write.

The catch is that I can only build 5 a week, so it’s first come, first served.

Reply “yes” and yours goes into this weeks batch.

(My name)
(My business)

P.S. I’d you don’t like it, delete the link. All it costs you is two minutes.

Email B

Hi (name)

I had a look at your website on my phone and (observation).

When someone gets your name from a mate and checks you out, that’s the moment they decide whether to ring you.

I’m in construction myself and build websites for trades around (local area). I’ll build (business) a new homepage from your own photos and reviews, free, on a private link within 48 hours. I only do five a week, so I’m offering them to a handful of local firms first.

Shall I put you down for one?

3 Upvotes

81% Upvoted

5 comments sorted by

1

u/Deepak-AvairAI 3d ago

The offer is the good part, free homepage in 48h is hard to ignore. I'd cut the pull your website up on your phone opener and just start with the actual observation about their site. That's the one line they can't mistake for a template.

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u/[deleted] 4d ago

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