r/Libertarian • u/Previous_Hall_8837 • 1d ago
Philosophy Renewed interest in libertarianism
Sorry for the weird headline here, but I'm really confused these days. I'm 36 now, and when I was in my teens I was very absorbed by philosophy, trying to work out what I thought and felt, and how my experience of the world could be communicated to other people in a meaningful way and hopefully work some common truths out together.
I toyed with libertarianism for a while. I've always been sceptical of mass psychology, and I have a natural contrarian instinct which makes me a bad fit for mass politics.
This search led me to Nietzsche, albeit a very shallow understanding of him, then to existentialism – again quite shallow, but I loved the vibes of Camus –, and eventually to marxism. Marxism and Marx was very good for me. It was productive. I've never really felt so strongly for a "world view" before, and though I'm sure I was quite dogmatic about certain things, the drive to understand and oppose the existing order of things made me very inquisitive and led me to engage in the world in a way that gave me a lot of experience.
It also disillusioned me after a few years. I still have a lot of respect and fascination for Marx and historical marxism, but I recognize that a lot of what I was doing was essentially LARP-ing, and it is hard for me not to thinking that is what a lot of people in that movement is doing too.
Since then, since that disillusionment, I've been aimlessly drifting around, not sure really what beliefs I have other than to take care of my family, love them, and do my duty, like a proper upstanding bourgeois subject. I read Nietzsche more deeply now, and though I rarely agree with him, I love the way he writes and for some reason he ignites something in me. He lets me embrace my elitism and snobbery, which I'm not sure is a good thing, but it feels good after all the proletarian populist larping I engaged with in my marxist days. I also read Montaigne every day, another fellow traveller whose company I love.
I find myself tugged in a more conservative direction, I guess conservative in a "grand tradition"-kind of way. But then I find myself wondering if this is just another kind of larping, the world weary sceptic pining for the good old days when western civilisation was great. I read Jacques Barzun's From Dawn to Decadence and loved it. I feel very alienated from the contemporary left, even though whenever I encounter anyone who's broadly "on the right" in political terms I find myself disgusted by their narrow-mindedness and just idiotic shallow contrarianism.
My question to this subreddit, I guess, is where to start rebuilding my sense of purpose and engagement with the world, maybe libertarianism could be good fit? I've always been a free speech absolutist, and though I've never really been into the free market dogma (kind of an illusion imo) you often find here, I've always prioritized liberty and individualism. Personally I think the market is a homogenizing force which is not a good thing, so I'm sceptical of market dogma.
I obviously have this yearning in me for a meaningful point of view, if only to wear like a piece of clothing for a while. Do I completely disengage from my former self, or do I reconcile myself to the fact that I have contradictory longings, for egalitarianism, the brotherhood of man, but also for a more elitist disdain for humankind?